Obligations
by Wiebke Fesch

Same disclaimers and notes as Part 1.

-----CHAPTER 6-----

Swift felt as if the wind had been knocked out of him. "Me?"

Ashmael and Seel were both looking at him appraisingly, as though they were measuring him up.

Tarra nodded. "Yes, Swift, you. Is this unwelcome news?"

Swift tried to quickly gather his thoughts. He didn't want to seem upset, but he was in fact quite surprised. "Unwelcome, Tarra? No, not at all. It's just that I, I--" He cut himself off, wanting to choose the right words. "It's just that I've never been chosen for something like this."

"You've never participated in an inception?" Tarra asked. "Well, that makes sense. You're very young and pure-born besides. Still, that shouldn't matter, should it?"

"No, I'm sure I can manage it and," Swift finally managed, having gathered up his mind on the matter, "I'd really like to. One question I have, however. Did Ranat say why he had chosen me?"

Tarra gave an emphatic nod. "Yes he did. What happened is that I explained to him that we needed to find someone he and I could trust. As soon as I mentioned trust, it was Swift, Swift, Swift."

Seel laughed softly. "Swift will be good for your son, Tarra."

"Absolutely," Ashmael agreed. "And if you agree to it, Swift, I think it will be good for you as well. It is an important rite, the passage into Wraeththu, and I think it is important, as ruler of Megalithica, that you have some experience with it."

By this time much of Swift's initial confusion and shock had subsided; he was once again able to align his thoughts and word with his position. "I agree -- that goes for what all of you have said. Tarra, I would be pleased to be the one for your son."

Tarra's eyes were wet. "Thank you." He sighed and leaned back in his chair, gripping the arm rests. "One matter settled."

There was a silence lasting about a minute as Swift and the others waited for the other shoe to drop. Tarra was clearly tense but was attempting, not too successfully, to look as if he had time to sit around all night.

Finally Ashmael broke the silence. "So, Tarra, how about you? How do you feel about all this?"

"I'm happy," he said. "Of course."

"For Ranat, I'm sure," Ashmael agreed. "But what about yourself? How are you feeling?"

"Oh, like I've finally come to end of things, the light at the end of the tunnel and--"

"Tarra," Ashmael interrupted, meeting his eyes, all seriousness. "No. I don't mean that way. I mean... Oh, how to put this?"

"How about directly..." Seel murmured.

"All right," Ashmael concurred. "how _about_ directly?" He paused a beat. Tarra didn't blink. "Aruna?"

Swift felt uncomfortable having to witness this questioning, but not as uncomfortable as Tarra appeared to have become. Breaking away from Ashmael's stare, he seemed to be waging a battle within himself, an impression that very likely mirrored a physical reality. It did not even need to be said that Ashmael and Seel had been correct in their assumption. Tarra had suffered forced abstinence for years.

"Tarra?" Ashmael prompted. "We are hara. It is proper - essential -- that we discuss such matters. You have been away a long time and--"

"I _know_ I've been away a long time!" Tarra snapped. "Don't you _think_ I know? I've been alone so long, no one to touch me, no one to touch, for so long that I'm in _pain_. Every moment it grows worse. At dinner I thought, 'Oh, no...' and then afterward, I wanted to run into town, then I had to settle matters here and sitting here, with the three of you, so beautiful all, discussing it..." He shook his head and covered his face with his hands. "It's making it unbearable."

Ashmael rose and crouched beside the now weeping har. "I can't begin to imagine. Now would you like for me to summon Ilga?"

The sobs continued a moment longer, and then Tarra wiped his eyes with the heel of his hands and looked up. "Ilga?"

"Yes, Tarra. I saw you two on the ride back from the forest. He is only a short distance away, over in our army quarters, and I know he would be happy to come over and visit you here if I sent him an invitation -- tonight."

Tarra was floored. "You-- you'd do that for me?"

"Of course, Tarra. These are extraordinary circumstances. Why, it's a medical emergency!"

Ashmael called out and quickly a servant appeared. He issued orders for an invitation to be sent out to Ilga immediately. If Ilga was available and willing, which was expected, he would arrive in under a half an hour.

Swift decided that the waiting time would be the perfect opportunity to ask Tarra another question. Obviously the powers Tarra had employed while defending the cabin ran beyond those of Acantha, which meant that somehow or other, he had undergone some sort of caste progression. However, since he's been alone all that time and without aruna -- necessary for caste progression -- it didn't seem possible. Could Tarra explain this small miracle?

"You're going to think this is funny -- no, no, I should say strange or... perhaps wrong, but I had a special method for raising my own caste." Tarra took a deep breath. "Self-gratification."

Seel, who rarely appeared shocked by anything, was obviously taken aback, but he nodded nonetheless. "Ah, I see. You took _yourself_ to the higher spheres?"

"Yes, exactly, Seel," Tarra answered, his tone matter of fact. "I knew I couldn't last without aruna. I also knew that self-gratification would help me to some degree, to keep in touch with my essence. One of my tutors in caste-training had taught me that self-gratification could be a form of self-healing meditation. Of course, it wasn't until forced by circumstance that I realized how I could use it to improve myself. I forged my own path really. Probably some would find fault with me, but there really wasn't much choice."

On that they all agreed. There had been no choice and as it was, the effect of Tarra's method had been beneficial and certainly must have gone a long way toward keeping him at least marginally healthy. Now, however, the fast was coming to an end. A servant entered the room announce Ilga's arrival.

Ashmael rose. "Ready, Tarra?"

"As ready as a body can be," he answered, following Ashmael out of the room. He forgot to say goodbye to Swift and Seel, focused on one thing and one thing alone. Ashmael would show him back to his new room and soon the fire would commence.

TBC...