Disclaimer: If you haven't figured out by now that I DON'T own these guys, you need to stop reading the story, and start paying attention the blurbs up top that no one reads!
Spoilers: This was written about half way through season one ATS/Season 4 BTVS, so anything prior to that.
Authors Note: No malice is intended towards those that are mentally and physically disabled. I'd been watching 12 Monkeys and Patch Adams when this idea came to me. I know that these illnesses are debilitating and serious. Okay, now that I've got that understood (I hope) please R&R.
Rating: PG
Chapter 6
The hotel hadn't changed since he'd last seen it, six months ago. Cordelia and Wesley had obviously kept the business going, as well as they could. He sat down at his chair, and sighed in comfort. It was good to be home. Even if he hadn't missed it. Buffy knocked on the door to his office and entered.
"The others are in research mode, but they told me to come in here and check on you." She moved forward, and stood in front of the desk, looking a little hesitant.
"You okay now?" She asked him. He nodded, knowing that he was. "Good." She sighed, then sat down on the other chair.
"So." She said after a long silence.
"So." He echoed. He felt a little uncomfortable in her presence, as though he should be remembering something he wasn't.
"I know I already know this, but it is weird. You being human, I mean. The last time I spoke to you, you told me it would happen, but I thought, you know. Years away, maybe after I was..."
"Gone." He said quietly, swinging around to watch her.
"Yes. But you're human now." She was struggling.
"Who's Liam, Buffy?" He asked her quietly.
"Sorry?" She frowned at him, confused.
"Who's Liam? The one you're waiting for." Although his heart was shattering, he had to remind her that she was waiting for someone. She thought for a second, then looked at him, her face calm.
"You are." She told him, whispering.
"What?"
"You're Liam, you great hulk!" She yelled, standing up. She was standing there, ready to have a fight with him, when he seemed to collapse in on himself.
"Angel?" She said quietly. "Look, forget what I said. It doesn't matter. I didn't mean-."
"You finish that sentence and I'll shave your head!" Angel said very low, very quietly. Amazingly, Buffy shut up straight away.
"I....we..." He shook his head. "We don't have time for this right now. I have a warlock to hunt down. Can we talk about this later?"
"Ahh....okay. That makes sense, I suppose." She didn't sound convinced, but got down to business. "This Timothy guy. Other than the memory thing, do you think he's dangerous?"
"Yes. He's had six months to roam free around LA, gathering power where he could find it. In a city like this, he'd find a lot of it. Murder and violence occur daily, in a large scale in LA."
"But doesn't he have to inflict the pain in order to.....get the power?" Buffy sat down again, feeling uncomfortable.
"Not at his level. He's gone passed that stage. Or he had six months ago. He's like a vampire now, but instead of feeding directly off blood, he feeds off the fear and pain caused by death and violence. The more violent the death, the more powerful the aura."
"So in other words, to keep the police from clueing in on his homicidal tendencies, he just follows around cop cars and ambulances, hoping to find death, destruction, mayhem?"
"Or become a paramedic. And guess what Mr Timothy Duvant is?" Angel said dryly.
"A paramedic?"
"Well done, go to the top of the class." A knock on the door interrupted them, and they looked up to see Wesley peeking his head around the corner.
"We found some information on him." They were told. He came in completely, a printed piece of paper in his hands.
"Just last week, Mr Duvant received a letter of commendation from the Mayor of LA for bravery and commitment to his patients. It seems that there was a multiple hostage situation, and he took the place of one of the elder hostages, and was there throughout the siege, right up until the guy was killed by the SWAT team. Then tried to save his life, too."
"Save his life? But isn't death what he wants?" Buffy asked.
"The SWAT Team probably saw him with the guy, and thought that was what he was doing. He may have been doing something completely different."
"Like a ritual?" Wesley asked.
"Yeah. Check into that, would you? Find out what rituals require the life essence of someone, or even the fleeing soul of the recently departed." Wesley nodded and shot out of the room. There was silence again, for a long time.
"Can you tell me what's been happening in your life this last few years?" Buffy broke the silence.
"I suppose so. You did give me an update on yours yesterday." He sat there, staring at his hands for a while, thinking. "After that last time I saw you, when you helped me kill Darla, again, I kind of withdrew for a long time." He paused, brushing his fingertips over the smooth wood. "It hurt. I acted like a wounded animal, retreating off to wait to die. I was still working, still doing the day to day stuff, still killing demons, but the fight had gone out of me."
"But.."
"Oh, it was nothing that you did. Not directly, anyway. You were just you, Buffy. Same as you always were. I'd had this dream, you see, where I told you about the prophesy, about how I would become human, and in this little fantasy of mine, everything would be back the way it was, just like...But it didn't quite work that way, did it?" He looked at her, his eyes catching hers for a second. She shook her head.
"Not quite."
"No, not quite. You'd brought Riley along for the ride, and first thing I tell you is that I'm going to become human, and I stood there, waiting for some kind of reaction, which I got. "Good" you said, and then turned and walked over to Riley." He smiled wryly. "It wasn't what I'd thought would happen. So then we go off and kill Darla, you leave, and I'm in this big funk, as Cordelia put it time and time again. I knew that every demon I fought, every person I saved brought me closer to being human, even if only slightly. For the second time since I was cursed, I just wanted to give up, let the daylight take me."
"But?" Buffy asked him quietly.
"But.... About six months after we'd killed Darla, I was sitting up on the balcony, watching the coming dawn. I truly didn't feel like moving. I was ready to just finish it. I was watching the sky lighten in pre-dawn, and just sat there. Until Cordelia came up to me and railed on me. After we'd finished I got up and went downstairs and got on with my life. Killed demons, stopped plagues, an apocalypse or two, and then became human. And it's good. I like having to eat real food to keep my body going, and being able to tan, and aging along with everyone else."
"I'm glad." Buffy paused now, thinking through what he'd said. "It's hard to think of you as suicidal again. We'd gone through that the Christmas you came back. But if you're okay now, happy now..."
"Oh, I never said I was happy, Buffy." He said flatly. "I just said that it's good being human."
"You.....What did Cordelia say to you?" She demanded. He thought back to that day.
"Angel, you'd better get downstairs now." She said, coming up behind him.
"I don't feel like it right now, Cordelia."
"You know, I just received this lovely vision from the Powers that Be. I have to say, the length of it was not appreciated, nor was the pain afterwards!"
"Cordelia, I really couldn't care about it. I don't care that someone is going to be demon dinner tonight. Or that Wolfram and Hart are bringing back someone else to torment me. Or anything else that the Powers want me to kill, stop, prevent or help. I'm just tired and want a rest."
"Oh, it was nothing like that. For once, it was an almost nice vision. No really big bad monsters that smell disgusting. No clients that can't afford to pay. Just you and Buffy and this salty demon guy." Angel felt his breath stop in his chest. "There I was, getting all excited, thinking we could charge him, because with that ruby in his forehead, there was no way he couldn't afford to pay, but then you and Buffy had to go chasing him underground, and then you had to kill him, and turn human." She smiled when he turned to her, a stunned look on his face. "Did I forget to mention the part where the vision was of a day that didn't happen?"
"You saw that day?" He whispered, stunned.
"All of it." She saw his face, and quickly put up her hand. "Well, not quite all of it, although I can pretty much guess what happened to the few hours that went missing." She was quiet for a moment, looking out at the now pink sky. "That's why you're in this funk, isn't it? Because you thought that Buffy would find out you're going to become human and everything would be Brady Bunch again."
"I....I was wrong." He bowed his head.
"The Powers sent a message too." She reached into her pocket and pulled out a piece of paper with scribbled writing on it. "We remind you of your sacrifice for the good of the people. Remember and have patience. That was it, other than the blinding pain. Does that make sense?"
"Yes." He looked at the almost blue sky and turned away. "Yes, it does...... Let's go downstairs. I'll cook you guys some eggs."
"We....had a day together." Buffy repeated, stunned.
"A day and night, actually." He clarified.
"Fine, a day and night, then. We had this time together, how many years ago? And you don't even bother to tell me? And why don't I remember this day?"
"The Oracles wiped it from everybody's mind but mine, so that I could kill the Morha demon. I was the only one able to remember."
"Did you even ask me if I wanted to remember?"
"No. It was bad enough knowing what we had, but for us both to remember, and look at each other, knowing...That would have been worse. So the Oracles turned the day back, and you forgot. Everyone forgot. And after a while, so did I. Not the day, but I'd forgotten why I'd asked them to take it back."
"Why did you?" Buffy's voice was hoarse.
"Because with me being Normal Joe, I couldn't fight. And me not being able to fight put you in danger. Morha said that a great darkness was coming, and with me gone, you would die too. I couldn't let that happen. The day got turned back, you went off in a snit, and we both saved the world. And they all lived happily ever after."
"Or not."
"Or not." He agreed. "But you still lived, and I still helped people. That was what the Powers had sent Cordelia to remind me about. My commitment to helping the helpless. I'd forgotten that." He looked up in surprise when he felt a hand on his cheek.
"You're telling me that you gave up your humanity for the sake of that humanity?" He nodded in her hand, and she cupped it around his neck, leaning forward. "Angel, there are times when I am amazed by you." She kissed his forehead softly and backed away and slapped him across the face.
"What did you do that for?" He asked, rubbing his red cheek.
"Because there are also times when I can't believe you! You should have told me! You did another of your famous I-know-what's-best trips, and trust me when I tell you, I get really annoyed when you do!"
"Dammit Buffy! I did what I thought was best." He swore softly. "We've already had this out once, and I really don't need to do it again."
"Oh, yes we do! You may have had this fight already, but I haven't. And if I have, I can't remember it! You go off and do this time and time again. Never telling me until it's too late to do something about it! Then you expect me to sit back and say, Go ahead Angel, you know best. Well guess what? I'm not doing that this time!" She slashed her hand through the air, in a cutting motion.
"You never did-."
"Shut up! This time I'm older, and I can think for myself, so I'm thinking! You never consulted me when you tried to kill yourself that Christmas, just decided what was best for both of us. Oh, and that little thing about not telling me you were looking out for me when you came back to Sunnydale? That still gets my back up. Then you go and do it again! For the third time! What reason could you have to do it again?"
"Fine! You want my reasons! One, the Morha took a warrior from our side, leaving us under-staffed. Two, we didn't have time for a committee meeting on the smarts of my actions."
"A committee meeting? Since when....No, I'm not doing the Princess Leia thing."
"Three, a lot of people were going to die if I stayed human. Four, you would die if I stayed human, trying to protect me."
"I would die?" He glared at her, shutting her up.
"Five, I would die much sooner than I was supposed to. Six, we wouldn't be able to stop the next world threat. Seven." He was speaking through clenched teeth now.
"Okay, I get it." She held her hand up for him to stop.
"Seven." He continued. "I couldn't face another night with you, knowing that it would end, and you would forget it. I didn't have the strength. Eight, I....Oh, screw this. Go back to your little boyfriend who can't think for himself. Go back to being the be all and end all of his thoughts. I've had enough of your self-centeredness. You want someone who can't think for himself? Who has to clear every thought through you first? You had that! Mr Riley Commando. Who needed to be told when to take a piss! When to eat, when to.....okay, I'm not going to finish that statement." He noticed she wasn't arguing. "You're not disagreeing."
"No, I'm not. Why do you think I'm not with him anymore? I'd had enough of his puppy-dog eyes, his hanging on to me. You know, I never realised until now how much I enjoy fighting with you. At least you don't nod your head and parrot 'yes Buffy' with everything I say." She noticed he smiled at that.
"No, I never did do that, did I?"
"I just want to say one more thing before we go and find this Timothy."
"What?" He braced himself.
"I want us to try again, slowly this time. You know, go out on dates, some walks. Maybe even a few patrols together. I want to see if we can...."
"Start again?"
"Yes." She smiled, and he smiled back.
"But we can't forget the past...I learned that a long time ago."
"I don't want to forget. But I do want to learn from it." She held out her hand, and he took it, then kissed the back of her palm. She smiled in delight.
"You have a deal, my lady." He made her heart flutter when he looked up, his face serious. Then he caused it to jump when he grinned. She hadn't seen him smile anywhere near enough. Not that kind of teasing, wicked grin. She made a vow to see it more often.
Spoilers: This was written about half way through season one ATS/Season 4 BTVS, so anything prior to that.
Authors Note: No malice is intended towards those that are mentally and physically disabled. I'd been watching 12 Monkeys and Patch Adams when this idea came to me. I know that these illnesses are debilitating and serious. Okay, now that I've got that understood (I hope) please R&R.
Rating: PG
Chapter 6
The hotel hadn't changed since he'd last seen it, six months ago. Cordelia and Wesley had obviously kept the business going, as well as they could. He sat down at his chair, and sighed in comfort. It was good to be home. Even if he hadn't missed it. Buffy knocked on the door to his office and entered.
"The others are in research mode, but they told me to come in here and check on you." She moved forward, and stood in front of the desk, looking a little hesitant.
"You okay now?" She asked him. He nodded, knowing that he was. "Good." She sighed, then sat down on the other chair.
"So." She said after a long silence.
"So." He echoed. He felt a little uncomfortable in her presence, as though he should be remembering something he wasn't.
"I know I already know this, but it is weird. You being human, I mean. The last time I spoke to you, you told me it would happen, but I thought, you know. Years away, maybe after I was..."
"Gone." He said quietly, swinging around to watch her.
"Yes. But you're human now." She was struggling.
"Who's Liam, Buffy?" He asked her quietly.
"Sorry?" She frowned at him, confused.
"Who's Liam? The one you're waiting for." Although his heart was shattering, he had to remind her that she was waiting for someone. She thought for a second, then looked at him, her face calm.
"You are." She told him, whispering.
"What?"
"You're Liam, you great hulk!" She yelled, standing up. She was standing there, ready to have a fight with him, when he seemed to collapse in on himself.
"Angel?" She said quietly. "Look, forget what I said. It doesn't matter. I didn't mean-."
"You finish that sentence and I'll shave your head!" Angel said very low, very quietly. Amazingly, Buffy shut up straight away.
"I....we..." He shook his head. "We don't have time for this right now. I have a warlock to hunt down. Can we talk about this later?"
"Ahh....okay. That makes sense, I suppose." She didn't sound convinced, but got down to business. "This Timothy guy. Other than the memory thing, do you think he's dangerous?"
"Yes. He's had six months to roam free around LA, gathering power where he could find it. In a city like this, he'd find a lot of it. Murder and violence occur daily, in a large scale in LA."
"But doesn't he have to inflict the pain in order to.....get the power?" Buffy sat down again, feeling uncomfortable.
"Not at his level. He's gone passed that stage. Or he had six months ago. He's like a vampire now, but instead of feeding directly off blood, he feeds off the fear and pain caused by death and violence. The more violent the death, the more powerful the aura."
"So in other words, to keep the police from clueing in on his homicidal tendencies, he just follows around cop cars and ambulances, hoping to find death, destruction, mayhem?"
"Or become a paramedic. And guess what Mr Timothy Duvant is?" Angel said dryly.
"A paramedic?"
"Well done, go to the top of the class." A knock on the door interrupted them, and they looked up to see Wesley peeking his head around the corner.
"We found some information on him." They were told. He came in completely, a printed piece of paper in his hands.
"Just last week, Mr Duvant received a letter of commendation from the Mayor of LA for bravery and commitment to his patients. It seems that there was a multiple hostage situation, and he took the place of one of the elder hostages, and was there throughout the siege, right up until the guy was killed by the SWAT team. Then tried to save his life, too."
"Save his life? But isn't death what he wants?" Buffy asked.
"The SWAT Team probably saw him with the guy, and thought that was what he was doing. He may have been doing something completely different."
"Like a ritual?" Wesley asked.
"Yeah. Check into that, would you? Find out what rituals require the life essence of someone, or even the fleeing soul of the recently departed." Wesley nodded and shot out of the room. There was silence again, for a long time.
"Can you tell me what's been happening in your life this last few years?" Buffy broke the silence.
"I suppose so. You did give me an update on yours yesterday." He sat there, staring at his hands for a while, thinking. "After that last time I saw you, when you helped me kill Darla, again, I kind of withdrew for a long time." He paused, brushing his fingertips over the smooth wood. "It hurt. I acted like a wounded animal, retreating off to wait to die. I was still working, still doing the day to day stuff, still killing demons, but the fight had gone out of me."
"But.."
"Oh, it was nothing that you did. Not directly, anyway. You were just you, Buffy. Same as you always were. I'd had this dream, you see, where I told you about the prophesy, about how I would become human, and in this little fantasy of mine, everything would be back the way it was, just like...But it didn't quite work that way, did it?" He looked at her, his eyes catching hers for a second. She shook her head.
"Not quite."
"No, not quite. You'd brought Riley along for the ride, and first thing I tell you is that I'm going to become human, and I stood there, waiting for some kind of reaction, which I got. "Good" you said, and then turned and walked over to Riley." He smiled wryly. "It wasn't what I'd thought would happen. So then we go off and kill Darla, you leave, and I'm in this big funk, as Cordelia put it time and time again. I knew that every demon I fought, every person I saved brought me closer to being human, even if only slightly. For the second time since I was cursed, I just wanted to give up, let the daylight take me."
"But?" Buffy asked him quietly.
"But.... About six months after we'd killed Darla, I was sitting up on the balcony, watching the coming dawn. I truly didn't feel like moving. I was ready to just finish it. I was watching the sky lighten in pre-dawn, and just sat there. Until Cordelia came up to me and railed on me. After we'd finished I got up and went downstairs and got on with my life. Killed demons, stopped plagues, an apocalypse or two, and then became human. And it's good. I like having to eat real food to keep my body going, and being able to tan, and aging along with everyone else."
"I'm glad." Buffy paused now, thinking through what he'd said. "It's hard to think of you as suicidal again. We'd gone through that the Christmas you came back. But if you're okay now, happy now..."
"Oh, I never said I was happy, Buffy." He said flatly. "I just said that it's good being human."
"You.....What did Cordelia say to you?" She demanded. He thought back to that day.
"Angel, you'd better get downstairs now." She said, coming up behind him.
"I don't feel like it right now, Cordelia."
"You know, I just received this lovely vision from the Powers that Be. I have to say, the length of it was not appreciated, nor was the pain afterwards!"
"Cordelia, I really couldn't care about it. I don't care that someone is going to be demon dinner tonight. Or that Wolfram and Hart are bringing back someone else to torment me. Or anything else that the Powers want me to kill, stop, prevent or help. I'm just tired and want a rest."
"Oh, it was nothing like that. For once, it was an almost nice vision. No really big bad monsters that smell disgusting. No clients that can't afford to pay. Just you and Buffy and this salty demon guy." Angel felt his breath stop in his chest. "There I was, getting all excited, thinking we could charge him, because with that ruby in his forehead, there was no way he couldn't afford to pay, but then you and Buffy had to go chasing him underground, and then you had to kill him, and turn human." She smiled when he turned to her, a stunned look on his face. "Did I forget to mention the part where the vision was of a day that didn't happen?"
"You saw that day?" He whispered, stunned.
"All of it." She saw his face, and quickly put up her hand. "Well, not quite all of it, although I can pretty much guess what happened to the few hours that went missing." She was quiet for a moment, looking out at the now pink sky. "That's why you're in this funk, isn't it? Because you thought that Buffy would find out you're going to become human and everything would be Brady Bunch again."
"I....I was wrong." He bowed his head.
"The Powers sent a message too." She reached into her pocket and pulled out a piece of paper with scribbled writing on it. "We remind you of your sacrifice for the good of the people. Remember and have patience. That was it, other than the blinding pain. Does that make sense?"
"Yes." He looked at the almost blue sky and turned away. "Yes, it does...... Let's go downstairs. I'll cook you guys some eggs."
"We....had a day together." Buffy repeated, stunned.
"A day and night, actually." He clarified.
"Fine, a day and night, then. We had this time together, how many years ago? And you don't even bother to tell me? And why don't I remember this day?"
"The Oracles wiped it from everybody's mind but mine, so that I could kill the Morha demon. I was the only one able to remember."
"Did you even ask me if I wanted to remember?"
"No. It was bad enough knowing what we had, but for us both to remember, and look at each other, knowing...That would have been worse. So the Oracles turned the day back, and you forgot. Everyone forgot. And after a while, so did I. Not the day, but I'd forgotten why I'd asked them to take it back."
"Why did you?" Buffy's voice was hoarse.
"Because with me being Normal Joe, I couldn't fight. And me not being able to fight put you in danger. Morha said that a great darkness was coming, and with me gone, you would die too. I couldn't let that happen. The day got turned back, you went off in a snit, and we both saved the world. And they all lived happily ever after."
"Or not."
"Or not." He agreed. "But you still lived, and I still helped people. That was what the Powers had sent Cordelia to remind me about. My commitment to helping the helpless. I'd forgotten that." He looked up in surprise when he felt a hand on his cheek.
"You're telling me that you gave up your humanity for the sake of that humanity?" He nodded in her hand, and she cupped it around his neck, leaning forward. "Angel, there are times when I am amazed by you." She kissed his forehead softly and backed away and slapped him across the face.
"What did you do that for?" He asked, rubbing his red cheek.
"Because there are also times when I can't believe you! You should have told me! You did another of your famous I-know-what's-best trips, and trust me when I tell you, I get really annoyed when you do!"
"Dammit Buffy! I did what I thought was best." He swore softly. "We've already had this out once, and I really don't need to do it again."
"Oh, yes we do! You may have had this fight already, but I haven't. And if I have, I can't remember it! You go off and do this time and time again. Never telling me until it's too late to do something about it! Then you expect me to sit back and say, Go ahead Angel, you know best. Well guess what? I'm not doing that this time!" She slashed her hand through the air, in a cutting motion.
"You never did-."
"Shut up! This time I'm older, and I can think for myself, so I'm thinking! You never consulted me when you tried to kill yourself that Christmas, just decided what was best for both of us. Oh, and that little thing about not telling me you were looking out for me when you came back to Sunnydale? That still gets my back up. Then you go and do it again! For the third time! What reason could you have to do it again?"
"Fine! You want my reasons! One, the Morha took a warrior from our side, leaving us under-staffed. Two, we didn't have time for a committee meeting on the smarts of my actions."
"A committee meeting? Since when....No, I'm not doing the Princess Leia thing."
"Three, a lot of people were going to die if I stayed human. Four, you would die if I stayed human, trying to protect me."
"I would die?" He glared at her, shutting her up.
"Five, I would die much sooner than I was supposed to. Six, we wouldn't be able to stop the next world threat. Seven." He was speaking through clenched teeth now.
"Okay, I get it." She held her hand up for him to stop.
"Seven." He continued. "I couldn't face another night with you, knowing that it would end, and you would forget it. I didn't have the strength. Eight, I....Oh, screw this. Go back to your little boyfriend who can't think for himself. Go back to being the be all and end all of his thoughts. I've had enough of your self-centeredness. You want someone who can't think for himself? Who has to clear every thought through you first? You had that! Mr Riley Commando. Who needed to be told when to take a piss! When to eat, when to.....okay, I'm not going to finish that statement." He noticed she wasn't arguing. "You're not disagreeing."
"No, I'm not. Why do you think I'm not with him anymore? I'd had enough of his puppy-dog eyes, his hanging on to me. You know, I never realised until now how much I enjoy fighting with you. At least you don't nod your head and parrot 'yes Buffy' with everything I say." She noticed he smiled at that.
"No, I never did do that, did I?"
"I just want to say one more thing before we go and find this Timothy."
"What?" He braced himself.
"I want us to try again, slowly this time. You know, go out on dates, some walks. Maybe even a few patrols together. I want to see if we can...."
"Start again?"
"Yes." She smiled, and he smiled back.
"But we can't forget the past...I learned that a long time ago."
"I don't want to forget. But I do want to learn from it." She held out her hand, and he took it, then kissed the back of her palm. She smiled in delight.
"You have a deal, my lady." He made her heart flutter when he looked up, his face serious. Then he caused it to jump when he grinned. She hadn't seen him smile anywhere near enough. Not that kind of teasing, wicked grin. She made a vow to see it more often.
