Secrets to Be Shared

Chapter One- The Beginning

Ned put down his pen and finished his glass of brandy. It had been a long day. The derby was just a few weeks away, and there was still so much to do. Ned stood and stretched. Everyone in the house was asleep except for him. That was how he liked it. This gave him the opportunity that he and Libby used to enjoy: watching their children sleep. Ned still looked in on them every once and awhile even though there were growing up. It was at these times that he felt like Libby was still at his side.

Ned slowly climbed the stairs. He cracked open Lexy's door. She was balled up hugging her doll. Ned came fully into the room and walked over to the bed. As he bent down to kiss her forehead, he said a little prayer, "Dear Lord, thank you for such a wonderful blessing. If it wasn't for this little one, I would have stayed in my depression and wasted away. When I look at Lexy, I see the chance for Libby to still live in her. Help me to be the father she needs so she can grow up to be like her mother."

He slipped out the room without being noticed. The next room was Alice's. Ned knew about Alice and Jeremy, even though they were trying to hide it. After their reaction to Sean's statement about Ms. Forrester saying that love makes you clumsy, Ned began to observe them. Then when they went to the race a few days later, Ned saw Alice talking to the Spaniard. Then he watched Alice go over to Jeremy. He saw them kiss publicly. Part of him wanted to stop it because it was improper for a lady to kiss like that out in the open, but the other part of him was really pleased with this relationship. He knew Jeremy was a good boy and a hard worker. He loved Jeremy like he was his own son. Ned just wished that it wouldn't have happened so soon. As he poked his head in Alice's room, he saw the moonlight shining on her face. "She looks so much like her mother," he thought. "Ah, Libby, I miss you so much." Before he could let himself cry, he focused on his prayer for Alice, "Dear God, guide and protect her heart. Help her to make good decisions. As she begins her adult years be the Father that I can't be. Let her trust in you when she hits the tough times in her life." He quietly closed the door.

The next two rooms were Jeremy's and Clay's rooms. Ned was happy to see how close the two were becoming. "They had a rough start, but Clay is beginning to reach out. That is how a Logan should be. God, you have given us so much, I want to give to others. Let Clay realize this. Continue to soften his heart. Touch Jeremy as well. Help him to feel peace and know that we love him. Take care of his mother. Make her well again."

Ned continued down the hall. The last room for him to visit was always the hardest. As he came to the door the tears he had stopped earlier began to roll down his cheeks. Ned put his head against the doorframe. This was why he didn't do this every night. "Libby, this is so hard without you." Ned had reached the room of their firstborn. Their true gift of God, Sean.

Sean wasn't asleep on the other side of the door. He was trying to sleep, but his mind was on his situation with Marita. He had made such a fool of himself when Henry Langston was there. He wanted to talk to his father about it, but he was scared of his father's reaction. "But Pa loves Marita like his own daughters. He would come up with a way for Marita and I to be together. No, I need to do this on my own. I can't go running to Pa whenever I'm confused. Besides what if Pa says to stay away from her. But what about what Pa said in Frankfort. Something about how he knows there are things that I would like to talk to him about but I don't. Maybe Pa already knows how I feel about Marita."

Sean's train of thought was broken when he heard a man crying outside his door. He figured it was Pa because Clay and Jeremy weren't the type to cry in a place where they could be heard. Besides, Sean knew that sometimes things would get hard for Pa. "It's interesting that Pa turns to Isaac like I turn to Marita when we need to talk. Maybe I should check on him."

Sean rose from his bed and walked over to the door. Before his hand touched the knob he heard his father cry out to God. Sean was always taught to respect prayer, so he just waited and listened.

"Dear God, You know how much I love Sean. He has always been so special to me, yet there seems to be something between us. He won't tell me what's going on in his life. He broke up with Vivian, then said he wanted to move away and changed his mind. He said he didn't want the same things I want but decided to get involved with politics, and then he got upset and nearly blew the land deal for the hospital. He gets mad at me for not telling him about the women I have been interested in, but he won't even share with me the one thing that seems to be the most important thing in his life. God, watch over Sean and Marita. They are in a tough situation. Please protect them and give them the wisdom they need."

The last lines of Ned's plea to God was said with such sobriety, love, and dedication that Sean didn't know what to do. Tears welled up in Sean's eyes. He never realized how much his father knew about him and Marita. He wanted to burst through the door and tell his father everything; he wanted to ease the pain that his father seemed to be going through. But Sean knew that admitting everything at this moment to his father would be too much for his father to take. Sean knew his Pa need to sleep tonight; he didn't want to make it worse. Ned's last statement sounded like his mind was resolved on the issue for the night. "I'm young, I can handle a sleepless night. Pa, let me carry your secret burden while you rest," Sean said quietly to himself.

Ned, who had crumbled to his knees in his prayer, slowly stood and made his way to his room. He got ready for bed and lied down. "God, thank you for letting me have Libby for the time that I did and for letting me know what love is. Bless this house," and with that thought Ned drifted to sleep.


The Morning...

The first ray of sunlight came into Sean's room and woke him from his daze. He stood up from the chair he had been sitting in since Ned had gone to sleep. "I'm not as young as I thought I was," Sean realized as his muscles ached from lack of rest and the position they were forced to hold for too long.

Sean washed his face and began to get ready for the day ahead of him, but couldn't. He needed to talk to his father, but he wanted to talk to Marita first. No one else was awake. Sean knew that he had awhile before having to deal with anyone so he decided to go for a ride. "That always calms me down."

As he got his horse ready, he thought of what his father said last night. His father's words rang in Sean's head like an incessant alarm. The sobs of his pa echoed in Sean's ears. He rode like never before, his mind wasn't thinking about the fact that he was riding. The horse was an extension of his body and he could let all of his frustration out as he rode.

His concentration on his father was broken at a sound. "Sean!" It was Marita.

"What is she doing up at this time?" The sun was just beginning to peak out above the horizon. "She should be home not out here," Sean thought to himself.

Marita ran into the field as Sean got down from his horse. "Sean, are you okay?" Marita asked nearly out of breath.

Sean didn't know how to answer. Was he okay? "Marita, you shouldn't be out this early. If your pa wakes up and sees your not there he'll start to worry."

Marita looked at Sean with deep concern and compassion. "Sean, that doesn't matter. What's wrong?"

"Marita, Pa knows..."

"...about us and you were up all night."

"How did you know?"

"I woke up in the middle of the night and had a feeling that something was wrong. I couldn't go back to sleep. When you passed the house riding so quickly I knew that my feeling was right, especially when you didn't even hear me the first two times I called."

Sean looked at Marita. She was definitely his soul mate to know that something was wrong even when they were apart. "Marita, I'm going to talk to Pa about us."

"Wait a minute. If you didn't talk to him, how do you know he knows?"

"I heard him crying last night. He prayed for our protection. I just need to let him know what is happening between us."

Marita used this as a cue to get Sean's mind on better things. She smiled and teasingly said, "And what, Mr. Logan, is happening between us?"

Sean knew the game and played his part, "Well, let me see...you know I'm not sure, Ms. Peters."

"Sean!" Marita tried to say as seriously as possible but started to laugh, which got Sean laughing.

Before Marita could stop laughing, Sean had gathered her into his arms. He looked at her with his piercing blue eyes and in a low, soft voice said, "You know exactly what's happening." He gently kissed Marita's cheek. "I love you more than life itself, and I'm tired of hiding it." He kissed her other cheek.

"But, Sean, you know that we can't..."

Before she could finish, her mouth was covered with his. She loved kissing Sean; everything else seemed to fade away when they were this close.

Sean tugged on Marita's bottom lip as he ended the kiss. "We should get going; everyone will be waking up soon."

Marita was dazed by the kiss, "Huh?"

Sean tried not to laugh as he watched the look on her face after he kissed her. Knowing that she felt as strongly as he did made the days easier to get through. They were struggling through this together. "Marita, we've got to go home. Come on, sweetie."

Marita snapped out of it and gave Sean a playful hit. "I hate it when you do that. You totally caught me off guard."

Sean stepped close to Marita, "You certainly didn't act like you hated it just a second ago."

"Well, that's because...oh, you...Sean!" Marita gave up, and Sean chuckled.

"I'll see you later, okay."

"Sure, but don't talk to your Pa until after I work today. I don't want any awkwardness between us, we have a lot that needs to get done."

"Yes, Ma'am," Sean said with a little bow.

"Sean Logan," Marita said in a stern voice.

"Okay, I'm going. See you later."

"Okay."



Bumping into Pa...


Sean and Marita parted. Marita walked into the kitchen a few minutes before Isaac woke up, which was a huge relief to her.

Sean took his horse to the stable and headed for the house. As he walked in the front door his father came down the stairs.

"Morning, Pa, how'd you sleep?"

"Fine, Sean. What are you doing up and out so early?" Ned asked as he ran his fingers through his hair.

Sean could smell breakfast cooking, so he knew he couldn't talk about everything now. "I had a few things on my mind, so I went for a ride."

Ned looked at Sean with great care. "Is there anything I can help you with, Son?" Ned hoped that Sean would open up.

I can't tell him now: not with everyone else about to come down for breakfast. "Pa, can we talk later. I want to wash up for breakfast."

"Sure, Son," Ned said with a look of tired age creeping into the corners of the few age lines he had and tugging on them slightly. "We can talk later."

Sean said excuse me as he hurried up the stairs. "We, kids, will be the death of that man if we don't start opening up. It's taking such a toll on him."

Breakfast was ready in about a half an hour. The Logan family gathered around the table, prayed over the meal, and began to eat. It was a late start for everyone, but no one complained. They had all be working so hard lately.

If it weren't for Lexy the meal would have been totally silent. She was always filled with questions and comments. Ned found that her remarks always brought him a new strength. Her innocence and yet awareness helped Ned stay on his toes and stay young.

Sean watched his father as Lexy asked questions. "She gives him such a joy and peace," Sean thought to himself. He looked at Lexy and gave her a wink. Her face lit up, and she continued with sharing and asking for information.

When breakfast was over the family started on their tasks for the day. Sean had to go into town to do some office work after lunch, so he knew that he might be late for supper. He figured he'd work the fields first before the heat of the day hit. As he was about to head out the house, he poked his head into his father's office. Marita wasn't there yet, so Sean decided to have a brief word with his Pa.

"Pa, are you all right?"

"Yes, Sean, why do you ask?"

"I was just wondering. You seem to be so tired lately."

"I am, a little, but I'll rest up after everything settles down a bit." Ned appreciated the concern. Out of all his kids, Sean and Lexy seemed to be the most sensitive to others around them. Ned was glad that was such a strong attribute in their lives. He only wished Clay and Alice were that sensitive, too. Maybe then they would be less concerned with how they were perceived by others and would be able to really be themselves.

Sean stood at the door looking at his father. Ned looked up again and noticed Sean was still there. "Is there anything else on your mind, Son?"

"Yes, but..." Sean started. Marita brushed up behind him. Mr. Logan couldn't see her, but Sean knew she was there. "I'll talk to you after supper tonight. It's kind of important. Oh, and I might be a little late for supper." He turned to leave, but stopped himself. "Pa?"

"Yes, Sean."

"I love you."

"I love you, too, Son."

Sean and Marita stepped away from the door. Ned sat at his desk wondering what brought on that display of emotion from Sean this morning.

Sean leaned close to Marita's ear, "That's goes for you, too. Please watch him today. He seems to be really stressed."

"Okay, Sean. Have a good day. Let me know how things go tonight. I love you."

That last phrase brought a huge smile to his face. He felt like he could go out and take on anything. She said it so rarely, that when it was said Sean cherished it. He watched her walk into the office and then he left the house and headed for the fields.



Mother...


The first part of the day went by quickly. Marita tried to take most of the load off of Mr. Logan and get him to go outside for some air. Ned knew what she was up to. She was so much like Libby and her own mother.

Right before lunch, Ned decided to stop and ask a question that he knew he should have asked Isaac about first, but it came out of his mouth before he had chance to stop it. "Marita, do you remember your mother?"

Marita was caught off guard. The room had been silent with the busy-ness of their work and now this question barged in like a loud intruder to her peace. "Vaguely, sir," Marita said without looking at him.

"What do you remember?" Mr. Logan studied her.

"She was gentle and had beautifully dark eyes. She used to sing to me. I remember her voice and some of the things she used to tell me, but I can't remember what she looked like. Pa doesn't have any pictures of her and doesn't like to talk about her."

"I'm sorry, Marita. I should not have asked about her," Ned said feeling a new mourning creeping into his being.

"It's alright, Mr. Logan." A radiant smile began to play across Marita's face. She was remembering something. "The last time I saw my mother she told me to love people no matter how much I have to go through to love them and no matter how much wrong is done to me. I have held on to that my whole life, sir." Marita looked directly into Ned's eyes. It was her way of letting him know that she was ready to go through the tough times with and for Sean.

Ned picked up the hint. "She was a strong woman. You are a lot like her."

"Thank you, sir," Marita said with a note of pride.

Mr. Logan got up from his desk and stretched. "You're welcome. Well, I think it's about time for a lunch break."

"Yes, sir. I'll see you in an hour."

"Okay, Marita." Ned knew that Isaac normally ate with the rest of the staff so that Marita wouldn't have to rush home to make lunch, but Ned always gave her an hour break. "She works hard, besides she likes to spend time in the garden whenever she can. But Sean will probably look for her before he goes to town today. He already came through and washed up."

Ned began to walk out the room, but something stopped him. He walked over to a locked drawer. He pulled out a chain that was around his neck and hidden under his shirt. On the chain was a key. Ned took off the chain and used the key to open the drawer. He pushed aside a few papers. Then he saw what he was looking for: a photo album. He flipped through the pictures and came to a picture of a beautiful young woman. She had large dark eyes like a deer. "It's interesting, that even with the skin difference, Marita still looks a lot like her mother." The woman's white skin looked darker due to the aging of the black and white photograph. Her hair, which Ned knew was red, was styled in a bun with ringlets coming down in certain spots. She was truly a beautiful person.

Ned was so busy looking at the picture and dealing with old memories that he didn't hear Lexy sneak up behind him. "Pa, who's that?"

"Lexy," a startled Ned blurted, "You shouldn't sneak up on people."

"I'm sorry, Pa, but who's that? Hey, she's wearing her hair like Marita does sometimes."

Ned closed the book and returned it to the drawer. Locking the drawer, Ned quietly answered, "She was a dear friend of mine and your mother's."

"Where is she now, Pa?"

Ned took Lexy's hand, stood, and headed out the office. He slipped the chain back around his neck. "She passed away a long time ago, when she was still young."

"Oh," Lexy contemplated aloud. "Do you miss her, Pa?"

"Sometimes I really do." Ned looked down at Lexy and smiled. "You really are a wonder."

"You think so, wait until I tell you what I learned from Ms. Forrester already in just a half day." She pulled Ned to the table and talked through the whole meal.



Lunch Time...



Marita gathered a lunch together and headed to the lake. She had prepared some of it in advance while she was doing the books for Mr. Logan. That was another reason she had to get him to go outside for a little while. She knew Sean would try to be at the lake and she really needed to talk to him.

She saw Sean lying under a huge willow tree. He had taken off his shirt and was taking a nap. Marita put the lunch down and crept over to him. She liked having the opportunity to watch him sleep. Then she could stare at him and love him and his body without him teasing her. "Goodness, the thoughts that are going through my mind. I wish..." Marita stopped her mind from wondering and decided to try something. She had an idea of what Sean's reaction would be but she knew she was in control.

Marita crawled up next to Sean and bent close to his ear. She gently placed one hand on his chest and used her other hand to support herself. Then in the softest, sexiest voice she could maintain without laughing she whispered in her best friend's ear, "You know it should be against the law for you to go out without a shirt on."

Sean woke up with a smile. He knew that voice, and she was being bold enough to touch his bare chest and speak that closely to him while he was in a lying position. Without opening his eyes, Sean swung Marita on top of him and said, "And it should be against the law for you to be that close to me without kissing me." With that, he held her body close to his and passionately kissed her. He loved playing with her lips and tongue. He loved the feeling of her on top of him. He began to get aroused but figured he could handle it for a little longer.

Marita adjusted herself comfortably on top of Sean. She knew that she would have to stop soon, but she enjoyed how Sean was making her feel. They had never been in this position before.

Sean began to kiss her neck as his hands began to roam lower. His hand stopped on Marita's buttocks and he pulled her closer.

Marita could feel what Sean was doing and though she loved him and the feeling she was having, she knew they had to stop. She was toying with a dangerous emotion. "Sean," Marita barely could get out before her mouth was devoured again.

Then Sean realized his body was in more control than he wanted it to be. He looked into Marita's eyes and kissed her fingertips as they made their way to sitting positions.

Marita was embarrassed and sorry that she had started all of that. She knew what would happen and now both of them wanted more but couldn't have it. "Sorry," Marita said, "I thought I could control it."

"It's okay, Marita. I thought I could, too. We just need to know our limits, alright?" Sean gently kissed her forehead.

Marita looked for a distraction so they wouldn't end up in that same situation. She remembered the lunch. "I brought lunch," Marita said a little too excitedly.

Sean knew what she was up to and tried to get his mind off of the feeling her body had left on his. "So what's for lunch today Mademoiselle Marita?"

Marita giggled at his fake French accent. Clay was a whole lot better at French than Sean. She used to think it was the "r" that gave Sean the problem, now she knows he just likes to be silly with it. Sean preferred Spanish and Gaelic (the latter being extremely difficult, but he learned it when he traveled to Ireland for a semester in college).

"We have fried chicken and baked apples. Just for today as a special gift for a special man." She smiled at Sean knowing these were his favorites and that she was a better cook than Vivian's cook who never got the credit when she would prepare fried chicken and baked apples for Vivian and Sean. The thought of Vivian turned Marita's stomach.

Sean and Marita began to eat in silence. After awhile, Marita thought to bring up what Ned mentioned earlier. "Sean, your Pa asked me about my Ma today."

That had Sean's full attention. "Are you alright?"

"Yes, I don't mind talking about her really. There is so much I don't remember."

"Why would Pa ask about your Ma?" Sean mumbled more to himself than to Marita, not thinking she could hear.

"I'm not sure, especially since he knew her." Marita looked up at Sean. "Do you remember my mom?"

Sean looked into his love's eyes. She wanted to know more, and why shouldn't she? "All I remember was that she stayed inside your house a lot. She'd let you come out to play in the front yard, but she wouldn't even open the door to let me see her. She talked from behind it and then opened it up enough for you to get out. I did see her once from behind. She was going on a trip to Georgia with your Pa. I saw them as the carriage was leaving."

Marita had to ask, "What did she look like?"

"I can't remember. I only saw her from behind, but I remember her hair. It was a lot like yours." Sean reached up to play with a stray ringlet of Marita's hair. "Except it was a little redder. That was the last time I saw her. She never returned from Georgia."

Marita began to cry softly, "I wish I could remember."

Sean was moved, "Shh, it's okay. It was a long time ago. You grew up to be a wonderful, beautiful, smart, and kind woman without her being there." He reached over and held her. "Besides, you have remarkable taste in men."

"Sean Logan!" Marita laughed. He always knew how to make her feel better.

Marita packed up what was left of the lunch while Sean put on his shirt. Then she gave him the lunch to take into town with him since he would be late for supper, if he caught supper at all.

Sean walked with her part of the way back to the house. Then before they reached where people could see them, he grabbed her hand and looked into her eyes, "Are you going to be okay?"

His voiced was filled with so much love and concern that it overwhelmed Marita and gave her a new strength. "Yes, I'll be fine."

Sean bent over and kissed her cheek. "I'll talk to you tomorrow morning about how things go with Pa tonight. Take care." With that Sean got on his horse and rode off to town. Marita watched for a while. She loved the way he rode, bareback and completely in rhythm with the horse's movements. She realized she was getting hot from just watching Sean ride. "Girl, you need to watch yourself," she thought as she turned toward the Logan home and continued to walk back to work.



The Vow...


Sean rode to town; his mind filled with Marita. He was really concerned about her. They didn't talk about some of the other things he remembered about what happened after her parents went to Georgia. He remembered how scared Marita was back then. They both remembered it. She was only five and didn't understand why she couldn't go with them. Her Auntie Nana wanted to take her in, but Marita wanted to be with Sean. So Auntie Nana let her stay with the Logans and checked in on her every day. Marita didn't talk for two days, and even though Sean was only 7, he was worried about his friend. When she finally talked it took her a long time to talk to anyone besides him. During the whole time Marita's parents were away, she slept with him. Libby would have kept Marita in the room with her, but Clay was still young and Libby was pregnant with Alice. Besides, Marita clung to Sean like he was all she had left in the world.

Remembering the fear Marita experienced during that time sent chills up Sean's back. He needed to clear his mind before he entered town, but then the night he will never forget came to his mind. Pa, who had left for Georgia shortly after Isaac had taken the carriage with Marita's red-haired mother in it, came home and talked to Sean while Marita slept. "Sean, Marita's your friend, and you'll do anything for her, right?"

"Yes, Pa," a sleepy Sean replied.

"Then do not let her go into the guest room. There will be something in there that could really hurt Marita. I need you to keep her busy with games, and she can even go to your reading lessons with you. Okay, Son?"

"Alright, Pa," Sean said as he wondered what could harm Marita. The guestroom was like all the other rooms in the house to Sean.

"Alright, Son. Now go back to bed."

Sean went back to his room, but didn't go back to sleep right away. He wanted, needed, to know what could hurt Marita and be in his house that was a place of safety. Sean waited until things were quiet, then he slipped out the room. He tiptoed down the hall until he got to the guest room. As he slowly cracked the door, Sean saw a person lying in the bed. Sean stepped into the room. His eyes widened at the sight before him. The blood that stained the bed on which the man slept also stained Sean's mind. He saw that Isaac was unable to move; it was as if he was dead, but he was bandaged up so he had to be alive. Where was Marita's mother? It was at that moment that Sean had promised himself that when he was old enough he would make sure he was strong enough mentally and physically to stop this from ever happening to Isaac or Marita again. He closed the door and cried realizing that if Marita ever opened that door before her pa was well that she would never be the same; he knew he sure wasn't going to be.

Sean snapped out of his memories as he approached his office building. "Okay, Sean Logan, it's time to work. You can deal with this later," Sean told himself as he tied his horse's reigns to the post and headed to his office.







The Winters' House...


William sat at John Turner's desk and put his feet up on it. It was suppose to be his desk anyway. He liked the idea of John going away on business for a few months. It gave William the chance to be the man in the house, which is what his mother wanted. William was so comfortable in John's chair that he didn't notice John had entered the room. John walked over and stood in front of the desk. He glared down at this boy in what almost looked like a man's body and smirked. William choked a little on his cigar. He was trying one of John's stronger, more expensive kinds. That's when William noticed John. "I thought you were leaving," William said with a slight sneer.

"Apparently you did. I had to get a few papers before I left." John came around the desk as William stood up to get out of his way. John unlocked a drawer and sat in his seat. He pulled out a file and looked for a few papers. William tried not to pay attention, but he saw a folder that interested him. It was titled "Logan". John picked up that folder and took out a paper with a lot of numbers on it. William wasn't concerned about that; he wanted to know what else was in there. John put the files back and closed the drawer.

"John!" Vivian's voice rang through the hall. "John! Oh, there you are. You need to get going to catch the 1:30 train."

"Thank you, Vivian. I just needed to get a few things." John got up from the desk and began to walk out. Then he realized he hadn't locked the drawer. He turned and walked back to the desk. A look of disappointment covered William's face. John bent down and locked the drawer.

William watched John leave, and then he went to talk to his mother. "Mother, did you know that John Turner has a locked drawer in his desk with a folder titled 'Logan' in it?" William whined.

"Really," Georgina mischievously grinned.

"Yes, but he took the key with him."

"That's okay, William. Your father always made sure he had more than one copy of anything important. So if that desk was originally suppose to be for you, then I think there should be another copy around here somewhere." Georgina rose from her seat. "Now where would it be?" she mumbled to herself. "Vivian! Vivian!"

"Yes, Mother," Vivian replied rushing into the room.

"Dear, never rush into a room; glide into a room. It's proper to glide and unladylike to rush."

"Yes, Mother. You called me," Vivian said trying not to sound agitated by her mother's correction.

"Dear, I have seemed to misplace the key to the storage chest, and I have to put something away. Do you remember where your father put the extra keys?" Georgina said with ease and a straight face. William tried not to smirk, but it played across his mouth nonetheless.

Vivian hated when they looked at her this way. It was as if they were up to something, but she didn't know what it could be this time. "Yes, Mother," Vivian said as she walked over to the fireplace and removed a marble tile. She pulled out a little envelope and searched for the key that her mother needed. When she found if, she handed it to her mother and asked, "Is that all, Mother?"

"Yes, dear, thank you," Georgina said with a wicked grin and a raised eyebrow. As Vivian went to put the envelope back under the tile, Georgina said, "Oh, and do remember men like women with clean hands, so please wash yours when you're done with that."

"Yes, Mother," Vivian tried not to grumble. She put the tile back in place and left the room. She hated how her mother made her feel. Vivian went to check on her father. His condition hadn't changed, but it always made her feel better to just be near him after dealing with her mother.

Downstairs Georgina and William took the envelope of keys to John Turner's desk. Georgina sat in John's chair and began to try the keys. William watched out for Vivian. Finally, one worked. Georgina opened the drawer and pulled out the "Logan" file.

"Well, look at this," she said as she flipped through the file. It was filled with records of purchases and sales between the Logans and other business people. It also had other details about the Logan family. "Well, hello there. What is this?" Georgina's eyes widened as she held up a piece of paper.

"What, Mother?" William said realizing that Vivian would not be back for awhile and letting his curiosity get to him.

"It's a letter addressed to Sean Logan. And oh my, this is a lady's penmanship. A Marita Peters. Why does that name sound familiar?"

"She's Mr. Logan's secretary," William replied with a tinge of jealousy in his voice.

"You mean the colored girl?" Georgina said with a turned up nose.

"Yes, what does it say?" William wanted to snatch the paper from his mother but knew better.

Georgina began to read it, not know this was a copy of the letter John Turner was suppose to get rid of by order of Vivian. "My, my, my, Sean Logan of all the things you've been up to."

"What? What?" William was practically falling over his own feet to get a look at the note.

"It seems that Sean Logan and this Marita Peters have been having relations for quite some time. According to this, it has been happening since before Sean broke up with Vivian."

"Really," William said in a flat tone. Was this why Vivian got all upset at John Turner and me during the election?

"This would have been great during your election. Why didn't John use it?" Georgina continued as if she was reading William's mind.

"I don't know, but I wished he would have." If I would have known that this was why she wanted to know what John was up to during the election I would have told him to go ahead with whatever he had planned.

"Well, now that we have it, what do we do with it?" Georgina grinned and slid the edge of the paper across her lip as she thought. Well, Mr. Sean Logan, you gave up a chance to be with my daughter to sleep with a nigger whore. "We'll find some way to use this. There is a way to handle this kind of dishonor on our name."


A Single Rose...



The day dragged on. Marita sat in the office and tried to focus on her work. Ned could tell she wasn't herself. He looked up at her to find her often in a daze.

Ned rose from his chair and walked over to Marita. He placed a loving, fatherly hand on Marita's shoulder. "Marita, Alice is working in the garden this afternoon. Would you like to leave early to help her?"

"But, Mr. Logan, we still need to work on the..."

"Marita, I can finish it. You took care of me this morning, now let me do something for you." Ned smiled. He really cared about Marita. She had helped the whole family through so much. She always had a way to make things happier and easier around the home. If only people could learn to love each other no matter what the differences may be, then Sean and Marita could be together. They were good for each other and Ned knew that.

Marita looked up at Ned and smiled. Sean was so much like him. They both really cared about her. She knew there was no point in arguing, though, because just like their concern for her they also were extremely stubborn. "Thank you, Mr. Logan."

Marita left the office feeling a little better. The fresh air did her good. As she walked to the garden she let her mind go back to Sean. She knew that even when he was working that he would pause and think of her. She knew it because she did the same thing. Plus, one time she actually caught him. He was in the fields checking his tobacco. It was a few days after Auntie Nana gave him the cure for the disease that almost wiped out his first crop. Marita came to give him a message from his pa and saw him standing in the field staring into space. As she came up next to him, he turned around surprised to find her really standing in front of him. "May I help you?" he asked with a wide grin.

"I just had a message from your Pa," Marita said staring into his eyes. She knew right then that he had been thinking of her. His smiling eyes couldn't hide the joy that he had for seeing her at that moment.

"MARITA!"

"Yes, Alice."

"I need to thank Pa for letting you come out here with me." Alice jumped up from the flower patch she was weeding and gave Marita a hug. "There is so much for us to talk about."

Marita knew that Alice would do most of the talking and she would listen, give advice, and try to have a conversation. She really did care about Alice and wanted to share everything with her, but Alice would ask a question and not really listen to the response. Marita remembered when Alice asked her about kissing and being in love; normally, Alice just continued on with whatever she was saying. "Would she listen if she knew I love Sean?" Marita thought to herself.

Alice talked about the next big party and what she would wear. That, of course, led to escorts, which led to Jeremy. Alice had told Marita about her relationship with Jeremy, except Alice had used the term, "I think he likes me." Marita knew that this was a new way for Alice to hint that something was going on without actually saying it. Besides, Alice still wasn't sure how much she could tell Marita without having to be yelled at by Sean. Once was enough in Alice's opinion.

Alice continued to talk, and Marita's mind started to wander. She thought back to the last day she saw her mother. Auntie Nana was trying to hold Marita so she would not run after the carriage. Marita cried for what seemed like hours until Sean came over to her.

He whispered, "I have something I want to show you," and took her hand.

That was the first time they sat under the willow tree by the lake. Libby and Auntie Nana had followed from a distance and tried to keep silent.

"Marita, this is where I go when I need to cry. It's my special place because the tree looks like it's crying too. You can share it with me if you want."

Sean, I will always love you. I'll be okay, too. Marita smiled to herself and picked a few flowers to freshen up her house. She found a single yellow rose just opening its bud. Marita clipped it and stripped away some of the thorns. She carefully laid it on top of the other flowers in her basket and told Alice that she would see her later. Marita walked back to the Logan home and straight to Ned's office. She poked her head in and saw he was busy writing.

"Sir."

Ned looked up, a little startled but fine. "Yes, Marita."

Marita took a few steps into the room, and Ned stood out of respect.

"I wanted to give you this." Marita held out the yellow rose. "Thank you for everything, Mr. Logan." Marita walked over and placed the flower in Ned's hand. Then she stood on her toes and kissed his cheek. She lowered her head and curtsied. "Thank you again."

"You're welcome, Marita." Ned was befuddled by this manifestation. She was a real lady; no wonder she captured Sean's heart. As Marita glided out the room feeling refreshed and at peace, Ned stood holding the rose in his hand. "God, you've really done something amazing in that girl."




That Night...



Sean walked into the Logan home nearly an hour after supper. He was glad Marita had given him the rest of their lunch. He loved working in politics and helping people, but some people would ramble forever without a single concern to what the listener needed to do or talk about. This didn't normally bother Sean. He knew that everyone has a moment when they just want to be heard, so he would try to focus, listen, and really care about what the person was saying verbally and nonverbally. Since they were kids, he and Marita would watch and listen to people and try to figure out what the person was really trying to say. They got so good at it, especially with each other that they rarely needed to say to each other exactly what was on their minds. They both knew with one look. But Marita wouldn't let Sean get away with not saying things that needed to be said aloud. She always wanted him to be able to share his true emotions with her even if it made them feel uncomfortable, like when Sean first went to tell her that he loved her and didn't want to marry Vivian. Sean chuckled at that thought. He was so scared when he walked up behind Marita in the garden that day. What if she didn't feel the same way? Then when she said that it would be wonderful but it wouldn't work, Sean felt like his world was crashing down around him. He was finally making his own decisions and the person who always wanted him to take a stand on his own was saying no. Who would have thought they would be where they are now? Sean smiled as he thought of the love between them.

As he took a step onto the stairs, Sean remembered his father. He stopped himself and went to his pa's office instead. Ned was engrossed in paperwork when Sean came in, so he didn't hear the door.

"Pa."

Ned looked up and saw his son. "Yes, Sean."

"Remember I wanted to talk to you about something important."

Ned's face was filled with love, concern, and interest. He stood and went to the door and closed it. Even though the rest of the kids were getting ready for bed, he didn't want the conversation to be overheard.

Sean took a seat near the wall. Once the door was closed, Sean continued in a softer voice, "Pa... I don't know where to begin, how about...Pa, remember when we were in Frankfort and you said that you know there are things that I would like to talk to you about but I don't...I think you had this in mind."

Ned knew where this was heading and wanted to help ease the conversation along, but he wasn't sure how. Then he felt the key against his chest, "Sean, there is something I want to show you."

Sean was happy for a distraction, maybe he could figure out a way to say what needed to be said without causing a problem. He wished he would have thought about a better opening earlier today but after lunch his mind was on how upset Marita was when they parted.

Ned reached down and unlocked the drawer. He found the photo album and carefully searched for the picture. Sean watched his father and wondered what picture could be so important that his father would want to show it to him now. Ned's eyes brightened and then saddened as he looked at the picture of Marita's mother. He gave the book to Sean and pointed out the picture, "Sean, do you recognize this woman?"

Sean tried to place the face, but he didn't recognize it. The picture was too old to be one of Pa's present female friends. The lady was wearing the same bun that Marita would twist her hair into. She even had the ringlets like Marita. I always compare every woman with Marita, but this woman is white and one of the things I love about Marita is her caramel-colored skin, and the fact that we can find each other attractive and love everything about each other even though society says it's wrong.

"Not really, Pa," Sean said aloud.

Ned's face saddened even more. "Sean, this is Marita's mother."

"Marita's...I thought...why do you have a picture of her and Marita doesn't?" Sean blurted what he thought without thinking of how it might sound. He had stood and was pacing as he talked.

Ned took no offense. "Sean."

Sean stopped pacing and looked at his father.

"Isaac gave me the picture to hold for him. I'm showing you this because I want you to know love can cross the color barriers that the world puts up. There is nothing wrong with loving someone who looks different; the problem comes when you're dealing with the rest of the world. I love Marita not because her mother was white, but because of who Marita is." Ned walked over to Sean and placed a hand on his shoulder. Sean's eyes began to tear up. "And I know how you feel about her, too. I was hoping you would decide to share this with me."

Sean's blue eyes let go some of its burden as Sean tried to blink back the tears. "Pa, I wanted to for so long, but I didn't know how..."

"...how I would react."

"Yes, Marita and I were scared that you and Isaac would separate us. We thought that you wouldn't understand." Sean lifted the photo album and looked at the picture. "Her hair was red."

"You remember?" Ned smiled at the possibility.

"Only a little. I never saw her face only her hair. That was when she left with Isaac for Georgia. Before that I only heard her voice from behind Marita's door. What happened to her, Pa? Why didn't she come back to Marita?"

Ned took the book away from Sean and tried to control his own tears as the memories flooded his mind. "Sean, please sit. There is a lot for you to know." Sean nervously went back to his seat. He didn't know what to expect. "Sean, you know that Isaac and I met in the war and that he helped save my life."

"Yes, sir."

"Did you ever wonder what would make an ex-slave want to save a white man's life?"

Sean couldn't answer. The thought never had entered his mind before. He knew that he would give his life to protect Marita's or Isaac's, so he thought nothing of them hesitating to do the same for him and his family.

Ned continued as if Sean's silence was an answer. "Well, I certainly did. Once Isaac was certain he could trust me, he explained it all. You see, Son, when Isaac was young he was a slave on a plantation in Georgia. He was beaten many times, which is what has made him such a strong man even though he doesn't look like it. Isaac was sent to another plantation when his first owner's crop was lost to blight. One day when Isaac was picking cotton, he saw this beautiful woman. He knew not to look at her twice because of the lashing he would get. She was the owner's daughter and had just returned from a girls' school up north. Her head was full of ideas like freeing the slaves, educating them, and letting women run business. She noticed Isaac that day and her mind went to work. He would be the first one she saved. She had her father make Isaac work with their horses instead of in the fields. She watched him as he learned and answered his questions before he could think about asking them. As they spent time together they became friends. Then their feelings began to change. Isaac knew that he could get killed, so he ran. He went north. She followed him not knowing exactly where to look but remembering that he once had mentioned New York. So that's were she went. When she heard about the army looking for soldiers for the war, she knew he would sign up. Every day she waited outside the building. Men tried to talk to her, but she paid them little attention. When Isaac came to enlist, he saw her standing there. Her hair was pulled up like it is in this picture. Isaac knew right then that their love for each other was something that he could never run from. He didn't sign up that day; he met her in the woods instead. From that one moment, Marita was conceived. Katherine, Marita's mother, told Isaac still to enlist in war. Neither of them knew she was pregnant when he left. He got a telegram later." Ned went to the desk and pulled a paper out of the same drawer. He handed it to Sean. It read: To Isaac Peters STOP Fight for us STOP Fight for your little girl STOP "Marita was named after Isaac's mother. Her Auntie Nana was the midwife for Katherine. Auntie Nana decided to help Kathy with Marita. She was the one who would take Marita out of the house. Kathy never left Auntie Nana's house, she knew that it would only mean trouble if she left the house with her baby."

Sean raised his questioning eyes to his father, "How did they end up here?"

"Like you know, Isaac did save my life. When he shared his story with me, I told him about me, your Ma, you, and the horse farm. I asked him if he wanted to come here when the war was over. That way he and Katherine could be together and raise Marita in safety. Isaac agreed and continued to go out and fight. When the war ended, Isaac went up to New York to get Katherine, Marita, and Auntie Nana. They had to pretend that Isaac and Auntie Nana were servants and little Marita was Auntie Nana's granddaughter. That was the only way they could make it to our property in safety. Once they got here Kathy decided she would stay in the house as much as possible, that way the servants and other people would not talk. Libby would visit her often and they became great friends. Kathy and your Ma knew that it would be good if you and Marita became friends. Clay was too young for you to play with, and Marita was only a few years younger than you. They, we all, wanted you kids to grow up in a loving home not one bent on hatred."

It was all starting to make sense to Sean. Now he knew why Marita's mother would never open the door for anyone to see her. "But, Pa, why did Isaac and Miss Kathy go back to Georgia?"

"Sean, Isaac and I have relived that decision over and over again. Kathy decided to go home. She wanted to tell her family where she was and what she had decided to do with her life. They hadn't heard from her in over five years. Isaac wasn't going to let her travel that far by herself and since your ma was pregnant she could not go with Kathy. So Isaac went and posed as her servant until they reached her home. Isaac didn't go to the house with her, but waited a safe distance away. Kathy came running back to him in tears. She tried to get Isaac to hurry for them to leave, but it was too late. Kathy's brothers had followed her. They beat Isaac almost to death. Kathy tried to stop them and was pushed out of the way. She fell and hit her head on a rock. When her brothers thought Isaac was dead, they turned to find that Kathy wasn't moving. They took her body back to the house. I had gone down after them because I didn't think they would be safe. I found Isaac barely alive and took him for help. No one would help us. I had to bring him back here. I had never made a trip from Georgia to Kentucky in so short a time as that. Once I got Isaac back here I was able to get him help. I had stopped most of the bleeding and cleaned up what I could, but there was a lot of damage and we didn't think Isaac would make it. Libby sent a telegram to Kathy's family saying that she was a friend from Kathy's all girl school and that she wanted to get in contact with her. She received a telegram a week later saying that Kathy had fallen off a horse, hit her head, and died. When Isaac was well enough to talk he told us the story." Ned slowly removed the picture from the album. He carefully handed it to Sean. "Isaac and I think it is time for Marita to know. Her mother loved her so much and wanted her to have a good life. Isaac doesn't think he can tell Marita about her mother. It is still hard for him and it has been nearly twenty years. Sean, you and Marita have a connection that is important, and Marita will need you to help her get through this."

Sean couldn't believe what his father was telling him. He would have to be the one to tell Marita about her mother. As his father continued talking, Sean realized that he was right. Sean and Marita had a connection that went beyond friendship. Though they were two totally separate individuals, they also knew how important it was to have someone who is the only person you can talk to.

"Yes, Pa. Thank you." Sean stood and got ready to leave the room.

Ned looked at Sean. "Sean."

Sean turned back to look at his father. "Yes, Pa."

"Love her. Protect her, but be careful. You have both been through a lot, and this is just the beginning. There will be a lot ahead of you and if you are not careful the same fate can happen to the two of you. God forbid that ever happens, but please, Son, please be careful."

Sean nodded and left the room.

Oh, God. Please watch over them. I don't know if this family can go through something like that again.