Will stood at the gates of Rawley Academy. It was like he was fifteen again, completely in awe of the grand institution, its massive walls encompassing the grounds, its rich history floating in the air. He remained there for a moment, breathing in the fresh air, closing his eyes as he remembered all that had happened on these grounds—all that he had learned, experienced, and lived. His years at Rawley Academy were defined by moments—moments of pure joy, confusion, uncertainty, and greatness.
He walked down the path and reached the main doors of the school. He looked at the words that hovered about the doorway.
Veritas Est Virtus.
Those words. How he remembered them well.
He entered the building and the humming of voices that he had heard from outside the doors was replaced by the ecstatic tones of Rawley's graduating seniors. The young men, dispersed throughout the hall, were dressed in their caps and gowns. Will smiled as he looked at them, recalling his own graduation. He was scared to leave this place and the people that he had grown close to, yet at the same time he felt so alive and ready to take on the world.
He weaved his route through them and to the room of someone who in his years at Rawley had become not only a father figure, but also a friend. He knocked only once when Finn answered it.
"Will Krudski? What are you doing here?" his mentor asked. He had advanced in age; a few gray hairs streaked his shorter locks. However, he exuded the same aura and presence. Finn lunged forward and hugged his former pupil, Will returning the gesture by patting him on the back.
"I was in the neighborhood," Will returned slyly. Behind Finn he could see the clock on the wall. 4:45. "This isn't a bad time is it?"
"Well, there is a graduation ceremony in fifteen minutes, but for you I think I can spare a couple of minutes," Finn said as he beckoned Will inside. He complied and sat on a chair directly in front of Finn.
"So what brings you here Mr. Krudski? I was beginning to think that you were avoiding this town."
"Something like that. I came for Bella. You remember her right?"
"Ahh yes, Ms. Banks. I see her sometimes when I'm in town," Finn replied. A curious countenance came over him. "Came for Bella…that's an interesting statement. Care to embellish?"
Laughing, Will explicated, "No, no…nothing like that. I'm taking her to New York. We have a wedding to attend—Jake and Hamilton's."
Finn nodded as he remembered the pair. Despite was he had witness in the showers that day, he did not see enough to know that Jake was a girl. Instead, he concluded that the two were gay. Though he confronted them about it, he agreed to keep it secret, and offered himself as a sort of confidante. Like everyone else at Rawley, Finn did not learn of Jake's secret until graduation day.
"Mr. Fleming and Ms. Pratt," Finn said, emphasizing the Ms. "They're finally getting married. I was wondering how much longer it was going to take them to tie the knot."
Will didn't answer, rather, a pained look spread across his face. For the first time in weeks, the realization of what was going to happen that weekend was sinking in. Jake and Hamilton were getting married.
"Is there something you want to tell me, Will?" interrogated Finn, perceiving that there was more to the situation than what Will was saying. "And I know there is so you better just say it."
"It's complicated."
"I'm good at complicated."
Will sighed, "To put it simply, I'm in love with Jake."
Finn stammered, "I…Will…well…that is complicated."
"Tell me about it."
"She knows this?"
Suddenly feeling overwhelmed with emotion, "I told her…but she doesn't love me back." He was barely able to get out the words, holding back tears. He didn't want to rehash the whole drama, however, knowing Finn, he wasn't going to let it go. "She loves Hamilton…always has. I finally realized that there is one person in this world that she can't live without—and it's not me."
Finn looked at Will for a minute, his words striking at the center of him. How familiar the situation sounded to one of his own. One that he had never recovered from or forgotten. Kate.
It had been years since the affair first started—and ended—yet he still wasn't over it. Over her. He'd never loved anyone the way he loved her and was sure that he would not ever feel that way about anyone ever again. Their clandestine relationship ended after that first summer, yet the love and passion Finn felt for the dean's wife only grew over the years. He never let her go. Maybe he just didn't want to.
After a long silence, Will said, "I know that I have no right to ask you this…" Will paused, swallowing, ridding himself of his tears. "I need to know…how did you do it? How did you get over Mrs. Fleming?"
The tormented look in Will's eyes reminded Finn of his own suffering. Only a woman could do that to a man. A woman who didn't return the affection so ardently felt for her.
Knowing that hiding the truth would only cause more pain, he replied, "I can't answer that Mr. Krudski because…I never did."
Will could do nothing but sit there, numbed by what Finn had spoken.
He never did.
'Is that my fate too?' Will thought. 'Is this how its going to be? Loving a woman you can never have. A woman who is and was never yours to have.'
"I'm sorry Will. I wish that I could say something to make this better for you. But I can't. I'm still searching for the answers myself."
"All this time…you've been in love with her," he uttered. He felt sorry for him, he had so much to give, so much to share. Yet, the one person he wanted to share his life with was married—to the dean of Rawley Academy. Then, Will realized something. Finn was still here. After all that was said and done, he had stayed…to be close to her…as close as he could be without actually being with her.
"So that's why you didn't take that job at Duke, isn't it?"
Finn said nothing and just nodded, affirming Will's deduction. The fact that he could not be with Kate Fleming hurt. The thought of never seeing her again was even worse.
"I haven't got it all figured out. I'm not even close to it. You're probably closer to self-actualization than I am. Someone once said, 'The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past, you can't go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.' "
Will managed a weak smile. "I think you should've followed your own advice."
"I know."
Standing up, Will said, "Thanks Finn."
The two men shook hands. They were no longer teacher and student, but equals. Today, however, it was Finn who was again teaching Will about life, as he had so many times, years ago.
"I think you have a graduation to get to."
They walked out of the room, the young men that filled the hallways just minutes before were now on their way out to the lakeside, where the ceremony would take place.
Arriving at the sight a few minutes later, Will smiled as he looked around. The scene was so familiar; as if it was just yesterday his own graduation had taken place. "God I wish I was eighteen again."
"Don't we all," Finn acceded.
The sound of the Pomp and Circumstance now filled the air. The graduates began their walks down the aisles and into their seats. Turning to Will, Finn said, "That's my cue."
"I think so. See you around Finn. And thanks."
"No. Thank you."
"For what?"
"For coming here. For telling me what you told me. I've realized something today. I need to move on with my life. I need to let go."
"In that case, you're welcome."
"Goodbye Will."
With that, Finn was gone. Will watched as he traveled towards the front of the mass of people. Will turned his heels, starting for town. Reminiscing about this day eight years ago, he twisted his head, the young man that stood at the podium, giving his valedictorian address reminded him of his own self. At this moment, his speech was inaudible, for Will's own oration occupied his head. He still remembered his words—so well that he could stand in front of those people today and do it all over again. The memory of that fateful day in June was something that he had held on to for a long time. The sight of his friends sitting in front of the stage, smiling back at him, doing their best to remain stoic an unemotional in the spite of what swirled around them, in spite of what it all meant—that it was over and time to move on. To a new place, a new time…where nothing would ever be the same.
His eyes were shut tightly. Strangely, tears nestled under within his lids. Swayed by the memories that he held so dear to his heart, he opened his eyes, allowing a single tear to fall down his face. The speech was over now—the one in the present and the one that lingered in his head. Regaining his composure, Will slid his hands in his pockets and began towards town once again. The faint sound of music from the commencement could be heard as he ambled onwards. Recognizing it, his mouth formed a slight smile, his spirits lifted upon hearing the song.
There are places I remember
All my life, though some have changed
Some for ever, not for better
And some have gone, and some remained
All these places had there moments
With lovers and friends that I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life, I loved them all
But of all these friends and lovers
Still no one, compares with you
And these memories loose their meaning,
When I think of love as something new
No I will never, ever loose affection
For people and things that went before
I'll often stop and think about them
In my life, I loved you more
I know I'll never ever loose affection
For people and things that went before
I'll often stop to think about them
In my life, I loved you more
In my life, I loved you more
