My name is Benjamin Rondeau Rolando. I have nicknames such as Benny Southstreet, Benji, Benjamino, and Rollin' Rolando. I currently live in Brooklyn in New York City, NY in the United States of America. I was born Saturday, June 3, 1914 in Kenora, Ontario in Canada. I have no sibling that I know of.

The house I grew up in was a very run-down old, poor-looking place; but it was much nicer than the rest of the houses in the area. My house had a nice view of the rest of New York. The only problem that we had with the house was when my friend Nicely came over and fell through the floor. Seriously though, what kind of person weighs 237 pounds at 15 years old? The surrounding houses seemed to be falling to pieces, but not ours. Our house was pretty sturdy for such an old place. I was stuffed into a tiny, little room with five other kids, so I didn't like to be at home much. My foster parents didn't seem to mind.

As you might have guessed, I lived in a pretty run-down neighborhood. The streets were torn up and the sidewalks were littered with trash. There was a rumor going around that a kid I knew was eaten by one of the sewer gators. The kids that lived around were pretty nice, except this gang of kids called the "Igloonies." They were led by this Eskimo kid. He was really tough and didn't like kids like me. I was constantly getting in trouble with him. I was way too small to defend myself against him, so I had to use Nicely against him. Nicely usually ended up sitting on him, while I ran away. I didn't talk much with local adults, so I couldn't tell you much about them.

Some of my favorite games to play were stickball, jacks, and craps. We gathered in the street with a piece of wood and an old baseball and hit it around, just like we were Babe Ruth. The Eskimo always won that. My friend and I gathered in places like school to play craps. I always used to win at that. Then, the Eskimo came and beat me. I haven't been good since.

I never had any truly special occasions with my real parents. We celebrated birthdays and holidays like normal families do. We also took some vacations to different places. The biggest occasion for them seemed to be when they abandoned me. And, my foster family never celebrated anything. They just seemed happy whenever one of their foster kids left.

My best and worst memories took place on my 13th birthday. My parents decided to take a trip to Italy. We drove from Kenora to Port Arthur to fly there. Italy was amazing. The ancient Roman structures and the Mediterranean Sea were among my favorite sights. On the way back to Ontario, we had to transfer flights in New York City. When we got there my parents (an Italian father and Canadian mother) decided that they wanted to go and stay in Italy. This was fine with me, considering how much I loved it. When they went to the desk to buy the tickets, they only asked for two. I went to ask why, and my dad pushed me out of the way. Without even looking at me, he said, "Benjamin, you are on your own now."

"You can do it, eh!" added my mom. They walked out and left me behind. I never saw them again.

After some time a foster family took me in. They never seemed to care about me. I left as soon as I got out of high school and never looked back. I haven't seen them since.

Now, I just have a group of acquaintances that I hang out with, no clubs or organizations. I once tried to join a local Elk Lodge, but an Eskimo beat me to the last open spot.

When I read the newspaper, I usually read the comics. The regional and international news is interesting. I like the personals a lot, too. Once in the personals, I met a great woman. We had a special relationship. The night that I was planning on proposing to her, she called me up and said that she didn't want to see me anymore and that she had met someone else. When I asked who, she said, "Oh some guy that belongs to the Elk Lodge. He is an Eskimo."

After hearing that, I collapsed on the floor and fell into a long period of depression. It lasted almost a year.

One night, my old friend, Nicely-Nicely Johnson called. I hadn't heard from him in 21 years. He offered me a job with some guy named Nathan Detroit. I gladly excepted it without even knowing what it was.

When I went to see him about the job, he said that there was no office or paperwork; it was to help him run a floating crap game. I reluctantly agreed to it. I knew that it was illegal, but I needed something to occupy myself. I couldn't end up a lifeless, jobless bum. That's how I got into the crap business.

In my free time, I enjoy lying around and reminiscing. I usually think about what I could have done to make my past better.

I enjoy listening to ballet music. When I was at a ticket office once, I was in line behind an Eskimo. I was waiting t get rock concert tickets. When I got to the window and asked for the tickets, the lady told me the guy in front of me got the last one. I was outraged, but I took the only thing that they had left: ballet. I actually enjoyed it when I went. It is very soothing and relaxing.

I don't read much anymore. For entertainment, I tend to go see movies or hang out with friends. My favorite movie is Guys and Dolls, it seems very familiar. My favorite entertainers include Frank Sinatra, Marlon Brando, and Humphrey Bogart.

Because of the schedules of the crap games, I tend to get to bed around two in the morning. I get up around 11:30 in the morning. My favorite time of day is around eleven at night. It is dark and there are tons of things going on in the city at night.

I like to be in the city and around people. There is plenty of excitement and plenty of things to do when a lot of people are around.

I have a few fears. My first one of course is being caught by the police. I am also afraid that I might run into my parents someday. That would turn out to be a disaster. But my biggest fear is Eskimos. They terrify me.

My dream vacation would be a trip to Monte Carlo in France. It is well known for its gambling and it is on the beautiful Mediterranean Sea. And, as an added bonus, there are no Eskimos there.

As for my prejudices, I dislike religious groups. After all the misery that I have been through, I don't want some group telling me what and what not to believe and do. I also hate Eskimos. Eskimos have ruined my life. Everywhere I go, there is an eskimo ruining it for me.

I am not happy with the way my life turned out. Sure I am glad to have to have friends like Nathan and Nicely, but there is so much more that I could have done. I hate the way I grew up and the fact that I couldn't get any good jobs. If there is only one thing that I have learned from my life, it is this: No matter what you do, there will always be an Eskimo in your way.

What do I think the future holds? For me, there will be nothing special. But, I can safely say by the year 2000, man will have landed on the moon, cheese will be baked right into the crust of pizza, and a race of killer robots will rule the world.