American McGee Pie
A long, long time ago
Alice can still remember
Wonderland before the strife.
With will to learn and curiosity
Page after page of her fantasy
Worlds beheld and characters came to life
A funny world that makes her question
The locals often in frustration
'Coz few of them converses
In nonsensical verses.
But all answers she did find.
For a few years everything was fine
Until a tragedy broke that line.
The day her parents died.
Oh my, my!
This here Alice did cry.
When her place
Went ablaze
All she could do was try.
She escaped the house
And stared with horrified eyes
Shouting, "Mom and Dad, the fire's growing high
Escape the house or else you'll die!"
Did you know that she spent a year
At Rutledge Asylum living in fear
Of spending her life alone?
She followed Rabbit through the hole
And Cheshire Cat's grin did console
Though decayed and twisted Wonderland has grown.
Well she discovered that trouble's abrew.
The people needed assistance or two.
She said, "Don't you all feel blue.
Yes, I'll slay the Queen* for you!"
With her vorpal blade she unleashed her rage.
For her foes damnation she went on rampage.
A full-scale war she was willing to wage.
Revenge cannot be denied.
She started screaming...
Die! Die!
All you boojums will fry.
Beware, Card Guards
For the slave dwarves
I will bleed you dry.
And as for others quickly give your reply.
I ask you: Where do you think your loyalties lie?
Serve the Queen and I swear you'll die!
So a potion shrunk her down to size.
To follow Rabbit it should suffice
Though food for insects she could be.
Oh, Mock Turtle wanted back his shell
So she sent the Duchess straight to hell
And caught up with Rabbit finally.
A happy reunion she did not feel
'Coz Hatter crushed Rabbit with his heel.
Oh, Alice was sad, it's true.
"Caterpillar! What should I do?"
He said, "Save yourself and you'll save us all.
This can only be done with the Queen's downfall.
But first you must again be tall.
Go to where the Centipede hides.
And you must kill him!"
Bye, bye!
Mr. Centipede guy.
Spare me the trouble
On the double
So just curl up and die!
I have no time and want that toadstool pie.
I promise one of us will brutally fry.
I swear to you that it won't be I.
So Alice was back to her norm again.
And the search for the Eyestaff parts began.
The road to Pale Realm she must tread.
Oh, checkmate was attained indeed.
Red King's defeat meant the Realm was freed.
But not before the White Queen lost her head.
No worries there 'coz she brought a pawn.
On the eighth square the White Queen respawned.
But Hatter appeared on the scene.
The Mirror Maze he had Alice shut in!
She met the Tweedles whom she truly despised.
And Cat said, "Against them you must use their size."
That's one very useful advice.
Until they multiplied!
She started singing...
Why, why?
Must you two defy?
I'll rip your guts out
Ugly fat louts.
This I testify.
My patience is low and yet my anger is high.
Tell me: How would you prefer to die?
I'll get the Hatter by and by.
The next on her list was the murderer--
The time-obsessive Madhatter.
Vengeance was close at hand.
"So come on: Jacks o'Death show him your tricks!"
Jackbomb-tossing made his death real quick.
And now the Gryphon was under her command.
The Oracle urged: she must not postpone.
The Jabberwock she must face alone.
She said, "I do not fear death.
I will fight till my very last breath!"
So Alice stood before the Jabberwock's might
And as the conflict was to reach its height
The Gryphon appeared to stop the fight.
The 'Wock's eye out he pried.
They started singing...
Fly! Fly!
We have the Jabberwock's eye.
To the Queen's Gate,
Musn't be late.
Gather all our allies.
I've journeyed far and now the end game draws nigh.
Who thinks victory's a pie in the sky?**
Now the battle intensifies.
So she made it through the Gate
To face the Evil-incarnate
Onto the bloodied castleway.
She fought the Red Queen fearlessly.
The battle was long but eventually
Noble Alice slew the Queen and saved the day.
And in the end White Pieces fought
Joining Alice in the onslaught.
The Jabberwock was toasted.
The Card Guards were all roasted.
For the three friends who helped her the most.
The Griffon, Rabbit and Cat -- a toast!
Now she's cured and her case is closed.
She's sane again inside.
Oh my, my!
It's Wonderland's blue sky!
You are free now.
Made it somehow.
This I certify.
I'm back in the world where logic now applies
Hoping this will help revivify.
Happy endings make me cry.
Bye bye!
Wonderland, goodbye.
We'll see each other
Someday later.
There's no reason to cry.
If you need me again, I'll be sure to drop by.
"Thank you, Alice," Wonderland replies.
~END~
* Queen -- Red Queen or Queen of Hearts
** "pie in the sky" -- something farfetched or unattainable
