TITLE: The Pretender (1/1)
AUTHOR: Talia
E-MAIL: pinkyboringness@hotmail.com
DISCLAIMER: Don't own any of the characters, all property to Joss and co.
TIMELINE: Couple of months after 'Smashed'
SPOILERS: Not really any.
SYNOPSIS: Buffy leaving Spike, she doesn't love him, going to see Angel.
PAIRINGS: B/S - kind of, B/A - kind of
DISTRIBUTION: Land of denial, Fanfiction.net and anyone else! Just gotta ask
:)
NOTE: Yup it is B/S, but not really because she doesn't actually love him or
anything and I know there isn't much B/A interaction sorry! Kinda Angsty.
Thinking maybe a sequel, not sure though.
FEEDBACK: Ya-huh :) Send it on in!
RATING: PG
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His cool hands slide along my shoulders and down my arms, taking the straps
of my singlet with them.

"God, you're so beautiful."

He blows over my neck and I shiver and pull his shirt off.

"I've missed you."

I ignore him and place soft kisses on his pale, still chest.

"Talk to me."

I sigh and sit back, pulling my singlet back on. He always ruins the moment,
does it everytime.

"What do you want me to say??"

He shakes his head and reaches for his packet of cigarettes.

"Well?!"

"Say something! Anything! Everytime we meet you never say a thing!"

"Talking ruins it."

"Why?"

Because I'm only pretending with you Spike, that's why. This means nothing
to me, I just want to feel, feel something......just want you to be him.

"Stop shutting me out Slayer."

I push him back on the bed and take his cigarette out of his mouth and put
it out in the ashtray next to me. It sizzles slightly and the grey smoke
twirls and swirls, making all sorts of patterns before fading out. I stare
at the empty space for a few more seconds before I turn to Spike and devour
his mouth with my own.

He pushes me away and I pull him ontop of me. His icy blue eyes lock with
mine and I see passion and love flash brightly in them and in this moment I
am afraid, afraid of what this obsession that Spike has with me is going to
do to him.

What will he do when he knows I'm just pretending with him? Will he finally
kill me? Will he sink his fangs into my neck and drink my blood? or will he
turn me into him....one of them...where I'll sink my fangs into each and
everyone of my friends necks and drink their warm, thick blood and revel in
the glorious feeling of it sliding down my throat.

I quickly look away and I feel sick, sometimes I can't believe I'm doing
this. Pretending with him just so I can feel....something....no matter how
sick and twisted the feeling may be.

Spike grabs my chin and forces me to look at him.

"Tell me that you love me."

I look straight into his eyes and for a few seconds I feel like I'm drifting
away, drifting in the oceans of the blue in his eyes.

"What?!"

"Tell me that you love me, that's what I want you to say."

He looks at me pleadingly and I know that he knows I don't love him. Never
have, never will. But he still wants me to say it because it'll feed his
illusion and as long as he has the illusion he's fine.

"Say it!"

I push him off me and get off the bed, pulling my coat on and grabbing my
bag. I didn't even hear him move but suddenly his hand is gripping my arm
and he yanks me closer to him. He leans in close to my ear and I can smell
smoke, I breathe it in and it burns my nose and my eyes water.

"Why can't you say it?!"

"Because I don't love you!! You're not him!! No matter how much I pretend
that you are, you'll never be him!!"

He stands there staring at me while his cigarette burns slowly in his mouth,
he doesn't look shocked, he looks....sad. I guess I would be too if the
person that I loved didn't love me back.

"Goodbye, Spike."

I'm almost at the door when I hear him speak.

"I love you."

He says it hopefully, like that'll make me love him back or something. I
turn to face him and smile sadly.

"I'm sorr-"

"I don't want your pity."

I nod my head and silence falls over us, I turn towards the door and finally
leave.

I know where I'm going, I could get there even if I was blind. Going to see
him, because he's the only one that can really make me feel and I don't have
to pretend with him.

I smile when I see the Welcome to L.A. sign and I feel my blood hum inside
me.

I knock on the door and wait patiently and then suddenly the door opens and
reveals the man I love, the man that can make me feel so many things I've
never felt before for anyone else. His chocolate brown eyes widen with
surprise and he smiles, I feel myself smiling back and warmth spreads
throughout my body and my heart beats that little bit faster.

"Hey."

And in this moment I know I can stop pretending and just feel....

The end!