Part 18
Scout returned to the reception, opening the door slowly as he caught his breath and collected himself, still reeling from Bella's news.
He couldn't believe it. He didn't believe it.
It had taken Scout years to convince himself that Bella had never been in love with him in the first place; that what she felt for him was a mix of teenage hormones, pubescent desire, a passing infatuation—the basic need to love someone, the want to be in love. It just happened that Scout had turned up right when those feelings were at their peak. 'She never loved me,' he had told himself over and over again. 'It wasn't real.'
He couldn't believe it because he didn't want to. Because believing her would mean that it was all true, that she really did love him. And…because believing Bella would make everything he had forced himself to believe in order to get over her…well, untrue. And he just couldn't deal with that, not after all this time. He couldn't deal with HER right now.
There was so much to sort out, so much to think about, and he knew he wouldn't be able to think clearly with her standing right next to him. She still did that to him, all ability to think or speak clearly diminished whenever she was near.
So now what? He didn't know where to go from here. He didn't know what to feel. She seemed contrite, genuine…but she'd lied before…
He was so confused…and he hated that. The old Scout would have never felt this way, not about her, not about them. Had this happened eight years ago, seven, six…maybe even less than that…he would have reacted differently. He may have forgiven her on the spot, taken her in his arms and told her that he loved her too; that they would work it out, that they would be happy together. But that was then and this was now…and he wasn't the same person he used to be—not the sentimental, hopeless romantic, so sure about everything. No, this Scout was only a shadow of the person he used to be.
He'd been through too much, lived through too much.
Things change. People change. And so had he.
He took in a deep breath and crossed the floor to the other guests, he too saving face in spite of the ongoing war between his head and his heart.
On the other end of the floor stood Will, still in the same place he had been since he'd come back to the party. From his position, he had witnessed Bella's revelation and all that ensued. He watched it all, but he could see that he was the only one aware of all the drama that swirled around them.
What a night it had turned out to be.
Will set out towards some old classmates across the room when the familiar sound of Jake's voice halted further movement.
"Hey! Where've you been? I've been looking for you!"
His first reflex was to tell her just where he had been—in his room, having it out, releasing all his pent-up emotion. However, he settled against it and decided to say, "I had to take care of some pre-production stuff…and I had to pee."
"Oh," she responded with a laugh. "Well now that you're here…where's my dance?"
He wanted to say no, conscious that holding her in his arms might be too much to take. But as the music turned into a slow, lush aria, Will could not resist the chance to have these few minutes with her, a few minutes to have her as his own…even if it was just in his imagination.
'I just wish it could be easier than this,' Bella had said to him not long ago.
He wished too. But nothing about love is easy. Nothing ever is.
And neither was this, not even one last dance.
Will took Jake's hand in his and ushered her to the dance floor, gingerly putting his arms around her, as she did the same to him. She was so beautiful, intoxicating…the sight of her, her scent—it overwhelmed his senses and took his breath away. Still. Always.
Time, sometimes the time just slips away
And you're left with yesterday
Left with the memories
I, I'll always think of you and smile
And be happy for the time I had you with me
Though we go our separate ways
I won't forget so don't forget
The memories we made
They swayed gracefully to the music, silently, both lost in their own train of thought. Will looked at Jake and instantly knew that there was something she wanted to get out, but she was still searching for the words.
"I saw him," she finally said. "I saw him at the church."
This jolted Will back to reality. He needed no further explanation. Will knew exactly who Jake was talking about. Her father.
"It was outside…when it was already over. And I just felt like…I dunno…I just knew somehow, I knew he was there. I could feel him, Will. I turned my head and…there he was. I thought I was hallucinating, but he was really there."
She stopped for a second, a smile creeping over her. "He looks just like I remember…a little older but…god, he looks the same. I look so much like him. I have so much of him in me! I never knew that 'til now." Then, her smile waned, a strange countenance coming over her, "He was smiling, looking around…he just had this smile on his face…like pure joy. Indescribable. I think I would have plummeted to the floor if Hamilton hadn't been gripping me so closely. And then, my dad…he saw me looking at him. But I wasn't smiling…I was just…shocked…horrified…nervous. I don't…it wasn't registering. It was just…surreal. By the time I realized what my expression must have looked like, that I wasn't smiling back…he was already gone. He probably thought I didn't want him there," she finished gloomily. "It just happened so fast…too fast."
Will shook his head slowly, indicating that he understood. They danced in silence for a few moments, both uncertain as to what to say or do next.
"I want to see him, Will," Jake ejected. "I need to see him."
"Jake that's," he paused, choosing his words carefully, "Are you ready for that?"
Jake swallowed, shutting her eyes momentarily. When she opened them, they were full of determination and certainty. "I am," she smiled nervously. Will smiled back, however, the words that came next were ones that Will did not forsee. "Will, I want you to come with me. I'll never get through this alone."
Please remember, please remember
I was there for you
And you were there for me
Please remember
Our time together
The time was yours and mine
While we were wild and free
Please remember, please remember me
It was then that Will realized…it still hadn't hit Jake. She was asking HIM, Will, to go with her. She looked at him, agog with anticipation, waiting for him to answer. But what wasn't registering for her was this simple truth—it was not Will she should be asking to accompany her to this all important reunion, but her husband.
Will shook his head gently, "I'm sorry. I can't."
"Why not?" she asked, disconcerted, clearly not comprehending his statement.
"You know why," he replied. He glanced over her shoulder, nodding his head slightly. Jake looked behind her and a few yards away, there was the 'why,' clear as day…Hamilton.
Jake bit her lip, nodding silently, the reality finally settling in.
She was married now.
No acumens needed to see what he meant. Only the truth. Only…real life.
And no matter how hard she tried to deny it, she couldn't deny the undeniable.
She and Will…THEY would never be the same again. Things between them were going to change. They already had.
But she did not want things to change. She did not want to let go. Neither did he. But she understood why. She belonged to Hamilton now. And nothing could ever change that.
She smiled a wobbly smile, her eyes somber, looking somewhat deflated. "I understand."
"Does he know?" Will asked.
"No," she said without thinking, surprised at her own response. "I haven't told him yet."
"Then I guess you know what you have to do."
Goodbye, there's just no sadder word to say
And it's sad to walk away
With just the memories
Who's to know what might have been
We'll leave behind a life and time
I'll never know again
They shared a long, wordless moment. She embraced him tightly, holding back stunned tears. There was something in his manner that made her feel like something was amiss, something in his embrace that was not Will.
With his arms wrapped around her, Will could not refrain from reflecting on all that had happened today…and even before that. It was like…he was speeding uncontrollably towards the end. No one else understood what that end was but him. They didn't have to.
But before that end…a dance.
One last dance.
He held her in his arms, fighting the uprising in his heart, the acute pain lingering there, but slowly—ever so slowly—it would fade away.
So, he held her, staring straight ahead, powering through the tears, not wanting to ruin these few moments he had her all to himself. He just took it in, savoring it.
Just one moment at a time.
Please remember, please remember
I was there for you
And you were there for me
And remember, please remember me
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Monica Pratt watched on silently as Will and Jake moved across the dance floor, a genuine, elated grin upon her face. She'd never seen her daughter as happy as she was tonight, surrounded by the people she loved the most in the world, the first day of the rest of her life starting with this wonderful celebration.
For a moment, Jake and Will danced out of her eyesight and immediately coming into view was Philip Pratt, who stood on the opposite side of the dance floor, looking a little nervous, his hands in his pockets, eyes set on his daughter as she danced in the arms of her best friend.
Within seconds, Monica crossed the floored and was at his side, smiling despite the tension that floated in the air.
"I didn't think you were going to come," she said quietly.
"Neither did I. Thankfully, someone helped me realize I should," he replied, moving his eyes momentarily towards Scout, who stood some feet away with Hamilton.
Scout smiled and nodded, getting a smile in return from Philip, who then returned to his conversation with Monica, his gaze, however, locked on his daughter and Will, the same pure, joyous smile Jake had seen at the Church, still on his lips.
"He's really here," Hamilton whispered, not really believing the sight before him. "He wasn't at the wedding…so I thought…I thought he bailed on her."
"He was there," Scout explained, "He just didn't want to ruin things if it turned out Jake didn't want to see him."
"How did you know he was there?"
"I saw him as he was leaving and I told him that he should come...that in spite of everything, Jake would want him here. That he'd already missed out on so many important moments in her life… that if he missed this, he'd regret it for the rest of his life."
"Well, I'm glad he came," Hamilton retorted, as her watched her father leave Monica's company and make his way towards Will and Jake.
"I've decided I'm going to see him first thing in the morning," Jake said to Will as they continued to dance, clueless to all else that was happening around her.
Will spotted the handsome older stranger as he approached, his likeness to Jake too apparent to deny who he was. Will brought his eyes back to Jake and smiled, "Something tells me you're not going to have to wait that long."
Confused, Jake turned to see whom Will's eyes had fallen on…and there he was…
"May I cut in?" he asked, his voice raspy, but strong. Just like she'd remembered him.
Will obliged and stepped aside, squeezing Jake's hand before letting go, the expression on her face that of complete disbelief.
Suddenly, she felt weak in the knees, but her father steadied her, his strong arms fighting against her body's urge to let her legs give way. She looked at him, her eyes wide, looking for an instant like a little girl, fragile and weak. His little girl.
Please
remember, please remember
I was there for you
And you were there for me
Please remember, our time together
The time was yours and mine
While we were wild and free
Please remember, please remember me
"Hello Jacqueline," he said quietly and tenderly, a nervousness in his voice he couldn't hide
Too overwhelmed by emotions, she was lost for words, the tears building and building, but a smile still spreading over her delicate and beautiful features.
'You're here. You're really here,' she thought, the words not allowing themselves to escape her throat.
And how we laugh and how we smile
And how this heart was yours and mine
And how a dream was out of reach
I stood by you, you stood by me
We took each day and made it shine
We wrote our names across the sky
We ride so fast, we ride so free
And I knew that you had me
Her mouth agape in total disbelief, she continued to dance, her feet commanding her movements, for at this moment, it was all she could manage to do.
She glanced at Will, Scout, and Hamilton, all looking on, their faces conveying the happiness they felt for her. She smiled and locked eyes with Hamilton, and like her, his eyes were filled with tears. "I love you," he mouthed, his words giving her the strength she so desperately needed right now.
Please remember, please remember
Jake smile widened, her heart ready to burst with joy. She looked up at her father, Hamilton's words giving her enough to finally say, "Hi Dad."
