Desert Discord

Vash and Wolfwood decide shoot first ask later just won't fly for this gig. But is the approval of a group of women really worth the sort of subterfuge that is necessary?

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Wolfwood shouldered the Punisher and after lighting up a cigarette and took a thoughtful pause outside the saloon. "So just how the hell are we going to manage this? Too many potential hostages for us to just bust in their like--," he trailed off and glanced over at Vash, who had grooved ahead of him towards the mansion.

"Total babe-age, total babe-age, every corset untied. Lalalalalala! Gunna want my sexy hide," Vash sang coolly.

"Vash!" Wolfwood called over to get his attention and the blonde quickly turned around.

"Huh? Oh yeah, well I figured we could just act like we wanted to join and get in, that'll be low key, right?"

Wolfwood furrowed his brow, "But we're not women."

"... I saw a dress shop down the way."

The priests face went blank, "You're not trying to imply what I think you are, Tongari..."

Vash grinned innocently and gave a nonchalant shrug, "I know, I know. But hey, anything for a pretty face, right?" His smile quickly faded as he fell serious and continued, "Besides, who knows what they're planning to do to those poor girls. If we don't act fast their going to get away with whatever their plotting, and I know neither of us could live with that on our conscious." Wolfwood nodded slightly. So he'd sacrifice a little pride, wasn't as if he hadn't sacrificed every other thing. Vash's grin popped back onto his face, "Just think of how grateful they'll be!"

Wolfwood rolled his eyes and flicked his cigarette away before he pulled Vash into a friendly noogie, "Yeah, yeah, fine we'll do it. Geez, you gotta one track mind, Vash. Women and donuts."

Vash laughed and tried to duck out of the way, "Hey, watch it! That hurts!" Wolfwood released him and chuckled as Vash turned to give him a playful shove towards the dress shop.

Wolfwood glanced around at the shops around the darkened street, they were all closed. "I hope the dressmaker's still in, at least."

"You can just tell them Vash the Stampede will be wantin' a dress or else!" Vash struck a pose and gave a goofy grin.

"Right, like anyone would be intimidate by a face like that," Wolfwood snickered and turned the handle of the door to the tailor's shop. Vash pouted. "That's not very intimidating either. Bingo, we're in luck, they're open. Now let's just hope the dress maker wasn't a girl."

Wolfwood held the door for Vash, or rather, the taller man just instantly bounded his way ahead of the priest and began looking around for the store owner. Wolfwood eyed the feminine apparel displayed around the store a bit warily, he wasn't so sure if he wanted to sacrifice his pride anymore. Vash beamed with pleasure as he found the front desk, and with it a little silver service bell. He instantly caved into the urge to bounce his hand repeatedly over the button. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding!

Several moments later a lanky young man sashayed out of the back room, he wore a yellow off the shoulder sweater and an eye patch along with a rather perturbed look on his face. "That will be quite enough of that!" he snatched the bell away from Vash. "You only need to ring it once, you know. Now what is it I can do for you I'm a very busy--" the tailor was cut short as he finally looked up to get a look of both Vash and Wolfwood. The contempt in his voice quickly faded and his annoyance was replaced by a charming smile. "I mean," he cleared his throat, "how may I be of service to you fine gentleman? Looking for something to impress the ladies with? You might find yourselves a bit out of luck, they're aren't many left after all, but still, whatever you need. I'm sure I have it."

Wolfwood sighed heavily and glanced at his shoes breifly before starting, "Yeah, ah, see... It's like this, we're going to be going out to that mansion to save the girls, so we're going to need some dresses. For us, as a kind of cover nothing more."

The tailor ran his eyes over Nick, then did the same for Vash and clasped his hands together gleefully. "Well, I do think I can take care of you both," he exclaimed with a slightly smarmy twitch to his lips.

Wolfwood caught sight of the smile and his face immediately went blank as he prayed for god to strike him down right then and there. It was bad enough he had to get a dress, it was bad enough he had to get it from someone like -that-. Vash, as oblivious to things as he was, simply smiled to the tailor and held his hand out, "Why thank you! By the way, I'm Vash--ua. Yes, Vashua, and this is my traveling companion Nicholas D. Wolfwood."

The tailor shook Vash's hand delicately, "A pleasure, my name's Blake. Now why don't we just come back here and I'll take you're measurements, you're first Blondie." Vash flashed Wolfwood a grin before traipsing after Blake.

Wolfwood could only manage to feel sympathetic for the poor fool. Vash probably hadn't caught on that Blake was the sort of guy who wouldn't mind measuring the gunman's inseam, and in fact probably take some small amount of satisfaction from it. Then again, when he considered the situation, Vash had the sort of innocence that could keep him oblivious even when things might have gotten a bit personal and Wolfwood didn't like that idea much. It was one thing to make comments and flirt, but it was something completely different to cop a feel on a guy like Vash. Not that the priest was worried, or jealous. No, he definitely wasn't jealous. That would've been absurd, but nonetheless, he felt an overwhelming urge to make sure the foppish little store owner wasn't taking advantage of a de-robed Vash or anything of the sort.

He quickly pushed his way around the counter and walked for the back room. The door flung open just as he was about to knock and revealed Vash's smiling face. "Oh great, Wolfwood, there you are. You're next." Wolfwood blinked a bit and stepped into the room. Just what the hell had he been thinking? Just because it was pretty damn obvious Blake was rootin' for the home team didn't mean it would automatically try to take advantage of Vash, and on a second matter, just because Vash was his friend, what would it matter. The guy was goofy, true, and at times air headed, but he wasn't completely incompetent.

Blake's voice cut in, "Are you going to stand there all day or put your arms out so I can get your measurements." Wolfwood gritted his teeth and held his arms out obediently and Blake stretched the measuring tape out. "My, what broad shoulders you have. Strong too, no doubt from carrying that cross. Poor thin chap like you carrying all that weight on his shoulder's, it's a wonder you make it." He then settled to getting Wolfwood's chest, waist and so forth. "So you really plan on saving all those girls?"

Wolfwood nodded, "Eh, you get used to it. Sure I'm going to save them, I'm a priest after all."

"Well, to be honest. I don't miss many of them, but it's still dreadful to think something horrible probably happened to them. Spread your legs a bit would you?" he flashed a grin.

"The hell does that have to do with getting a dress size?" No, Wolfwood wasn't as trusting as Vash. In fact, even if he was getting pants he wasn't sure if he really wanted Blake to be taking his inseam with a grin like that.

"It's how I work, in the event you would like to have a pair of pants or something later on down the line I will have all the correct measurements. But really," he rolled his eyes, "it isn't as if I'm trying anything. I can see you're with Blondie."

Wolfwood sighed and moved his legs apart, then paused and glared down at the tailor, "I am not with that donut inhaling needle noggin." No, he wasn't. "We're just too friends headed towards the same town." Yes, they were.

Blake quickly took Wolfwood's inseam and stood with a shaking of his head, "You don't have to lie to me. Two handsome strangers traveling alone? One tall, dark, and handsome and the other one, well, blonde. It's so romantic!"

Wolfwood simply paused, he had no idea how to respond to that for a moment. Thankfully he found his voice again, "Look, honestly, we aren't a couple." Unfortunately. The priest almost started himself out of his skin at that. Where the hell had that thought come from? Well, it was just obvious he had thought it was unfortunate because then Blake wouldn't have a reason to not hit on him. Yeah, that was it.

"If that's what you believe, but well, if you aren't you ought to be. My eye never lies, but I understand if you don't feel the same. Anyhow if you plan on passing yourself off as a woman you're going to need some make up and a wig. You can find all of that in the shop. Not to mention you're going to need to shave off that stubble, as sexy as it is. Now, if you'll excuse me I'll go see if by some twist of fate I might have anything in your sizes."

Wolfwood scowled and nodded to Blake, although he didn't turn to leave for a while. He never denied that he really liked Vash, as a friend yes. It was true, he had missed the companionship once he left, but was it possible that a few pent up feelings could give the wrong impression? The wrong impression for him was just as bad as the wrong impression being right. He blinked back to consciousness as he heard Blake snickering over his starry-eyed expression and quickly turned back into the store. Blake gave a good tisk and turned back around to hunt through the racks of clothing.

Vash had opted to kill time by meandering around the store until he spotted a few racks of woman's undergarments and had become instantly mesmerized by the brightly colored panties. On the opposite side of the store, Wolfwood had diligently found an appropriate wig and all the other necessities, if a bit grudgingly, and decided to see how Vash had made out. ".... Any luck, Tongari?"

Vash nearly jumped out of his skin, "I wasn't doing anything!"

"You were looking at women's underwear, not like I couldn't see," Wolfwood twisted his lips into a grin.

The blonde made to hold his hands up to defend himself, then shrugged, "Well, yeah. I mean, how come they don't make underwear so soft and silky for us?" He stopped and blinked at all the extra items Wolfwood was carrying, "What are you doing with all of that?"

"You think if we just put on dresses we'll pass for girls?"

Vash bit his lip, "Well, it'll be dark out."

"You're going to need make up too," Wolfwood smirked a bit. It was, after all, Vash's idea to dress up like women.

"Aw, man," Vash sighed disappointedly and looked up as Blake returned from the back room with two large garment bags slung over his shoulder. He unzipped the first to reveal a long sleeved, black jersey dress in black stretch velvet. Simple, elegant and had lots of coverage to boot. Vash was sure it was his. The second dress was hideous, almost beyond description. It was a bubbly red jumper paired with a poofy shoulder blouse. It looked like something Strawberry Shortcake would wear, really. Vash instantly began to crack up, "Oh my god, Wolfwood. I'm -so- sorry."

"Actually," Blake grinned, "this one is yours. It was made for a transvestite who came through a while back so it was all I had in your size. But it'll work, red's a good color on you."

Wolfwood took his turn to bust out laughing as he took the black dress and turned for one of the dressing rooms. Vash simply looked at the ensemble in his hand with mute horror.

"Come, come now, you haven't got all day to save those girls, Vashua. Now go get dressed," Blake gave Vash a slight push towards the dressing room and the Human Typhoon's lip quivered breifly before he bravely marched into the other dressing room.

As Blake turned back for the front desk he heard a shout of, "For love and Peace!"