When Scorpions Strike

Hello. This is my first Farscape fanfic, my second fanfic overall. This story is not what you would call normal. Sure many people write crossovers, but this is an idea so strange, I'm almost positive that no one would ever think to copy it, or have done it before. This story crosses Buffy the Vampire Slayer with (believe it or not) Farscape. These are not the two most likely things too meet, but I got the story idea while at work and decided to roll with it. If it gets good response, I already have an idea for a sequel. Just so this makes some kind of sense, the story takes place not long after Glory tortures Spike but before she makes Tara go crazy. On the Farscape front, it's somewhere between when Talon and Moya reunite, and their departure. Now for the usual stuff. I don't own either Buffy or Farscape. If I did, I would be so freaking rich, I wouldn't bother talking to you people. But I don't own them and I'm poor. Plus I need the companionship. Please talk to me! Now on with the show.

The cemetery is dark as the chosen one stealthily cruises through. As always, she is not alone. Behind her you can see two lovers whispering into each other's ears. It has been a rather uneventful night so far on the Hellmouth. They have dusted only two vamps and that has Buffy worried. Whenever things get quite in Sunnydale, there is either some horrible apocalypse, or some terrible demon that decides to rear its undoubtedly ugly head. They continue onward until they hear a strange whistling noise.
"You hear that?" asks Buffy. "We're sorry Buff," replies Xander. "We'll try to keep it down." "Not you. Don't you hear that whistling sound?" she asks.
Just then, two fiery, burning objects fall from the sky. One lands not too far away in the park, the other drops out of site.
"Now that's not some thing you see every day," says Xander.
They quickly ran off toward the fiery object that fell closest to them. As they drew near, they heard strange voices. There are four figures standing there next to the smoking object. They cautiously approach the scene as quietly as they can. As they get even closer they can make out the figures. Two of them looked human, but on the Hellmouth, that means nothing. One of them would have passed for human if it weren't for one thing, she was gray. The finale member of their group was humanoid, but had tentacles coming out the back of his head. He had a pronounced brow, and an elongated chin. The scoobs could make out bits and pieces of their conversation. The one that looked like a demon was very angry. He was shouting into a small metal device on his chest. He was speaking in some language that even Anya couldn't identify. When he finished speaking, another strange voice comes out of the device. It is also impossible to understand. The human looking man speaks up. "Pilot, do you know how we can get back?" he asks. More gibberish comes out of the device. He then replies, "I think we're on Earth. By the surroundings and the coast, probably California. I can't believe I'm home. Do you know what happened to Scorpi?" he said. Once more gibberish comes as a response. He looks concerned. The Human looking woman says something in a strange sounding language. Again, undecipherable words come back. The man speaks again, "How long till Moya can get here?" Suddenly, Anya sneezes. All four of the beings turn to look in their direction. The demon-looking thing draws a sword, while the others pull out weird looking guns. Buffy and Xander turn to stare at Anya. "Sorry, I'm still having trouble with mortal functions," Anya whispers. The demon-like creature speaks in its strange language at the gang. "Huh?" says Xander in his usual befuddled tone. The human looking man quickly jumps up and screams out, "I'll be right back." He then runs back into the strange smoking object. He soon returns with a small yellow beetle looking thing. He then turns to the demon looking one and says, "You thought I lost it when I said we should bring a DRD along. Who's laughing now?" He then quickly runs up to Buffy and the DRD pricks her with a needle. "Ow!" She Punches him in the chest and he falls down. "Ow!" he echoes her as he hits the ground. "Why did you do that?" he asks. "You stabbed me with a weird needle. Oh god it wasn't infected was it?" she says worriedly. "Don't worry," the human looking woman says. "It just gave you translator microbes. They allow you to understand other languages." " Cool. Who needs French class?" she replies. Xander gives her weird look. "You can understand them? How?" Just as he finishes that sentence, the DRD injects the microbes. "Ow!" It then moves on to Anya. It pricks her and she kicks it away. "Ow! Now was that really necessary?" she asks. "Yes it was," says the large demon like creature. "Don't mind him," said the human looking man, "He always acts like this. I'm John Crichton. Mister personality is Ka D'Argo. The gray chick is Chiana. Then the tough girl is Aeryn Sun. Don't worry, I'm from Earth. God it's good to be back. Been gone for almost three cycles." Buffy gives him a questionable look. "Three cycles? What do you mean?" "Oh yeah," Says Crichton, "I forgot about the difference in terms here. I've been lost for three years. I have missed home so badly." "Ok," says Xander. "So if you're Dorothy, who's the tin man and the scarecrow?" D'Argo gives him an angry glare and says, "I was afraid of this. It's a planet full of Crichtons." "You always know how to compliment me don't you," Crichton says with heavy sarcasm. "Excuse me!" screams Buffy, "But mind telling me what this smoking heap is and what you're doing here with a group of demons?" "Demons?" asks Aeryn. "What do you mean by demons?" "Well," Anya starts. "You certainly aren't all human. I should know. I wasn't human for over a millennia." Crichton gives them a weird look. "They are aliens. Come on. I may have been gone for awhile, but I still know that there are no such things as demons." As he says this, two vampires run at them. One goes straight for Crichton, the other for Aeryn. D'Argo quickly fires a blast at one with his Qualta Blade. It throws the vamp back a few feet, but past that, it doesn't faze him. Aeryn is holding her own with some strange kind of martial arts. John is trying to punch the other out, but isn't as successful. D'Argo comes over and lifts the vampire off Crichton. The vamp quickly kicks D'Argo in the chest. He losses his grip and drops the vamp. He growls out of surprise at the creature's strength. Buffy quickly runs over to Crichton and punches the vamp off of him. She then gives it a nice three-punch combo, and then she does a leg sweep, causing the vampire to fall down. She then swiftly rams the stake into the undead heart, dusting him. She turns toward D'Argo and yells, "Cut off it's head!" He reacts quickly and decapitates the vampire, who then turns to dust.
"What the frell were those things?!" screams D'Argo. Crichton has a worried look on his face. "I think I know, but it's just too weird to even consider," he says. "Weirder than aliens?" says Xander. "I think not. Those were vampires. They are one of your more common demons. They're like roaches, they pop up every where."
As Xander finishes saying this, they all hear an audible growl coming from the bushes. D'Argo and Aeryn carefully walk towards the source of the sound. As they reach it, a hand pops out and punches D'Argo right in the face. As D'Argo falls back to the ground, a figure in a long black coat jumps out of the cover of darkness and hits Chiana as well. Aeryn and Crichton shoot at it repeatedly. Buffy then quickly runs over to them and screams out, "Stop! He's..well, not a friend exactly, but he's on our side." The figure slowly gets up and very angrily says, "You bloody idiots could have killed me. Okay, killed me again," Spike yells at them. He turns toward Buffy. "Why you hanging around these demons? Thought you usually killed those types." Buffy gives him a look that is somewhere between you're-lucky-I-don't-kill-you-where-you-stand and complete anger.
"What are you doing here Spike? After the robot incident, I thought you might have learned your lesson." Spike looks hurt. "Come on now pet, you know I won't give up on you. Besides, there was this massive explosion." He then turns to the new group as if just noticing them. "Who are they?" he asks with a mixture of curiosity and bitterness. Anya perks up a bit and says, "They are aliens, but not the kind that come out of your chest and spit acid at you, at least I don't think they spit acid. You don't spit acid do you?" Aeryn gets a very annoyed at this. " D'Argo was wrong. Some of these people are worse than Crichton." John gets an offended look on his face. "Hey! I'm one of the best that Earth has too offer." "And that's what has always scared us. Now we know it was justified," says D'Argo with a hint of sarcasm in his voice. Suddenly realization dawns on Buffy. "Hey, what was that second fire ball?" Crichton gets a very worried expression. "Not him. Not here." "What do you mean not him? Who's him?" asks Buffy with great curiosity. Chiana finally steps up and speaks. "He means Scorpius. He's a crazed Peacekeeper scientist who is determined to get information on wormholes out of Crichtons' brain. He's willing to do anything in order to get at it. Many have died at his hands." Xander starts to panic. "Not another horrible evil. We already have one to deal with! Why can't you just keep yours? I mean, we get a new one every other week!" Anya quickly smacks him across the face. "Ow!" screams Xander. "What was that for?" "You were panicking. It was distracting. Not only that, but you were embarrassing me in front of the otherworldly creatures. They seem nice." "Thanks," Chiana replies. "Sure, that makes me feel better. I'm sure the pain in my face will just melt away," Xander says. I have no idea what's going on here," says Buffy, "but I think we should let Giles know about it. We should all go to the Magic Box and see if he can make sense of this." D'Argo gets somewhat defensive. He quickly turns toward Crichton and asks, "Do you think we should trust them?" Crichton gets a questioning look on his face. "Why you asking me?" He responds. "Simple," says D'Argo (who is somewhat annoyed), "These are your people. It would make sense that you would have a better sense on weather or not to trust them." Crichton thinks it over for a moment. "I guess you're right. I say we go with. It's better than being lost and having demons attack you." Buffy gives a small smile. "Alright then. Lets get going. Oh, and try to stay out of sight." "Why should we do that?" D'Argo asks angrily. "Well, for one thing, you are a seven foot tall demon. That might be a little attention grabbing. Lets go."

And with that, they head off to see Giles. Will the Moya crew trust the scoobies? What horror will Scorpius try to inflict on the people of Earth? Why am I writing this story? Hopefully some of these questions will be answered in the next chapter, When Scorpions Strike. PART 2 Magick and Science Don't Mix.