Wakening
By Sayoku
He's lying in my arms. I trace a line down his cheekbone with my index-finger.
Yes, maybe he's become a bit pale...
But I don't think that anything's seriously wrong with him. No. He's always been ok.
Only a bit pale, nowadays...
I wonder when he's going to wake up.
If he's going to wake up-no... what for a silly thought. He always wakes up. Always.
"Heero?" I wiggle a bit, to get a reaction.
"Heeeero. " Nothing so far.
"Hm...?" He opens his eyes.
"Don't you want to get up?" I think it's time for him to.
"No... so tired. Let me sleep."
"You've really got a deep sleep. It's six o'clock."
"..."
"The next day."
"... hn..."
****
I think I'll take a walk. I don't see that spoil-sport getting out of bed today. He didn't even notice me getting out of the bed. That's not at all typical for Heero.
He's just tired.
That's all.
"Hey, Duo!" Quatre's calling. "Duo! Wait for me!" I don't think I want to see him. "I have to talk to you!" Oh, shit...
"Gods, Duo! You're really fast!"
Just when I want to be.
He's caught up to me.
"Hey Q.! What's up?" Oh, what? Why shouldn't I be friendly? I don't want to hurt his feelings and then hear all about it...
Although, pretending to be happy is a lye. And maybe I hurt him more by pretending so.
I think he noticed. He's got that look again.
"Heero is..., you know..."
"He's fine! Nice day, ne?"
"You don't have to pretend to be happy, I'd understand if you want to talk to me about it."
"Talk? About what?"
"Oh, Duo..."
"Pity it's too cold to have a swim!"
"You know, Heero won't get any "better", so I think we should get a ..."
"Aww! Quatre! No! What for? Everybody's fine! Nobody needs a doctor!"
Somewhere in my head I *really* think doctor, not a priest...-no. NO!
"You know that that's not true..." Why can't he just stop. Why can't he just simply stop talking?! I DON'T want to hear all this... But nevertheless I smile.
Smile, even though I know that soon there'll be nothing left...
... to look at
... to look up to
"Duo, please, this is not easy for all of us..."
... to hold
... to hold on to.
My surrounding is covered by glistening snow. Looking all fluffy and cosy.
But things aren't as they seem. Once I grab into it, my fingers will pain, pricked by uncountable needles.
But sometimes things are as they seem. So obvious, but I don't want to see the obvious. Not today.
I run into the woods. Away from Quatre. Away from the truth. So, so obvious truth... I don't want to see you, I don't want to bear your consequences...
I turn into the room. "He's dead, Duo." I hear him say. Hear it say.
"he's dead... he's dead... he's dead..."
When he would at least *really* be dead. But he speaks. He says that he's tired.
Is he dead?
I don't know the answer.
He, Quatre, says he's dead. But I hear it speak.
If I'm not Shinigami, he is. Quatre is. All so innocent Quatre is. He took Heero. He must've, as I would never have sent him away. I did nothing wrong to Quatre, to it, but he took all away what could possibly be taken from me. But who am I accusing? I'm only wakening. I wish I could fall to sleep again.
Heero was my heart, my soul.
*Is* my heart and soul.
He's in me.
A dead man.
