A VERY SPECIAL EPISODE

It was another normal day at the Masaki home for the criminally nymphomaniacal. Everyone gathered around the table and breakfast began as it usually does.


TENCHI-"Sasami, how much of this food have you masturbated with?"

SASAMI-embarrassed-"Well...all of it, except for the eggs."

TENCHI-"Oh, slacking off huh? I'm very disappointed in you, Sasami. Don't let it happen again."

SASAMI-"*sigh* Okay, Tenchi."

TENCHI-"So anyway, last night I had this dream where I was on the worlds largest roller coaster, but it ended with me riding into grandpa's asshole."

NOBOYUKI-"Tenchi, I'm no psychiatrist, but I think that may be sexual."

TENCHI-"You think so? I figured it meant I shouldn't drink brake fluid before I go to sleep."

KIYONE-"From what I heard, there wasn't much sleep going on."

TENCHI-"Well, I couldn't say no to the princess of Jurai."

EVERYONE-"Damn right."

YOSHO-"I hope you made her use an oral contraceptive."

TENCHI-"You mean suckin dick? Oh yeah, there was a lot of that."

NOBOYUKI-"And not all Ayeka either, am I right?"

TENCHI-"Oh dad, you know me! tee hee."

YOSHO-"Well, I just don't want anyone around here to be pregnant."

MIHOSHI-"What are you talking about? You mean you can get pregnant...from sex?"

RYOKO-"Not if you do it right, eh blow up doll Tenchi?"

BLOW UP DOLL TENCHI-"....."

EVERYONE-"Hahahaha!"

YOSHO-"Ahem, but seriously now, yes Mihoshi, sex is what gets you pregnant..under normal circumstances anyway..."

NOBOYUKI-"Wait a minute... aw hell! I'm late for my checkup! I gotta go!" Noboyuki quickly rushes out the door.

YOSHO-"That man..sometimes I don't know why I bother."

KIYONE-"Tell me about it. Mihoshi just will not stop leaving the seat down!"

TENCHI-"Mihoshi! How inconsiderate of you! You know how much Kiyone likes to feel like the man."

RYOKO-"Is that why you always sit down when you use the bathroom Tenchi?" Suddenly Mihoshi stands up and rushes out of the room.

SASAMI-"Way to go everyone. Now you hurt her feelings." Sasami quickly follows Mihoshi.

RYOKO-"....hey, where the hell did Ayeka go?"

TENCHI-"You're right...she should have been here by now to munch the big sandwich, if you get what I'm sayin."

ELSEWHERE

SASAMI-"Mihoshi? Hey, Mihoshi, we didn't mean to be so hard on you. Come back to the table."

MIHOSHI-"Sasami...do you remember that...fun time we had last night?"

SASAMI-"Hee hee, oh yeah. I wonder what that Furby had to say about being in there."


MEANWHILE


FURBY1-"Fuck me."

FURBY2-"Groovy."


AND BACK

MIHOSHI-"Sasami...I think I may be...pregnant!"

*glass breaks*
*woman screams*
*thunder claps*
*Vincent Price laughs*

TENCHI-"Did you hear anything, Grandpa?"

YOSHO-"Less talk, more jimmy wax."


LATER THAT DAY


Tenchi stands outside Ayeka's room, knocking on the door.

TENCHI-"Ayeka? Are you there? You haven't been out all day." He opens the door, only to find Ayeka sitting in the dark, staring at her computer.

TENCHI-"Ayeka, what have you been doing in here?"

AYEKA-"What? Tenchi?"

COMPUTER-"Aaggh!"

AYEKA-"DAMMIT! Now I'll never be able to find the level 37 magical staff of whacking!"

TENCHI-"Ayeka's been replaced by a soap carving of Charlie Brown!...Oh wait, she's playing an online videogame..."

AYEKA-"YOU RUINED IT TENCHI! Get out NOW!" she starts throwing things at Tenchi as he runs out the door.

YOSHO-"Tenchi, what was wrong with Ayeka? Was it her period again?"

RYOKO-"You wish old man. Your fetishes sicken me."

YOSHO-"I love the site of blood, what can I say?"

TENCHI-"Ayeka was playing a computer game...but I think she may have a problem." Sad piano music begins to play. "I think she's addicted."

RYOKO-*gasp*

The front door opens, revealing an unhappy Noboyuki.

TENCHI-"Dad? I think Ayeka has a problem."

NOBOYUKI-"I have problems of my own...I've been diagnosed with..testicular cancer."

KIYONE-*gasp*

YOSHO-"Good lord!"

NOBOYUKI-"The doctor recommends the total removal of my genitals."

YOSHO-"Nooooo!!! My happy funtime pleasure zone!" he begins to cry and bangs his fist on the wall. Noboyuki slowly makes his way to his room and shuts the door, while Tenchi tries not to laugh about what happened earlier on Blues Clues.

MEANWHILE, AT THE HOSPITAL

SASAMI-"Don't worry, Mihoshi. Maybe being pregnant won't be so bad. I've always wanted to be a mommy."

MIHOSHI-"Yeah, maybe."

SASAMI-"I love you, Mihoshi."

MIHOSHI-"I love you issue of Carnival magazine."

SASAMI-"Dammit, Mihoshi, were you listening at all?"

MIHOSHI-"Hey Sasami, how many birds do you see in this picture?"

SECRETARY-"Miss Mihoshi, the doctor will see you now." Mihoshi and Sasami look at each other nervously.

MEANWHILE

TENCHI-"Hahahaha! Slippery Soap! Will you ever learn?"

AND...

NOBOYUKI-thinking-"I can't lose to this cancer! I can't let them take my package...I'll have to take care of it myself!" He quickly searches the house for a cutting instrument, and gets to work.

TENCHI-"heh..slippery soap...DAD? Are you trying to remove your testicle with a spoon?"

NOBOYUKI-"No, it's a spork, and instead of standing there with your mouth flapping, why don't you come over here and fluff me. This damn thing keeps getting in my way."

TENCHI-"OKAY!!" he quickly skips to his father's aid.

YOSHO-"Tenchi! You've got to...what the hell is going on?"

TENCHI-"I'm helping!"

YOSHO-"Noboyuki, you'll never get anywhere like that. Here, use this toothpick I found on the floor."

NOBOYUKI-"Hey, thanks!"

YOSHO-"Oh, by the way Tenchi, Ayeka's gone into the city to buy beer, or join a gang she met on the internet, I forget which."

TENCHI-"Oh no!" he jumps up "Grandpa, take over for me here, I'll be back soon!" Tenchi runs out the door.

YOSHO-"Doesn't that hurt?"

NOBOYUKI-"It's excruciating."

FURBY-"Groovy."

NOBOYUKI-"Hey, that might help..."


LATER THAT DAY


MIHOSHI-holding Sasami's hand-"So Doctor, are we...going to have a baby?"

DOCTOR-"Well, Miss Mihoshi..."

MIHOSHI-"Excuse me doctor, I prefer to be called Ms. Mihoshi, after all I am a strong, liberated, intelligent HEY! You have cotton swabs!"

DOCTOR-"Please don't touch those...as I was saying, Ms. Mihoshi and Ms. Sasami, I've looked over these tests, and it doesn't appear that there is any reason to believe you are pregnant..."

MIHOSHI-"But, I took a home pregnancy test!"

DOCTOR-"Yes, you showed it to me, and I'm afraid that it was a...popsicle stick. You are definately NOT pregnant."

MIHOSHI-"Okay sir, please, just tell me- AM I PREGNANT...OR NOT?"


LATER, BACK HOME


YOSHO-"Tenchi! Did you have any luck finding Ayeka?"

TENCHI-"No Grandpa...I guess she's just..gone."

RYOKO-"Well, that's good. I was tired of her acting like she was the cock of the walk. Everyone knows I'm the biggest cock around."

TENCHI-"Ryoko! Show some respect."

KIYONE-"Yeah, everyone knows my cock is bigger."

RYOKO-"Just keep telling yourself that..."

TENCHI-"I just hope that some day, we'll be able to find her again."

YOSHO-"Tenchi, you look stressed out. Why don't you get your rubber pants and I'll help you relax."

NOBOYUKI-"Everyone, I've come to an important descision. I'm going to stop fighting it, and just let the professionals take care of my cancer."

TENCHI-"But Dad! How will you...perform...sex...on me?"

NOBOYUKI-"Oh, that's simple. I've decided to have a sex change."

YOSHO-"Nooooooo!!!" he starts to cry again.


*Vincent Price laughs again*

YOSHO-"Damn you, Vincent Price!"

NOBOYUKI-"I'll be having the operation tomarrow, so you know what that means. Lets give the old guys a farewell I'll never forget."

EVERYONE-"Yaaaay!"


THE NEXT DAY


NOBOYUKI-"Aaah, that was a great party."

SASAMI-"I wouldn't say that. I'll be cleaning up for a month!."

TENCHI-"Hey, I didnt see Mihoshi last night."

SASAMI-"Oh, that's because the doctor explained how she could really get pregnant. She's decided to stick to women from now on."

KIYONE-"Booya! In your FACE Tenchi!" suddenly, the phone rings.

YOSHO-"Hello? Ayeka!" everyone becomes quiet " You're in prison! Tenchi! Quickly, get Noboyuki's wallet and bail out your aunt lover."

NOBOYUKI-"Be careful out there, Tenchi. Well, I've got to go too. Say goodbye to Noboyuki. After today, I'll be Noboyuko, the sultry exotic dancer with a heart of gold."


LATER, POLICE STATION, GRAB A SNICKERS


TENCHI-"Ayeka! I'm so glad you're safe!"

AYEKA-"TENCHI! I was afraid I'd never see you again!"

TENCHI-"What happened to you?"

AYEKA-"Those assholes set me up. They only wanted me to get them free internet hours. But how was I supposed to know that hacking into government computers was illegal?"

TENCHI-"So no more online games?"

AYEKA-"Never again. After this experience, I'll never get near another computer."

TENCHI-"Ayeka...did any of the women in here...have their way with you?"

AYEKA-"Don't talk that way, Tenchi! You'll get me started back to my life of crime."


LATER, AYEKA AND TENCHI ARIVE AT THEIR HOUSE


AYEKA-"I don't know how I could have let myself become so vile! My father was always so strict on me. When I did something wrong he would always spank me until my ass burned and tingled. Throbbing with a firey pain that was...lets hurry, Tenchi, I want to speak to Noboyuki."

TENCHI-"Oh, Ayeka...I should probably tell you about what happened..." Tenchi opens the door.

NOBOYUKO-"My son! You're finally back! I've missed you so!"

AYEKA-"..uh...Tenchi?"


LATER


TENCHI-"Well, I hope everyone learned a valuable lesson."

NOBOYUKO-"I learned that sexual organ removal is best left to people who know what they're doing."

MIHOSHI-"I learned the joys of being a lesbian...again!"

AYEKA-"I learned to just say no to online gaming."

TENCHI-"And I learned that..."

RYOKO-"Wait a minute...where's...BLOW UP DOLL TENCHI?" Suddenly, an explosion tears through the house. "WASSHUU!" Washu's evil laughter echo's over the countryside.

TENCHI-"Washu, you so insane!"




THE END