"This is where you took Daddy?" She shook her head in distaste. "Foley, as soon as Daddy and I get home, you can guarantee on your getting fired."
Foley snorted irritably, before seemingly having decided that retirement wasn't such a bad thing, and trotted on, coming to a slow stop at the castle gates. Stephanie hopped off, and tied the horse to a nearby tree by his reigns to make sure he didn't try to escape and leave her and Mr. McMahon stranded at the castle. Tightening her black trench coat around her, Stephanie hesitantly gave a light push on the shining iron-wrought gates. The twin metallic doors opened easily, creaking softly at the hinges. Stephanie stepped inside, closing the gates with a clang and heading toward the massive double doors. She opened them and gingerly peeked inside.
"Daddy?" she asked, and her voice echoed off the walls of the cavernous five-story atrium.
Somewhere
off in the castle, Edge the clock and Christian the candelabra were arguing
none too softly, hurling insults at each other in heated little Canadian
valley boy voices.
"Dude,
this was so totally your fault!" Edge hissed, glaring at his younger brother,
who huffed indignantly in return.
"My
fault?" he hissed. "You reekazoid, how is it my fault that the old chick
is now living with us?"
"Well,
for once thing, you are totally so the one who came up with the plan that
so reeked of stinktitude to reveal ourselves!" Edge snapped.
"Yeah,
well...you were the one who told Miss Molly about the old reekazoid," Christian
defended himself. "If she hadn't been the one who totally made so much
noise..."
Meanwhile, Miss Molly Holly the jolly pot pouted
at the two arguing brothers, her giant blue eyes tearing over.
"You
shouldn't be fighting," she scolded. "After all, aren't we just like one
big happy dysfunctional family?"
"Dude,
you are so right." Edge's little clock eyes began to narrow, as he apparently
had an epiphany. "Miss Molly was the one who so totally made all the noise,
and thus alerted Prince Kurt about the old reekazoid!"
The two brothers turned around and glared at
a common enemy in Miss Molly, and one could be sure that they had just
bought themselves a ringside ticket to enchanted common household items
violence, when a slim silhouette passed by the room and a female voice
called out hesitantly, "Daddy?"
All three household items froze, before Edge
and Christian quickly scuttled over to the door and peeked out at the hallway,
to find themselves staring at the disappearing back of what was obviously
a young woman.
"Dude!
It's so totally a hot chick!" Christian whistled. Miss Molly, from her
perch on the kitchen table, began to frown.
"How
can you tell whether it's a beautiful girl or not when you can only see
her back?" she asked logically. Edge glared back at her.
"Yeah,
well, she sounds hot, you reekette," he snapped. Unfortunately for him,
Stephanie chose that moment to whiningly screech, "Daddy, if you're not
here, can't you at least have the courtesy to come out and tell me so?!"
Miss Molly winced, and wished that she had a
pair of hands so she could rub the place where her ears would have been.
Edge shot her a defensive look, and sputtered, "Well, you don't sound so
hot yourself when you yell, so nyah!" The little pink teapot sitting on
the table glanced down at the blonde clock, then sighed and asked, "Shouldn't
you be hatching up schemes to have her break the curse?"
Edge and Christian quickly stopped fawning over
the tiny dot that was Stephanie, coughed and cleared their little household
item throats, before scurrying off.
Stephanie
was getting tired of wandering around the gigantic castle, and was seriously
beginning to wonder whether Foley the horse had led her to the wrong place.
"Daddy?"
she called out again, while inwardly hatching all sorts of evil schemes
to fire Foley as nastily as possible. As soon as the word left her mouth,
a shuffling noise was heard behind her, and Stephanie paused. Turning around,
she thought she saw a speck of light slowly disappearing up a flight of
stairs.
"Daddy?"
she called out, questioningly, before hurrying to chase after the dot of
light. Stephanie sprinted up the stairway, ignoring the harmless-looking
candelabra perched on an ornate antique table in front of a rosewood door,
and murmured, "Daddy?" Silence was her reply. Then, a series of scuffling
noises, before a suspiciously Canadian valley boyish voice coughed noisily
and replied, "Like, hot chick who's supposed to be my daughter, I am so
totally inside this room." Stephanie scrunched up her nose, looking confused
and just a tad suspicious, before demanding shrilly, "Are you sure you're
my daddy? You don't sound like him at all!" More shuffling sounds, before
the same voice replied, "Uh...that's because I've got a cold that so reeks
of stinktitude."
"O-kay,"
Stephanie played along, before placing one slim, well-manicured hand on
the shiny gold doorknob. "So, are you sure you're behind this door?"
"You
reekette, how many times do I have to tell you, I totally so am behind
this door!" the suspiciously Canadian valley boy voice snapped impatiently.
Stephanie pouted.
"All
right, Daddy," she sighed, and hesitantly opened the door.
An
exquisitely furnished bedroom greeted Stephanie's wide blue eyes. The decor
was mainly dark maroon, with hints of rosewood here and there. Amidst the
expensive antique furniture and glass pedestals stood a huge redwood canopy
bed with dark crimson covers, and lying on top of the canopy bed, flat
out cold and with a line of unsightly drool coming out of his mouth from
either extreme boredom or extreme fright (or perhaps both) was Vince McMahon.
Stephanie's mouth dropped open, and she screeched out in shock, "Daddy!"
Ignoring the faint tortured screams of Canadian valley boys in the background,
Stephanie rushed over to her father, and trilled, "Daddy!" again. As the
mournful howls of nearby canines began to spring up, Stephanie noted in
shock that her screeches had failed to awaken her father. He must have
had quite a scare, she noted idly to herself, before grabbing her father's
shoulders and beginning to shake him like a rag doll, all the while screeching,
"Daddy!" at the top of her lungs. No human being could possibly stand that
high-pitched shrill for too long, and Vince McMahon was no different. In
a matter of seconds, Stephanie's daddy had awakened, with a pounding headache
and what he was sure a pair of shattered eardrums.
"Steph...Stephanie,
I'm okay," he growled, batting his daughter's hands off his shoulders to
prevent her from shaking him around like that. Stephanie blessedly stopped
screeching, and as the wolf howls began to fade, she demanded, "Daddy,
what are you doing in bed like this?" Her eyes narrowed, as she asked dangerously,
"This isn't some sort of rendezvous with that little slut Trish Stratus,
is it?" Mr. McMahon tee heed nervously under his daughter's menacing glare,
before hasting to assure her that it was, indeed, most definitely not
a rendezvous with Trish.
"Don't
worry, Steph, I really was on my way to buy WCW, before that retched horse's
ass Foley dumped me in this hellhole," Mr. McMahon said, seeming to have
regained his confidence and his pompous air.
Stephanie looked relieved for a moment, before
helping her father up and off of the canopy bed.
"Well
then, let's hurry up and get out of this castle," she said, ignoring the
scuttling noise and the little three-pronged candelabra that dashed right
past the doorway and down a flight of stairs. Mr. McMahon shakily got on
his feet, as his daughter helped him into a standing position.
"By
the way, Steph, I feel it's only necessary to warn you about the master
of this castle," he began to say. Stephanie glanced around at the dark
antique furniture.
"You
mean someone's living here?" she wanted to know. "Because if they are,
then I want to give them some decorating tips."
"Uh...I
don't really think that's such a wise idea." Mr. McMahon frowned as they
neared the doorway. Stephanie shot him a questioning look.
"Why
not?" she demanded.
There
was the sound of heavy footsteps pounding up the stairs, before a youthful
male voice squealed excitedly, "Ooh, another visitor! Goody, somebody else
to tell my story of my stunning gold medal victories to!"
Mr. McMahon grimaced in dismay upon hearing the
frighteningly familiar voice.
"Well,
there's one reason right there," he muttered. Stephanie shot a quizzical
look at her father, before turning around...and finding herself face-to-face
with a giant, furry beast who, by the way, was showing quite a few very
sharp, very white teeth. Stephanie nearly dumped her father unceremoniously
onto the red carpet, as she pressed her hands to her cheeks and screamed
out, "Ahhhh!" The beastly entity, who had actually been smiling goofily
rather than baring his teeth at the duo, scrunched up his face and feebly
covered his ears, apparently not used to having women screech so loudly
to his face. After a while, Stephanie stopped screeching, and the beastly
master of the castle relaxed his posture. Steph then promptly sprinted
past him, tottering clumsily on the thin high heels of her open-toed designer
sandals. She would have tripped sooner or later, had a trio of enchanted
household items not appeared out of seemingly nowhere. Stephanie, overcome
by her curiosity as to how these harmless-looking household items could
walk around so freely, came to a screeching halt (no pun intended ^_^)
and stared at the three objects with wide blue eyes.
"Please
wait just one minute, Miss," the object in the middle--a white-and-pink
porcelain teapot with a distinctively female voice--pleaded cheerfully,
failing to lose her overly bright smile even when she was begging. Stephanie
arched one eyebrow, and appeared as if she were about to start screeching
again, when, thankfully, the little teapot began speaking again.
"We
have a proposition to make, and we just want you to hear us out before
you begin speaking," the porcelain pot offered. Stephanie furrowed her
eyebrows, as if deciding whether or not to listen to this talking teapot,
before giving in and shrugging to signal for the little household item
to continue.
"Well,
um, all we're asking is that--" the teapot started to say, when the candelabra
cut in.
"You
stay with us for a year in exchange for the old chick--um, I mean, your
father--and so fall in love with Prince Kurt," he--the candelabra sported
a Canadian valley boy voice--chimed cheekily.
"Yeah,
stay with us, it will so totally reek of awesomeness," the clock beside
him, also bearing a Canadian valley boy voice, chirped brightly. Stephanie
looked uncertain, when the beast thing from before, who hadn't uttered
a word until then, spoke up.
"Wait
just a frickin' minute," he protested. "You two want me to put up with
that voice?!"
The little teapot turned around, pouting, and
pointed out, "But you get to tell your stories of all those gold medal
matches to someone newer and prettier than all of us here." The beast prince
scrunched up his nose, apparently thinking it through, while Stephanie
declared haughtily, "If you three losers actually think I'm going to fall
in love with a...a thing like that, then you've got another thing
coming. I'll have you know, I am a highly desirable and respected young
woman back home, and I've got guys lined up around the block asking for
my hand in marriage!" She conveniently forgot to mention that she found
all of her potential suitors stupid and immature, and that just that morning
she'd been saying how she wanted a change in her life and in the guys she
dated.
"Dudette,
you so totally reek of heinosity if you think our Prince Kurt isn't good
enough for you," the clock spoke up defensively, while said prince was
still busy deciphering who that pretty young woman with the most definitely
unpretty
voice was referring to as a 'thing'. Stephanie turned up her nose at the
little enchanted object.
"Well
I'm leaving this place with my daddy and you can't stop me, and if you
try to, I'll have Daddy's lawyers swarming up your ass to make sure that
all of you get fired!" she threatened, and started to push past the group
of magical household items.
"Wait!"
the little white-and-pink teapot, apparently the only female member of
the group, suddenly spoke up. Stephanie stopped her strut and glanced back
impatiently, looking down on the servant pot with irritated blue eyes.
The little teapot had a thoughtful expression in her big friendly eyes.
"Don't
you realize what could happen if you stay here?" she asked. "I mean, you
would be a princess. You'd have bragging rights to having lived with a
multi-time gold medalist, and you can buy everything your heart ever desired...without
having to worry about, say, a sibling taking all the attention away from
you."
The haughty, irritable look in Stephanie's features
disappeared, to be replaced with a thoughtful frown.
"Think
about it," the little pink teapot urged. Stephanie did think about it,
for several minutes in fact, and when she'd finally made her decision,
she turned around to her father and booted him off down the stairs.
"See
you in a year, Daddy!" she called down cheerfully. "Next time we meet,
you'd better make sure to call me Princess Stephanie!"
Standing a few feet behind her, the three enchanted
household items let out immense sighs of relief in unison. Poised a few
feet back from them, Prince Kurt had finally seemed to have figured out
who Stephanie was calling a 'thing'.
"Oh!
Now I get it...Hey!" he huffed, crossing his arms and looking like he was
about to stick his tongue out childishly at Stephanie's back.
Meanwhile,
Stephanie turned around, and the three enchanted household items scuffled
over to her.
"Since
you're gonna be staying with us for a while," the pink teapot chirped with
a bright, friendly smile, "we might as well introduce ourselves to each
other. I'm Miss Molly." The clock and the candelabra introduced themselves
as Edge and Christian, respectively, and then pointed back to the huffy-looking
beast prince and master of the castle and introducing him as Prince Kurt
Angle, who, by the way, so totally reeked of awesomeness. Stephanie stood
impatiently through the introductions, before finally cutting Edge and
Christian off as they were spewing praises about their gold-medalist prince
and demanding to know, "Are you going to show me to my room or what? I
mean...I don't have to sleep in the same room as that...er, charming prince,
do I?"
Miss Molly giggled.
"Oh,
of course not," she tittered, to Steph's immense relief. "Normally, I'd
send Edge and Christian to point out your new bedroom, but since you and
Prince Kurt are going to be getting to know each other over the next year,
I think it's only fitting that he show you to your new room."
Stephanie hesitantly turned to face Prince Kurt,
looking at him with an expectant expression on her face. Prince Kurt just
stupidly stared right back. Several minutes passed. Crickets chirped.
"What?"
the prince wanted to know. Miss Molly nudged his foot, and hissed out of
the corner of her mouth, "Show her to her room."
"Oh.
Okay." The prince shrugged, before bouncing off. Stephanie stared after
him, and reluctantly followed, heaving a sigh. Miss Molly looked worriedly
at Prince Kurt's disappearing back, before calling out, "Prince Kurt, watch
out for the--"
A sudden tripping sound, followed by a girlie
scream and a heavy thump resounded across the halls.
"--stairs,"
the little pink teapot finished. Glancing over at Christian the candelabra,
who was coveniently lit up, she urged, "Go on with the prince!" Christian
shrugged his little candle shoulders, before hopping over to guide Prince
Kurt.
A black-and-blue
Prince Kurt, his fur all dusty and his navy blue Olympic sweatsuit ripped
and torn in several places, throttled the hapless talking candelabra in
his hands, screeching at him about why he hadn't warned him about the broken
step in the stairway, pausing only to let poor little Christian re-light
his candles whenever the flames went off thanks to the beastly prince's
throttling. Strutting a few paces after the prince was none other than
Stephanie McMahon, who glanced around at the decor in distaste and mentally
redecorated each room and hallway that they passed. Finally, the trio arrived
in front of a set of French double doors, as Prince Kurt stopped abruptly,
causing Stephanie to nearly bump into him.
"Well,
this is your room," Prince Kurt said simply, and threw open the doors.
Christian coughed pointedly as Stephanie stepped inside.
"Tell
her about the West Wing," he croaked, mostly from the prince's throttling.
Kurt Angle perked up.
"Oh,
yeah," he said. "Um...don't ever go to the West Wing, because...because...because
it's um...prohibited," he finished lamely. Stephanie frowned in distaste,
she was a McMahon, dammit, and nobody told her what to do. Nobody.
"Invite
her to dinner," Christian urged. Prince Kurt shrugged, then, without thinking
twice, said, "I invite you to dinner," and then closed the door right in
Stephanie's face as she was about to turn around and ask a question. Stephanie
scowled at having been disrespected like this, before swallowing her pride--not
to mention her sudden urge to bitch slap the spot where Prince Kurt had
been standing--and turning around to survey the room.
Meanwhile,
back in the outskirts of Connecticut, Hunter Hearst Helmsley sat on a stool
in the noisy DX bar, nursing a tall glass of foamy cold beer.
"I
can't believe-uh that Stephanie McMahon-uh rejected me like a mosquito-uh,"
he growled, slamming both fists down on the polished wooden counter and
causing his drink to jump a good couple of inches off the surface. X-Pac,
loyal sidekick that he was, stopped ogling all the scantily-clad girls
bouncing around the bar and turned to face the bearded blonde man making
angry faces into his beer.
"Aw,
boss, no girl's worth this much trouble over," he said. Lowering his voice
dramatically, he began choosing girls at random. "What about Ivory?"
"Too
librarian and feminist-uh," Hunter mumbled grumpily.
"Okay,
then." X-Pac picked again. "What about Lita?"
"Too
many tattoos-uh," Hunter griped. X-Pac frowned.
"This
ain't gonna be easy," he muttered to himself. He suddenly perked up. "Ooh,
ooh! What about Trish, huh?"
Hunter looked at him like he had gone crazy.
"She
frickin' slept with Stephanie's father-uh!" he thundered, failing to keep
his voice down to a discreet bellow. X-Pac cringed, and rubbed his busted
eardrum.
"Okay,
okay," he mumbled. "No need to freak out."
The duo sat in silence, X-Pac occasionally chugging
his beer, Hunter staring moodily into his glass. Suddenly, X-Pac snapped
his fingers.
"I've
got it!" he chirped brightly, looking like he'd just come up with the best
idea since sliced bread. "Why don't you get back together with Chyna, huh?"
At this, Hunter nearly freaked out, as he reached
over with one hand and grasped X-Pac's neck.
"I
don't want to be in a homosexual relationship with that man beast-uh!"
he roared, throttling his poor sidekick in his fury. At the commotion,
the bartender leaned over and snapped, "Hey you two, cut it out before
I call the cops!" He would have thrown them out of the bar...but the bartender
wasn't so stupid he would get into a fight with these two former degenerates.
Hunter ignored him and continued strangling X-Pac, before suddenly letting
go and throwing his poor sidekick onto the floor.
"I
just want to marry Stephanie McMahon-uh!" he wailed childishly, kicking
his feet against his stool. X-Pac strongly suspected that Hunter might
start calling for his mommy next unless he didn't do something, so he thought
quickly and blurted out, "Heh, you can't get Stephanie McMahon to marry
you unless you drug her drinks and wed her at one of those drive-in chapels!"
As soon as those words left his mouth, X-Pac instantly cringed and regretted
ever having uttered them, knowing that this was no time to provoke Hunter.
Then again, was there ever any time to provoke the former Degeneration-X
leader? X-Pac squeezed his eyes tightly shut, preparing himself to die
a long and particularly painful death, waiting for those fists to start
flying...And waited...And waited...And waited...
When
nearly five minutes had passed and X-Pac was still relatively injury-free,
the little sidekick hesitantly peeked out from one eye, and noticed that
Hunter was frozen in mid-pounce, looking as if a light bulb had just gone
off in his head.
"That's
it-uh!" he shouted happily--definitely not the reaction that X-Pac
had expected. Turning to his sidekick, Hunter gave him a massive bearhug
and roared, "You've just given me an idea-uh on how to wed Stephanie-uh!"
X-Pac felt his ribs begin to crack before Hunter finally let go and threw
him carelessly down onto the floor.
"Happy
to help, boss," he croaked from his position on the linoleum tiles.
Stephanie
sat boredly on her huge pink canopy bed, kicking her feet back and forth
like a young child and occasionally yawning. There was a series of soft,
polite knocks on her doors, and the youngest McMahon called out, "Yeah?
Come in!" The French doors opened slightly, allowing the little porcelain
teapot from before--Miss Molly, as she had introduced herself--to scuttle
cutely into the room.
"Hi,
Miss Stephanie," she chirped brightly, the usual cheerful smile on her
little porcelain face. "I just came over to see if you were ready for dinner."
Stephanie began to frown at the mention of dinner.
She followed a very strict diet of the finest and healthiest foods that
money could afford, and she wasn't about to let her temporary stay at this
castle cause her to gain unwanted pounds.
"Very
well, then, I suppose I'll go down and dine with your Prince Kurt Angle,"
she sighed, sliding off the bed. "But I'll have you know--"
"That
you're a McMahon, dammit?" Miss Molly guessed, then blushed bright pink
at the realization that she had just uttered a *drumroll* swear word! Dun
dun dun! Stephanie frowned in confusion, before waving her hands carelessly
back and forth in the air.
"No,
no, not that," she muttered. Clearing her throat, she said, "I was going
to say that I follow a very strict and nutritious diet of only very healthy
gourmet food, and unless your chef is willing to prepare a meal to my liking,
I'll be forced to not come down for dinner until my demands are met."
"Oh,
you shouldn't worry about that," Miss Molly assured her. "Our chef is quite
familiar with making healthy and nutritious meals, since Prince Kurt also
demanded them when he was training for his sports tournaments."
Stephanie nodded.
"That's
fine," she said. "Now, for dinner, I would like a small plate of freshly
tossed garden salad--only fresh green vegetables, and no fried noodles
or croutons."
"That
will be fine," Miss Molly chirped brightly.
"Maybe
some French dressing," Stephanie mused thoughtfully. "But only a little
bit. Too much cream equals a helluva lot more pounds than I'd like to think
about."
"That
will be fine, too," Miss Molly replied cheekily. "Now, about coming down
to dinner with the prince--"
"Oh,
and make sure to have cherry tomatoes on my salad," Stephanie cut her off.
"Cherry
tomatoes," Miss Molly replied, somehow still maintaining a bright smile
on her cheerful face.
"And
for the main course, I would like the finest swordfish steak you've got,"
Stephanie went on, oblivious to the words spoken by Miss Molly.
"Swordfish,"
the pink teapot echoed. "So, you'll be coming down to dine with Prince
Kurt, right--?"
"Yes,
swordfish," Stephanie rambled, ignoring the hapless teapot. "But only if
it's fresh."
"Fresh
swordfish steak," Miss Molly mumbled obligingly.
"I'd
also like some champagne, by the way," Stephanie went on.
"Champagne,"
Miss Molly sighed.
"And
make sure it's in a crystal goblet," Stephanie informed her.
"Crystal,
right." The teapot had yet to lose her patient smile.
"And
for dessert..." Stephanie paused to think on that choice, so Miss Molly
shyly made a decision.
"Chocolate?"
she suggested. Stephanie looked at her like she had just grown two heads.
"Dear
God, no," she gasped, horrified at the prospect of consuming such a vile
thing. "Do you know how fattening chocolate is? No, I was thinking of something
along the lines of strawberries and cream," Stephanie told her.
"Strawberries
and sweet cream, right," Miss Molly mumbled, the cheeky grin beginning
to strain for the first time in her entire life. "So, uh, is that all?"
"Yes,
that's all," Stephanie told her to her immense relief. Miss Molly let out
an inner sigh, before venturing to ask, "And you will be dining
with Prince Kurt, right?"
Stephanie played around with a lock of her chestnut
brown hair, before sighing heavily and mumbling, "Yeah...I guess so."
At
that moment, there was the little pitt-patt sound of tiny wooden feet tottering
clumsily toward them, as a wooden antique clock--Edge--nervously poked
his head in the doorway.
"Um...the
dinner is, like, so totally served," he harrumphed, carefully averting
his eyes from the two females in the room. Miss Molly noticed the way he
shifted around uncomfortably, and frowned, deducing that something was
obviously wrong.
"What
happened?" she asked in a voice barely above a whisper. Edge fidgeted,
glancing around at this and that, before finally coughing up the answer.
"Prince
Kurt doesn't want to come down to dinner," he admitted. At this Stephanie
began to frown. How dare he turn down the privilege of dining with someone
like me? she thought furiously to herself. Crossing her arms, she inwardly
declared, I'm Stephanie McMahon, damn it! No living man dares say no
to me! Out loud, she huffed, "Well, if he doesn't have the decency
to show up, then I won't either! I'm not going down to dinner, and there
isn't a thing you can say or do that will change my mind!"
Miss Molly sighed sadly. It had all started so
well, why did the prince had to ruin everything by refusing to go downstairs
to dinner? Turning to Edge, she asked, "Why won't Prince Kurt come down
to dinner?" The little clock replied by mumbling something about how the
prince wanted to make a good impression on a first date by actually wearing
his gold medals.
"Christian's
trying to talk some sense into him right now," the blonde enchanted household
item added. Miss Molly's frowned grew when she heard that. We're doomed,
she
sighed inwardly to herself.
Way
over in another wing lied the prince's chamber, and hunched over a smooth,
polished redwood pedestal was the beastly prince, who sulked silently and
clutched at his precious gold medals. Over in the entranceway stood a three-pronged
brass candelabra, who was apparently trying to 'talk some sense' into the
prince.
"I'm
not going," Kurt Angle pouted childishly, kicking his feet back and forth
like a young child. "I just know she'll think I'm a loser because I can't
even wear my gold medals!"
"Dude,
you are so totally wrong about that," Christian argued. "I mean, look at
you! You're...er...very unique in appearance! Besides, you're a prince
with gold medals. I mean, that so totally reeks of awesomeness! It won't
matter to her whether you can wear them or not."
Prince Kurt, meanwhile, had failed to listen,
and was too busy trying in vain to yank the gold medals over his giant,
beastly
head.
"Wah!
It won't fit!" he wailed, tugging on the red-white-and-blue straps from
which the medals dangled on. Christian waited none too patiently for the
prince to stop blubbering, and when it appeared that said prince had no
intentions of stopping anytime soon, the little candelabra picked up where
he'd left off.
"Dude,
you totally reek of awesomeness! There's no reason for you to impress some
hot chick with your gold medals. Please, please, please, just go down there
before she starts to think that you're a total chumpstain for not showing
up," he begged. Prince Kurt pouted, his lower lip sticking out rather childishly,
before huffing and sighing heavily and reluctantly setting his array of
gold medals--none of which fit over his head--onto the redwood pedestal.
"Oh,
all right," he sulked, and skipped off on his task. Christian gave a tiny
little candelabra sigh, before scurrying after his prince.
The
duo arrived in front of Stephanie's chamber to find the double doors firmly
locked and Edge and Miss Molly pacing around in front of them, having been
kicked out of the room by its only human occupant. Prince Kurt skidded
to a halt in front of the double doors and banged noisily on them with
both furry fists.
"Hurry
up and come on down to dinner," he hollered, not knowing any other way
to ask a lady to dine with him. Silence greeted his shouted request, before
Stephanie's distinct voice harrumphed back, "I'm not hungry!" Prince Kurt's
face scrunched up at this particular reply, before calling out, "Well,
um...if you don't come out right now, I'm gonna...er, I'm gonna break this
door down!"
Silence. Miss Molly tentatively cleared her throat,
and spoke up cheekily, "Uh...Prince Kurt, I don't really think that's the
best way to endear yourself to a girl." Prince Kurt stared back with confused
blue eyes.
"I
don't know any other way," he admitted. Meanwhile, Christian was saying,
"Dude, just totally come on down to dinner with Prince Kurt and stop being
such a reekette!"
"That's
not such a great way to impress a girl, either," Miss Molly piped up. The
three males glared at her.
"Then
what is?" their prince finally asked. Miss Molly perked up.
"Try
asking her in a really nice, romantic way," she suggested. Prince Kurt
scrunched up his nose, 'romantic' apparently not a word that popped up
often in his daily vocabulary, eyebrows knitted tightly together to think.
"Um...it
would be a great honor...to...er...um, no, wait! Uh...I would be so totally
delighted to...no, that's not it either! Great, I've been hanging around
the reekazoids too long," Prince Kurt grumbled to himself. Miss Molly sighed,
before calling out apologetically, "What the prince means is that it would
be a great honor and privilege if you would please come down and dazzle
his evening by gracing it with your presence."
"Tell
him he'll just have to deal with an undazzling evening, then," Stephanie
replied back haughtily. "I'm Stephanie McMahon, dammit! Nobody turns me
down and then expects a second chance!"
Prince Kurt scowled.
"Well,
I'm a multi-time gold medalist, dammit! And if you're going to be such
a stick in the mud, then go ahead and starve to death, for all I care!"
And with that, the beast prince stomped off, sulking and pouting, to a
destination unknown to be alone. The three enchanted household items stared
at the closed double doors in dismay.
"And
it was going so well," Miss Molly murmured sadly. Edge and Christian stared
at her like she had gone crazy.
"Right,"
the two brothers echoed, before Edge grumbled, "I'm so totally sick of
playing matchmaker, it reeks of stinktitude," and stomped off. Miss Molly
followed, chirping brightly over her shoulder, "Christian, you stay here
in case Miss Stephanie does come out." Christian's jaw dropped.
"That's
heinosity! Why do I have to stay behind?"
But his brother and Miss Molly had already tottered
off to the kitchen, and the candelabra's protests went unheeded. Christian
made a face.
"Fine.
I'll stay behind and stand guard, you chumpstains. But I so totally won't
like it." And with that, he began marching back and forth in front of Stephanie's
doors like a Green Beret.
Prince
Kurt stormed up the set of stairs that led to the West Wing and into a
dark, ominous room cluttered with antique furniture and old oil paintings.
Sneezing from all the dust that had settled, the prince stormed over to
the glass pedestal holding his medals and the magic rose that the enchantress
he'd pissed off so many years ago had initially offered him. Beside the
magical rose, which rested underneath a crystal cover, lied an elegantly
carved silver mirror.
"I
can't believe the nerve of that...that...girl!" the prince huffed,
unable to come up with a better insult. "I invite her very nicely and very
romantically to dine with me, and what does she do? She rejects me! Me!"
Prince Kurt picked up the magic mirror, and growled
into it, "Show me that...that...that...um, that girl!" Instantly,
the smooth glass surface of the mirror flared with a magical peacock-blue
light, before the hazy mists surrounding it cleared up to show Stephanie
McMahon seated cross-legged on her pink canopy bed. Her lips were painted
a deep red, and her eyes encircled by black mascara, but underneath the
dark makeup lied a lovely, almost girlish face, and her shimmering chestnut
hair had curls in it that day. Prince Kurt's expression softened. Even
though she had just refused to dine with him, he still had to admit that
she was awfully pretty. Perhaps Stephanie McMahon really could be the girl
to break the spell.
Two
hours later, the French doors of Stephanie McMahon's all-pink chamber hesitantly
cracked open a few inches. A head poked out cautiously, glancing left and
right, and when she was satisfied that there was nobody around, Stephanie
stepped out of her room and headed off into the hallway. Meanwhile, Christian,
who was supposed to stand guard but had gone off to ogle the female servants,
stopped chasing after Terri the blonde mop and noticed the doors to Stephanie's
chamber wide open and the chestnut-haired young woman disappearing down
the red-carpeted hall.
"Oh,
crap," Christian cursed to himself, and tottered off after Stephanie in
a futile attempt to catch up with her.
Stephanie,
meanwhile, wandered aimlessly around the halls, stopping only to gaze at
the paintings hanging on the walls. She soon found herself in the kitchen...and
nearly face-to-face with Edge and Miss Molly, who were standing on a counter.
Stephanie froze, and quickly closed the door, not wanting to deal with
the enchanted household items, but it was too late and the duo had spotted
her. Tottling out of the kitchen, Edge and Miss Molly stared up at Stephanie
with wide eyes, before Miss Molly ventured sweetly, "Would you care for
some dinner?" Stephanie hesitated, before realizing that at this hour of
the night most of the food must have already been consumed and the rest
stored away in the refrigerator...which meant that she would be eating
leftovers if she accepted Miss Molly's offer. The prospect of dining on
leftovers didn't exactly thrill her, so she turned her nose and flatly
refused.
"But
I would like to look around," Stephanie admitted. Just then, there was
the sound of brass scuttling over the polished marble floors, before a
breathless Christian poked his little wax head into view.
"The
princess has so totally left her chamber," he wheezed out between gasps
of air. Edge and Miss Molly glared pointedly at him, before chiming in
unison, "We know!" Christian looked guilty.
"Oops."
Edge,
Christian, and Miss Molly scurried across the red-carpeted hallway guarded
by twin rows of metallic silver suits of armor, and following close behind
was Stephanie, who already looked bored.
"...acquired
from sixteenth-century Spanish nobility," Miss Molly rambled on, playing
tour guide and happily oblivious that nobody was paying attention but her.
She took a deep breath of air, and went on. "Moving on, we go past the
West Wing and into the library, which used to hold many classic works of
literature, before Prince Kurt decided to redecorate and fill all five-story
wall-to-wall shelves with wrestling books and nutrition guides..."
Meanwhile, Stephanie passed by the suits of armor,
casually sparing them a glance or two. A small metallic clatter could be
heard, as she bent down to see what had fallen and caught sight of a shiny
silver dollar. Meanwhile, the helmets on the suits of armor turned around
simultaneous to when she bent down, while Edge looked back in disgust and
mumbled something about how that was so totally the oldest trick in the
book. With Miss Molly ranting on and the suits of armor checking out Stephanie's
ass, the quartet made their way toward the staircase that led to the forbidden
West Wing. The three enchanted household items paused briefly in front
of it, before hurriedly scurrying on. However, Stephanie was not as reverent,
and began ascending the stairs. Miss Molly, Edge, and Christian quickly
sprinted in front of her, blocking the way.
"What
do you think you're doing?" Stephanie demanded irritably, and began to
sidestep the three objects, who promptly zipped right back in front of
her.
"Um...you
don't want to go there, trust me," Miss Molly spoke up hesitantly, her
bright, cheerful smile replaced by an uncertain look. Stephanie gave her
a patronizing look.
"And
why not?" she played along, sounding almost amused by the little pink teapot's
discomfort. "Is Prince Kurt hiding something from me up there?" At this,
all three household items let off peals of nervous laughter and tittering,
before Edge cleared his throat and mumbled, "Er...the prince is so totally
not hiding anything from you. He ain't a chumpstain, you know."
"Yeah,
Prince Kurt totally reeks of awesomeness. He wouldn't hide anything at
all," Christian chimed in. Stephanie smirked.
"In
that case, there's no reason for me not to go up there." And with that,
she resumed climbing the steps. The three household items shuffled hurriedly
to block her path.
"Wouldn't
you like to see something else?" Miss Molly suggested nervously. "I mean,
we have oil paintings, antique furniture, marble sculptures, flower gardens,
classic books..." she babbled on, noting in dismay that none of the items
mentioned seemed to interest Stephanie in the least bit. Not letting Steph's
less than lukewarm response discourage her, Miss Molly plunged on.
"...Exotic
birds, gourmet food, designer clothes..." the pink teapot rattled off.
Stephanie seemed to perk up at the mention of the last item.
"Did
you say designer clothes?" she asked. All three household items gave little
tiny sighs of relief, realizing that apparently they had stumbled on something
that seemed to remotely interest the young woman.
"Oh,
yeah, totally," Christian piped up. "Prince Kurt so has closetfuls of designer
clothes that reek of awesomeness!" The little candelabra conveniently forgot
to mention that they were all navy blue Olympic sweatsuits. Stephanie began
to look mildly interested, as she placed a finger to her lips and apparently
thought this over.
"Okay,
then," she agreed. "Lead the way."
The three enchanted household items heaved enormous
signs of relief, before tottering off, babbling happily about the closetfuls
and closetfuls of designer clothes that Prince Kurt had just sitting around
the castle. Stephanie took a step forward, apparently to follow the trio,
before glancing logingly over at the West Wing, and hesitating. Her curiosity
sparked, the dark-haired young woman promptly changed her mind, and began
ascending the steps leading to the forbidden part of the enchanted castle.
The West Wing, much to Steph's great disappointment, turned out to be just one measly room. After endless wandering across an array of different objects, including dusty antique furniture and a broken mirror, she finally stumbled across the gigantic double doors that led to the one room. Stephanie hesitated slightly before it, looking almost guilty as she snuck a glance behind her, before pulling the doors open. The lazy creaking noises were so loud in Stephanie's ears that she was sure they'd woken up the dead...but when seconds passed and not a soul stirred, she regained her confidence and plowed forward with that I'm-a-McMahon-dammit strut that the particular family was so well known for. She made her way through the sea of dusty antique furniture that cluttered the room in an unsightly manner, nearly knocking over a small, exquisitely carved rosewood pedestal as she walked up. Absently steadying the pedestal in place, Stephanie's eyes caught sight of an oil portrait, long since covered with layers of dust and spider webs. Curious, she inched forward, and blew the dust and torn cobwebs off of the painting. Coughing slightly in the dust cloud that had gathered, Stephanie rubbed her eyes free of the dirt and stared curiously at the oil portrait. It depicted a young man, she noticed, probably in his mid to late twenties. He had dark brown hair and sky blue eyes, and a smile so bright and energetic that even she had to crack a tiny grin. The young man in the painting was dressed in a red, white, and blue Olympic sweatsuit, and was posing proudly for the portrait, an array of shining gold medals hanging around his neck and a bouquet of flowers in his arms. Stephanie would have taken more time to gaze at the oil portrait, but a glittering pink light suddenly caught her attention out of the corner of her eyes. Turning around, the dark-haired young woman followed the almost magical source of light, and found herself staring at a beautiful, delicate red rose protected under a crystal cover. It was giving off a glittering pink light that seemed almost magical, and Stephanie couldn't resist the temptation to reach out and touch it. She hastily took off the crystal cover, and shyly extended one hand, very slowly, until the tips of her fingers made contact with the rose's delicate red petals. She smiled in delight, almost like a little girl who had just been handed the most wonderful of gifts, as she gazed at the glowing red rose in awe.
And
then, a sudden dark shadow sprang up menacingly, cloaking both Stephanie
and the rose in its darkness. Stephanie immediately withdrew her hand and
winced, knowing that she had been caught red-handed. Uh-oh, she
inwardly sighed to herself, as she hesitantly raised her head, nearly cringing
and having lost that arrogant McMahon pride as she awaited...whatever it
was that was in store for her. A pair of sky blue eyes, eyes that matched
the ones in the oil portrait, stared right back, almost in a confused fashion.
Prince Kurt glanced carelessly at the intruder in his supposedly forbidden
West Wing, before opening his mouth and demanding to know, "Er...what are
you doing here?" Stephanie straightened up from her feeble position, realizing
that she had been cringing while the prince spoke, and cleared her throat,
trying to regain her composure and her air of haughty arrogance.
"I
thought this was the forbidden West Wing," she remarked pointedly, choosing
to ignore his question. Prince Kurt shrugged.
"Edge
and Christian said to call it the forbidden West Wing because it would
so totally reek of awesomeness," he admitted. He scrunched up his face,
as if thinking of something. "That, and something about how nobody's supposed
to touch the magic rose."
Stephanie quickly slid both hands behind her
back.
"Oops,"
she muttered under her breath. Looking guiltily around to change the subject,
her eyes fell on the oil portrait, and she asked, "Who's that?" Prince
Kurt followed her gaze to the painting, and a familiar bright smile lit
up his face.
"Oh,
that's me, posing after my Olympic gold medal victory," he said.
"You
mean you really do have gold medals?" Stephanie asked. Prince Kurt looked
offended.
"I'll
have you know that I possess all three I's: Intensity, Integritiy, and
Intelligence, and Integrity does not allow me to lie (too often)," he huffed.
Stephanie made the mistake of trying to strike up casual conversation with
him, as she asked, "So, then...how did you win all of your gold medals?"
Prince Kurt's eyes gleamed with unholy glee,
as he began his painfully long tale.
"It
was the summer of, oh, I think, five years ago, and I was wrestling this
big, ugly dude with some name I can't pronounce for the gold..."
Two
hours later, Stephanie, who, miraculously, hadn't passed out from sheer
and utter boredom, was sent bolting from the supposedly forbidden West
Wing, screaming for her daddy and wailing about how she couldn't take the
long and endless gold medal stories anymore. Edge, Christian, and Miss
Molly, who had been frantically searching for her ever since they'd grandly
flung open the display of row upon row of Olympic sweatsuits and noticed
that their guest was missing, gave matching grimaces.
"Dude,
I guess Prince Kurt totally blew that chance too," Christian mumbled. Miss
Molly was staring after Stephanie's retreating back in dismay.
"But
Miss Stephanie, you promised to stay here for a whole year and fall in
love with Prince Kurt," she called out after the figure disappearing down
the stairs. Stephanie glanced back at her incredulously.
"I
know I promised that, but I honestly don't know how much longer I can put
up with that endless blabbering about gold medal matches!" And with that,
she flung the castle doors wide open and zipped out of the building. Miss
Molly sighed, and tottered off to inform Prince Kurt that their last chance
at being normal again had just disappeared out the doors.
Meanwhile,
Stephanie quickly mounted Foley the horse, who took one look at her face
and wordlessly began to sprint away from the castle, not needing to be
informed that he had to take the youngest McMahon as far away as possible,
or else he was fired. The two sped off into the dark forest path, Foley's
hooves creating deep, denting footprints in the thick snow. However, the
duo was barely a couple hundred yards away from the enchanted castle when
they got lost.
"Oh,
great," Stephanie muttered, and glanced around herself. As she was telling
herself that the situation couldn't possibly get any worse, it did, as
her ears picked up the chilling sound of feral growls ringing across the
black forest. Stephanie gulped, and glanced around wildly, as a pack of
black-and-grey wolves slowly inched into visibility, their eyes glowing
a fierce red, their sharp fangs gleaming white in the pale moonlight. The
young woman silently swore to herself, as she silently counted the number
of wolves that were surrounding herself and her horse. Foley, meanwhile,
was running around in circles, not knowing what else to do. Stephanie glared
down at him in disgust.
"Well
don't just stand there, you tub of lard!" she screeched. "Do something!"
Just then, the nearest and boldest wolf pounced,
and Foley heeding his mistress's advice, reared up and kicked it away.
The wolf went flying through the air, howling furiously, and was knocked
stiffly into the trunk of a nearby pine tree. The rest of the pack cautiously
backed off a bit, now wary of their much larger prey, but it wasn't long
before another member dove in for the kill, taking a nip out of one of
Foley's ankles. The horse reared up wildly, and kicked blindly into the
snow, as Stephanie struggled to hang on, scowling all the way. She was
going to fall off her mount if he kept up this act, and she certainly had
no intention of getting her brand new designer silk suit dirty. With Foley
busy keeping the wolves attacking him at bay and Stephanie scowling at
the prospect of getting her clothes all mangled, neither of them noticed
a single black wolf stealthily creep up on them...until it pounced, leaping
high into the air and making a move to drag Stephanie off her mount. Stephanie
turned around, just in time to see the fiercely glowing red eyes and sharp
ivory fangs flying toward her, and she opened her mouth and screamed.
And then the wolf stopped in mid-flight, as it was yanked just inches before it struck Stephanie on her horse and tossed carelessly onto the snow. Stephanie looked around in surprise, and saw Prince Kurt Angle, standing protectively in front of her and her horse. Another wolf flew through the air, aiming its attack toward the beast prince, and slashed viciously at his left arm, leaving wide, bloody gashes. As Stephanie screeched in horror, Prince Kurt grunted and waved his arm wildly back and forth, trying desperately to shake the tenacious canine from him. With Stephanie screeching along, the beast prince was finally able to pry the wolf's jaws off of his poor arm, and flung him into the other wolves. The pack regrouped, and arched their backs repectively, snarling and growling at the beast prince and Stephanie. Prince Kurt shrugged, before letting out a beastly roar. That, combined with Stephanie's atrocious screeching, was enough to send the wolves packing, as all of the canines took off into the forest with their tails tucked between their legs, whimpering pathetically. Prince Kurt turned to Stephanie, who was still screeching. He tried to say something, but the shrill, high-pitched whine got to him first, as the beastly Prince Kurt Angle's eyes rolled into his head and passed out, partly from the loss of blood and scuffle with the wolves, mostly from Stephanie's ear-shattering screeching. Stephanie finally stopped screaming when she realized that the beast prince had flatly passed out cold in the snow. She closed her mouth, and prepared to ride back home...before realizing that she was lost and wouldn't be able to find her way to Connecticut in the snowstorm. Shrugging and deciding that it would be a better idea to return to the castle, she slowly guided Foley back in the direction of the enchanted place, reluctantly dragging Prince Kurt along because she somehow had the feeling that she wouldn't be too warmly welcomed back if the servants found out that she had abandoned their master.
Stephanie
used Miss Molly to pour hot water into a basin, and watched as the steaming
liquid mixed with the medicine. Seated in a velvet chair in front of the
roaring fireplace was Prince Kurt, who was clutching his injured arm and
sniffling. Stephanie shot him an impatient look, and snapped, "Stick out
your arm and don't scream." Prince Kurt pouted, and shook his head no,
clearly indicating that he didn't want that 'yucky medicine' put on him.
Irritated by his immature approach at life, Stephanie grabbed his arm and
splattered the medicine-soaked towel against his arm. Prince Kurt squawked,
whining, "Ouchy, ouchy, ouchy!" and instantly pulling his arm back.
"I
told you to stick your arm out and stop screaming," Stephanie reminded
in annoyedly. Prince Kurt frowned.
"But
it hurts," he whined childishly. Stephanie impatiently tucked back a strand
of chestnut brown hair.
"Well
it wouldn't hurt as much if you weren't such a baby about it," she snapped
irritably. Prince Kurt gave her a dirty look.
"Well
if you hadn't run off, I wouldn't have had an injury to be a baby over,
now would I? Wait a minute, that didn't sound right..." His voice trailed
off, as he began composing sentences in his head.
"Well
if you hadn't bored me to tears with your stories about your gold medals,
then I wouldn't have run off!" Stephanie shot back. Prince Kurt failed
to respond, as he was still too busy trying to come up with a retort that
would sound good to her first insult. Stephanie sighed irritably, and mumbled,
"Forget about it. Just...please stick out your arm and let me bandage you
up. It might sting a bit, but at least it's better than getting a nasty
infection." Prince Kurt pouted, before reluctantly obeying and sticking
his arm out. Stephanie dabbed at the wounds with the towel, with the beast
prince whining, "Ouchy!" the whole way. Finally, the task was done, and
both parties heaved sighs of relief as Stephanie began wrapping a bandage
around the cleansed wounds. Looking down at the ground and suddenly becoming
absolutely fascinated by the carpet design, Stephanie mumbled, "By the
way, I just wanted to...um...to thank you for saving my life." Prince Kurt
smiled brightly.
"Your
welcome," he chirped cheekily.
