Body Disclaimer: I own nothing.

A Son for the Dark Lord

by: Serenthia

Chapter 3: Crayon Dark Marks

Voldemort tiredly opened his eyes. The first thing he realized was that he had fallen asleep while sitting in a chair and the second thing he realized was that Severus was not potty trained.

"Oh, you nasty, filthy, disgusting, vile thing!" Voldemort hissed.

Severus looked up at him, his small face crinkled in disgust. "Ew!"

"You're the one who did it!" Voldemort spat at him.

The boy didn't wipe off the spit that Voldemort had gotten on him, he just stared at Voldemort with those cold black eyes, looking disgusted.

"Argh!" Voldemort screamed. "I didn't do it! You did!"

"No!" Severus said. "YOU! YOU!"

With his wand, Voldemort carefully floated the chair, himself, and Severus, into the bathtub and ran the shower. Severus leaned against Voldemort and laid there, like a lump, enjoying the cold water hit him.

"You're disgusting!" Voldemort told him.

"You!" Severus answered back.

Voldemort had an urge to kick him, hit him, or something but Severus would probably enjoy that and Voldemort didn't want to do anything that Severus might like. Though he seemed to be enjoying his cold shower.

When they were finally clean and dressed, Voldemort showed Severus the toilet. Severus looked at it like he had never seen one in his life before. He tried to crawl into it, then drink from it, and when Voldemort showed him the flushing action, Severus stood there, flushing the thing over and over.

"ENOUGH!" Voldemort hollered.

Severus looked up at Voldemort. "ENOUGH!" he hollered right back.

Voldemort turned purple. Severus turned purple. They stood there, seething at each other, while standing by the toilet that Severus was still flushing with his right hand.

"Use it," Voldemort said, trying to maintain his calm.

"Use it?" Severus asked, tilting his head.

"Yes, use it," Voldemort said.

Severus scratched his head and tried to clamor inside of it again.

"No, you use it, you.. um.. you... you know," Voldemort suddenly realized he had no desire to teach Severus exactly how to use a toilet or even explain it to him.

Voldemort took Severus's robe off and tried to show him how to use the toilet but the boy was not getting it. And he didn't like being naked, he spent more time trying to get under Voldemort's robes than listening to him.

"I need to get a kid," Voldemort decided. "And you can watch them use the toilet because you are not going to watch me!" Voldemort declared and put Severus's robe back on.

But who would he get? The Malfoy kid? No, Lucius was around seventeen or eighteen. Well he had to be out of Hogwarts since he had the Dark Mark now and Voldemort didn't give the Dark Mark to anyone at Hogwarts. That Muggle-loving fool Dumbledore might see it.

But still, Voldemort could make Lucius potty train Severus. Grinning evilly, Voldemort tucked Severus under his arm (after he had used the Cruciatus Curse on him to keep him sedate) and set off to visit the Malfoy Mansion.

Caldius Malfoy was thrilled to see his master, as was too be expected from a loyal servant. He tried not to show his shock as Voldemort announced to him that Voldemort now had a son.

"I didn't realize you were married?" Caldius started, staring at the child as he hung down from Voldemort's arm.

Voldemort shrugged. "The mother was useful for a time but I had to dispose of her. She smuggled Severus away before she died but I got him back. I need to see Lucius. I have a very important task for him. Take me to him."

"Of course! Of course!" Caldius thrilled.

Voldemort was lead up to the boy's spacious rooms. He seemed to have a bedroom, a sitting room, and a work room, not to mention the most important room for Voldemort's task, a bathroom.

Voldemort excused Caldius and then thrust Severus at Lucius. "Potty train him."

Lucius's mouth dropped but he recovered. "Um, sir. Isn't he a bit old..."

"A memory charm," Voldemort lied quickly, "it affected him knowing how use the toilet. Now teach my son!" Voldemort hissed in his most dangerous voice, narrowing his eyes at the boy. "I will be downstairs discussing things with your father. Only join us when he has been potty trained!"

Lucius gulped. "But that might take weeks!" he said, eyeing Severus, who was gurgling spit.

"Well then," Voldemort said silkily, "I'll just have to stay here for weeks."

Lucius took Severus doubtfully, bowed politely, and Voldemort turned and swept from the room.

Voldemort didn't talk with Caldius much. He didn't trust Caldius. The Malfoy's were dark wizards, for sure, but they were also unreliable. Turning to which ever side was in power, while still claiming to be dark wizards. Voldemort didn't like that. He just hoped he never had to rely on Lucius for anything in the future, as Caldius was getting on in years.

Four hours later, Lucius came walking down the stairs, wearing a different robe, and holding a very contended Severus in his arms. Lucius was looking at Severus, like Severus was a dangerous beast. Voldemort smiled at that. He couldn't wait until Severus got older, the fear that boy could inspire!

"He's potty trained, sir," Lucius said carefully. "He ate some of my sister's crayons that she left in my room. I hope he doesn't get sick."

"I doubt it," Voldemort said, taking Severus. "Was it easy?"

Lucius gulped, blushed, but nodded his head. "Very easy, sir!" he said, his voice slightly high-pitched.

Voldemort looked down at Severus, wondering what horrors he had put Lucius through. Voldemort decided he didn't want to know.

Voldemort apparated out of Malfoy Mansion and into his mansion, he took Severus to the toilet.

"Now, how to you use it?"

Severus pointed at Voldemort. "Off!"

"No!" Voldemort said. "You show me how to use the toilet."

Severus shook his head. "Me no like toilet. Me like mud."

"You went to the bathroom in mud?" Voldemort asked.

"Me pee in mud," Severus explained to Voldemort, looking at Voldemort like he was slow.

Voldemort clenched is teeth. "Here!" he breathed. "You go in toilet."

Severus looked Voldemort up and down. "Make me."

And Voldemort tried to do exactly that. But Severus was more wiry than him and all Voldemort got was a black-eye, hurt jaw, and aching wrist and leg.

"ENOUGH!" Voldemort screamed.

Severus smirked and lifted the sleeve of his arm. "Me is Deaf Eater!"

He had a sloppy design of the Dark Mark on his left forearm. Lucius must have given that to him.

"Where did you get that?" Voldemort asked, peering at it closely. It was made of crayon!

"Me drew, me drew!" Severus sang.

Pretty good for a six-year-old. He must have seen Lucius's Dark Mark and wanted one too.

Flattered, Voldemort announced, "I am Lord Voldemort!"

Severus didn't seem impressed. "Me is Deaf Eater, me is Deaf Eater," and then he kicked the toilet. "Bad toilet!"

Voldemort collapsed to the tile floor. What had he gotten himself into?

"Me like crayons!" Severus said, baring his teeth. He had pieces of crayon stuck in between his teeth. "Yummy!" and then he hoped to Voldemort and sat down on his lap.

"How did you mother handle you?" Voldemort wondered.

Chapter 4: Dolls