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Chapter Six

Painful Awakening

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May 06 2004

12:23 PM

LUKA WATCHED Abby carefully as the detectives continued to question her.  He wanted them to leave.  He wanted to be alone with his wife.  He hadn't been allowed that privilege since she'd woken up.  Between the doctor examining her and asking her questions and then the arrival of the detectives a few minutes earlier, he hadn't been able to talk with her at all.  He wanted so much to talk with her.

          "Did you recognize your attacker Mrs. Kovac?"  Hays asked and Luka stood up straighter in his chair.  Finally they were getting to the questions that mattered most.  He almost feared her answer though.  What if it had been someone she'd known?  Someone they both knew?  Could this then have been prevented?  Could he have protected her from the assailant that had hurt her?  He shook the thoughts out of his head and continued to watch her even closer.  Trying to judge her reaction to the question.

          Abby looked over to him and their eyes locked.  A shiver ran through him.  He already knew her answer.  She'd known her attacker.

          "Mrs. Kovac?"  The detective questioned her delayed response.  Luka wanted them to leave so badly.  He could see the numbness in her eyes, the pain.  He wanted to hold her.  He knew he couldn't.

          "He was with a patient."  She spoke softly to Luka but not the detectives.  "It was about a month ago.  A woman came in.  I don't know what her injures were I wasn't her nurse but you were her doctor and he was with her."  Abby's eyes averted to the floor as she continued.  "Later that day we were talking about something in the hallway and he came up and attacked you."

          Luka closed his eyes immediately upon hearing her last statement.  Tears threatened to overcome him.  He pushed them back.  He had to be strong for Abby.  Yet the pain that came with this newfound knowledge was so intense.

          "Did you know him Dr. Kovac?"  He heard Thompson ask from beside him.  Luka opened his eyes and looked over at Abby.  Their eyes locked once again.  Luka slowly nodded his head.

          "I knew him."

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          "Actually he asked me out on a date tonight."  Abby smiled up at Luka, her eyes twinkling with mischief.  Luka smiled back as he stepped closer to her quickly examining the hall to see if anybody important was around.  Nobody was.

          "Yeah?"  She nodded and he placed his hands on her hips pulling her closer to him.  "And was this before or after you told him you were married?"

          "Oh, I forgot to mention that altogether."  Luka laughed and leaned his head in closer to Abby's.

          "So are you going?"  He questioned, trying to pretend he was serious but failing miserably as a smile spread across his face.

          "On the date?"  He nodded.  "Oh course, I couldn't turn a guy like that down.  He was hot.  Besides maybe I'll get lucky tonight, you thing?"

          "If you do you should make it good for the guy because it's going to be the last time he ever has sex."  Abby started laughing and Luka quickly followed.

          "Okay," She stated taking a step back from him.  "On second thought maybe I'll just stay home with you tonight."

          Luka nodded.  "Good idea."

          Abby was about to turn around and head back to work when a man suddenly appeared out of the corner of her eye.  Somehow she knew, before he'd even attacked, that this man was going to be trouble.  Next thing Abby saw was the man charging at Luka and punching him hard, sending her husband flying to the floor.

          "Luka!"  Abby called out as she quickly ran to his side.  She kneeled down beside him just as he was setting up.  His hand was fastened over his mouth and she could see blood dropping to his shirt.  "Are you okay?"  He didn't have a chance to answer.

          "You bastard!  You stole her from me!  You took her!  Where'd you take her!  Where is she?"  Behind the man's shouts Abby could faintly hear people calling for security.  Suddenly the attacker began advancing towards them and she felt Luka grab her by the arm and lift her up to her feet with him.  He quickly pushed her behind him.

          "Mr. Kenneth your wife left this hospital an hour ago of her own free will.  I didn't do anything to her or take her anywhere."  Abby saw as Mr. Kenneth made another attempt to hit Luka only this time he was quickly stopped and apprehended by a couple of security guards.  As the man was dragged away, yelling at Luka the whole time, she swiftly stepped back in front of him.

          "You okay?"  She asked as she tried to examine his wound.  However he was still covering it trying to prevent the blood from spilling.

          "I'm okay."  He answered as she continued looking up at him worriedly.

          "What was that all about?"

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          "His wife was a patient of mine.  She came in with some broken ribs, some other bruises, and stuff like that.  It didn't take long to realize her husband had been beating on her.  I guess it was the last straw for her.  I didn't even get the chance to give my usual "you should leave him" speech before she opened up to me about it.  She asked me to get rid of him for a while so that she could get out of there.  I told him I had to take her up for some more ex rays and, while he was in chairs, she left the hospital.  He blamed me for it though.  He attacked me and after security was done with him and he'd been released he told me on the way out that I'd regret the day I took his wife away from him."  Luka's voice was weak by the time he was done explaining things to the detectives.  He couldn't believe how ignorant he had been.  He had simply believed that either the man would get over it or his wife would eventually return to him.  He'd never bothered to take a serious look at the situation.  He'd never considered that he was in any danger.  He definitely had never considered Abby to be in any danger.

          "What was the man's name?"  Hays questioned and Luka looked up at him blankly.  Not only had he done nothing when a man had threatened to exact revenge on him but he couldn't even remember the man's name.  First or last.

          "I don't know."  He whispered softly looking down at his hands.  He felt ashamed that he didn't have this information.  That he couldn't tell the police who had raped his wife despite the fact he was the only one who really knew.  Mostly he felt ashamed that he'd let it happen at all.  That he hadn't done something to protect Abby when a patient had made a threat that indicated quite clearly she could be in danger.  He made a vow never to let that happed again.

          "Patient records, wouldn't they have his name?"  Luka looked up.  Of course.

          "They might.  They'll definitely have the wife's name."  Luka was already standing up from his chair as he spoke.  "I'll go downstairs and look up the case."

          "Luka."  Luka looked over to Abby and his heart dropped.  She looked scared and it took him only a second to realize why.  He chastised himself.  She didn't want to be alone in a room with two strange men and it was no surprise either.  He smiled at her softly but didn't get a chance to speak before detective Thompson corrected the situation himself.

          "We've really got all the information we need from you right now Mrs. Kovac.  Why don't you get some rest and we'll keep you both updated on the case."  With that Thompson turned towards Luka and handed him a business card he'd pulled from his breast pocket.  "Call me on my cell phone as soon as you get that name."

          Luka nodded his head in agreement.  "I will."  With that the detectives were gone and Luka and Abby were finally alone.

          "Are you okay?"  He asked softly as he stepped closer to Abby's hospital bed.  Once realizing what he'd just asked he shook his head and attempted another smile towards her.  "Sorry.  Stupid question."

          Abby only smiled back but then looked down at her hands folded comfortably on her stomach.  Luka's eyes too lingered on her hands as he remembered a conversation they had to have.  He didn't want to have it.  He didn't want to have to tell her that their baby was dead.  Did she know?  Did she even know she had been pregnant?

          "I'm gonna go find out this name."  Luka stated taking a step back.  He knew he was being a jerk, that he shouldn't leave her alone right now but he also knew he wasn't ready to face the ensuing conversation.  He reached the door and looked back at her.  She was looking at him, pain in her eyes.

          "It's gone isn't it?"  She whispered and Luka felt an intense pain rush over him as it was finally confirmed that, yes, she had known about the baby.

          He quickly walked back over to her and sat down on the chair that was so closely pulled up to her bed.  He wasn't sure what to say to her.  How to say it.  How do you explain to someone that you'd made the decision to have a life taken out of them?  A life that you had both created.

          "Yes it is Abby."  He whispered the answer honestly and straightforward, knowing that is how this needed to be dealt with.  "I'm so sorry."

          "I knew it would die?"  She spoke as tears slipped down her cheeks.  He wanted to wipe them away but he was afraid to touch her.  He didn't want to hurt her or to upset her.  He knew she'd tense up the second he laid a hand on her.  He'd had enough experience with these situations to know that.  "When he stabbed me I knew he'd just killed our baby."

          Luka felt guilty.  Guilty because, while this guy's actions had led to the baby having had to be taken from her, it hadn't actually killed it.  In his heart Luka felt as though he had killed their child.  He'd signed the piece of paper saying it was okay to remove the fetus.  To stop its heart from beating.  That piece of paper would forever haunt his dreams.

          "That hadn't actually killed the baby Abby."  Luka confessed.  She had a right to know and he'd rather be the one to tell her.  Lest she found out on her own.

          "What?"  She asked, her voice choked with tears.

          "In the effort to save you they decided," Luka paused and closed his eyes briefly before continuing.  He'd tell her the whole truth exactly as it was.  "We decided that it would be safer and better for you if the baby were aborted before you went into surgery.  The chances of both or even you surviving would have been quite minimal if that hadn't been done."  He looked at her and waited for a reaction.  It didn't take long for Abby to realize what he'd just told her.

          "You mean you let them kill our baby?"  She sounded angry, astonished, and sad all at the same time.  Luka had to, once more, contain his own tears.

          "Abby my choice, as I saw it, was to lose you or let them do whatever it took to keep you alive.  Yes, I let them perform an abortion but I had no choice.  I wasn't about to lose you."

          "But you could so easily lose your child?"  He knew she didn't really know what she was saying.  That this was all coming too quickly and all at once for her.  That she only needed time to process what had happened and to realize why it had happened.  Why he'd made the decision he had made.

          "Abby," He whispered leaning in a little closer to her.  "It was no easy decision.  I had very little time to make it and I had to do what was best for you.  I had to do what would save you.  We can have more children but you can't be replaced."

          "But our baby can be replaced?"  Her accusation shocked him.  It even almost angered him.  But he knew she was simply hurt.  He even felt that someday, she'd no longer blame him for this.

          "That's not what I meant.  God, I know this baby can't be replaced.  I'll never forget about this child that we never got the chance to know.  And I'll never try and replace it."  He had to fight harder now to hold back his tears.  Didn't she realize that he too had lost a child?  That he hadn't wanted that to happen?  He'd had no choice though.  In the end, even he had to admit, she was more important but by no means was this child not important.

          "Please just leave."  She whispered as she turned around in the bed and curled herself into a ball.  His heart felt like it was going to shatter all over again.

          "Abby."  He protested as he stood up to walk over to the other side of the bed.

          "Please, just let me be alone for a while."  Luka's decision was quickly made and he turned around to head towards the door.  Hesitating a little he looked back down at Abby's small form.

          "Abby I loved our baby the second I found out about it and it broke my heart the second I realized you'd never bring it into this world.  Please don't think that I made the decision to end its life lightly.  Because it was the hardest decision I've ever had to make."

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1:02 PM

          Luka stared at the computer hopelessly.  He'd been down here for twenty minutes now and still wasn't coming up with anything.  He hated these computers.  They never worked when you needed them to and right about now he'd much prefer to be in an old records room digging through file cabinet after file cabinet of patient records.  It sure had to beat the whispered speculations and curious glances he kept getting form the staff wondering why he was down there at all.

          "Luka, what are you doing here?"  Finally, somebody with enough dignity to actually ask the question to his face instead of whisper it behind his back.  Luka looked over and found Carter standing next to him looking on with curiosity.  Should've known.  "I heard Abby woke up." He added a little softer as to keep others from overhearing, a useless gesture Luka knew as they heard everything.

          "She did.  She's... resting.  And I'm looking for something on a patient."  Carter looked at him skeptically and Luka explained a little more.  "It's about Abby's attacker."

          "You mean he was a patient here?" Carter asked a little louder then he should have.

          "Not exactly.  His wife was a patient of mine."

          Carter nodded, "Well, how can I help?"

          "Tell me who he is."  Luka sighed exhaustedly as another page of unimportant information popped up on the screen.  "This thing sucks."

          Carter smiled, "Here let me try."  Luka stepped out of the way.  "So when was she admitted?"

          "She wasn't admitted, I treated her last month for a number of wounds and she was only here for a few hours."  Carter nodded and typed in some information on the computer.

          "What kind of wounds?"

          "A few broken ribs." Luka informed and Carter typed some more words in and then suddenly a patient file popped up onto the screen.

          "Amy Kenneth, 5368 Walk Dr, Apartment number 45A."

          "That's her." Luka exclaimed as Carter hit the print button and the printer behind them suddenly came to life and started spilling out useful information.  Both doctors turned around to watch as page after page of Amy Kenneth's file was printed out.

          Carter looked over to Luka.  "How's she doing?" he asked softly, again trying to avoid prying ears.

          Luka shook his head, deciding there was no reason to be dishonest with Carter.  After all he did care about Abby too.  "Not so good.  I just told her about the baby and she didn't take it too great.  Needless to say."

          "How are you doing?" he asked and Luka was once again taken off guard by the question.  The one question he hated most.  Carter apparently recognized his feelings.  "She's your wife Luka.  She was just hurt in a very cruel way.  And it was your baby too.  I can't even imagine what you're going through."  Luka just looked at Carter trying to come up with something to say.  Some response.  Truth was he was dying inside.  His wife had been raped.  Their baby was dead.  Everything that mattered in his world was falling apart.

          "I should get back to Abby." But he had to be strong for her.  He couldn't complain about his own feelings and emotions right now.  He had to be there for Abby.

          "Well if you need to talk."

          "Thanks." Luka said but acknowledged Carter no farther as he began walking back towards the stairs, Amy Kenneth's file in hand.

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1:15 PM

          Luka watched from outside the room as his wife lay in bed talking with doctor Redmond.  He'd met her earlier when he'd arrived at the hospital after having gone home to rest and then again after Abby had awoken from the coma.  She seemed like an okay doctor to him, if not a little young.  She almost looked like she'd just graduated medical school.  Maybe she had, he didn't know.  Abby seemed to be doing okay with her though.  In fact she even looked better now.  She was setting up slightly in bed, not much because he knew her recovery from the surgery wouldn't warrant it, but enough so that she looked a little more alive.  A little more like herself.

          Suddenly Abby looked over at him and their eyes locked.  She smiled at him and his heart melted.  She definitely seemed to be feeling better.  He smiled too as she looked back to the doctor to continue their conversation.  Everything seemed so normal.  She looked fine aside from the fact that she was in a hospital bed.  She was smiling at him again, that smile he loved so much.  He knew though that it was all a false image.  That inside she was dying even more then he was.  She was the one who had just been violated and who no longer carried the baby she'd had growing inside her for eight weeks.  This was going to be the hardest thing she'd ever have to go through.  Harder then her mother, harder then her father and harder then her divorce with Richard.  But this time there was another difference too, this time she wouldn't have to go through it alone.

          Luka watched the doctor head towards the door he was standing by.  As she stepped out of the room she gave him a polite smile.

          "How's she doing?" he asked uncertainly.

          "Oh she's fine.  She appears to be healing quite well as far as her injuries go.  As for mentally," the doctor shook her head slightly and looked over to Abby. "I'm not a psychologist but I'm a little worried about her.  She acts like everything's fine.  Almost like she's already accepted and gotten through it all."

          "That doesn't surprise me." Luka interrupted.

          "Oh?"

          "That's just Abby.  She never lets people in.  She thinks she can deal with everything on her own."

          "Well, she let you in didn't she?  I mean she's married to you."  Luka only nodded his head thinking of Richard.  She'd married him too but she never let him in.  "Just be there for her cause the time will come that she'll eventually fall apart and she's going to need someone there for her whether she likes it or not."

          "I don't plan on being anywhere else." Luka spoke softly watching Abby as she played with the sheet that was laying over her.

          "Once she's released I'll give you a list of good psychologists you can try and get her in to see.  Hopefully she'll go because it's defiantly a must in a case like this."  Luka only nodded his head not letting his eyes leave Abby.  "How bout you?" doctor Redmond asked and this time he looked over to her questioningly.

          "What?"

          "Sometimes it's good for the husband of a rape victim to also seek professional help.  Perhaps that's especially true for you.  You both just lost a baby as well.  Maybe you should think about going to see someone too."

          Luka was already shaking his head, "I don't need to see a shrink.  I wasn't the one that was attacked."

          "It doesn't matter.  You're going through this all the same.  Think about it.  If anything maybe a psychologist can help you figure out how to help her through things a little easier.  It'll make it easier on both of you."  When Luka didn't say anything more the doctor finally sighed and took a step back.  "Well, I'm off to lunch now, if you need anything just ask a nurse."

          "Okay."  With that the doctor was gone and Luka stepped into the room.

          "Hi." Abby greeted softly looking up from the blanket she was still toying with.  Luka smiled and stepped quickly over to the bed.

          "Hi yourself.  You look like you're feeling better."

          Abby nodded and diverted her eyes back to the blanket as she continued to fidget with it. "I'm sorry.  I am really sorry."

          "Abby, sweetie you have nothing to be sorry about."  In fact his mind was running laps trying to figure out what she was apologizing for.  He certainly hoped it wasn't because of the attack.  He knew some women blamed themselves after being raped but with Abby being a nurse and seeing cases like this all the time he'd certainly hope she'd know better.  It broke his heart just thinking that she might blame herself for such a vicious crime that she'd had no control over.

          Luka's mind landed on the conversation they'd had after the detectives left.  He knew what she was sorry for.

          "Yes I do.  I blamed you for the... for losing... for the... baby.  It wasn't your fault and I don't really blame you.  You did what I would have-"

          "Abby," Luka cut her off as he sat down on the chair and leaned in closer to her.  But not too close.  "Don't apologize just, just don't.  You've been through so much and that... I know the pain Abby and I know what you are going through as far as the baby is concerned but you have everything else too and I can't even imagine.  I'm not angry with you for getting mad at me.  I know you didn't mean it.  I know you don't blame me."

          Abby looked over at him, her eyes brimming with unshed tears.  "Would you have really wanted it?" she asked softly. 

          Luka smiled and reached out to wipe away a lone tear that had made its way down the side of her face.  She flinched slightly and he pulled away immediately.  He knew this was going to be the hardest part of it all.  She was going to be afraid of him.  Inadvertent as it would be she'd still fear him, perhaps without knowing why herself.

          "Of course I would have Abby." he whispered softly, answering her question.

          "I wasn't really sure.  I mean we'd never really talked about having children and I wasn't sure you'd really want anymore.  I thought maybe it would just be too painful for you.  I didn't want to hurt you."  Hurt him?  She thought that her being pregnant with their first child together would hurt him?  Just the thought made him feel a little nauseous.  It made him regret so many things.  Regret that he'd never told her before how much he would love to have a baby with her.  Regret that she didn't know him as well as she should and that it was yet more lack in communication between them that made it that way.

          "I think it would be a little painful but that doesn't mean I wouldn't want to have children with you.  I hope someday we do have kids but the decision to have them is ultimately up to you.  I'm not afraid of trying to start over again.  I proved that when I married you.  I'd love to have more children, at least one.  You're afraid and I understand that fear.  My answer's yes, I want us to have a baby someday.  Now it's up to you to decide where you stand."  He hated having this talk here, under these circumstances, because God knows they have no chance at being together to conceive a child for who knows how long.

          "I wanted it.  The second I realized I was pregnant I was actually happy about it." she spoke more to the blanket then to Luka but his face lit up in a bright smile anyhow.  A smile that vanished once he was reminded that their baby was gone.

          Abby leaned her head back against the pillow and closed her eyes.  A few more tears made their way down her cheeks but she was managing to keep most of them in check.  It was clear to Luka she'd prefer not having this conversation anymore.  At least not right now.

          "Did you find his name?" Abby asked turning her head towards Luka and reopening her eyes.

          "I found the patients file.  Amy Kenneth.  I already called the detectives and gave them the information."

          "But his name wasn't in it?"

          Luka shook his head and decided to change the subject.  "Do you remember when you first woke up Abby?  You remember what you said to me?"

          Abby seemed to think about this for a moment before finally replying.  "I just remember the doctor shinning that annoying pen light in my eyes."

          Luka shook his head. "No, that wasn't the first time you woke up.  It was before that you said something... something about Danijela."

          Abby looked at him blankly.  "I don't remember that.  What did I say about her?"

          "That I was right, that she was beautiful."

          Abby half laughed. "I said that?  I don't remember that nor do I have any idea why I would have said it."

          "No idea?" Luka questioned simply relived that for the moment Abby's mind seemed to be on something else other then her attack and their baby.

          "I'm sorry Luka I don't.  I'm sorry if I upset you I really don't know why I'd say that."

          "Hey," Luka began reassuringly.  "Don't worry about it.  It didn't upset me.  It's just... curious, that's all."

          "It really is." Abby said, a smile playing at her lips.  "Maybe I had a conversation with her in some sort of parallel world or something."

          Luka smiled.  "Maybe."

          Abby's own smile vanished as she suddenly looked at him more seriously, but without the despair her eyes had held earlier.

          "I love you Luka." she stated truthfully and without any apparent reason other then to simply hear the words spoken.

          Luka's heart was quickly lifting higher from it's void.  They were words he'd feared he'd never hear again.

          "I love you too Abby."

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The End of Chapter 6

Note: Okay, this is definitely my least favorite chapter.  I hope I didn't bore you all too much, but the chapter was necessary.  The next one will hopefully be more exciting and you will get some of Abby's POV out of it.  At least that's how I have it planned though I haven't actually started it yet. :(  If you have any suggestions you'd like to make or something you'd like to see happen then please email me (Abilene_Keegan@Hotmail.com) as I am definitely going to need some ideas to fill the next three or four chapters with.  Okay, must go start writing the next chap. now...  Thanks! for reading!

Note to Erica: Trust me, I know! :-)

Disclaimer: The above was a story of fiction based on characters created and owned by Michael Crichton, NBC and Warner Bros.