The Moth and the Fire
Author's Note: This was written actually while I was listening to the Ah! My Goddess song "Nagareboshi wo Matsu Shoujo," which – at least in my twisted little mind – actually befits the person whose point of view this is in. Please don't be too harsh in criticism, okay? Enough said – on to the story…
*~*
You know the old saying, "Like a moth to flames?" I think it describes someone who, despite knowing well that the person they're in love with is bad for them and might end up destroying them – despite all of these things, flocks to that person. They embrace death.
Kinda like me, now that I think about it.
I've been in love with Aoshima Toshiyuki since…oh…since forever. I know he's a Casanova. Some part of me thinks that, ironically, that means I might have a chance with him. I mean – I tried to cook better, I watched him from afar, all for him. But I was always too shy to tell him my feelings.
A pity. Maybe I would've had a chance before Belldandy appeared. Now, my beloved Aoshima won't look at anyone besides her, scheming to take her away from Keiichi. But she belongs with Keiichi, she really does. She doesn't deserve this…this…this hell I live in!
What did I tell you? I'm like a moth heading to flames…
Don't get me wrong, I'm not mad at or jealous of Belldandy. Well…maybe I'm jealous just a bit. She's got the body I can only dream of, she is a way better cook than I'll ever be, she's the babe of the campus – well, that was obvious; every girl's probably jealous of her for that – with the attentions, ranging from honestly pure to honestly perverted, of the single men on the campus, including my beloved Aoshima…! Okay, okay; I am jealous of her for that. But when I think of it…really, she's almost like a goddess, and I know my Aoshima's just…well…not gentle enough for her. He would push her to her limits…he'd destroy her. She'd return to wherever it is that she lives traumatized for life. I know this, Keiichi knows this, and I'm pretty sure every good-hearted person on campus knows that fact.
So why doesn't my beloved Aoshima notice me? Sora Hasegawa, the girl in the motor club who loves him! Who would accept being pushed beyond her limits – onto dates, into the bed…I'd accept demands that would break people's hearts, only to be with him! I know he's not perfect, I know that as sure as I know my name's Sora Hasegawa! But I'm not perfect either – nobody is, except maybe for Belldandy! Keiichi's actually almost like her, almost childish when it comes to romance and unwilling to make the first move. That's why they're perfect for each other!…that's why Aoshima is perfect for me…
But I know…
I know. Even if I were an angel and broke my wings to be with him, he'd look the other way. Even if I were as much of a babe as, say, Urd, I still wouldn't have his attentions. Even if I were a gourmet cook, he still wouldn't ask to share lunch with me. If I were as innocent as a child, he would still dote on Belldandy.
Not even wishing on a shooting star will bring Aoshima to me. I only deceived myself for a while, until Belldandy appeared. So, I suppose I have a lot to thank her for. Unknowingly, she let me know my Aoshima would never look at me the way he looked at her. Without saying anything, she told me the truth – that even a shooting star will never bring him to me.
Thanks, Belldandy. I owe you one.
But I'm like the moth in that saying. And nothing will keep me from being in love with Aoshima.
However, one of these days, someone might put out that fire and keep me from killing myself by mistake. Someone who would notice me. And I still believe that, totally.
But for now, I can't help being the moth in that saying.
And that's all I know.
Like a moth to flames…
Aishiteru, Aoshima-kun.
~owari~
