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Weakness Chapter 6
Hormones
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The day had gone by quickly, at least for Dib. Going out to lunch with Fin was actually a lot of fun. First off, she had insisted on bringing Gaz along. Dib had been worried about his little sister having to eat lunch alone, but Fin had seen her in the lunchline, collared her, and dragged her out into the sun. When it turned out Gaz hadn't brought any money, Fin even offered to pay. She was really nice and pretty smart, and Gaz loved her almost immediately. The silence they usually shared was replaced by her happy chatter and jokes. Dib was honestly amazed that she was interested in him at all, but then again he was amazed when anyone in school gave him the time of day, so he wasn't really a good judge. He was just thrilled he had made a friend.
However, Fin had to leave directly after school for a dentist appointment, leaving Dib to walk home alone. he made it about halfway when a voice came from behind him. "Dib? Did you forget?"
"Oh yeah." He turned, smiling a little weakly. "Um, hi Zim..."
Zim gave him a funny look. "Are you going to try and kill me?"
Dib shook his head. "Are you?"
"No. Lets go to my house."
It was only about a block away, but even that silence was awkward. Zim kept glancing over at him. Dib would glance back, clear his throat or chuckle embarrassedly. Zim was an odd creature to be sure. Dib didn't really know how to handle the situation they were about to get into-after all, they were going from combatant enemies to almost lab partners. Dib couldn't help but wonder where this would lead-was it possible that he and Zim could be friends? Not likely, he would have thought, but then Zim did take good care of him yesterday-
"We're here." Zim pressed a little button on the fence to deactivate the lawn gnomes. Their red eyes went black. Zim opened the door, arm extended to Dib. "After you."
"Um." Dib stepped in. Zim looked around suspiciously, then shut the door.
Inside, GIR was running laps around the couch. "Hello, master! I'm being healthy! The TV said that excersize-oooh, is that a hippo?" He hopped up on Dib's shoulders, peering into his eyes. "Hiii-poooo? I smell hippo!"
Zim sighed. "No, GIR. That is Dib. He was here yesterday, remember?"
GIR clapped his paws. "Oh yeah! The stupid human!" He frowned. "I was hoping you were the candyman."
Dib rummaged around in his pocket until he found some gum. He unwrapped it and handed it to the robot. "Is this okay?"
"Yay! Gum!" GIR went about making the biggest mess of it he could with his stainless steel teeth. "You're nice!"
Dib laughed. "He's kinda cute, Zim. Why's he so...um...exciteable?"
"He's ADVANCED."
"Oh." Dib smothered another giggle. "He's also stuck to the TV."
"GIR!" Zim stalked over to the TV and pulled his robot unit off with a loud smack. "Go down to the lab and tidy up."
"But, I don't wanna miss the Scary Monkey Show!"
"You can watch it on the big wall of TVs. Make sure the parents are disengaged. Now go!"
GIR's eye's flashed red. "Yes sir right away sir!" They then went back to their docile blue as he ran giggling to the kitchen.
Zim sighed and sunk down on the couch, head in his hands. "I'm beginning to wonder exactly how in the name of the Tallest he's supposed to be advanced in the first place."
Dib shook his head. "Slow down. I want all of this. Now, who are the tallest, and what are they taller then?"
"Everyone else."
"Umm." He pulled out a taperecorder and turned it on. "Explain how that works, please, clearly into the mic."
Over the next couple hours, Zim outlined the hierarchy of Irk for Dib's tape recorder. He also fielded question on the militaristic culture, although he only lightly skimmed over the plans for interplanetary domination. No need to tell him everything.
The tape recorder made a loud click. Dib sighed. "The tape is up." He pulled it out and labeled it, then stuck it in his pocket.
Zim smiled. "I trust you asked all of the questions you wanted to?"
Dib nodded. "Yeah, for today anyway. Tomorow I'd like to focus on the social aspects of Irken life-friends, family, things like that."
Zim laughed a little, looking away. "Well, that wont take long. Friends and family are forbidden when they interfere with official duties. Keeping a friend on Irk is an amazing accomplishment-the second the Tallest deem that it is influencing you in a way they do not like, they can force you to give it up. "
Dib shook his head. "That's so bizarre...Irk has a very odd culture."
"I am aware it may seem odd to an earthen, but to us it is a very efficient way of life." Zim pulled out a notepad. "It is my turn to ask you some questions now."
Dib checked his watch. "Oh, shit! I have to get home, I have to get Gaz her dinner-"
Zim sighed. "Alright. May I ask you one question?"
"Okay."
"How is it, exactly, that you got so TALL?"
Dib thought about it. While he had gotten a little bit taller, it wasn't that much. He was still a shrimp compared to most of the boys in his class. However, he was easily a few heads taller then Zim. He shrugged. "Puberty. Growth hormones. I hit puberty and grew."
"I see. Well, thank you, Dib."
"Umm...yourewelcomeseeyabye." Dib picked up his things and walked to the door, spitting out farewells. He was obviously still a little uncomfortable with their arrangement.
Zim watched him go, waiting a few seconds for the coast to clear. "Computer!"
"Yes sir!"
"Did the vocal log record this meeting?"
"Yes sir!"
He chortled. "Fiiiinally. Inchy by inchy-inch, Dib's soul will be MINE. Now, then, take me to the DNA comparison/mutation lab."
Yes, sir!" A chute opened in the floor. He shot down a tube into a room with a computer and a machine that looked like a cross between a blender, a sattelite dish, and a very large microwave. A standard computer sat beside the mess, whirring with numbers. A single human hair was suspended in the blender-like mechanism. Zim punched keys on it, biting his lip.
One of the things he had studied during his time on earth was the DNA. He was particularly interested in how human DNA compared with Irken DNA, and how he could use that to his advantage. He had found that human and Irkens shared a lot of like hormones and chromosomes. One of those, he believed, was the growth hormone. He had discovered that the growth hormone was stimulated in a stage of human growth known as "puberty." Somehow, his growth hormone remained inactivated. It was his intention to use the trigger in the hair from the human DNA to activate his own and hopefully grow a little bit, making it easier to fade into Earth society.
He went into the microwave, letting the door slam shut behind him. He began to spin. A green ray cast on him as he slowly revolved. This should do the trick-
"YAYY! BURRITO!" GIR charged into the lab, pounding butons on the microwave-like machine-the one that, unfortunately, contained Zim. The beam changed to a blasting laser. Zim screeched, flailing around, finally finding the stop button and slamming the door open. "GIR!"
"Yes my master!"
"Why did you DO that?!"
GIR pouted. "You looked like a burrito. Why arent you a burrito now?"
Zim shook his head. He studied the computer screen. Well. A few more hormonal changes had been triggered, but it shouldn't interfere with the growth element. "No harm done, I suppose. I am going to bed. Do not awaken me before school begins."
"Yes sir okay sir gnight sir!"
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He wandered through the darkness, confused as he'd ever been. His body felt...strange. Unlike it had ever felt before. He could feel new nerve endings twitching through him. There was something he wanted, something he needed...
A door appeared in front of him. Pausing a second to regain his composure, he opened it-
to see Dib, staring at him with an odd smile on his face. "You always wondered about human behavior."
"Dib?"
"Why we act the way we act."
He noticed that Dib was completely nude from the waist up. He felt his cheeks get hot. They had never done that before, why now, why-
"Why we do what we do. Do you really want to know?"
All Zim could do was mutely nod. Dib stepped towards him, then placed a hand against his face. He grew even hotter.
"I can tell you-"
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"PREPARE FOR DUTY! PREPARE FOR DUTY! PREPARE FOR-"
Zim sat bolt upright, triggering the motion sensor on his alarm clock. That was...odd. He hadn't had a dream like that...well, ever. He stepped out of bed-
He stopped. Since when did his leg reach the floor?
He ran to the bathroom, throwing the door wide and snapping on the light. He glared at the mirror, then burst into hysterical laughter.
"I'M TALL! I'M TALL! I'M TALLLLLLLL!!!!! BWAHAHAHAHA!-" He paused. His body, while taller, did not look Irken. It looked...human. He looked like, instead of a tall Irken, a tall HUMAN.
"I'M A STINKBEAST! ARRRGGGHHH!!!" Zim whirled around and kicked the wall. Well, it wasn't entirely true. His eyes were still unblinking red orbs, his
skin was still green, he still had antennae...his body was just shaped like that of an adolescent male human. He shook his head and decided to cope. He was tall, after all, his fondest wish had come true. He would be fine.
He hoped.
