Part 7 - Finding you....finding me - In Angels P.O.V.
I still can't believe it's her, I didn't think I would ever see her again.
She was the only thing that kept me going when I was in hell, everytime I felt the pain that came with living down there, I would remember her beautiful hair that reminded me of the sun and the warmth of her lips and the sweet taste of her skin.....
She coughs uncomfortably and fiddles with the buttons on her top, I want to stop the car and comfort her in my arms, kissing away her worries and having her surround me, filling me, making me feel complete. But a beautiful brunettes laughing face floats in my head.
Jessica. Jess, the girl I care for a lot. Long brown hair, eyes as dark as mine and a smile that makes me grin stupidly everytime I see it.
When I think of love, I think of Buffy not Jess. I do care for her, but with Buffy it's different, more intense, more powerful, more passionate and now that she's here that's what I want.
I never got over Buffy - hell I never will - but I managed to deal with it, the guys helped me, they too had to deal with Buffy leaving, then I met Jess and I fell for her, not as hard as I did for Buffy but neverthless I fell for her.
She was so different to Buffy, the way she smiled, the way she brushed her hair.....everything she did was different, being with Jess is...nice...like a calm ocean but with Buffy everything is crazy, it's a storm out at sea, the waves crashing angrily onto each other, the sky shouting out in pain...but I want that...the noise, the mess, the craziness, the pain, the intense burning love.....I want her...
But I'm torn, Buffy is THE one, Jess - no matter how horrible this sounds - is her filler, the 'rebound' gal, but I still care for her deeply. I've been with Jess for about a year now and everytime we make love, I think of Buffy and how she gasped and moaned underneath me that night and how it was absolute bliss...and I hate myself for it, because I'm living a lie with Jess, everyone - even Jess - thinks we're in love and like I said before I do care for her, I just don't love her.
When I returned from Hell, Willow figured out how to take out the me going evil part if I had perfect happiness, so for 3 years my soul has been bound. I'm like a recovering alcoholic, lasted 3 years many more to go, let's see if I can do it.
She sighs beside me and looks over at me.
"How did you find me?"
"Followed the scent of your blood..."
I feel kind of stupid after saying that, she looks away out the window and I know she wants to ask why I pulled away when she went to kiss me. I love how I can do that, know what she's thinking without her saying anything.
"Don't you love me anymore?"
The car swerves slightly but I manage to gain control, she sounds so lost and sad and it makes me angry at myself for making her feel this way.
"I do...always will...there's something I have to tell you..."
Actually two things, I can't decide which is worse....Buffy I've betrayed you, I'm with somebody else even though I don't love her or Buffy my soul is bound no more Angelus but we still can't be together because I'm with somebody else who I don't actually love.....okay they're practically the same......so looks like it's both of them.
She turns in her seat and looks at me expectantly, I take an uneeded deep breath and look at her in the corner of my eye.
"There's.....someone...else...and...and....no more Angelus.."
She doesn't say anything, just keeps staring at me with those beautiful beautiful eyes. I know she's trying to take in what I just told her, she bites her lip and I see her fists clench as she breathes in deeply, trying to clear her mind I guess.....or calm down....
"Do you love her?"
"No."
"Why are you with her then?"
"I care for her, she was there for me in some pretty tough times, I don't want to hurt her."
"But you're hurting her by staying with her."
I know she's right, but I don't know what to say, she sighs and runs her hands through her silky hair.
"Is this the end of us?"
"I...do-..no."
I know that it doesn't solve a thing and that Buffy and I are back at the start but it isn't the end, she's here, I'm here, soul in place.....time for happiness?? Yeah sure.....
She opens her mouth to say something but I cut her off when I pull up infront of the Hotel.
Home sweet home......
End of Part 7
See, B/A always :)
I still can't believe it's her, I didn't think I would ever see her again.
She was the only thing that kept me going when I was in hell, everytime I felt the pain that came with living down there, I would remember her beautiful hair that reminded me of the sun and the warmth of her lips and the sweet taste of her skin.....
She coughs uncomfortably and fiddles with the buttons on her top, I want to stop the car and comfort her in my arms, kissing away her worries and having her surround me, filling me, making me feel complete. But a beautiful brunettes laughing face floats in my head.
Jessica. Jess, the girl I care for a lot. Long brown hair, eyes as dark as mine and a smile that makes me grin stupidly everytime I see it.
When I think of love, I think of Buffy not Jess. I do care for her, but with Buffy it's different, more intense, more powerful, more passionate and now that she's here that's what I want.
I never got over Buffy - hell I never will - but I managed to deal with it, the guys helped me, they too had to deal with Buffy leaving, then I met Jess and I fell for her, not as hard as I did for Buffy but neverthless I fell for her.
She was so different to Buffy, the way she smiled, the way she brushed her hair.....everything she did was different, being with Jess is...nice...like a calm ocean but with Buffy everything is crazy, it's a storm out at sea, the waves crashing angrily onto each other, the sky shouting out in pain...but I want that...the noise, the mess, the craziness, the pain, the intense burning love.....I want her...
But I'm torn, Buffy is THE one, Jess - no matter how horrible this sounds - is her filler, the 'rebound' gal, but I still care for her deeply. I've been with Jess for about a year now and everytime we make love, I think of Buffy and how she gasped and moaned underneath me that night and how it was absolute bliss...and I hate myself for it, because I'm living a lie with Jess, everyone - even Jess - thinks we're in love and like I said before I do care for her, I just don't love her.
When I returned from Hell, Willow figured out how to take out the me going evil part if I had perfect happiness, so for 3 years my soul has been bound. I'm like a recovering alcoholic, lasted 3 years many more to go, let's see if I can do it.
She sighs beside me and looks over at me.
"How did you find me?"
"Followed the scent of your blood..."
I feel kind of stupid after saying that, she looks away out the window and I know she wants to ask why I pulled away when she went to kiss me. I love how I can do that, know what she's thinking without her saying anything.
"Don't you love me anymore?"
The car swerves slightly but I manage to gain control, she sounds so lost and sad and it makes me angry at myself for making her feel this way.
"I do...always will...there's something I have to tell you..."
Actually two things, I can't decide which is worse....Buffy I've betrayed you, I'm with somebody else even though I don't love her or Buffy my soul is bound no more Angelus but we still can't be together because I'm with somebody else who I don't actually love.....okay they're practically the same......so looks like it's both of them.
She turns in her seat and looks at me expectantly, I take an uneeded deep breath and look at her in the corner of my eye.
"There's.....someone...else...and...and....no more Angelus.."
She doesn't say anything, just keeps staring at me with those beautiful beautiful eyes. I know she's trying to take in what I just told her, she bites her lip and I see her fists clench as she breathes in deeply, trying to clear her mind I guess.....or calm down....
"Do you love her?"
"No."
"Why are you with her then?"
"I care for her, she was there for me in some pretty tough times, I don't want to hurt her."
"But you're hurting her by staying with her."
I know she's right, but I don't know what to say, she sighs and runs her hands through her silky hair.
"Is this the end of us?"
"I...do-..no."
I know that it doesn't solve a thing and that Buffy and I are back at the start but it isn't the end, she's here, I'm here, soul in place.....time for happiness?? Yeah sure.....
She opens her mouth to say something but I cut her off when I pull up infront of the Hotel.
Home sweet home......
End of Part 7
See, B/A always :)
