Plot Twists, Most of Them Weird

1. Dilandau was turned into Serema for spying purposes; Allen's real sister died in a freak accident involving hair     

gel.

2. Folken was in love with Hitomi.                                                                                          

3.  When the wedding is interrupted by those Zaibach cat girls whose names I've forgotten, a ton of bricks falls on Millerna, and Allen is saved only by the three-inch lift of his megado.               

4.  This is my friend's theory, but that evil Isaac dude is really Sir Isaac Newton.

5.  One of the Dragonslayers, Migel maybe, was Merle's old babysitter.

6.  The Sailor Scouts show up because of flawed directions.

7.  Van and Folken's previously unknown brother, Bill, has to leave his job as a pizza boy and choose sides.

8.  In a previous life, Princess Millerna's still-living sister (can't remember her name either) was Diedlet from Lodoss Wars.

9.   The power of Atlantis is unleashed, and all the characters from the doofy Disney movie appear.

10. Van is whacked with something, gets amnesia, and flies away in Escaflowne to join the Dragonslayers.

11. Merle is really a double agent, and she sold out for a box of Mint Meltaways.

12. Isaac is a giant muppet, and the mastermind behind Zaibach is really Jim Henson.

13. Chid and Merle elope.

14. The Dragonslayers watch PBS kiddy shows and go pacifist just in time to not show up and get slaughtered by Van.

15. Van is gay and privately drools over Dilandau (changed from Allen to Dilly courtesy of Zephy!)

16. Merle is somehow related to Aisha Clan-Clan from Outlaw Star, though why that matters I couldn't say.

17. After getting hit over the head with something blunt and heavy, Hitomee runs away to be a country western singer.

18. In a serious drunk, Allen has the Escaflowne theme song officially changed to the Hamster Dance.

19. An army of people from DBZ shows up, demanding Allen's hair care secrets.

20. Tired of spoiled palace life and hairboy's infidelity, Millerna runs away and joins a motorcycle gang to spend the rest of her life stripteasing, swigging beer and smoking cheep cigars.

Tabloid Headlines

Dilandau Announces Engagement to Psychopathic Fanfic Author Valoria!

Oh, I wish.

Lord Van Catches Hitomee in Love Nest with Ash Ketchum!

It could happen.

Millerna Photographed Leaving Liposuction Clinic!

Not too surprising.

Inside: Hair Secrets from Allen and Lord Folken!

Do I seem obsessed with this guy's hair?

Escaflowne A Modified Gundam!

Looks like one to me.

Inside: Lady Hitomee Porn Scandal!

Yeah, I'm a nut job.

Marlene Alive and Married To Two-Headed Elvis Clone

DON'T. ASK.

 Lord Van Dates Brittany Spears!

I couldn't resist.

Zephyrina Attempts To Murder Valoria!

She would.

New Breakthroughs on Dreaded "Long Nose" Syndrome!

Doncha love the noses?