A dispirited
mumble was her reply, and Stephanie quickly groped around in the dark until
she found her way into the library. There, seated in front of a dying fire,
was Mr. McMahon, eyes bloodshot, glass of whiskey in hand. Stephanie
quickly hurried over to her father's side.
"Daddy,"
she whispered. Mr. McMahon barely glanced up, saying nothing, so Stephanie
continued.
"Daddy,
I saw what happened with Shane and WCW," she murmured quietly. Then, glancing
up uncertainly at her defeated-looking father, she asked, "Are...are you
okay?"
At this, Mr. McMahon let out an impatient groan.
"Of
course I'm not okay, Stephanie," he muttered bitterly. "How could Shane
have outsmarted me? I always knew he had the McMahon streak in him...but
I never knew he would use it to outsmart me!"
"Oh,
Daddy," Stephanie murmured in a hushed voice. "You'll find a way to get
back at him, I promise. You'll be fine."
"Fine?
Fine?!" Mr. McMahon was getting himself worked up over this. "I came straight
home and fired all my lawyers, and then rehired them just so I could fire
them again...and I still feel like crap!"
"Aw,
Daddy," Stephanie cooed, and reached out to hug her father. "Don't worry,
everything will be fine. And if Shane decides that he'll keep WCW, I can
sic my friend on him. He's a beast prince, you know."
"Yeah,
I guess so," her father mumbled. Stephanie frowned.
"Come
on, Daddy. I mean, you're the chairman of WWF, Inc! You're Vince McMahon,
dammit! You can do whatever you want, whenever you want to! You're a McMahon,"
she fired off like a drill sergeant. Mr. McMahon seemed to be getting his
pompous arrogance back.
"You're
right," he said, and straightened up. "I'm Vince McMahon, dammit! I can
run Shane out of business and squash him like a fly on the wall!"
"That's
right," Stephanie agreed vigorously. "And together, we can drive Mom and
Shane out of here for good!"
Just
as the two McMahons were getting worked up and ready to do battle against
the other half of the McMahon family, there was the sound of the doorbell
ringing. Stephanie frowned irritably. Who could be visiting at this hour?
"Coming,"
she called out, and strutted over to the door, flinging it wide open. "What?!"
Hunter Hearst Helmsley's grinning face greeted
her. His long, dark blonde hair was loose, with a leather cap pulled over
it, and in his hands he clutched a tall bottle of whiskey that looked suspiciously
murky--almost as if it had been drugged with, oh, I don't know, say, sleeping
pills, perhaps?
"Stephanie-uh,
it's so nice to see you're back-uh," he drawled lazily. Stephanie frowned.
Not Hunter again. She thought she'd gotten rid of him that last time when
he'd had the audacity to suggest she marry him and spend the rest of her
life popping out crying, smelly babies.
"What
are you doing here, Hunter?" she asked, none too politely. Hunter grinned,
and held up the whiskey bottle.
"I
just thought-uh you might be interested-uh in having a drink-uh of this
obviously non-drugged liquor with me-uh," he suggested pleasantly. Stephanie
turned up her nose on him.
"No,
thank you," she informed him tightly, and was about to slam the doors shut
when Hunter took a hold of her arm and yanked her out of the mansion.
"Hey!"
Stephanie's screeched out protest was cut short when she saw the not-so-elaborate
outdoors wedding party set up, and the sleepy townsfolk gathered dully
around the gigantic white wedding cake.
"Steph-uh,
I'm gonna drug your drink-uh and then we're getting married-uh, whether
you like it or not-uh," Hunter growled. "Your father-uh already agreed
to it-uh."
Stephanie turned accusing eyes on her father,
who had sheepishly stepped outside to check on the commotion.
"Daddy!"
she whined shrilly. Mr. McMahon looked down guiltily, suddenly fascinated
by the patch of snow in front of his shoes.
"Sorry,
Steph," he mumbled an apology. "I guess I was too depressed over Shane
and WCW to really hear what Hunter here was saying."
Stephanie huffed in annoyance, before yanking
her arm out of Hunter's grip and snapping, "Hunter, there is no way I'm
marrying you, and if you try to, I'll sic my friend on you! He's a beast
prince living in a castle in the forest, and he'll do anything for me!"
Hunter snorted in amusement at her far-fetched
words.
"Right-uh,"
he mocked. "And does your friend-uh turn into a human-uh whenever the moon
is not full-uh?"
Stephanie glared at him, and darted back into
the house, before returning a few seconds later armed with the magical
mirror that Prince Kurt had given to her just hours earlier.
"I'll
have you know that my friend exists, and I can prove it with this!" And
with those words said, Stephanie held up the mirror triumphantly, while
shouting, "Show me Prince Kurt Angle!"
Instantly,
the magical bright light flashed, and the hazy blue mists swirled around
the glass surface of the mirror to reveal Prince Kurt...doing his daily
stretches. Hunter squinted at the disturbing image, before grunting, "All
I see-uh is a furry, beastly ass-uh!"
"Huh?"
A confused Stephanie whipped the mirror around and gazed into it. "Oh,
oops." She started shaking the small, ornate instrument wildly, mumbling,
"Maybe this will change the angle of it...or not...Oh, great! Come on,
stupid mirror! Show me his face, not his behind!" While Stephanie was busy
screeching obscenities at the mirror, Prince Kurt finished his daily workout
routine and stood up, toweling himself off.
"That
was refreshing. Woo!" he chirped sunnily. "And now to get some milk. Woo!"
Just then, Stephanie noticed that the beast prince's
head was now clearly visible, and she once again displayed it for the whole
crowd to see.
"See?
I told you my beast prince existed," she gloated gleefully. A random, unnamed
lady took one look and squawked shrilly, "Is he dangerous?!"
"Oh,
no, of course not," Stephanie hastened to assure. "I mean, I know he looks
kind of scary, but he's actually a really cute and sweet guy...when he's
not bragging about his gold medals, anyway."
Hunter noticed the softened tone that Stephanie
used when describing her prince, and began to frown. Snatching the mirror
away from her while she was busy spouting off all the good qualities of
Prince Kurt, he declared, "Don't listen to her-uh! Just look at those beady
eyes-uh, and those sharp fangs-uh! This beast will sneak into town at night-uh
and savagely tear your children apart-uh!" while waving the magic mirror
around wildly. The villagers, hearing Hunter's words, promptly jumped on
the bandwagon and began shouting their agreements.
"We
have to storm that wretched castle-uh and stop this horrible beast-uh!"
Hunter thundered, sounding like he actually knew what he was doing. "Who's
with me-uh?"
"Everyone!"
the townsfolk shouted in unison, as Hunter mounted his black stallion and
trotted off, heading toward the dark forest path with the overzealous townsfolk
in tow, shouting about how they were going to slay the horrible beast in
the castle.
"Gee,
I wonder where they got those torches and pitchforks so fast," Stephanie
observed, before quickly turning her attention to more important subjects.
"Oh, yeah! I've got to warn Prince Kurt about Hunter and his mob!" And
with that, she rushed off and got into her daddy's newly-repaired limo,
speeding toward the castle as fast as a limousine could possibly go.
