Max looked down at the city, the lights flickering. The lights in New York
City never went out. Max wondered if he was still living in their old
apartment. She wondered if he still thought about her or loved her or
wished he could hold her in his arms.
But then she thought that maybe it was only her that had thought of their past since she'd left him. It'd been four years. Four years since she'd made the mistake of helping people whom she'd thought were her family, and in turn sacrificed the happiness of the family she'd made with Logan.
She'd turned to Zack for guidance. But he'd shut her out, angry that she'd let herself nearly destroy the mission just because she hadn't had the guts to tell him the truth.
~*~
"People could have died, Max," Zack told her forcefully. "People that depended on you."
"People did die, Zack," she told him. "I lost a child, and I lost Logan. And in a sense, I've died. Why can't you see that?"
"Max, I can't help you. You did this to yourself," Zack said, shutting his door and placing a heavy shadow on Max's heart.
~*~
For four years she looked for someone to help her. She'd gone from being married to a successful journalist, to a beggar looking for someone to take her in. Just like after the escape, Max was starting life again. Learning things all over again.
She had thought about going to Lydecker. It was a last resort, but she didn't have many options before her. Especially since Zack had denied her any comfort or care. But, Lydecker was no longer working for Manticore. He'd remarried and started anew, just like Max wanted too. She didn't think he'd be up for housing a person that could ruin his new beginning.
The pavement was wet as she walked towards the building. She knew which one it was. She knew exactly how to get there even after four years. Everything seemed the same, and yet it was all different to her. She wondered if she was at all different. Or if Logan was. What if he had moved on like she had initially hoped he would?
The elevator seemed slower, but finally the bell rang and the doors opened. Before her was the door. Their door, to their apartment. She choked back tears. Anything could be behind it now. A wife and child clinging dearly to Logan Cale. A man so broken and torn by the loss of his wife he didn't even recognize the outside world anymore.
Or, it could just be Logan. Like he'd always been. Max could feel the sweat warming her palms and her heart began to race. She'd imagined him sitting there all these years, simply waiting for her return so that he could start life again. But she knew that was stupid to think, because even though she couldn't function without him, he more than likely had functioned without her.
She knocked three times and waited for some sort of response. She prepared herself, wiping her hands on her pants. The doorknob turned slowly and Max swallowed hard.
"Can I help you?" a man asked as he opened the door. Max tried to hide her dissapointment.
"Oh, um, I I'm sorry I thought someone else lived here," she muttered turning to leave.
"Have we met?" the man asked. Max turned around and squinted as if analyzing him, trying to figure out if she knew him.
"I don't, I don't think so," Max told him. She looked down the hall and swallowed. "Do you know Logan Cale?"
"That old bastard?" the man laughed. Then he turned and looked into the apartment, "Hey kiddo, you got a visitor."
"I told you, I don't take visitors," a muffled voice said. "If you can't get it straight, then I'll find someone else to work for me."
"Fine, but she's awfully pretty," the man said turning back to Max. She was looking to the side a bit, clearly upset. "She looks upset man, maybe you should see her."
"You're awful at this job, you do know that right?" Logan said, walking to the door. He looked at the girl before him. Bruises, scrapes, greasy hair, and an ashamed face. Logan swallowed hard.
"Logan, I--" Max didn't know what to say. She saw in his face something she didn't recognize. Something that she didn't want to recognize.
"What are you doing here?" he asked.
"Could we talk?" Max asked, looking into the apartment. Logan looked behind him, then at Max. He looked angry, but motioned Max in.
"I know that you must have a million questions to--"
"No," Logan interrupted. Max looked up at him with shock. "Only one. Why would did you leave, Max?"
"I've spent four years thinking it was because I was a soldier and not a person that was capable of the things I was experiencing. Love, hurt, pain, and the realization that what I had done was wrong. But, now I know that I'm just as human as you are, Logan. I have to experience those things to live," Max explained. She was staring down at her hands, avoiding Logan's eyes. She didn't want to see the disappointment and anger there.
But then she thought that maybe it was only her that had thought of their past since she'd left him. It'd been four years. Four years since she'd made the mistake of helping people whom she'd thought were her family, and in turn sacrificed the happiness of the family she'd made with Logan.
She'd turned to Zack for guidance. But he'd shut her out, angry that she'd let herself nearly destroy the mission just because she hadn't had the guts to tell him the truth.
~*~
"People could have died, Max," Zack told her forcefully. "People that depended on you."
"People did die, Zack," she told him. "I lost a child, and I lost Logan. And in a sense, I've died. Why can't you see that?"
"Max, I can't help you. You did this to yourself," Zack said, shutting his door and placing a heavy shadow on Max's heart.
~*~
For four years she looked for someone to help her. She'd gone from being married to a successful journalist, to a beggar looking for someone to take her in. Just like after the escape, Max was starting life again. Learning things all over again.
She had thought about going to Lydecker. It was a last resort, but she didn't have many options before her. Especially since Zack had denied her any comfort or care. But, Lydecker was no longer working for Manticore. He'd remarried and started anew, just like Max wanted too. She didn't think he'd be up for housing a person that could ruin his new beginning.
The pavement was wet as she walked towards the building. She knew which one it was. She knew exactly how to get there even after four years. Everything seemed the same, and yet it was all different to her. She wondered if she was at all different. Or if Logan was. What if he had moved on like she had initially hoped he would?
The elevator seemed slower, but finally the bell rang and the doors opened. Before her was the door. Their door, to their apartment. She choked back tears. Anything could be behind it now. A wife and child clinging dearly to Logan Cale. A man so broken and torn by the loss of his wife he didn't even recognize the outside world anymore.
Or, it could just be Logan. Like he'd always been. Max could feel the sweat warming her palms and her heart began to race. She'd imagined him sitting there all these years, simply waiting for her return so that he could start life again. But she knew that was stupid to think, because even though she couldn't function without him, he more than likely had functioned without her.
She knocked three times and waited for some sort of response. She prepared herself, wiping her hands on her pants. The doorknob turned slowly and Max swallowed hard.
"Can I help you?" a man asked as he opened the door. Max tried to hide her dissapointment.
"Oh, um, I I'm sorry I thought someone else lived here," she muttered turning to leave.
"Have we met?" the man asked. Max turned around and squinted as if analyzing him, trying to figure out if she knew him.
"I don't, I don't think so," Max told him. She looked down the hall and swallowed. "Do you know Logan Cale?"
"That old bastard?" the man laughed. Then he turned and looked into the apartment, "Hey kiddo, you got a visitor."
"I told you, I don't take visitors," a muffled voice said. "If you can't get it straight, then I'll find someone else to work for me."
"Fine, but she's awfully pretty," the man said turning back to Max. She was looking to the side a bit, clearly upset. "She looks upset man, maybe you should see her."
"You're awful at this job, you do know that right?" Logan said, walking to the door. He looked at the girl before him. Bruises, scrapes, greasy hair, and an ashamed face. Logan swallowed hard.
"Logan, I--" Max didn't know what to say. She saw in his face something she didn't recognize. Something that she didn't want to recognize.
"What are you doing here?" he asked.
"Could we talk?" Max asked, looking into the apartment. Logan looked behind him, then at Max. He looked angry, but motioned Max in.
"I know that you must have a million questions to--"
"No," Logan interrupted. Max looked up at him with shock. "Only one. Why would did you leave, Max?"
"I've spent four years thinking it was because I was a soldier and not a person that was capable of the things I was experiencing. Love, hurt, pain, and the realization that what I had done was wrong. But, now I know that I'm just as human as you are, Logan. I have to experience those things to live," Max explained. She was staring down at her hands, avoiding Logan's eyes. She didn't want to see the disappointment and anger there.
