"Be The Mallet"
By: Jessica R Vance
Rating: PG for mild language not found in the show
Summary: Another Jessie soliliquy! Will this madness ever end!?!?!?
*Be The Mallet*
My future lover will have green eyes. I was told this by a 1-800 psychic. James has green eyes. I was told this by my keen sense of observation. Coincidence?
I think not.
See, good fortune has never been my strong point. I mean, let's think about my life. Mother died when I was 5, father ran off shortly afterwards, lived in orphanages till I was 10, then I was slung into Team Rocket. Sounds great, doesn't it?
Not really.
But then James came along and I thought my luck was finally changing, you know? I thougt that maybe I had met someone who would be my friend and stick with me. James was so sweet, and so convincing that I thought that maybe, just maybe... I had found someone who actually cared about me. And that was great.
Until I found out what a complete and total idiot he is.
Don't get me wrong, I still love him to death. Trust me. But even you have to admit that he's not the brightest bulb in the drawer. I'd do just about anything for him, but to be totally honest with you, there are times when I'd like to kill him. Really.
I know what you're thinking. You know James, you like him, he's a sweetie, don't talk like that about him, right? That's typical. A lot of James-lovers tend to hate me. I really don't care. Most of them don't realize that I'm one of them. That I'm just like them. What do they see?
The Mallet(tm).
The Frying Pan(tm).
The rest of Jessie's Artillery(tm).
So what? OK, yeah, I hit him sometimes. If you got frustrated as much as I do, you would too! I mean, he's just so stupid sometimes!
I can hear you now. "You're such a bitch, Jessie."
I still don't care. Nyah nyah.
Put yourself in my position for a second. You have this guy. He's great. He's sweet. He's sensitive.
He's an idiot.
What would *you* do if you just couldn't take it anymore and you snapped and had to do something? I hear you. You fancy yourselves the sensitive, gentle types. You fancy yourselves as the types that would be calm and understanding about it.
Liars.
Human nature demands violence under stress. Think about PMS. Yeah, that makes it clearer, doesn't it? Anyway, none of you will ever understand. You're just narrow minded enough to think that a girl can't love a guy and beat up on him at the same time. Well ya know what? You're wrong. I do love him.
...
That was a little easier to admit than I thought it would be. To you anyway. Admitting it to him is another story altogether.
Why am I telling you all this anyway? Oh that's right. Because you'll listen.
Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah. I break the guy I love's face on a daily basis. Cool. What was my point, anyway? What started this whole freakin' rambling session? Oh, I was talking about fortune. Right. Let me get back on track.
James is an idiot, yes. But he's a lovable idiot. Right? I'm right. Of course I'm right. And hey, if that worthless 1-800 psychic had any idea what she was talking about, I'm in for a pretty good future, don't you think?
Even if my future green-eyed lover isn't very smart.
I love him anyway.
By: Jessica R Vance
Rating: PG for mild language not found in the show
Summary: Another Jessie soliliquy! Will this madness ever end!?!?!?
*Be The Mallet*
My future lover will have green eyes. I was told this by a 1-800 psychic. James has green eyes. I was told this by my keen sense of observation. Coincidence?
I think not.
See, good fortune has never been my strong point. I mean, let's think about my life. Mother died when I was 5, father ran off shortly afterwards, lived in orphanages till I was 10, then I was slung into Team Rocket. Sounds great, doesn't it?
Not really.
But then James came along and I thought my luck was finally changing, you know? I thougt that maybe I had met someone who would be my friend and stick with me. James was so sweet, and so convincing that I thought that maybe, just maybe... I had found someone who actually cared about me. And that was great.
Until I found out what a complete and total idiot he is.
Don't get me wrong, I still love him to death. Trust me. But even you have to admit that he's not the brightest bulb in the drawer. I'd do just about anything for him, but to be totally honest with you, there are times when I'd like to kill him. Really.
I know what you're thinking. You know James, you like him, he's a sweetie, don't talk like that about him, right? That's typical. A lot of James-lovers tend to hate me. I really don't care. Most of them don't realize that I'm one of them. That I'm just like them. What do they see?
The Mallet(tm).
The Frying Pan(tm).
The rest of Jessie's Artillery(tm).
So what? OK, yeah, I hit him sometimes. If you got frustrated as much as I do, you would too! I mean, he's just so stupid sometimes!
I can hear you now. "You're such a bitch, Jessie."
I still don't care. Nyah nyah.
Put yourself in my position for a second. You have this guy. He's great. He's sweet. He's sensitive.
He's an idiot.
What would *you* do if you just couldn't take it anymore and you snapped and had to do something? I hear you. You fancy yourselves the sensitive, gentle types. You fancy yourselves as the types that would be calm and understanding about it.
Liars.
Human nature demands violence under stress. Think about PMS. Yeah, that makes it clearer, doesn't it? Anyway, none of you will ever understand. You're just narrow minded enough to think that a girl can't love a guy and beat up on him at the same time. Well ya know what? You're wrong. I do love him.
...
That was a little easier to admit than I thought it would be. To you anyway. Admitting it to him is another story altogether.
Why am I telling you all this anyway? Oh that's right. Because you'll listen.
Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah. I break the guy I love's face on a daily basis. Cool. What was my point, anyway? What started this whole freakin' rambling session? Oh, I was talking about fortune. Right. Let me get back on track.
James is an idiot, yes. But he's a lovable idiot. Right? I'm right. Of course I'm right. And hey, if that worthless 1-800 psychic had any idea what she was talking about, I'm in for a pretty good future, don't you think?
Even if my future green-eyed lover isn't very smart.
I love him anyway.
