Author's rant: Ian and Sarah make no appearance here. I have plans for a sequel to this fic and if you reveiw and tell me you want me to write it I will. If you decide you don't want it say so or don't say anything at all.

This is basically Amanda's funeral because I thought 'Hey that would be a "fun" way to end this.' This is everyones thoughts at the funeral and you should be able to identify each character. BTW I decided to hint at something with Eric and Jul. Just feelings nothing more.

Chapter 19

Mom, you didn't have to do this. You shouldn't have come to rescue me. I was surviving. I could have done that a lot better then I can deal with this. I wanted to be rescued so I could feel safe again. Safe in my mothers arms. Not safe physically but even more beyond repair emotionally than I was before. I don't know how I feel anymore. I don't know how I feel about Billy. I like him a lot but do I blame him? Dad. I love him but he was supposed to protect you. He was supposed to protect both of us but I was trapped for two monthes and you.... Alan. He's more distant then ever before. I admired him before but I am feeling bitterness almost now. Julia... Do I love her or hate her for understanding me? Maybe I want to have this experience in order to drive people away from me. Myself. Eric. Your son. I cannot blame the others because I love them. I am a different matter.

It's not fair

I would give anything to be in your place, Amanda. Not because I think it would be funny to see you in my place but because we had hope for awhile there. Eric had hope too. He would have given anything to have us be a family again. We actually were a family but those rescue helicopters had to come just a few seconds too late. I don't even want to know what they were doing those few seconds before the helicopter took off to come for us. I just know I'd like to strangle anyone who might've kept it from taking off a little sooner. I just wish I had you back...

I'll always love you

I can't even approach them now. Sure I was mad at Amanda when I found out she'd tricked me and Alan but I could understand why she was so desperate to get to Isla Sorna. She would have survived, Eric would have a mother if it weren't for what I'd done... I was thinking it would be that way if I weren't there but Julia, tactless, brutally honest Julia reminded me of the aviary. Amanda and Paul would be alive if he hadn't come but they would come back short a son. Was there anyway for us to have come back with everyone? At least everyone in the Kirby family... Udesky, Nash and Cooper should've come home too. I don't even know if they had anyone to come home too. A part of me hopes they did because then they'd have had something great before the island. But it would also mean someone would lose them.

I'm sorry

It's hard to believe I am even here. Harder still that I feel sorry. You were loud, annoying and practically begging for your own death as Julia said. But this is a bit much. You and Tory... Cooper and Nash didn't really strike me as deserving people in so many ways but no one should have died. John Hammond should never have created that place. God I wish I could blame someone for the dark look in Eric and Paul's eyes.

If only I could change things

One mistake. One mistake of running towards the shore and I ate my words. I told Eric I thought you'd die and now I suffer the burden of that. Now I can't tell you how happy I was. I was beyond joy one I saw you reunited with your son. Glad to see how you interacted so well with Tory. Grateful to your sympathy when I lost Tory... I can't tell you any of this. I can't tell you how I feel about you, Paul or your son. How do I feel about Eric anyways? You knew feelings. You would tell me. I love your family. Not as much as you probobly but I love them.

I'll take care of them

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I'll be happy to write the sequel if you say you want it.