Part 14
5:35 p.m., Trinity Church
"Jacqueline! If you don't hold still I can't get this veil on you!" Monica Pratt exclaimed. "Why are you so fidgety?"
Jake squirmed around in her chair in front of the mirror. She was already dressed in her gown, minimal makeup on; hair fixed in a style not much different from the way she usually wore it. It was only 25 minutes to the ceremony and though she'd felt no nervousness in the weeks and days prior to the wedding, she felt it now.
Oh was she nervous.
She stopped for a moment, calming down by taking a deep breath. Why was she so nervous? She was marrying the man of her dreams, the one and only love of her life. So why was her heart beating at such a furious rate? Why were her palms sweaty? Why was she unable to stay still for even a second?
Why? Because she was nervous. But not in a bad way.
She was nervous in a way that let her know…this is for real. This is good. This is how things were meant to be. She'd been waiting her whole life for that guy…the one who made everything in her life perfect. Hamilton was THE guy. He'd always been that guy—since the moment she first saw him.
"There! You're all done!" her mother said as she slipped the simple tiara on Jake's head. She placed her hands on her shoulders and looked at her in the mirror. "Oh honey…you are…so beautiful."
Jake smiled and put her hands on top of her mothers. "Thanks Mom."
"Oh Jacqueline," Monica said as she struggled to keep her voice steady, "You know you are the world to me. I just wish that I could have…"
She patted her mother's hands. "I know, Mom. I know."
"Well, you probably need some time to yourself," she replied as she kissed her daughter on the cheek. "I'll see you in a little while."
In the mirror, she watched as her mother exited the room and Bella entered. She carried in her hands a small white envelope with the name Jacqueline handwritten on the front.
"What's this?" Jake asked as Bella handed it to her.
"A courier brought it—just now. He didn't say who it was from," she paused, looking Jake in the eyes. "I think we both know who it's from."
Jake's hand shook as she opened the envelope, Bella's hand resting on her shoulder, being her only support. She took the letter out and unfolded it.
She didn't look at her, only uttered softly, "Bell, if you wouldn't mind, I'd rather do this alone."
Bella left quietly, shutting the door behind her. Jake closed her eyes and swallowed as she prepared herself for whatever the letter might contain. She didn't know what to expect and she didn't like that feeling very much at all.
She opened her eyes and taking a deep breath, began reading the letter.
My dear Jacqueline,
My god…it's been a long time. I am probably the last person you expected to hear from today,
today of all days, when you should feel nothing but love and joy. Yet, here I am, writing this letter,
and potentially disturbing what should be the happiest day of your life. I know I have no right to
do this to you now, after all these years, but I must. I must because I don't think I can go another
day without letting you know…how sorry I really am.
What I did was…IS unforgivable. There is no other word to describe how wrong my actions were.
I left you…without a father. In doing so, I left my daughter; not only a daughter I loved and still
love--with all my heart, but a daughter I was too selfish to think of when I could not bear the
burdens life had placed on me. The day I left you and your mother, the meaning and purpose of
my life escaped me. Since then, every day has been a struggle…and I say this not so that
you may pity me, but to let you know…that the pain I caused you…I caused myself too.
I am sorry. I don't know how else to say it. I know it probably does not make a difference now.
You're grown up and have your own life, and though I'm not forgotten, the memories I left you with
are probably locked up somewhere in your mind, somewhere that you don't have to open if you
don't want to.
I was going to go there today to see you…and say all of this in person. But I'm a coward.
I can honestly say that I am not man enough to say these words face to face. I realized that
coming to you would only cause you unnecessary pain and anger, and those aren't things you
shouldn't be feeling on your wedding day. So, I'll stay away and let you have your day. I wish
you the best…you and Hamilton. You deserve to be loved. I am glad that you found the one
man who can love you with all his heart. I wish I could have walked you down the aisle, but
it's not my place. You have your life and I have mine. I just hope that we can find each other
again some day. So, I leave it in your hands. I've taken this first step and now…it is your
choice where to go from here. I've left you the information so that if you choose to do so, you
can come and see me. I understand if you choose not to, if you choose never to respond to
this letter.
Jacqueline, know that not one day has passed that you haven't crossed my mind. I have
never stopped loving you. You are my daughter. The love I have for you is unconditional,
despite what I may have led you to believe. You weren't the reason I left. It was me. I just
couldn't handle it. I know that is no excuse but there is no other way to explain it. I just couldn't
take it. I am so sorry for all the pain I caused. I can only ask for your forgiveness. Please,
forgive me. Do what you will, just know that I will always be thinking of you and hoping nothing
but the best for you. Congratulations. May your wedding day be filled with all the joy and
happiness in the world. I love you.
Dad
Jake held back tears as she finished reading the letter. She sighed deeply as the memories of her father came flooding back to her. She smiled as she remembered him…his smile and laugh…the way he was able to make her feel fearless…like she could do anything…be anyone…be anything she wanted to be. Those were the things she recalled most, not the bad times, not even the day he left her life. 'Please, forgive me,' he'd written. 'Am I ready to do that?' she thought, 'Can I forgive him?'
It wasn't going to be easy, but they were going to get things to be how they always should have been. They had to. She wasn't going to let her life pass by without having her father in it. She'd wished he'd come today. But she understood. She knew what he feared—the reaction that up until last night, she'd be more than willing to give him… until her talk with Will. The anger and animosity that had built up over the years gave way to remorse and empathy…and forgiveness.
The questions raced through her head, but the answer was clear. 'Yes. I forgive you, Dad.'
She was overwhelmed with happiness as she said the words aloud. She'd been scared to hear from him again, yet now that it had happened, nothing else rang through her body.
A knock on the door broke Jake from her introspection. "Who is it?" she asked, bringing her gaze up from the letter. Looking in the mirror she saw exactly who it was. Will, coming through the door, decked out in his tuxedo, smiling back at her.
"Just me," he retorted as he walked to her. Noting the slight glaze in her eyes, "Everything okay?"
"Great. Everything's great," a meek smile on her lips.
"Good."
He looked at her—so beautiful, so perfect. He loved her—more than words could ever describe. Still, here she was, about to marry someone else—someone that SHE loved more than anything. Nothing he could do would ever change that. Nothing.
In silence, he suffered, doing his best to put on a happy face. He quaked inside when he thought of what would become of him. How was he ever going to get through this? Then, Finn's words came back to him. "I'm still searching for the answers myself," he told him. How long would it be until he found the way to happiness again? He didn't know, only that it wouldn't be any time soon.
He loved her like he knew he would never love anyone else in his life. He knew that deep in his heart—an undeniable truth that he would never be able to forsake or forget. No woman had or ever would touch his heart the way Jacqueline Pratt had touched his.
"I have something for you," Will told her. "I was saving it for later but…well…here."
He took the box he'd been hiding behind his back and gave it to her. The card on the front said simply, "For Mr. and Mrs. Hamilton Fleming." She smiled slightly at the salutation and lifted the lid of the box to reveal a script, newly printed and bound.
All You Can't Leave Behind.
An original screenplay by Will Krudski.
Jake looked up at Will but he just nodded as he beckoned her to turn the page.
She perused the page with the character descriptions. There were five main characters, each strongly familiar to five people she knew all too well. She continued reading, skimming the pages. Her eyes lit up when she realized what this script was all about—Bella, Scout, Hamilton, Jake, and Will…their lives…the story of their lives…the trials and tribulations…the secret loves…the heartaches. It was all there—raw , full of realism and truth…every emotion there to be taken in.
"Will…this is…I…it's amazing."
"It's from the heart," Will answered modestly. " I was only writing the truth. You know what they say… 'Great art comes from…'"
"Great pain," Jake cut in, regret lacing her voice. "I'm so sorry."
"Jake, don't be. I'm not going to lie and say that I'm over you…because I'm not. I try not to love you, but I can't stop," Will said calmly. It was a bold thing to say, but he had to. He knew it didn't matter…it never had. She'd listen and contemplate the words…but it wouldn't change a thing. Not a damn thing.
"Don't worry about me, Jake. I will get through this."
"Will," Jake replied with quiet resolution, "you'll always have me as a friend. Your best friend. That I promise you."
What
ravages of spirit conjured this temptuous rage
Created you a monster broken by the rule of love
And Fate has lead you through it
You do what you have to do
And Fate has lead you through it
You do what you have to do
Will offered his arm to Jake, realizing that it was time for the ceremony to begin. "Shall we?"
She took his arm and nodded, allowing him to lead her towards the back of the church where the rest of the wedding party waited to make their way down the aisle.
Will took in a breath, his heart beating a mile a minute.
I had
the sense to recognize
That I don't know how to let you go
Every moment marked with apparitions of
your soul
However swiftly moving, I'm trying to escape this desire
The yearning to be with you
I do what I have to do
The yearning to be with you
I do what I have to do
Bella approached, Scout right on her heels. "You ready?" she asked.
"More than ever," was Jake's confutation.
Scout looked at Will with sympathy in his eyes, giving Will the strength and comfort he'd been searching for the whole day. He wasn't ready to do this. He couldn't do this. Yet, he couldn't let her down. He loved her too much to do that to her.
I had the sense to recognize
That I don't know how to let you go
I don't know how to let you go
The harmonious melody of string instruments filled the church, prompting the entourage to get in their places. Will stood back, watching them make their way down—first Monica Pratt, then the Fleming's, followed by the flower girl, and ring bearer.
It was Scout and Bella's time to make their procession now. The best man and maid of honor. Monica had insisted they escort each other down the aisle. Good thing. 'Maybe walking to the altar will reawaken their senses,' Will said to himself.
A glowing ember burning hot,
burning slow
Deep within I'm shaken by the violence of existing
For only you
I know I can't be with you
I do what I have to do
I know I can't be with you
I do what I have to do
Jake and Will stepped up to the threshold. They paused, waiting for the wedding march to play. Jake remained silent, her manner cool and collected, all nervousness and anxiousness gone. Her gaze stayed forward, focused on her beloved.
The music changed, the euphonious sound of the choir causing the hundreds of guests to rise from the pews and turn to them.
Without looking at her, Will joked, "Well, Jacqueline…you look like…totally…"
"Foxy?" she chuckled under her veil. "Even in a wedding dress you can't help but make that joke!"
"Actually…magnificent would be a better word for you. You look magnificent, Jake."
"Thank you, Will. Thank you so much."
"For what?" he questioned, turning to her.
Their eyes met—and in that moment he knew…he knew that no matter what happened from here…she'd be there for him…because she loved him. Like a friend…like a brother. Like family. Because after all these years, that's exactly who he was to her. Family. And that would never change.
"For being you."
He grinned, "Let's get you to the altar.
And I had the sense to recognize
That I don't know how to let you go
But I don't know how to let you go
I don't know how to let you go
