London, England
3 A.M.
November 4
Donald Matthews swung around carelessly in his plush swivel chair. He suddenly stopped and checked his watch.
"3 A.M., Mullet." He stated to a man sitting in the chair in front of him.
"Shall we call up the other half of the team, sir?" he questioned, eternally patient.
"Always ready, eh Mullet?" he said. "Once Statham finishes with his half, you have the affirmative."
Matthews barely had time to finish his sentence when the phone rang. He picked it up.
"Mmmhmmmmmmmmmm. Yeah. Alright. That quick, eh? Well, nice to see my cell phones are being put to good use." And with that he hung up.
"Mullet, call up your boys."
"Yes sir, Mr. Matthews." He got up, said good-bye, and walked out of the room.
'Never underestimate the predictability of stupidity.'
Aspen, Colorado
8 A.M.
November 5
Chris and Redfield and the new love-of-his-life, Jill Valentine, were sitting comfortably in the lightly decorated kitchen, drinking hot cocoa. Chris could not believe his luck, and told Jill so.
"Why would you say that?" she asked, eyebrows raised perfectly.
Of course, everything about her is perfect, Chris thought to himself.
"I survived Umbrella for now, I have my sister, and now I have you. I never thought I would ever be able to confess how I felt about you."
"Yeah, it was pretty funny."
"I thought I was talking to Claire and telling her how much I thought I loved you and-"
"And it turned out to be me." Jill finished.
Chris remembered the incident well. He had woken up after one of his many wet-dreams about Jill (For God sakes man, you're 28! He kept telling himself, although it never stopped his dreams at all), and decided to call up Claire to try to arrange for a double-date. He had decided that very instant he wasn't going to be a little horny teenager wishing to screw every female in sight. He was about to hang up waiting when the phone was picked up and he immediately started telling Claire about his plan. Finishing up: "...And you could go on an informal date with Leon and I could tell Jill th-"
"This isn't Claire." Chris stopped in his tracks.
"Wh-wh-wha-who-who is-th-this then?" he stammered, barely able to form the words as he realized just who possibly might be on the phone.
"This is Jill."
"Oh, crap! I mean, Oh SHIT! I mean, I'm so sorry, I was going to tell you after the-"
"It's okay. Why don't I come over?" she said, her voice almost cracking up with laughter. OH SHIT! He thought again.
"O-O-Okay." He said, and hung up."
Jill dressed, sprayed a hint of perfume on herself, and went across four apartment rooms to Chris's.
After the Barton incident, Jill, Chris and everyone else had decided that if there was an Umbrella wanted list, they were on the top and would probably never leave. Hell, they probably filled the whole thing up, as there were 5 people on the team. 6, counting Seth, and he was fairly important, serving as hacker and intelligence chief. Although Rebecca was incommunicado at the moment. Anyway, they had decided that it was finally time to lay low. That next day the lot of them was to fly out to Aspen and have a nice, inconspicuous vacation, plus a little skiing and snowboarding on the side. Barry was even gonna try and meet up with them, bring his family along.
Chris and Jill's only relations to date had been friendship, camaraderie, and a one-night stand, which neither like to remember (or barely can anyway), as they were both shit-faced drunk when it occurred. They'd had friendly kisses, but that was all. Chris stared at her butt a lot, and Jill loved it when Chris was in biking shorts. But now, that might suddenly change. Jill knocked on the door and Chris got up, nearly tripping over himself he was so nervous. He opened the door and let her in without a word. She went to the bed and he tripped over and fell flat on his face walking over to her. Jill laughed good-naturedly while Chris got up and dusted himself off. She patted the spot next to her on the bed and he sat down without further mishap.
"No offense Jill, but I think I've basically said what I needed to say over the phone. I-" he started.
"Chris, I know, but just hear me out." She interrupted. Chris shut up.
"Do you know how long I have waited for the time when I would hear you talking about me in that way? I thought I would croak before I would see that day. Ever since the incident with the booze, do you how many people I've slept with?"
"How many?" was the immediate reply. Chris loved to give unbridled attention to Jill, sometimes he wasn't listening but just so he could stare at her lovely figure. This time, though, he was listening.
"Zero. How many for you since then?"
"Zero as well." Chris earnestly replied. Jill raised her eyebrows again, and arched her back, stretching it. Chris couldn't help but notice her rack and blood rushing to parts of his body he didn't want the blood rushing to right now. For Jill to see him with a boner; the embarrassment! He would probably kill himself right then. Trying to take his mind off of Jill's bountiful breasts, he elaborated on his answer.
"Seriously. I haven't slept with anyone since then, nor do I expect to." Dumbass! He thought.
Jill noticed the growing bulge in Chris's pants and felt herself grow hot. She would probably kill herself right then. For Chris to see her getting her panties wet; the embarrassment! Oh My God, how am I going to get myself out of this? She thought.
"I feel the exact same way." Jill replied.
"Are you sure? Because I honest-to-God love you, Jill Valentine." Chris answered. Jill was taken aback.
"Chris." She gasped, breathing in sharply, raising her chest a bit more. Chris's bulge grew tighter.
As they leaned in, moaning, for a kiss and what was sure to be a night of unbelievable passion (Oh, yeah, thought Chris) was interrupted by a forgotten voice: "Whoa now, children are in the room." Seth Walters said, barely holding in his laughter.
Seth Walters was a 14- year old adolescent elite hacker with the ability to basically bust any system he wanted within 30 seconds or less. Guaranteed, as he himself might add. The Raccoon City survivors found him when he was hacking into the school system to change his grades. The Raccooners were hiding out in the school, for a Daffan Pharmaceuticals building was right next to the school. Claire, always the opportunist, saw what he was doing and asked him to run a search on the Daffan building. If he did this, they would "not report you to the school authorities", Claire lied to him. As it turned out, the school campus and the Daffan building shared the same system, and as Seth hacked his way in he stumbled into a self-destruct button that would destroy the whole illegal underground complex. Seth did not understand the magnitude of what his most recent hacking uncovered until he felt a massive boom under his feet. "Bitchin!" was his confirmation of realization. They acquired his services on the spot, as he was an orphan and had no "sick, perverted love for the hellhole" as he said. At 6' 2" and 192 lbs, he was massive for his age, and lifted weights to boot. Brown hair and silver eyes, a trait he personally loved, most girls would consider him attractive except for the glasses and the alienating intellect. He still acted normal for a teenager, in the Raccooners opinion.
Chris and Jill grew cherry (Get it?) red as Seth pushed off the covers. He broke into laughter, unable to stop. After about half a minute he managed to get out "So-should I-get out the video camera and leave-or stay and watch-the-show?" he said before falling back onto the floor, rolling around and clutching his stomach. GODDAMMIT!!!! Chris thought. A sober night with Jill! GONE!
Keeping as calm a voice as he could so as not to give a hint that he wanted to squeeze the life out of the bastard, he said "Seth, yes, it would be a great idea to leave the room now and not leave a video camera."
Seth got up and left the room as slowly as possible, pushing his luck. He knocked on Claire's door.
"Whaddya want?" she said.
"Can I sleep in your room?"
"Why don't you go jerk off?" Claire had not really taken to Seth, as he used profanity often and it had gotten to Sherry. She hadn't forgiven him for it.
"And have you right in front of me? Please. C'mon, Jill's currently in a secret rendezvous with Chris, so if you wouldn't mind I would care to get some sleep, and not have to sleep in the hallway. I won't bother you. I'll go straight to sleep." He said, and exasperatedly Claire threw open the door, showing a naked Leon sleeping peacefully albeit belly-up on the other side of Claire's bed.
"Not a word, Seth." She said as he went to the one-man bed on the other side of the room.
"Wouldn't think of it. Just make sure he doesn't slit my throat in the morning. Oh, yeah, thanks." He apologized as Claire shut the door.
Jill and Chris didn't have a night of passion, as they had acquired paranoia for the time being that someone would eventually see them, so they lied in bed and cuddled, kissing and saying how much they loved each other.
"Yeah, that was pretty funny." Jill leaned back, remembering the incident.
"I wonder what Claire and Leon are doing now?" Chris said.
He was answered by a thump and a loud groan.
"Oh, god dammit, I told them to wait until everyone else was gone to do this kind of thing!" he said, storming up the stairs.
About a minute later, Jill heard the door open and a scream. She heard muted yelling and a loud thump and things crashing. Seconds later, Leon came tripping down the stairs, only a few sheets covering his body, broken pieces of lamp following.
"Chris is a friggin' madman!" he said, and dodged the other lamp thrown down at him. Chris bounded down the stairs in one leap.
"Where is he?" he said, Death in his eyes.
Jill pointed in the opposite direction Leon actually went.
"Thanks, babe." He thanked, before running off. Leon came shakily from under the table.
"Thanks, Jill. I owe you one."
"I know. Go finish up with Claire. He won't come back for another 15 minutes or so."
"Really? Thanks for the heads-up." Leon went back up the stairs. Jill smirked, waiting for 5 minutes later when Chris would come back burned out.
The phone rang. Jill picked it up.
"Hello, may I ask who's calling?" Jill politely spoke into the phone. A filtered voice spoke quickly, not waiting for an answer.
"Jill, you and your friends are in grave danger, but from a force you can't anticipate. Leave wherever you are right now and go to England. For your own safety, it would behoove you to leave within the next 8 hours, for the new assassins are almost at your current place of residence." The phone hung up, cutting off the connection.
'I help people meet God.'
Author's Note: I don't write porn. If you are really that up for stories that just have people f*cking each other, go read 'I Never Got To Licker' By the Great Stevini for that kind of thing.
3 A.M.
November 4
Donald Matthews swung around carelessly in his plush swivel chair. He suddenly stopped and checked his watch.
"3 A.M., Mullet." He stated to a man sitting in the chair in front of him.
"Shall we call up the other half of the team, sir?" he questioned, eternally patient.
"Always ready, eh Mullet?" he said. "Once Statham finishes with his half, you have the affirmative."
Matthews barely had time to finish his sentence when the phone rang. He picked it up.
"Mmmhmmmmmmmmmm. Yeah. Alright. That quick, eh? Well, nice to see my cell phones are being put to good use." And with that he hung up.
"Mullet, call up your boys."
"Yes sir, Mr. Matthews." He got up, said good-bye, and walked out of the room.
'Never underestimate the predictability of stupidity.'
Aspen, Colorado
8 A.M.
November 5
Chris and Redfield and the new love-of-his-life, Jill Valentine, were sitting comfortably in the lightly decorated kitchen, drinking hot cocoa. Chris could not believe his luck, and told Jill so.
"Why would you say that?" she asked, eyebrows raised perfectly.
Of course, everything about her is perfect, Chris thought to himself.
"I survived Umbrella for now, I have my sister, and now I have you. I never thought I would ever be able to confess how I felt about you."
"Yeah, it was pretty funny."
"I thought I was talking to Claire and telling her how much I thought I loved you and-"
"And it turned out to be me." Jill finished.
Chris remembered the incident well. He had woken up after one of his many wet-dreams about Jill (For God sakes man, you're 28! He kept telling himself, although it never stopped his dreams at all), and decided to call up Claire to try to arrange for a double-date. He had decided that very instant he wasn't going to be a little horny teenager wishing to screw every female in sight. He was about to hang up waiting when the phone was picked up and he immediately started telling Claire about his plan. Finishing up: "...And you could go on an informal date with Leon and I could tell Jill th-"
"This isn't Claire." Chris stopped in his tracks.
"Wh-wh-wha-who-who is-th-this then?" he stammered, barely able to form the words as he realized just who possibly might be on the phone.
"This is Jill."
"Oh, crap! I mean, Oh SHIT! I mean, I'm so sorry, I was going to tell you after the-"
"It's okay. Why don't I come over?" she said, her voice almost cracking up with laughter. OH SHIT! He thought again.
"O-O-Okay." He said, and hung up."
Jill dressed, sprayed a hint of perfume on herself, and went across four apartment rooms to Chris's.
After the Barton incident, Jill, Chris and everyone else had decided that if there was an Umbrella wanted list, they were on the top and would probably never leave. Hell, they probably filled the whole thing up, as there were 5 people on the team. 6, counting Seth, and he was fairly important, serving as hacker and intelligence chief. Although Rebecca was incommunicado at the moment. Anyway, they had decided that it was finally time to lay low. That next day the lot of them was to fly out to Aspen and have a nice, inconspicuous vacation, plus a little skiing and snowboarding on the side. Barry was even gonna try and meet up with them, bring his family along.
Chris and Jill's only relations to date had been friendship, camaraderie, and a one-night stand, which neither like to remember (or barely can anyway), as they were both shit-faced drunk when it occurred. They'd had friendly kisses, but that was all. Chris stared at her butt a lot, and Jill loved it when Chris was in biking shorts. But now, that might suddenly change. Jill knocked on the door and Chris got up, nearly tripping over himself he was so nervous. He opened the door and let her in without a word. She went to the bed and he tripped over and fell flat on his face walking over to her. Jill laughed good-naturedly while Chris got up and dusted himself off. She patted the spot next to her on the bed and he sat down without further mishap.
"No offense Jill, but I think I've basically said what I needed to say over the phone. I-" he started.
"Chris, I know, but just hear me out." She interrupted. Chris shut up.
"Do you know how long I have waited for the time when I would hear you talking about me in that way? I thought I would croak before I would see that day. Ever since the incident with the booze, do you how many people I've slept with?"
"How many?" was the immediate reply. Chris loved to give unbridled attention to Jill, sometimes he wasn't listening but just so he could stare at her lovely figure. This time, though, he was listening.
"Zero. How many for you since then?"
"Zero as well." Chris earnestly replied. Jill raised her eyebrows again, and arched her back, stretching it. Chris couldn't help but notice her rack and blood rushing to parts of his body he didn't want the blood rushing to right now. For Jill to see him with a boner; the embarrassment! He would probably kill himself right then. Trying to take his mind off of Jill's bountiful breasts, he elaborated on his answer.
"Seriously. I haven't slept with anyone since then, nor do I expect to." Dumbass! He thought.
Jill noticed the growing bulge in Chris's pants and felt herself grow hot. She would probably kill herself right then. For Chris to see her getting her panties wet; the embarrassment! Oh My God, how am I going to get myself out of this? She thought.
"I feel the exact same way." Jill replied.
"Are you sure? Because I honest-to-God love you, Jill Valentine." Chris answered. Jill was taken aback.
"Chris." She gasped, breathing in sharply, raising her chest a bit more. Chris's bulge grew tighter.
As they leaned in, moaning, for a kiss and what was sure to be a night of unbelievable passion (Oh, yeah, thought Chris) was interrupted by a forgotten voice: "Whoa now, children are in the room." Seth Walters said, barely holding in his laughter.
Seth Walters was a 14- year old adolescent elite hacker with the ability to basically bust any system he wanted within 30 seconds or less. Guaranteed, as he himself might add. The Raccoon City survivors found him when he was hacking into the school system to change his grades. The Raccooners were hiding out in the school, for a Daffan Pharmaceuticals building was right next to the school. Claire, always the opportunist, saw what he was doing and asked him to run a search on the Daffan building. If he did this, they would "not report you to the school authorities", Claire lied to him. As it turned out, the school campus and the Daffan building shared the same system, and as Seth hacked his way in he stumbled into a self-destruct button that would destroy the whole illegal underground complex. Seth did not understand the magnitude of what his most recent hacking uncovered until he felt a massive boom under his feet. "Bitchin!" was his confirmation of realization. They acquired his services on the spot, as he was an orphan and had no "sick, perverted love for the hellhole" as he said. At 6' 2" and 192 lbs, he was massive for his age, and lifted weights to boot. Brown hair and silver eyes, a trait he personally loved, most girls would consider him attractive except for the glasses and the alienating intellect. He still acted normal for a teenager, in the Raccooners opinion.
Chris and Jill grew cherry (Get it?) red as Seth pushed off the covers. He broke into laughter, unable to stop. After about half a minute he managed to get out "So-should I-get out the video camera and leave-or stay and watch-the-show?" he said before falling back onto the floor, rolling around and clutching his stomach. GODDAMMIT!!!! Chris thought. A sober night with Jill! GONE!
Keeping as calm a voice as he could so as not to give a hint that he wanted to squeeze the life out of the bastard, he said "Seth, yes, it would be a great idea to leave the room now and not leave a video camera."
Seth got up and left the room as slowly as possible, pushing his luck. He knocked on Claire's door.
"Whaddya want?" she said.
"Can I sleep in your room?"
"Why don't you go jerk off?" Claire had not really taken to Seth, as he used profanity often and it had gotten to Sherry. She hadn't forgiven him for it.
"And have you right in front of me? Please. C'mon, Jill's currently in a secret rendezvous with Chris, so if you wouldn't mind I would care to get some sleep, and not have to sleep in the hallway. I won't bother you. I'll go straight to sleep." He said, and exasperatedly Claire threw open the door, showing a naked Leon sleeping peacefully albeit belly-up on the other side of Claire's bed.
"Not a word, Seth." She said as he went to the one-man bed on the other side of the room.
"Wouldn't think of it. Just make sure he doesn't slit my throat in the morning. Oh, yeah, thanks." He apologized as Claire shut the door.
Jill and Chris didn't have a night of passion, as they had acquired paranoia for the time being that someone would eventually see them, so they lied in bed and cuddled, kissing and saying how much they loved each other.
"Yeah, that was pretty funny." Jill leaned back, remembering the incident.
"I wonder what Claire and Leon are doing now?" Chris said.
He was answered by a thump and a loud groan.
"Oh, god dammit, I told them to wait until everyone else was gone to do this kind of thing!" he said, storming up the stairs.
About a minute later, Jill heard the door open and a scream. She heard muted yelling and a loud thump and things crashing. Seconds later, Leon came tripping down the stairs, only a few sheets covering his body, broken pieces of lamp following.
"Chris is a friggin' madman!" he said, and dodged the other lamp thrown down at him. Chris bounded down the stairs in one leap.
"Where is he?" he said, Death in his eyes.
Jill pointed in the opposite direction Leon actually went.
"Thanks, babe." He thanked, before running off. Leon came shakily from under the table.
"Thanks, Jill. I owe you one."
"I know. Go finish up with Claire. He won't come back for another 15 minutes or so."
"Really? Thanks for the heads-up." Leon went back up the stairs. Jill smirked, waiting for 5 minutes later when Chris would come back burned out.
The phone rang. Jill picked it up.
"Hello, may I ask who's calling?" Jill politely spoke into the phone. A filtered voice spoke quickly, not waiting for an answer.
"Jill, you and your friends are in grave danger, but from a force you can't anticipate. Leave wherever you are right now and go to England. For your own safety, it would behoove you to leave within the next 8 hours, for the new assassins are almost at your current place of residence." The phone hung up, cutting off the connection.
'I help people meet God.'
Author's Note: I don't write porn. If you are really that up for stories that just have people f*cking each other, go read 'I Never Got To Licker' By the Great Stevini for that kind of thing.
