AN:Heeheehee...yes, my friends, this chapter...the slash begins! Bwahahahahaaa!!! ::coughs:: Sorry. Its mild. Anyway, just to let y'all know, skool starts for me in two days ::sniff:: so my fic output will be cut roughly in half. Ill do my best, but this is senior year and I have to pass! Anyway, on with the slashiness! Heehee...
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Weakness
Chapter 7-In A Subtle Way
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"Oh my God..."

"...that the green kid? He was a shrimp..."

"...cant be, he was so short yesterday..."

Zim strode through the crowd, a grin on his face. He was finally able to wear normal Earthen clothes (which he despised, but did make him quite a bit less conspicuous) so he had donned a pair of blue jeans and a Blink 182 T-shirt (in honor of the only popular band that didn't propel him to spasms of vomit.) His studies had shown that teenage males were 35% more likely to wear a T-shirt honoring a band with guitars and screaming singing beasts then a single female singer, despite the fact that they al wanted to "do" her. He wasn't sure what they meant by that anyway. He would have to remember to ask Dib...

Speaking of Dib, there he was, chatting with that other shut-in, Fin. They seemed to be getting along very well as of late. He would have to ask Dib of the full extent of their involvement, make sure it didn't get too serious. Nothing could interfere with the plan...Zim began to march forward in order to show off his new height, then stopped. His hands felt clammy, and his throat was catching. He remembered the dream he had last night. Why was this dream so important? Why had Dib not been wearing a shirt? This was too confusing. He shook his head. Maybe he should just avoid Dib entirely until after school tonight. Then they could be alone in his house-

There! That pang in his stomach! The phenomena must have been related somehow. He bit his lip. What in the rodent moons of Blorch was happening to him? Was it related to the hormonal changes he had triggered the night before? Most likely. Stupid GIR, thinking he was a burrito.
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"So, anyway, you gotta see Clerks. You just do, don't argue with me. You'll love it!" Fin burbled cheerily. She was showing off her new Jay and Silent Bob shirt and had been shocked and dismayed to find out that Dib had never seen a Kevin Smith film. "Where have you been? Kevin's the baddest!"

"Allright, allright." Dib laughed and waved his hand in a gesture for peace. "I will see every movie by this guy you shove at me. Is Friday okay? I mean, if you don't wanna-"

"Sure! Ill just-Holy shit!"

Dib blinked in suprise. Fin didn't curse that much, at least she hadn't in the brief period of time he had known her. "What is it?"

"Look over there!" She pointed, mouth agape. "Its Zim! He GREW!"

"Huh?" Dib glanced over, then did a double take. It was Zim, at least, it was someone with green skin and blue eyes...but he was tall and human shaped. He was also out of his standard Irken uniform (one he jokingly referred to as "Zim's cocktail dress") and in a pair of jeans and...a band T-shirt?? He looked like an average boy. Well, an average green skinned boy with a scary toupee missing a nose and ears, anyway.

Zim gave him a grin of (what? triumph? maliciousness? glee?) and walked over, seeming to relish the swing of his newly grown arms. "Hello, Dib." His voice was deeper too. If he could have guessed, he would have said puberty, but who goes through puberty overnight? "Yes, before you ask, I have grown considerably in height as a result of an experiment I performed last night. It is a breakthrough in Irken medicine. I can stimulate the growth hormone in someone now. However, I have a few questions about the process."

"oookay." Dib looked to Fin, who shrugged.

Zim lowered one eyelid at her. "I suppose you know of my origins?"

Fin nodded, then smiled. "I don't care. Just be nice to Dib, huh? He'd make you a nice partner-ow!" She rubbed her stomach, glaring over at Dib, who had shoved his balled fist into his pocket. "Anyway, what's the problem?"

"Well, first off..." Zim lifted up his arm and pulled down his shirtsleeve to display the growth of hair under his arm. "I seem to have developed an odd patch of fur under both arms and on various other parts of my body."

"I see. What else?"

"Well..." Zim rubbed his cheek. "My face seems to be unusually oily."

"And?"

"My voice has deepened severely, and my body mass has elongated itself...and I had a very strange dream last night."

"Oh, really?" Fin cocked an eyebrow. Dib, for some reason, was blushing. "What happened?"

"In it, a...boy appeared." He was hesitant to say Dib's name. He felt his cheeks grow hot again. "He put his hand against my face. He wasn't wearing a shirt."

Fin blinked, then scratched her head. "Oy." She poked Dib in the shoulder. "This is severely guys stuff. Ill leave you to explain it to him."

"Hey, Fin! Wait!" He turned bright red. "You gotta, um-"

Thankfully, mercifully, the bell rang at that moment. Dib dashed for the door. Fin followed along at a much more leisurely pace, waving absently at Zim and stopping to give Gaz a knucklerub on the head. Zim stared after them, then followed the rush, shaking his head in a mixture of amusement and dismay.

Inside, he took a seat at his desk, then waved his hand wildly in the air. "Mrs. Bitters!"

"What." She hissed at the child. "How DARE you interrupt the textbook!"

"I really, really have to go to the bathroom!"

"Well..." she mused. "Normally, i would say no and encourage the class to laugh at your patheticness. However, ever since that child's kidney exploded, I'm legally required to let you leave. Come back quickly, there will be a pop quiz when you do."

Everyone groaned and hissed as Zim ran out of the room. He jogged to the bathroom and then hid in a stall, quickly setting up his computer. "Computer! Cross-reference the following information-hair growth, voice deepening, facial oil, nudity, dreams."

"Processing!" the computer moaned.

"Are you okay in there?" a curious voice asked.

"Silence, stinkbeast!"

The computer whirred and lit off a green light. "Cross-reference complete. Result: Puberty, a time in human growth where a human child goes through a number of hormonal changes to become a human adult. Symptoms include voice changes, acne, hair growth, and attraction to other humans."

"What? NO!" Zim slammed his head into the stall wall. "Ill kill myself before I admit attraction to one of those horrid things!" He paused. An idea had hit him, a brilliantly evil idea.

His previous plan was vague at best. Declare his love for Dib, have Dib love him back, and destroy him with it. However, this...accident provided him with an entirely NEW way to love Dib. He would not merely profess to love him, but be in love with him. Dib was a lonely boy, he surely wouldn't reject him. However, Dib was smart. HE would not fall for something obvious.

"The process must be completed slowly, in a subtle way..." He hissed, rubbing his hands together. "Then...Dib will be MINE! HAHAHAHAHAHA-"

"What the hell is going on in there?!?"

"Nothing! Nothing at all! A prefectly normal maneuver! Mind your business!"

"...freak..."
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"Mmm. Burger." Gaz grunted cheerily as she plowed into a McMeaty Deluxe. Dib, Fin, and Gaz had decided once again to forsake the cafeteria food in favor of the fast food place down the street. "Ill pay you back."

Fin shook her head. "Naw, don't worry about it. We're pretty loaded after my brother won that unlawful negligence lawsuit against the Skool for letting his kidney explode."

"No kidding!" Gaz giggled, accidentally spitting bits of meat across the plasticine table. "That was you?"

"Well, my brother." Fin shook her head. "'That's what High School's all about...algebra, bad lunch, and infidelity.'"

"Hey, isn't that from Clerks?"

"Yeah, I love that movie!"

"Me too, no kidding! Noone else around here has even seen it, the morons..."

Gaz and Fin continued their conversation, giggling amusedly. Nether noticed Dib, who was staring worriedly down at his pile of large fries and not making a sound. He doodled a flying saucer in the ketchup, then dashed it to pieces with a fry.

Zim had gone through puberty, no doubt about it. Showed all the signs, right down to the attraction to other human beings...but Zim wasn't a human being, was he? He was an alien. Was it possible that a part of Zim had been changed the night before, something that made him more human...he had been messing around with chromosomes, he assumed-had he changed his DNA in some way? He would have to ask-

"-ya think so, Dib?"

"Huh?" He looked up. Fin was grinning at him, twiddling a french fry between her fingers. "Sorry, I didn't catch that."

"What's wrong with you, Dib?" she gave him a quizzical glance. "You're really out of it."

"Oh, its nothing. I'm just wondering what Zim did to make himself so BIG."

Fin shrugged. "Dunno. At least you can date him now."

Dib glared at Fin. "I am NOT going to touch that alien SCUM."

She shrugged again, this time with a leer on her face. "I never said you had to touch him, just look at him a bit..."

"Yeah, Dib." Gaz opened her eyes enough to roll them. "Youve been obsessed with him for three years now. Give it up already."

"Its research! Research and that's all!" Dib could feel his cheeks turn red. "I'm trying to save the world from an alien menace!"

"Right, okay. All Im saying is SOMEONE has to tell him what's going on."

Dib gulped. Someone was fine. Anyone but him.
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"Dib." Zim greeted him at the door. It was about an hour after school, and he was waiting at the door with two glasses of water. "You are late."

"Yeah..." Dib bowed his head and walked in. Zim handed him a glass of water, which he gulped down gratefully. He hadn't felt this nervous in a long time. (What's the big deal?) he thought to himself. Just explain the basics of the birds and the bees, skip sexual attraction...or maybe tell him a little...ergh. This was hard. Why couldn't he just hand him a book like The Professor did? Not that the book had been terribly helpful, but still...

Zim sat on the couch, an odd grin on his face. "Now then. Yesterday was your day to ask me questions. I answered them to the best of my ability. Now, I expect you to do the same."

"Right." Dib sat next to him, blushing furiously. "What do you want to know?"

Zim cocked an eyebrow. "Isn't it obvious? I want you to explain this odd transformation I seem to have undergone. I understand the hair growth, and the oil...but the dream confuses me still."

Dib nodded, trying to look scholarly. "Em. Well. When humans get to a certain age, they begin to notice an attraction to other...humans."

Zim scratched his chin. "Uh-huh. And after that?"

"Well, when two humans are...attracted to each other...well, you're a boy, right? I think?" Zim nodded helpfully. "Well, a boy would generally be attracted to a girl."

"I see...what if they were attracted to a boy? I have no interest in girls."

Dib blinked. "Umm...then you would be a homosexual, I guess. A boy that likes boys...intimately...is a...yeah."

"Is something wrong, Dib? You look flushed."

"No, nothing." He shook his head. This was nothing to get excited about. He was a scientist, he had to break it down and explain it like one. Right?

"Good. Now, how would a human go about showing his attraction to another human being?"

Dib toyed with his hands. "Well...you would kiss them. Press your mouth to theirs."

"Like this?"

And before he knew it, Zim's cool lips were pressed against his. He opened his eyes wide, mouth slightly opened from the shock. Zim took advantage of this to sweep his tongue inside.

Dib's stomach churned. This wasn't right, not right at all...Zim was KISSING him. His first kiss, finally, and it had to be from his sworn enemy! He would never consciously- Wait a second...his mouth was moving too...He was kissing BACK! A wave of warmth enveloped him, cutting off his brains protest. He shuddered, tempted to allow it to continue, bring it to its conclusion, teach Zim everything-

He quickly pulled back. What was he thinking?!? He took a deep breath and glared at Zim, who stared back at him innocently. "What is it?"

"It...its nothing. I just remembered, I have something to do." Dib sprang off the couch and grabbed his bookbag. He rifled through it and found his Health textbook. He shoved it at Zim. "Read chapter 3, it'll explain things better then I can."

"Very well. Will I see you tomorrow, Dib?"

Dib swallowed hard. "Yes. Tomorrow."

"Very well. Good-bye."

"Good-bye." Dib ran out the door.

Zim grinned to himself. "So shy Dib...tomorrow will be a special day indeed."