Living the Dream
-Justine Evans (justinee@home.com)
PG13

I don't own any of the characters in this story. If I did; I wouldn't
be writing fan FICTION now would I? (With Haruka and Michiru chained and
bound in my closet life would be grand...just kidding hehe)

website: =W-O-V-E-N= http://kinniestarr.cjb.net

This is my first fanfic, per se but I love input. I'd like to hear
anyone's response, be it good, bad or somewhere in between.
Email me at Justinee@home.com


The two women stood on the veranda together
watching the wind toss the waves about beneath the
brilliant moonlit sky. The taller of the women
reached for the other's hand. They stood like that
for what felt like forever. The silence was.
comforting to both of them. The only sound for miles
around was that of the ocean; pounding against the
cliffs below them; driven by the wind.
"There's something about this place..." Haruka
mused out loud. "It's like time just doesn't move
at all. Can you feel it Michi-chan?"
"Yes. It's as it was years ago. The air, the
sea; none of it has changed."
"Except us."
"What! Would you have been an awkward child all
your life?" Michiru laughed lightly; trying to goad
Haruka into taking the bait.
"Well....there are some aspects I miss more
than others" Haruka chuckled to herself. She knew
this game; it had taken her years to learn it; but
then again years of learning each other were something
these two had plenty of.
"You're right, love. *I* miss being able to
stand outside for hours without feeling the cold or
the cramps in my muscles! If you have any mercy at
all you'll come in with me now and help me warm
up!"
"Oh, I'll help you...but you're not worried
that your 'husband' will catch us?"
Michiru giggled, "And what of your 'wife'? Will
she be pleased to see you massaging me all night
long?"
Haruka cocked her head, "My wife? Oh, let me
handle her. She'll relax as soon as we start!"
The two women laughed and went back into the
house; shedding clothing in a trail that led to
their bedroom.

* * *


Michiru woke the next morning with her head
resting in the hollow of Haruka's collarbone. This
was familiar; as familiar to her as the sweet sound
of the violin she'd had since she was young. More
even than it's familiarity; Michiru noticed how
after all these years this still felt so right. She
no longer felt the need to justify herself to others.
After all, nothing so wonderful could be really wrong.
No-one that made her feel as selfless and loving
as Haruka could
She hadn't always felt this way; she hadn't
always been so sure. Michiru remembered how
frightened she'd been when she'd realized that she
was in love with Haruka. One loved other women, but
one was not *in* love with another woman. She'd
known the distinction of course but she also knew
that true love didn't always linger on the doorstep
while the occupant decided whether or not she
wanted to open the door. Once she'd admitted it to
herself it became that much easier for Michiru to
admit it to others. Oddly; Haruka hadn't taken the
news particularly well at first.
Michiru had always assumed that Haruka had
taken women for lovers before her. She assumed
because she thought that Haruka dressed and acted
so much like a man back then. That is, until she
discovered that Haruka dressed so much like a
Haruka! Unique. Unusual. Mysterious. Haruka was
all of those things and so much more...but to
Michiru's surprise; she was also painfully innocent
and naive about love and sex. She also seemed to
feel quite strongly against unorthodox love
affairs.
Michiru cringed; remembering the adamant 16
year old Haruka....

Haruka turned away; her face flushed and her
eyes narrowed.
"So that's what you came here to tell me? You
have feelings for a woman? Er...crude feelings?"
Michiru shied away from the harsh words.
"Haruka, I....I can't help it....is it really so
wrong?"
"WRONG? Of course it's wrong...it's perverted
and ugly. How could you even consider such a
thing?" Haruka hid her face to hide the sudden rush
of guilt she felt.
"Haruka...I...I'm sorry." Michiru murmured her
apology and tried to push back the hurt that she
hoped wasn't showing on her face as she spoke. She
hadn't told Haruka who the woman was; and now she
was sure that she never could.
"Go away. Go away and stay away. I thought I
knew you!"
Michiru's tears flowed freely at last. She
turned and fled from the room. She had never felt
so abandoned; so rejected. She locked herself in
her room and wept with such ferocity that she never
thought it would stop. When it finally did;
several hours later; Michiru unlocked her violin
case and began to play as she had never played
before. The depth of her hurt bled into her music;
she thought her very heart was going to be crushed
under the weight of it. Her fingers kept moving,
the bow kept drawing across the strings until it
was all she could do to play long wailing notes.
She could barely hear the keening; sorrowful notes
that were drifting into the air around her.
Finally; shrouded in misery; she slept.

When Haruka woke she reached for Michiru's soft
face; all she found was an empty space over her
heart. She grunted in disappointment and rolled
over to find her slippers. When she'd dressed and
washed she found Michiru in the kitchen making
breakfast. Haruka wrapped her arms around the frail
looking woman who stood there and nuzzled the back
of her greying head gently.
"Mmm...so you are finally awake; are you?"
Michiru smiled and turned to Haruka who looked both
comically guilty and sleepy; kissing her softly.
Her breath tasted of tea and apples. Michiru pushed
a sliver of sliced apple onto Haruka's tongue
before they sat to eat.
They ate in silence; as was their custom. The
house had seemed so quiet since Setsuna and Hotaru
had gone...Yet somehow, the quiet was not a silence
of despair; but one of quiet memory. The past
surrounded them like a mist. Haruka felt like
they'd been here forever; not in the house, but in
each other's arms. She couldn't express the joy
that she felt at the thought of another day spent
with Michiru here; at the edge of the world...Where
they had no witnesses but the sea and the breeze.
Once she would have rejected this life as too
slow, too static. She had spent years running from
her life. There had been too much hurt, too much
danger. If she couldn't face it; she would run. Her
speed, her flight was her weapon. When she had
found Michiru she fled from her. Hidden behind
harsh words and hurt. Now, though, since they were
no longer fighting, Haruka finally felt content to
simply be where she was. No more running, no more
hiding, no more mission. She had thought for a
while that she would never be content without the
constant running and searching that had been a part
of her life for so long....
She had missed it for a time, looked for ways
to replace it. She had been blind to the answer
that had been in front of her all along. She had
been running from her destiny, from her mission,
from all the people who disapproved of her. But
without the mission, without her destiny, without
the pain, would she have found Michiru? She knew she
could never answer that but the thought had helped
her to accept herself and her life in so many ways.
There was nothing left to run from; it was all
right here; in this house, in Michiru. Michiru had
given her family who accepted her, love and safety.
There was no way to repay a gift like that...nor
was there a need.
Haruka could feel the joints in her back
protesting the strain they had been dealt the night
before but she didn't mind. She knew that, even old
as they were; they would not cease to tease one
another; tempt one another and complete one
another. She had known it on some level from the
very beginning....

Haruka turned away; shame and guilt welling up
in her belly. How could she lie to Michiru like
this? How could she not tell her how she felt? Shut
up, you, she told herself. She wasn't talking about
you...of course it wasn't *you* Haruka. What have
you got that someone like her would want?
Then there was the frustration. It came out in
an angry flood..."It's perverted and ugly!" she
spat. You should be with me.
Then Michiru apologised. How could she
apologise? She doesn't owe me anything. She's in
love with some other woman; I should have realised
that I'd never be good enough for her. Why, Haruka,
why? Wait; what's happening? How can I even feel
this way? We're both girls...you're not a pervert,
a deviant...are you? And anyway...you said it
yourself: it's wrong. Haruka felt the hurt
struggling to the surface. She couldn't let Michiru
see her this way. She couldn't let Michiru see her
weak. That's what she was; weak. A weak little girl
who couldn't protect herself from anything. She had
to be stronger than this; it was all about
resisting and being a warrior. We were not made to
love in any case; me and Michiru. We are soldiers.
Damn the unfairness of it all!
"Get away...and stay away!" screamed Haruka in
frustration. Michiru fled. That wasn't how soldiers
were supposed to react. They were supposed to fight
back...win the war supplied Haruka's mind. Damn her
for not fighting. I would have let her win
anyway....
That's when the music started. From the other
end of the building Haruka could get no peace. With
every note she wanted more and more to run to
Michiru's side.... stroke her hair, hold her hand,
be there for her. But she could not. She felt rooted
to the spot, listening to that unbearable, mournful
song.
Haruka wept then. She hadn't wept since she was
a small child but all the tears seemed to flood
her heart. This was not like her; nevertheless, she
couldn't stop. She pressed a pillow over her head but
she couldn't block out the music. The music that was a
siren song. She knew she couldn't hold out for long.
Haruka slept then, a restless sleep. She
dreamed of Michiru...Michiru looking at Haruka with
desire, her eyes full of friendship and love.
Haruka watched her carefully. She watched the way
Michiru's blue-green hair shone in the soft light
of the strange dream-world. Haruka could see the
curve of her hip teasing the edge of her
dress...She reached out for the other woman who
came to her willingly. They sat together for what
seemed like forever...Michiru's smile warming
Haruka's face. Then, suddenly they were pressed
together; lust consuming them both....Haruka knew
they should stop lest someone see them doing
something so perverted. She couldn't stop. Suddenly
she saw her mother in the dooway of the room
watching them. Her mother's eyes were wide with
shock but quickly narrowed to fury. She stormed
over to the two girls and pried them apart...she
reached into Michiru's blouse and pulled something
out. It was pulsing rhythmically. It was Michiru's
heart. Her mother held it out in front of Haruka;
Michiru looking on in alarm. Haruka's mother shook
the heart and tried to force it into Haruka's
screaming mouth...Michiru then let out a wail that
shook the whole house....
From the other end of the building Michiru's
scream shook the walls as it resonated
simultaneously with Haruka's own...

Haruka was not the only one who had suffered in
her dreams that night. Michiru was exhausted when
she finally slept, but that wasn't enough to
dissolve the thoughts that flew around busily in
her mind most of the night.
Michiru was standing on the edge of a chasm.
She knew there was something down there that she
needed, and she couldnt get it from up here. She
tried to transform but every time she tried to
speak the words that would reach Neptune, she
suddenly forgot what she was supposed to say. She
stood, looking down into the bottomless depths
below. What was down there? She was lost. What
could she do? Then the crying began. It was
heartwrenching. She called..or tried to...but her
voice was pulled from her by an invisible hand. She
opened her mouth to scream; but couldn't make a
sound. She knew she had to do something....but what?
Her mind was fogged by her need to respond to that
small voice. Then she was falling; into the abyss.
She didn't remember jumping...had something pushed
her? She fell for a long time...time seemed to slow
and speed up in little bursts as she floated ever
downward. Finally she landed. Nothing cushioned her
fall but she felt no pain. She sat on the hard
ground, confused..why was she here? Then she
remembered the voice. The voice that had summoned
her. Of course she had come. She had felt the draw
of need...it was that need that had pulled her
down. She looked around but the darkness was thick.
She stood and fumbled around in her blindness; she
felt something break beneath her foot. Right then
she felt the wrenching, nauseating tearing of
something within her....in a blinding flash of
light she saw Haruka's face. Haruka's tear stained,
vulnerable, frightened face. She felt the bond
between them ripping apart as she ground her foot
into the ground. She couldn't stop...her feet were
not her own any longer. All the friendship, the
trust (if not love) that was between them had been
smashed under her heel like a glass ball. She could
hear Haruka's shrieks echoing in the cavern....Oh,
what had she done.....Michiru screamed...and
screamed....

Haruka woke with a feeling of sudden urgency.
Her mind registered the sound still resounding in
the walls. Michiru.... without a second thought
Haruka ran through the halls and corridors to
Michiru's room. She slammed into the door, she
could barely fumble open the latch in her distress.
She stood in the doorway staring in horror at
Michiru who's body was arched like an angry cat
beneath her sheets. The screams were still tearing
from her throat, which was becoming hoarse. The
screams became moans but her eyes were still
closed.
Haruka was at her side in a heartbeat. She knew
that she couldn't wake her too suddenly....the
shock could be enough to drive her to madness.
Haruka touched the tense, writhing hand with her
fingertips...gently. She stroked the other girl's
arm and spoke in a whisper
"Oh Michiru, come out of this. I need you back
here with me. It's Haruka, I'm here, can you
forgive me? Oh God, don't let her suffer like this!
Michiru...Oh, Michiru..."

Michiru was floating down a river of blood and
tears....She lay in the liquid and her mouth was
open. She could feel the guilt burning on her skin
like acid. She couldn't stand it anymore but she
knew she deserved it. Oh Haruka, I never meant to
drive you away....She could hear herself moaning.
The she heard something else...a girl's voice. It
was Haruka. She knew it was. Haruka didn't sound
angry....why was she so worried? Then she heard her
name...."Michiru....oh, Michiru...." The voice
became a beacon for her. She reached for the sound
and as she lifted her arms her body rose from the
river and began to surface. She could feel herself
floating back into consciousness...out of a
dream.....

"Michiru, I didn't mean it....How could I have
been such a fool? I love you...I love you more than
anything. When I said those things...my mother....I
mean...Oh to hell with it all...I don't care what
my mother says...I love you and I wont ever let you
go. I've never felt so whole as when I'm with you.
I don't know if I'm the one you were talking about,
but I can't lose you." Haruka could feel hot tears
spalshing on her cheeks but she ignored them;
concentrating on her words to Michiru.
Michiru felt a tear on her hand and she opened
her eyes to see Haruka's head resting on her chest;
their hands entwined. Haruka continued to talk but
Michiru realized that she probably shouldn't be
listening to the words just yet. She lifted her
other hand to Haruka's cheek and wiped away a tear.
"Haruka...."
"Michiru....I was so afraid for you."
"I heard you screaming....I broke you....like a
glass. I didn't mean to, but I couldn't stop. Oh,
Haruka, I didn't mean to..."
"Shhh...Michi-chan....I know. I dreamed too.
It's not real. You're safe." Haruka touched
Michiru's sweat-soaked hair and smoothed it down.
"I'm sorry about...before. I shouldn't have treated
you that way." Haruka looked down at her hands
before going on.
Michiru interrupted, "I'm sorry too, Haru-chan.
I would never have said anything if I'd known how
much it bothered you." Michiru turned her head away
from Haruka's face. She couldn't bear to let Haruka
see the tears that were filling her own eyes.
Haruka cringed, remembering the words earlier.
"Oh, Michiru...if only you knew. I'm such a fool. I
wanted you to be in love with *me*, not some other
woman. When you said all that stuff, it was like
tripping over my own feet and hitting the sidewalk
head first. I took it out on you because of my own
stupidity."
Michiru's eyes widened, "What makes you think
I'm not?"
"Not what?" Sniffled Haruka in a tone that was
*very* different from her usual tough attitude.
"Not in love with you, silly."
"I know you're not. I wish you would stop
bringing it up." Haruka sat up straight and looked
very much to Michiru like a frustrated child.
"Haru-chan," Michiru felt the sudden urge to
laugh at Haruka's temporary thickness.
"And don't laugh at me either, I can see it in
your eyes."
Michiru bit back a giggle. She knew she was
being a little cruel, but by all rights, Haruka
*should* have caught on by now.
"If you can see laughter in my eyes....can you
see this?" Michiru looked at Haruka and focused all
her concentration on making her eyes show all she
felt.
Haruka gulped and looked uncertain...but the
uncertainty faded away.
"Haruka, I love you. I want to be at your side
forever."
"Oh Michiru, I love you too." Haruka looked
embarassed for the shortest moment before leaning
in to kiss Michiru full on the lips.
Michiru realised that this was probably the
first time Haruka had ever offered her body to
someone. Michiru pulled Haruka closer to her and
tasted the sweet breath of the other half of her
soul.

The years had changed the two women so much.
Haruka had lines around her eyes and mouth. Michiru
had grey in her long blue-green hair. As they sat
together watching the sun fade into the sea though,
the most unbreakable bond; forged between them so
long ago; still shone and flowed like quicksilver
between them.
Michiru curled up in the space above Haruka's
heart and two soft snores were all that could be
heard by the gods that looked down on them.