A TENCHI MUYO SEXCOM

Everyone was, once again, gathered around the table. Sasami cheerfully served them a delicious breakfast.

SASAMI-"Okay everyone, you can have oral sex with your food!"

TENCHI-"Sasami, when it's food, its called 'eating'."

SASAMI-"Oh, like what Ayeka and I do to each other every Thursday?"

MIHOSHI-"You're not the only ones." She starts making out with Kiyone. Frankly, Tenchi was beginning to think that something was going on between them.

TENCHI-"Hhmm...I wonder...." Noboyuki quickly shoves some food in his mouth and stands up to leave.

NOBOYUKI-"Damn, I'm almost late for work!" He rushes out the door, but Yosho runs after him.

YOSHO-"Honey, you forgot your briefcase!" Noboyuki quickly snatches his briefcase and drives away. Meanwhile, Sasami was becoming annoyed with the actions of Mihoshi and Kiyone.

SASAMI-"You know, the food would taste better if you would get your tongues out of each others throats." Kiyone flips off Sasami and keeps going. Ryoko was getting horny...yeah, 'getting'...

RYOKO-"Say, Tenchi, that sure looks like fun, doesn't it?"

TENCHI-"IT SURE DOES!" He gleefully flips off Sasami.

RYOKO-"No, I meant this..." she tackles Tenchi and starts trying to rape him, but he pushes her off. "Tenchi, what's wrong?"

TENCHI-"Ryoko, you know that my heart belongs to Sasami...and Amagasaki..."

SASAMI-"Yeah bitch! Back the fuck up!"

AYEKA-"Well, I'm finished. Thank you, Sasami. If anyone wants me, I'll be in my room having a....massage..." Soon after she closes her door, a dull humming sound can be heard.

SASAMI-"Ayeka sure loves her massages."

TENCHI-"Well, this was a great meal, Sasami. Why don't you come up to my room and I can thank you for it?"

SASAMI-"Tee hee..oh, Tenchi. I'll go get the whip!"

YOSHO-"And I'll get the camera!" Suddenly, Ayeka begins to scream in pleasure. Then she begins to scream for a different reason, and runs out of the room naked and on fire.

TENCHI-"Dammit, Ayeka. Did you turn it up too high again?" Ayeka rolls around on the floor and manages to put out the fire. Something catches Yosho's eye.

YOSHO-"Aaawww! How cute! Mihoshi and Kiyone are having sex!"

TENCHI-"Yep...sure are.......wait a minute....Sasami should have found the whip by now!"


LATER, AT NOBOYUKI'S PLACE OF BUSINESS

Noboyuki looks over his schedule for the work day.

NOBOYUKI-"Let's see...10:00, use bathroom...10:05, clean off stall door..10:06, scratch phone number on wall..." Suddenly, Noboyuki is approached by his boss. "MR. KAGATO? I'm so sorry for whatever I have done to dishonor myself, sir! I AM NOT WORTHY OF LIFE!" Noboyuki prepares to stab himself with a pen, but Mr. Kagato stops him.

MR.KAGATO-"Calm down, Masaki! You didn't do anything, this is good news! You're up for a promotion...but...well, I'll just be blunt. You're a weirdo and I don't like you."

NOBOYUKI-"What?"

MR.KAGATO-"You think no one knows what you're doing in the bathroom? You scream louder than a Tokyo whore."

NOBOYUKI-"Please! Give me one more chance! I'll show you that I'm not weird!"

MR.KAGATO-"Well, I shouldn't, but I suppose that I do owe you one for taking that sexual harassment rap for me...Tell you what...I'll come to your house for dinner tonight. I'm looking forward to meeting your new wife...what was her name...Katsuhito?"

NOBOYUKI-"Oh...uh..yes sir...We would all be...very glad to have you." As soon as Mr. Kagato was out of sight, Noboyuki made an urgent call home.

TENCHI-"Hello, Masaki residence...Hey, get your hand off my ass, I'm on the phone!"

NOBOYUKI-"Oh good, your grandpa is there. I have to speak with him immediately!"

YOSHO-"..Yello?"

NOBOYUKI-"Dad! My boss is coming over tonight for dinner, and he expects to see my wife!"

YOSHO-"But you said I could be the man tonight!"

NOBOYUKI-"No, I mean that he can't learn the truth about our families...odd personal life. He has to think I'm normal, or I'll never get my promotion!"

YOSHO-"So..do you want me to get one of the girls to pretend to be your wife?"

NOBOYUKI-"Are you insane? That's not nearly contrived enough! I know! You can dress in drag! It's a fool proof plan!"

YOSHO-"But-"

NOBOYUKI-"It's a fool..proof..plan, dammit!"

LATER THAT DAY

Mr.Kagato's limo drives up to the door, and Noboyuki steps out to greet him.

NOBOYUKI-"Good evening, sir. Please come in. Forgive the mess...running a boarding home can be difficult at times.

MR.KAGATO-"Well, Masaki, it's good to see someone so involved with helping the community." Noboyuki opens the door and shows Mr.Kagato in.

NOBOYUKI-"Sir, I would like you to meet my son Tenchi." Kagato finds Tenchi rolling around on the floor with Sasami.

MR.KAGATO-"Masaki...what the hell is your son doing to that little girl?"

NOBOYUKI-"She's uh...athsmatic...he's...giving her mouth to mouth?"

MR.KAGATO-"Okay, so why isn't he wearing any pants?"

NOBOYUKI-"Oh, that's because of- HOLY SHIT, WHAT'S THAT BEHIND YOU?"

MR.KAGATO-"What? Where?" Noboyuki takes this opportunity to pull Tenchi off of Sasami.

NOBOYUKI-"It must have been my imagination...Say, why don't you get to know the girls a little better, while I go and have a..talk with my son?" Noboyuki drags Tenchi into his room. Mr.Kagato decides that it would probably be better not to ask why Tenchi had a prosthetic penis...

Meanwhile, Mihoshi and Kiyone had caught the scent of someone in the house that they hadn't gang banged yet, and quickly rush Mr.Kagato.

KIYONE-"My my, Mr.Kagato, you're so charming...we aren't lesbians or anything, if that's what you were thinking."

MIHOSHI-"You know, Kiyone and I are police officers! Have you ever seen 'Handcuffs and Nightsticks'?"

MR.KAGATO-"I thought I recognized you two!"

NOBOYUKI-"I'm sorry about all that sir, I've taken care of things."

TENCHI-"Ouch..my ass hasn't hurt so much since Ayeka made me do that thing with my fist and-" Noboyuki quickly smacked him in the head to shut him up.

MR.KAGATO-"Nonsense, Masaki. I've been having a great time meeting your..family." Meanwhile, Sasami has found her way off the floor, and cheerfully greets their guest.

SASAMI-"Hi, I'm Sasami! Would you like a blo-"

NOBOYUKI-"HEY SASAMI, WHERE'S YOUR SISTER?"

SASAMI-"Ayeka...she was taking a bath with Ryo Oki last time I checked..."

NOBOYUKI-"And what about...Katsuhito?" he winked at Sasami.

SASAMI-"Oh...she said that she would be down in time for dinner."
Ryoko finally decides to come downstairs, already drunk off her ass.

RYOKO-"Hhey...wfut du 'ell is go..in on?"

MR.KAGATO-"Masaki, is that woman DRUNK?"

NOBOYUKI-"No...Ryoko here is just...uh...special, if you know what I mean."

MR.KAGATO-"Ah, I see."

NOBOYUKI-"Well, please have a seat, sir. Make yourself comfortable, I'm sure that Sasami will have dinner finished soon." Kagato helps himself to a seat on the couch, while Mihoshi and Kiyone have a seat on Mr.Kagato.

LATER

MR.KAGATO-"...Now I don't believe it!"

MIHOSHI-"It's completely true! It turns pubic hairs gray!"

MR.KAGATO-"Hahaha! That's amazing...uh..will you girls excuse me? I think I have to use the facilities..."

MIHOSHI-"The shitter is upstairs and to the left." Mr.Kagato makes his way to the bathroom, but unfortunately opens the wrong door.

KAMIDAKE-"Oh yeah, right there! That's what I like baby!"

AZAKA-"I'm getting a woody!" Kagato passes out and falls down the stairs.

LATER AGAIN

MR.KAGATO-"uhhg...too much wood...Uhg..Hey, what happened? Where am I?"

NOBOYUKI-"You fell down the stairs sir! You're lucky to be alive."

MR.KAGATO-"No, YOU'RE lucky I don't sue your ass." They help Mr. Kagato to his feet. He finds himself looking into the face of a purple haired woman. "Oh, so this is the wife I've been so looking forward to meeting! Good work, Masaki!"

NOBOYUKI-"Uh..actually sir, this is my wife." He pulls Yosho into the scene.

MR.KAGATO-"AAAAHHH! Uh..Sorry...but...uggh!"

YOSHO-"Don't mention it..tee hee..." Kagato whispers to Noboyuki.

MR.KAGATO-"Good lord, Masaki! Your wife looks like a drag queen...no offense."

NOBOYUKI-"Heh heh..uh..well, now that we're all here and conscious, why don't we sit down and have a good meal?" They all take their places and prepare to munch.

TENCHI-"What are we having tonight, Sasami?"

SASAMI-"Big 'ol wieners!"

NOBOYUKI-"SASAMI!"

SASAMI-"Okay, I know you don't like European food, but I thought it would be a good change of pace!" They all eat the hot dogs that Sasami had prepared.

MR.KAGATO-"I'm surprised! This is quite delicious!"

TENCHI-"Yeah, it's the best wiener I've ever eaten!" Suddenly the wall explodes and Amagasaki swings in on a vine.

AMAGASAKI-"WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?"

NOBOYUKI-"Holy shit! Tenchi, get rid of him right now!"

RYOKO-"Hey..Iss'h Tenchi'ss boyfvreind!"

MR.KAGATO-"Excuse me, but did your sons gay partner just blow a hole in your house?" Noboyuki was beginning to panic.

NOBOYUKI-"No, that would be wierd! I'm a completely normal employee...uh....uh...here, have sex with my wife!" he pushes Yosho into Kagato's face. Kagato jumps to his feet.

MR.KAGATO-"Masaki! Explain yourself!"

NOBOYUKI-"Okay, sir...it's time you learned the truth."

SO NOBOYUKI EXPLAINS THE WHOLE FREAKY SITUATION TO HIS BOSS

MR.KAGATO-"You're fired."

NOBOYUKI-"Damn!"

TENCHI-"Please Mr.Kagato! Don't fire him!"

AYEKA-"Yes, he supplies our money!"

KIYONE-"Maybe we can make some sort of...arrangement?"

MR.KAGATO-catching on-"I think you may be right...I'd better tell my chauffeur to go home."


THE NEXT MORNING

Mr.Kagato walks downstairs, followed by Kiyone, Mihoshi, and Ryoko.

NOBOYUKI-"Good morning, Mr. Kagato. Did you have a nice time last night?"

MR.KAGATO-"Masaki, I think I'll have to visit you more often. How would you like to be a Vice President?"

NOBOYUKI-"Thank you, sir! That would be wonderful!"

MR.KAGATO-"Uh...I think you should know something about your wife..."

NOBOYUKI-"Uh...NO TIME FOR THAT SIR, I'm sure you have to get going...I'll get someone to drive you back home. AMAGASAKI! GET YER ASS DOWN HERE!" Amagasaki runs downstairs in one of Tenchi's robes.

AMAGASAKI-"You called me, Dad?"

NOBOYUKI-"Get my car and drive Mr.Kagato home...and don't call me dad!" Amagasaki skips outside.

KIYONE-"Hey...has anyone else noticed something strange?"

NOBOYUKI-"Nope."

MR.KAGATO-"No."

MIHOSHI-"What do you mean?"

KIYONE-"I mean...where is Washu?"

NOBOYUKI-"Washu...HOLY SHIT!!!" He runs to the door, but is thrown back by a huge explosion of car parts and Amagasaki. Tenchi rushes downstairs to see what happened, and finds pieces of his lover all over the driveway.

TENCHI-"NOOOOOOO! WASHUU, I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS!!!"

KIYONE-"That's the third car bomb this week!"

MR.KAGATO-"Well, I guess I'll just have to wake up my chauffeur."

NOBOYUKI-"I'll get you the phone."


THE END...FOR NOW heh heh