My morbid tribute--
I felt VERY depressed when i wrote this, and i had been reading the mentioned fic at the time. The envy i felt gave me the idea for this fic, and i felt much better after writing it. ^_^;; To all those mentioned (and not mentioned), you are incredible writers and, even though i know i have my high points, i still look up to you all.
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i"So maybe I still had a friend. I just didn't know who that friend was. For now, after tonight's events, that was enough for me. There was someone out there who cared.
"Whoever you are," I whispered, "Thank you.""/i
Gaz ran tired eyes along the last few lines of iSomeone who cares/i by Amethyst Soul and hung her head. Amethyst Soul, Arm&Leg, OnnaChan, River Daughter, all were the internet signatures of fanfic writers that could capture life on paper more potently than her. Or rather, on the keyboard.
She posted a review and logged off of fanfiction.net. She went and checked her mail; more mail from the Mysterious_Mysteries_slash list but nothing worth reading from the looks of it.
Sighing, she signed off the internet and flung herself face down on the dark velvet sheets of her bed.
She thought of reaching for the fanfiction notebook hidden under her bed but didn't see the point. She sucked. She was horrible. Gaz turned on her back and stared up at her hands, grimacing.
Inside her mind she damned her hands.
Tak. She should call Tak. Tak always made her feel a little better when she was *really* down... The young girls soft voice always lite sparks inside her, burning away pain and self loathing.
Horrible black thoughts seemed to settle down into her stomach and weigh her to the bed. The phone was all the way downstairs..Gaz didnt feel like getting up. She didnt deserve to get up. Didnt deserve to touch anything and contaminate it with these horrible hands.....
This wasnt about her ability to write anymore. Her hands had always been "evil" in her mind. When she had the free time, she would convulsively scrub them to try and get them clean, over and over. They were never clean though, *she* would never be clean.
Not only was she dirty outside, but dirty inside too. But how do you clean...
AH! Gaz knew then what her hands were worthy of doing. She slowly dragged herself out of bed and shuffled to the kitchen, grabbing the first knife she saw. It didnt really matter which, she just needed a sharp object.
She fell to the ground, pain slicing down her arm from the gash in her wrist. This is how to clense your dirty insides, the only way....she had to make herself clean....
Before she blacked out, she heard Dib come in from outside.
____________________________________________________________
end.
I felt VERY depressed when i wrote this, and i had been reading the mentioned fic at the time. The envy i felt gave me the idea for this fic, and i felt much better after writing it. ^_^;; To all those mentioned (and not mentioned), you are incredible writers and, even though i know i have my high points, i still look up to you all.
___________________________
i"So maybe I still had a friend. I just didn't know who that friend was. For now, after tonight's events, that was enough for me. There was someone out there who cared.
"Whoever you are," I whispered, "Thank you.""/i
Gaz ran tired eyes along the last few lines of iSomeone who cares/i by Amethyst Soul and hung her head. Amethyst Soul, Arm&Leg, OnnaChan, River Daughter, all were the internet signatures of fanfic writers that could capture life on paper more potently than her. Or rather, on the keyboard.
She posted a review and logged off of fanfiction.net. She went and checked her mail; more mail from the Mysterious_Mysteries_slash list but nothing worth reading from the looks of it.
Sighing, she signed off the internet and flung herself face down on the dark velvet sheets of her bed.
She thought of reaching for the fanfiction notebook hidden under her bed but didn't see the point. She sucked. She was horrible. Gaz turned on her back and stared up at her hands, grimacing.
Inside her mind she damned her hands.
Tak. She should call Tak. Tak always made her feel a little better when she was *really* down... The young girls soft voice always lite sparks inside her, burning away pain and self loathing.
Horrible black thoughts seemed to settle down into her stomach and weigh her to the bed. The phone was all the way downstairs..Gaz didnt feel like getting up. She didnt deserve to get up. Didnt deserve to touch anything and contaminate it with these horrible hands.....
This wasnt about her ability to write anymore. Her hands had always been "evil" in her mind. When she had the free time, she would convulsively scrub them to try and get them clean, over and over. They were never clean though, *she* would never be clean.
Not only was she dirty outside, but dirty inside too. But how do you clean...
AH! Gaz knew then what her hands were worthy of doing. She slowly dragged herself out of bed and shuffled to the kitchen, grabbing the first knife she saw. It didnt really matter which, she just needed a sharp object.
She fell to the ground, pain slicing down her arm from the gash in her wrist. This is how to clense your dirty insides, the only way....she had to make herself clean....
Before she blacked out, she heard Dib come in from outside.
____________________________________________________________
end.
