By White Angel
Love Is More Than A Word…
"Michael?"
"Hmm..?"
"What if they find out?"
"Who?"
"I don't know… Liz, Maria….. or Isabel or my parents …… or Valenti or…"
"I think I got the picture, Maxwell." I brush a streak of dark hair out of his face and smile down at him. "You're thinking too much."
"But… " Max sighs deeply against my chest, his hot breath warming my skin, "You never think about the future, do you?"
"Yes, I do. Just not right now." I squirm a little, reminded that this night couldn't go on forever. "Right now…" I give him a tender kiss on the forehead, "I only wanne think about you, me…us?" I ask hesitantly, afraid of the answer. "Is there an us?"
Now it is his turn to smile. "If you want it to be…"
Wow, now that is something new. Max, our… my control freak Max, tosses the ball to me?
"Yeah… because I trust you."
I must have said that out loud. And what did he just say? He trusts me?
"I love you, Michael… honestly." He insists, what I can still hardly believe. This man, this perfect man says he loves me. *me* of all people, me where he could have Liz, although… he still does go out with her.
I shouldn't ask, shouldn't even think about it but… "Do you love her?"
"What?" he raises his head and stares at me.
"Do you love her?" I repeat, slower this time, keeping my gaze locked to his.
"I… I don't… I… no. Not like I love you. I care for her, I don't wanne hurt her but love… no."
I feel relieved, sorry for Liz a little but defenetely relieved. I sigh deeply.
"Do you love Maria?"
"No." the answer comes quickly. I had enough time to think about that over the past years. "Not anymore… she was, I don't know, something special. She was different. And she distracted me a little from you but… no real love. Not like what I feel for you." The warm look on Max's face is filling me, I drink from those brown eyes, I almost drown in them.
He pulls himself up, a gentle smile spreading his lips before they meat mine, warm caresses to my mouth.
"I never knew you were capable of such deep speeches." He teases me as our lips part, his eyes sparkling.
"Neither did I…" I confess, looking away, trying to hide the blush that is creping up my face. He pulls me close for another searing kiss before pulling me into a strong embrace, my head resting on his chest. I feel the lean muscles underneath his skin, how they move there, holding me tight.
Now I look up at him, love clearly written in my face. I trust him, damnit, I love him. I'd die for him, regretless.
"Michael… you know we can't… tell…… what shall we do if anybody finds out?"
"Hey, Maxwell, Max. We are the masters of secrets and how to keep them, right?" he nods and I continue "We can do this. If anybody finds out we will face that when we come to it, okey?"
"Okey. I love you."
"I… I l-love…" his fingers on my lips prevent me from more stammering. "Shhh… I know. You don't have to tell me…"
I kiss his fingers, catching them with my hand and kissing his palm. I hear a little moan from him and have to smile. That is me doing this to him.
I get up and straddle him, ravishing his mouth, slowly moving lower, kissing and licking and nibbling and sucking in turns down his throat to his chest, his body writhing under mine. His hands come to my head and pull me back up, pulling me in for a long leisurely kiss, only releasing when we both are at a lack of air.
Breathing heavily he pants only one word which makes me look at him fearfully. "No."
"What? Why?" has he changed his mind? How dare him… Please don't hurt me… not now that I finally found you, don't let me lose you again.
"Because it is late." He indicates to the window of his bedroom. "Dawn's coming. You…" he hesitates for a long moment. He doesn't want me to leave either. But I know I have to and so does he. I nod my understanding and plant one last kiss on his lips before getting up and dressed.
As I am opening his window his voice holds me back.
"Michael?"
I turn around and see him getting up himself, the bedcover around his waist and walking over to me.
"In school… tomorrow… nothing has changed, right?"
"Right." I see the hurt in his eyes. Those eyes can give away everything Max feels. I can always read what he feels. I stroke his cheek comfortingly, reassuring him as much as myself. He looks down and I lean in to kiss his head softly. "I love you, Max." This time I am not hesitating.
He looks up surprised and gives me another long, loving kiss before pulling back and looking me into the eyes. "I love you too. See you tomorrow?"
It was less a question than a statement for we both know we can't stay away from each other. Tomorrow is gonna be hell. Being close to him without being able to touch him, to kiss him, to feel and taste him will be torture. But it has to be done.
"Yeah… tomorrow." I climb out of the window, staring at him again, not wanting to let go.
I turn away and leave before I lose the ability to… now I have to go home… empty home… loneliness… coldness.
No loving arms to hold me, no body to warm me, no Max.
No Max.
These words sink in as I lay on my couch, shivering although it is not cold, longing for Max, not being able to sleep, no matter how tired I am.
Alone is good.
Well, it was. It had always been enough. Then Max has to come along with his heart, his warmth, his love and fills out a place in my heart I hadn't known existed there. Now I know and it feels empty without him being close, holding me, kissing me…
I love him.
Always have..
Always will… .
The End
