Part 3 - It's hard getting over you
"Anne, you look beautiful, calm down."
"Of course you would say that Lily, you're my best friend."
Even though I've been away from Sunnydale for about 3 years, it still feels weird saying that Lily is my best friend and not Willow. Everyday I wonder what the gang is doing and a sharp pain of guilt stabs my heart, but it's not as sharp anymore, the memories of them have started to fade, I can barely remember what colour Willows eyes are or how tall Xander is. Sometimes I try so hard to remember that I just forget even more, but then I remember the word 'Past' and that's what they are even though sometimes it kills me to admit it.
I look at myself in the mirror and realise that I look so different from Buffy Summers, my hair is longer - just below my shoulder - and it's more of a browny-blonde colour, my face doesn't look so innocent and naieve like it used to and my eyes are blue instead of green - I was so determined to put Buffy Summers behind me that I went and bought coloured contacts - I like the changes because they make me even more apart from the old Buffy and that's what I want.
"Anne? Earth to Anne?"
"Huh? what?"
"Excited about tonight huh?"
"Yeah"
I say it so breathlessley and my cheeks begin to burn and the voice in my head whispers again
'How can you do this to him?'
"You okay?"
I shake off the voice and nod and smile at Lily, once again it's as if she doesn't believe me, but good old Lily doesn't say anything.
"Well time to go. Don't wait up Lil."
She cringes when I say 'Lil' I know she hates it but I do it anyway, I walk out the door before she can reply.
The air feels cool against my skin and I sigh, it feels so nice, it feels like.....Angels lips and hands, how they used to roam all over my body, I stop walking and just stand there letting the cool air wash over me. I feel a pang in my heart when memories of Angel creep into my mind, no matter how hard I try to shut his beautiful face and delicate touch out of my head, whenever I least expect it, he creeps into my mind and I experience the pain and love all over again.
But it can't happen to me tonight, because I'm venturing back into that scary world of Dating - this coming from a girl who has faced things more horrible than your typical male - But I haven't been with anyone after Angel, I mean part of me wanted to just stay his forever, even if he's not...alive, because he was my first real love and that part of me just can't imagine some other man touching me, kissing me, making me feel alive.
But another part of me is saying to let go of Angel, he's never coming back and nothing I do or say will make him anymore real, this part of me has grown stronger over our time apart, so maybe I really am getting over him.
'Yeah right, who are you kidding?'
"Anne?"
I turn and see Daniel, he's grinning and gestures for us to go inside Vee. He offers to take my hand and I accept it smiling, it's warm against my own and suddenly I want the cool of Angels hand back because the warmth feels foreign.
"Are you okay Anne?"
Everyone seems to be saying that a lot to me these past few days, I just do my smile reassuringly thing and we go inside. The music fills my ears instantly and the lights flash blue,green,pink,purple and then back to blue. Daniel leads me to an empty table and just like a gentleman, he holds out my chair for me.
"Drink?"
I nod and he ventures off towards the bar, I sit and watch the people dancing, hips gyrating, hands wandering, kisses and it suddenly reminds me of The Bronze and how I danced with Xander to annoy Angel, and it worked, Buffy 1 Angel 0.....god! why do my thoughts always have to go back to him?! Daniel comes over and puts our drinks down, I stand up instantly and my first instinct is to run because he's not Angel but I stay and grab him up to dance.
We push past all the people and find a spot just as a slow song comes on.
'To see you when I wake up
is a gift I didn't think could be real
To know that you feel the same as I do
is a threehold, utopian dream
You do something to me that I can't explain
So would I be out of line if I said
I miss you?'
I look into Daniels face and he suddenly reminds me of Angel, I close my eyes hoping to clear my head, but when I open them Angels face is still there, my heart starts to pound in my ears and I can feel sweat trickle down my neck and then my back, the cut on my head starts to throb.
The music sounds distant and all I can hear is the pounding of my heart.
Boom.boom.boom.boom.boom.boom.
The lights flash on and off and I can't see properly, the room starts to spin, I feel like I'm going to vomit. I push away from Daniel and run out of the club.
I still feel dizzy but the air starts to clear my head, what the hell am I doing?! He's not Angel, he'll never be Angel!! I have to get out of here!
More sweat trickles down my neck and I can't see straight, I turn to my left and start to walk, well stumble away. Have to get out of here!
I turn down an alley and lean against the wall, I stand still but the world is still spinning and my cut throbs painfully. I lean over and vomit, it burns my throat and my eyes sting with tears. I wipe my mouth and stumble out of the alley and right into someones chest.
I bring my hand to my aching head and mumble an apology, I try to walk away but they grab my arm and pull me into view. I open my eyes and try to make out the person, but all I can see is a blurry mass of colour.
The person gasps and lets go of me, I nearly fall over but they grab me again and whisper
"Buffy?"
And then the lights begin to fade and I hit the pavement for the second time this week.
End of part 3
"Anne, you look beautiful, calm down."
"Of course you would say that Lily, you're my best friend."
Even though I've been away from Sunnydale for about 3 years, it still feels weird saying that Lily is my best friend and not Willow. Everyday I wonder what the gang is doing and a sharp pain of guilt stabs my heart, but it's not as sharp anymore, the memories of them have started to fade, I can barely remember what colour Willows eyes are or how tall Xander is. Sometimes I try so hard to remember that I just forget even more, but then I remember the word 'Past' and that's what they are even though sometimes it kills me to admit it.
I look at myself in the mirror and realise that I look so different from Buffy Summers, my hair is longer - just below my shoulder - and it's more of a browny-blonde colour, my face doesn't look so innocent and naieve like it used to and my eyes are blue instead of green - I was so determined to put Buffy Summers behind me that I went and bought coloured contacts - I like the changes because they make me even more apart from the old Buffy and that's what I want.
"Anne? Earth to Anne?"
"Huh? what?"
"Excited about tonight huh?"
"Yeah"
I say it so breathlessley and my cheeks begin to burn and the voice in my head whispers again
'How can you do this to him?'
"You okay?"
I shake off the voice and nod and smile at Lily, once again it's as if she doesn't believe me, but good old Lily doesn't say anything.
"Well time to go. Don't wait up Lil."
She cringes when I say 'Lil' I know she hates it but I do it anyway, I walk out the door before she can reply.
The air feels cool against my skin and I sigh, it feels so nice, it feels like.....Angels lips and hands, how they used to roam all over my body, I stop walking and just stand there letting the cool air wash over me. I feel a pang in my heart when memories of Angel creep into my mind, no matter how hard I try to shut his beautiful face and delicate touch out of my head, whenever I least expect it, he creeps into my mind and I experience the pain and love all over again.
But it can't happen to me tonight, because I'm venturing back into that scary world of Dating - this coming from a girl who has faced things more horrible than your typical male - But I haven't been with anyone after Angel, I mean part of me wanted to just stay his forever, even if he's not...alive, because he was my first real love and that part of me just can't imagine some other man touching me, kissing me, making me feel alive.
But another part of me is saying to let go of Angel, he's never coming back and nothing I do or say will make him anymore real, this part of me has grown stronger over our time apart, so maybe I really am getting over him.
'Yeah right, who are you kidding?'
"Anne?"
I turn and see Daniel, he's grinning and gestures for us to go inside Vee. He offers to take my hand and I accept it smiling, it's warm against my own and suddenly I want the cool of Angels hand back because the warmth feels foreign.
"Are you okay Anne?"
Everyone seems to be saying that a lot to me these past few days, I just do my smile reassuringly thing and we go inside. The music fills my ears instantly and the lights flash blue,green,pink,purple and then back to blue. Daniel leads me to an empty table and just like a gentleman, he holds out my chair for me.
"Drink?"
I nod and he ventures off towards the bar, I sit and watch the people dancing, hips gyrating, hands wandering, kisses and it suddenly reminds me of The Bronze and how I danced with Xander to annoy Angel, and it worked, Buffy 1 Angel 0.....god! why do my thoughts always have to go back to him?! Daniel comes over and puts our drinks down, I stand up instantly and my first instinct is to run because he's not Angel but I stay and grab him up to dance.
We push past all the people and find a spot just as a slow song comes on.
'To see you when I wake up
is a gift I didn't think could be real
To know that you feel the same as I do
is a threehold, utopian dream
You do something to me that I can't explain
So would I be out of line if I said
I miss you?'
I look into Daniels face and he suddenly reminds me of Angel, I close my eyes hoping to clear my head, but when I open them Angels face is still there, my heart starts to pound in my ears and I can feel sweat trickle down my neck and then my back, the cut on my head starts to throb.
The music sounds distant and all I can hear is the pounding of my heart.
Boom.boom.boom.boom.boom.boom.
The lights flash on and off and I can't see properly, the room starts to spin, I feel like I'm going to vomit. I push away from Daniel and run out of the club.
I still feel dizzy but the air starts to clear my head, what the hell am I doing?! He's not Angel, he'll never be Angel!! I have to get out of here!
More sweat trickles down my neck and I can't see straight, I turn to my left and start to walk, well stumble away. Have to get out of here!
I turn down an alley and lean against the wall, I stand still but the world is still spinning and my cut throbs painfully. I lean over and vomit, it burns my throat and my eyes sting with tears. I wipe my mouth and stumble out of the alley and right into someones chest.
I bring my hand to my aching head and mumble an apology, I try to walk away but they grab my arm and pull me into view. I open my eyes and try to make out the person, but all I can see is a blurry mass of colour.
The person gasps and lets go of me, I nearly fall over but they grab me again and whisper
"Buffy?"
And then the lights begin to fade and I hit the pavement for the second time this week.
End of part 3
