In My Mind


A.N. I'm baaaaaaack... muahaha!! Alritey then, I decided to write something new since my other fics were flops!


Disclaimer: I do not own any characters from Gundam Wing and nor am I abusing a copyright. I am simply borrowing them, and not even all the characters!! So, without further ado, please don't sue an already broke person. Enjoy!


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November Night:

She looked into the mirror, the light gleaming streaks of pale moonlight into her dimly lit bedroom. Wiping away the last traces of makeup, that same sentence kept running through her head, bringing fresh tears to the surface.



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Flashback



Sitting down, she folded her hands neatly into her lap and waited for him to speak. Hearing her beating heart in her ears, she willed it to calm or send her into cardiac arrest because something wasn't right.



He took her hands into his and spoke gently, praying she would somehow forgive him.



"I'm sorry I've failed you so many times. I know I always promise to come back, and there are just times where I can't bring myself to it. I always think that if I don't return to you, that means I've failed you and failed myself. None of this is your fault. I just think we need some time, some space for ourselves. I need to know if I'm good enough for you," he trailed, noting the start of tears in her eyes.



Looking at the ground, she let the words absorb and snapped her head towards him, anger glinting in her eyes.



"I don't understand you. How can you think that you're not good enough for me? You're everything I want. Am I not good enough for you? I, I just can't even look at you right now. You're the last person I expect to say something like that to me. Leave. Just go," she whispered harshly, letting her head drop to her hands.



The sadness in his eyes couldn't be seen. No, not in this dark of night.



'I love you Relena. Please don't shut me out,' he thought as he turned to do her bidding.



Tightening his jacket around him, he took off running, not minding the stinging wind bite at his exposed skin. Leaping, he jumped over the front gates and ran where his legs would take him. He knew in his heart that this was the right thing to do, otherwise they would just be living a lie. He knew he loved her dearly, but on what grounds? He had no reason to call her his. He needed to learn why he had come accustomed to her, why his heart felt like exploding from his chest every time he was near her.



End flashback



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She never did look back, seeing his running form leave. She only could cry softly into her hands, wondering what on earth possessed him to say such things. He was different. Something had changed, she knew it wasn't herself. She knew that Heero changed, somehow, he just seemed different. Coming home after five months of being away, he became distant, like he forgot how to act around her. Something earth-shattering had been dropped on her, and she had felt inadequate as the cold night encased her in its darkness.



Opening her eyes, she stared forwards, realizing how tired she was and how she had fallen asleep at her desk. Wiping away the tears, she moved towards her soft bed, praying for sweet release from the pain.



Somewhere else, a tall figure paced back and forth in its room. Hands jammed into the pockets, Heero let his head hang while pacing, and thinking if what he said was a mistake. He hoped it wasn't, but he needed to know why he was still with her. Those five months opened his eyes, and not being able to remember three of those five months puzzled him more and more each day. It was as though he lost a part of his life not knowing who he was, suffering amnesia and then regaining what he lost, in a flash. Something had been done to him, but he couldn't explain it.



Frustrated, he punched the wall and sat himself on the bed, letting his racing heart calm. There were so many times when he had this strange urge to pick her up and ravish her, but he knew it was wrong. If he could never bring himself to say those words, he wasn't worthy of her love.

Here sat the Perfect Soldier, a man who could wipe out armies, anything, but he was really a tin doll, unable to show emotions, and about to lose the most important person in his life. In his heart, he could say 'I love you' a million times, but it always failed to pass his lips. He knew she was disappointed that he had never said it, even in the three years they remained with each other. Staring into darkness, he let deep blue eyes focus on everything, not quite looking at anything, yet still being able to see it all. Heavily lidded, his breath came heavier, and he soon felt his eyelids droop until they closed and he succumbed to sleep.



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A.N. So... how was it? Was it boring? HEY!!! I'm getting there alright??? I promise it will get better. And hey, I think I've given up on lemons. I'm just NOT cut out for that kind of stuff. Anyways, please review and have a wonderful day/night/afternoon/WHATEVER!