Sheesh – could things get any weirder Dan Green Normal dgreenAnt 2 326 2001-11-06T15:20:00Z 2001-11-06T15:20:00Z 7 3915 22316 185 44 27405 9.4402 0 0 COMING HOME

Sheesh – could things get any weirder?

Enzo didn't think so.  Having two of him around – sort of – had been weird enough.  Well, that was still the weirdest thing, maybe.  But now there were two Bobs, too! And in their own way, they seemed almost as different from each other as he and Matrix.  And Hex – she'd turned out to be nice!  Weird, yeah – Enzo didn't figure Hex would ever get past weird.  But nice – funny, almost like a crazy aunt or something.  Like a big kid.  And she's saved the whole deleted net, too – though Enzo felt a surge of pride in thinking about the role he'd played in that.  The boy felt an aching emptiness in his heart when thinking about Hex, with an intensity that surprised him. 

There were a few nanos of euphoria when it was all over.  All Enzo had allowed himself to think about since the game cube left was saving Mainframe.  It was as if everything else had faded away, and his processor worked with an amazing clarity and single-mindedness – especially after he'd rebooted into Guardian blues.  The boy wasn't even sure how he'd done that – he'd just done it.  And it had worked!  Enzo didn't even know for sure if he was a real Guardian – Hex had called him "Young Guardian" but she was nuts, even if she was nice.  It didn't even seem to matter -  when he'd won that game and come home, everything else fell away except saving his family, saving Mainframe.  And now they were safe.  Well, most of them…

That's when the bad thoughts started creeping in, as soon as he knew everyone was safe.  He thought of Dad.  It wasn't fair!  He'd had what seemed like a few moments with him and it was all over, just like that.  And because he was a null monster – cool as that was – there hadn't even been a hug, or a kiss on the forehead, or a wrestling match – not like before, when he was little.  A kid.  And now Dad was gone, back to being Nibbles again – and without Hex around, Enzo would probably never even get to talk to him again.  It wasn't fair…

Bad as those thoughts were – and they made Enzo so sad his lip quivered, just a little, to think of them – there were even worse ones in his head.  Enzo loved his Dad, loved him as much as he could and with all his heart but his Dad was still remote, distant, like a dream.  Enzo had accepted that he was gone, once.  For all the love he felt the feelings weren't the same.  Not like with her.  With Dot.

Enzo had gone with them to the Principal Office, had sat by and stared nervously – bemused by the very weirdness of it – as they'd hooked up Bob – the new Bob – or was it the old one? – to the old (new?) Bob.  He'd watched as they transfused some of Bob's code into his clone, watched as the long-haired Glitch-Bob shimmered, almost faded away, as if he were a dream, then slowly began to firm, solidify.  Watched as Dot hovered by his bedside nervously, looking first at one Bob, then the other, her expression unreadable.  Tried to smile back at her when she occasionally glanced his way, smiled at him.

Phong pronounced that the transfusion had worked, Bob was out of danger.  He was still sleeping – Phong said he'd probably sleep for the entire cycle.  Dot kissed him once, on the forehead, then took the other Bob's hand and walked out of the hospital room.  Enzo followed a few steps behind, no one saying anything.  Finally Dot turned to him and asked him if was OK, if he was hungry.  Enzo shook his head – his stomach was rolling.  Bob – the new-old Bob – winked at him and ruffled his hair.  "That uniform looks good on you, Kiddo."

"Thanks." Enzo smiled back, and meant it.  Any Bob was good to have around, as far as he was concerned.  And he'd never forget what Bob had said to Dot, before he'd gone into that game with Frisket, Hack and Slash.

"We're going to go back to the diner and talk, Enzo." Dot said softly, wearily.  "Are you coming?"

"Naw." He replied, knowing that he wasn't invited for the talking part.  "I'll be around in a while."

"Don't stay out after dark.  I'll fix you something when you come home, all right?"

"K."  Enzo thought about trying to smile, decided against it.  He was just too tired.  He waved at the pair of them and pulled out his zip board.  After a few micros, without ever really thinking about it, he was at Floating Point, staring out over the city below him.

There was a hand at his neck – surprising, startling him, but a soft touch, gentle.  "Ooh!  That tickles."

"What did you say?"  A musical laugh from behind him.  AndrAIa.

He turned.  "Nothing.  Hi."

"Hi."  She smiled at him, her beautiful, magical, half-laughing smile, and he smiled back.  He couldn't help it.  "Quite a cycle, huh?"

"You said it!"

"Funny running into you here.  I guess the you were right – the two of you are an awful lot alike."

"Huh?"

The game sprite pointed.  Matrix stood, arms folded, a stone's throw away, staring out over the city.  "You both wound up at the same place.  No coincidence, if you ask me."

"Yeah.  I guess." Enzo said softly.  The prospect that he was just like Matrix, was Matrix, didn't seem like the thrilling proposition it had a cycle ago.  Back when he was a kid.  But he'd been right about one thing – Andri was a babe.  There was absolutely no getting around that.  "Is he OK?"

"He will be." The game sprite sighed.  "We all will."

"What…  What'd Hex do to his icon, anyways?"

"I dunno." Andri smiled.  "What'd she do to yours?"

"I'm not sure.  I…  Did - Did she take his codes away?"

"Yeah.  But he'll be all right.  The main thing is that we're all here, still processing.  Thanks to you, Sparky."

"Stop it…"

"Come on, now."  She smiled again and patted his cheek.  "I'm so proud of you.  You came through for all of us when we needed you.  For the whole net.  Thank you."

Enzo smiled weakly.  "You're welcome, I guess.  I'm just glad I didn't screw it up!"

She laughed softly.  "Enzo…  How come you weren't infected, anyway?  What happened?"

The boy's stomach lurched, and he looked away.  "Lucky, I guess."  He stared out over the city, and there was silence for a few nanos.

"You were in a game cube, weren't you?  It's the only way."  Enzo said nothing, and AndrAIa squeezed his shoulder gently.  Finally, he nodded.  "Did Dot tell you to go?"

"Maybe." He whispered.  He turned away from the overlook and towards the game sprite, past her.  "I have to get home.  I promised I wouldn't stay out past dark."  The absurdity of the statement, after all that had happened, was stark in his ears.  He started towards Baudway at a slow walk.

He passed by Matrix, standing a few paces off the path staring out at the P.O..  The big sprite looked up, didn't say anything.  "Hey." Enzo offered, slowing to a shuffling standstill.

Matrix met Enzo' eyes for a nano, then glanced quickly at his icon.  He nodded.  "You OK?" Enzo whispered.

"Yeah." Matrix replied.  He stared at Enzo for a moment, his eyes unsure.  Finally, he turned back to the cityscape.  "Good job."

"Thanks."  Enzo stared at the big sprite's feet for a nano, the turned.  There wasn't anything else to say, nothing inside him for Matrix right then.  They'd work it out.  The boy waved at AndrAIa, who smiled and waved back before taking a place beside Matrix and softly touching his elbow.  Enzo turned and headed back towards the Diner.

That night Enzo lay in his docking bay, hands behind his head, sleep a million systems away.  He hadn't eaten dinner – just an energy bar from the counter at the diner, and even that wasn't sitting well.  Bob had gone home at some point, saying goodnight to Enzo and kissing Dot on the cheek, and Enzo had watched him go with a surge of affection.  He went to bed early, without saying goodnight to Dot, and rebooted into his PJs without even bothering to brush his teeth.  It just didn't seem important.

After a while Dot came into his room, surprised at finding the lights out so early.  She slowly walked over to the docking bay and sat down, her sigh matching the creak in the springs as his small bed sagged under her weight.  "Hey, you."

"Hi."

She sat there for a few millis, occasionally patting his arm softly.  "We had quite an adventure, huh?"  Enzo didn't say anything; just nodded in the darkness lit only by the dim light from the hallway, not sure if she could see it. 

"We'll get Dad back.  We'll find a way.  I know we will."

"Yeah.  I hope so." Enzo replied softly.

Dot smiled down at him.  "He's proud of you.  You should have heard him.  We all are…"

"Thanks."

"Enzo…"  She drew in air as if she were going to speak for a while, but nothing came out.  She sighed again.  "I guess you're tired.  I know I am.  Get some sleep, OK?"

"K." 

"Night."  She bent to kiss him, on the cheek or the forehead, as she often did, but he rolled away from her, towards the wall, without even thinking about it.  She drew in breath again, this time more quickly.  Enzo squeezed his eyes shut tight, hugged his chest, and waited.  Dot was still for a few nanos.  Then she kissed him on the back of the head and stood, wordlessly.  The door closed, blocking the last of the light from the room and leaving Enzo to the quiet dark.

Enzo was gone before Dot was even up and about the next cycle.  He wasn't sure how much he'd slept, except that it wasn't very much.  He was dimly aware that it should have been a school day, but he couldn't imagine anyone would miss him, couldn't even imagine being in school, studying Fortran or Cobol as if everything in the net hadn't changed.  Frisket found him, as he always did, and the two of them silently stalked the city, strangely quiet and subdued around them. 

Somewhere, he knew, the grown-ups would be hard at work trying to bring things back to normal – Phong and Mouse and AndrAIa and Matrix and the new guy, Ray, who Enzo didn't know but thought looked pretty alphanumeric, especially with that pixelacious surfboard.  But they wouldn't want any part of him for that – he'd be in the way, now that Daemon was settled and the crisis had passed.

Enzo had missed Dot – seethed in his heart that she wasn't paying attention to him, spending time with him, pawning him off on Phong or Cecil.  But they were in trouble – the whole net was.  That was all it was, right?  Of course it was.  So he'd tried to be a good boy, as much as he could anyways.  He'd even halfheartedly convinced himself he was Matrix, that he was a big, cool renegade like Matrix was – but all that'd done was irritate his sister.  And he'd never really believed it anyways.

Enzo felt a burning rage boiling in him as he passed the cycle, leading Frisket through the park, throwing rocks into the data sea, just wasting time.  Rage at the unfairness of everything, all of it.  By the time he ended up at Old Man Pearson's it was like a constant companion, strangely exciting in it's own way, a feeling he'd never had before.  It was strange, scary, more than a little thrilling.

"Shoo!" Enzo snarled at a null that was skittering near his feet.  The boy kicked moodily around the junkyard for a while, not really looking for anything but too full of energy to stop.  Careless, he took a step and tripped, fell forward, barely getting his hands under him before his face slammed into a jagged 5.25" drive bay.  He bounced to his feet, feeling irritation welling up through him like lava in a volcano.

His eyes fell on the offending object, a half-rotted I-Mac, that had felled him.  He felt a white-hot burning behind his eyes and raised his hands.  With a ferocious growl that surprised him even as he heard it leave his lips, he raised his hands and oddly, inexplicably, there was a flash of light and a deafening crash as the I-Mac flew across the yard, smashing into the exterior wall and shattering into a hundred pieces.  Frisket fell back on his haunches and whined, deep in his throat.

Enzo stood panting, mouth hanging open, stunned.  There was a clatter of footsteps and Mister Pearson appeared, stopped dead in his tracks.  Enzo looked over at him, feeling tears burning his cheeks.  "Boy?"

"What just happened?" Enzo rasped.  There was a sense of power, of heat behind his eyes, slowly fading but still there, still thrilling and terrifying.

Pearson took a couple of shambling steps closer, eyes wide.  "Boy?  You all right?"

Enzo squeezed his eyes, felt more tears.  "S…Sorry.  I'm sorry…"

"Eh!  What ye be doin' here?  Ye don't look well at all Lad, not at all."

"Sorry!"  Enzo rasped again and turned, ran from the junkyard as fast as he could, not even thinking to open his zip board, just running as fast as the burning energy inside could make him run, Frisket's barking and Mister Pearson's shouting behind him fading in the drumbeat in his ears, running and running until he was back at the diner, running past the startled Cecil, who looked genuinely concerned if Enzo had looked up to see him, which he hadn't, and ran until he was in his apartment, in his room, in his bed, and under the covers, boots still on his feet, and he pulled the covers up over his head and lay, shaking, for a long time, until he realized he was more tired than scared or sad, and sleep overcome him.

There were dreams, weird ones.  Dreams where he felt his as if his body was strange, not even a body but a doorway of some kind.  A doorway through which power would come surging from somewhere – not here, where he was, but outside it, somehow – and into the place he was, power flowing from him and through him affecting everything around him, causing it – all of it, sprites and binomes and inanimate objects, all of it – to dance around wildly, out of control, none of it knowing where it would end up.  The sight filled him with a strange giddiness.

That dream tired him, even more than he was already tired.  The rest of his dreams were soft, slow – as if he hadn't the energy anymore to dream any other kind.  He dreamed of faces and touches and feelings, painfully deep and intense.  He dreamed of one face more than any, of one touch more than any other touch.  He could feel her moving away from him, felt himself growing cold as she did.  He called out to her, tried to keep her close, but it was no good – she drifted, more remote with each passing nano.  He felt a rising emptiness as she did, a yawning realization that she'd always been with him.  She was all that ever had, everything else was fleeting, but not her.  She'd always been there, always.  And now she was falling farther and farther away, and he could still see her face, she didn't even seem sad.  But he was.  He reached for her, tried to call to her but couldn't…  He couldn't make a sound…

Enzo started awake with a gasp.  He felt his Guardian uniform clammy with sweat clinging against him.  His mouth was dry and sour.  The boy groaned and stretched, his muscles weak and achy.  And heard the breathing behind him and rolled, quickly, in a nano of panic.

"Shhh!  It's OK."

"Dot?" he rasped.  She was sitting on his desk chair, rolled to the side of his bed.  It was too small for her.

"You've been sleeping for seconds."  He could see her sad smile in the yellow glow from his night-light – the one she'd gotten for him when he was small, afraid of monsters in the dark.  She must've switched it on.  "I was starting to worry."

"I'm fine." He mumbled, wanting and not wanting her to worry for him.  He pushed himself to a sitting position.  "What time is it?"

"Almost twenty-eight hundred."

"Twenty-eight?  Jeez…"

"Are you all right?  Do you feel sick?  You didn't even take your boots off!"

"I'm fine, I was just tired from everything.  Did you wake me up?"

"No." she sighed.  "You woke up on your own.  You seemed to be having some pretty bad dreams."

Enzo frowned and leaned wearily back against his headboard, swallowing a yawn.  "I'm OK.  I'll be out in a little while."

"Enzo…"  She looked away for a nano, grabbed his hand.  "I think we need to talk.  We-"

"I said I was OK, Sis.  Just-"

"I don't think you are." She interrupted.  "I think I know you well enough to know, Sweetie."

Enzo bristled for a nano.  She shouldn't call me that.  "Sis-"

"Oh, Enzo."  She cupped his chin in her other hand.  "You look very handsome in those clothes, you know?  Much nicer than what you were wearing before."

"Whatever."

She held his chin for a few moments, locking his eyes to hers.  We have the same eyes.  The thought popped into his head.  "I don't blame you for feeling upset, Angel.  I don't blame you for being upset with me-"

"Just end file." He interrupted, softly but sharply.  "Just…  Don't.  OK?"

"Enzo, I want you to understand-"

"I do!  I do.  And nothing you say could make any difference so I don't want to hear it."

"Enzo, please-"

"DON'T, Dot!"  It was a growl, an echo of the one at Old Man Pearson's place.  Dot drew back a little.  "Don't."

Dot shook her head quickly, as if she were momentarily dazed.  Her eyes refocused on the boy in front of her.  "You can't make me leave, Enzo – so you might as well let me say what I have to say.  All right?"  Enzo didn't reply – he rubbed his eyes with his fists and shut them tightly, wordlessly.  She sighed again and stroked his hair. 

"I know you're very upset with me.  I don't blame you – I would be, too, in your place.  But I want you to understand why I did what I did."

A low voice.  "I understand."

"No…  You don't."  She sounded weak, small.  Defeated.  That scared him.  "Things were bad, Enzo – very bad.  I tried to hide it from you.  I always try to hide it from you.  But I…  There was nothing more I could do.  Everyone always thinks I have a plan, always a plan.  Like I have them all in a big box somewhere, and I can pull one out whenever I need one.  But that's not how it is.  I was out of ideas, and so was everybody else.  I was down to my last one, and I knew – knew, in my heart – that it wasn't going to work.  I wanted to protect you.  To save you!  And I couldn't think of any other way…"

"And besides – I'm just a backup, right?"

"Enzo!"  She was crying now – he could tell in her voice, even with his eyes closed.  "No!  No you are not!  Do you think…think… For one nano that I…  That I care-"

"You sent me away."

"I wanted to protect you!  What else could I do?"

He opened his eyes, looked at her, the tears on her cheeks glistening in the pale glow of the night-light.  He felt none on his own.  "You sent me away.  You sent me away all alone."

"With Frisket!  And Hack and Slash…"

"You sent me away."  He said it softly, almost calmly.  "If you loved me you wouldn't have sent me away.  'Come home and save us.'  That's what you said!  You sent me away and if you loved me you'd never do that!"

"I do love you!"  She sighed, wiped her cheeks.  "I tried to send Bob away too, you know." 

"So why didn't you send me with Bob then?"  Accusingly.

"Enzo…  I suppose – I suppose I knew he wouldn't go…"

"But you knew I would.  'Cause you didn't give me any choice!  You had Hack and Slash make sure of that."

"I didn't want you to delete!  I couldn't think of any other way, Enzo.  I wanted you to at least have a chance…  And you did come home and save us.  You just didn't need to be as Matrix to do it – you were plenty big enough already, that's all.  You did come home and save us…"

"How could you?  How could you send me away, all alone?  How could you do that if you loved me?  How?"  His breath beginning to quicken, becoming sharper, harsher.

"I did it because I loved you.  I tried to protect you, protect Bob.  You're the most important things in the net to me.  I tried.  Enzo-"

"No!"  A half-shout.  He buried his face in his hands.  "I couldn't go, Dot!  I couldn't do it.  I'm not Matrix, I couldn't leave you.  Why did you send me away?"

"Because I thought I was doing what I had to do." She sighed.  He felt her hands on his shoulders, drawing him to her, but he resisted.  "I'm sorry, Enzo.  I'm sorry that I couldn't think of a better plan.  I'm sorry I couldn't find another way.  I tried – I swear to the User, I tried.  But I was out of plans."

"Dot…"

"If…  If I hadn't, we'd all be deleted.  You wouldn't have been able to save us, and you did.  You saved all of us, you and Hex did.  The whole net – you really did-"

"Do you think that makes it all right?" he snarled.  If I'd done what you wanted I wouldn't even have come back!  Just like you wanted!"

"That's not what I wanted!"  She pulled him to her, still stronger than he was, he was a little sprite and feeling weak at that, but he didn't respond to her touch or uncover his gaze.  "If you knew how I suffered…  How I suffered when you lost that game.  What it was like not having you with me…  If you knew that you'd know I'd delete in a nano before I'd send you away.  You'd know I'd never do it unless I thought it was the only way to save you…"

She held him for a few nanos and he allowed her to, stiff and unmoving.  "I can only ask you to forgive me, Sweetie.  I can only ask you to look in your heart and know that I'd never do anything to hurt you.  If I was wrong I'm sorry – more sorry than I'll ever be able to tell you.  I thought I was doing what was best, I really did.  I'm so, so sorry…"

"Dot…"  he couldn't manage more than a whisper.  The touch of her, the closeness of her… It felt so right.  "Dot…"

"I'm sorry." She whispered, slowly rocking him.  "I love you, Angel.  I always have and I always will, and I'm so sorry.  I hope you can forgive me."

"Promise me you'll never do that again.  Promise me!  Promise me you'll never send me away no matter what happens, promise…"

"I promise.  I promise a thousand times.  I'm tired of viruses and wars and system reboots and I'm tired of having to make decisions… I just want us to be together, you and me and Bob and all of us.  I promise you a thousand times I'll never send you away again."

"Promise me.  Promise!"

"I promise, Angel.  Never."

He clung to her, finally, fiercely.  He wanted to squeeze her, snap her in two if he could his anger was so strong.  But he couldn't; he was just a little sprite, of course, and his anger was stronger than his body.  He was just a little sprite and he couldn't help feeling safe when she held him and loving her with all of his code even if he was so angry he wanted to snap her in two.  He couldn't help it.

"I love you, Angel.  I'm sorry.  I hope you can forgive me some cycle."  She kissed his forehead, over and over.  "I'm so proud of you.  I'll always be proud of you.  You knew what had to be done, and you did it.  We're together because of what you did and what Hex did.  I'll always be proud of you and we'll never forget her."

"I love you too." He breathed, and hated himself for saying it, for being weak.  Hated himself for loving her and needing her so deleted much he couldn't stand it.  The tension started to slide from his sore muscles, gently seeping away into the night as he softened in Dot's arms. 

"Angel." She sighed.  He knew what she was waiting for, what she wanted him to say, but he wouldn't say it.  Couldn't say it, not now.  Not for a long time, anyway – or so he figured.  Maybe some cycle, but not now.  She'd just have to understand.  So he didn't say anything at all and she just held him, rocked him, kissed his head occasionally.  "We'll be all right."

He opened his eyes at last, cheeks still dry.  She smiled at him and he managed a weak response.  "Are you hungry?  Wanna get up for a while?"

"No.  I just…  I just wanna sleep some more.  I'm so tired."

She frowned, sighed, then nodded.  "If you're sure."  She kissed him on the nose and slowly lowered him to his bed.

"I'm sure.  Thanks."

"OK, Guardian."  Enzo lay back down, on his back, a crushing weariness seeming to suffuse his entire body.  Dot gently worked his boots off his feet – pausing to give each socked foot a gentle squeeze - and set them beside the docking bay.  She pulled his blanket up to his chin and knelt beside him.  "We've all been through a lot, you know?  And we still have a lot to decide, I'm afraid."  She sighed, seeming almost as weary as he felt.  "You'll feel better tomorrow, and we'll go out and have a big breakfast and take a long walk.  Just you and me and Bob and Frisket, OK?"

"OK." He smiled.  It didn't seem like a half-bad proposition.

"Cool."  She closed her eyes and leaned over him, kissing his cheek.  "I love you, Sweetie."

"Love you too."  Enzo kissed her cheek softly, easily.  And with that, she ruffled his hair one last time and was gone, leaving him along with the glow of his night-light and his thoughts.  He felt her absence acutely as soon as she was gone, an aching emptiness inside him.  He thought of an eternity if that ache and his anger at her flared brightly again, for a nano, but he was tired and it was too much work to be angry right then.

He felt Hex's absence too, deep inside him.  He thought of Mister Pearson's and that strange feeling, that thrill, that power that had coursed through him, felt a throbbing at his icon and he shivered under his warm blanket.  He didn't understand it, hoped it would never repeat itself but hoped it did, too, missing that feeling even as he wished it away.

Enzo thought of his father, so bizarre and yet somehow exactly the same – the same warm, bemused, gentle presence he'd always been, and ached for him.  I'll get you back, Dad – I promise.  I'll do it somehow… He felt oddly confident as he thought it, he knew it was true.  He would find a way – he just had to.

When he woke up the next day Bob would be there, he bet – not the Bob with the long hair and the web scars, the strangely gentle and troubled man that Enzo hardly felt he knew – but the Bob of Enzo's past, when he'd been a kid.  The Bob who hardly seemed like more than a kid himself sometimes, but somehow always made Enzo feel better about himself and somehow always managed to chase Enzo's fear away.  How was it possible, they were both here?  How could it happen?  And what would Dot do?  The password on her organizer was "Guardian" after all…

Of course it's possible, dummy – you and Matrix are both here, aren't you?  Matrix – Enzo was worried about him.  He'd never been kind to Enzo, truth be told, but Enzo wanted deeply in his gut to be close to him – to have the big sprite as a part of his life.  Matrix had seemed broken, defeated, even as Daemon's infection had been thwarted.  And what had Hex done to him, to his icon?

Frisket ambled into the room and stood beside the bed, woofed softly.  Enzo smiled and absently scratched his ears, and the dog jumped onto the bed and lay his head on Enzo's ankles.  The boy yawned, all of the fears and worries and faces slowly beginning to fade from his processor.  He was only a little sprite, after all, at the end of the cycle – there was only so much he could worry about.  The last face he saw as he drifted off was Dot, as she almost always was, and whatever else had happened or would happen she was right in the next room here and now – and that was enough.  And with that thought in his processor, warm and comforting, he fell asleep.