Starcraft Outakes Pt V -or- Starcraft, Behind the Scenes pt. I
DEAR LORD, DID EVERYBODY LIKE 'WHO SPIKED THE EGGNOG' OR WHAT!?
Hello Again! I'm back and I apologize for this one to take so long.
School's been kicking me around for a while now, and I had to catch up,
but I'm back!! (for the time being, anyways)
Now, I need to start off with somebody reviewing me here. First is Kojiro Takamashi, who writes:
"This was very good. although telling us what the S. and inf. meant when you first used them would have been nice."
I'm terribly sorry, I forgot to notify that. S = Sarah and Inf =
Infested. If you had read some of the other outakes, you would have
found one scene that shows both Sarah and Infested Kerrigan. Now, if
you missed the idea, Infested Kerrigan is usually with Raynor (for the
heck of it) and Sarah is usually with Duran (more like he's following
her around.
Here's another one, it's from TK~Jimmy, and he says:
"i know, i know, they're outtakes (and good ones at that) but i just wanted to point out that valkyerie pilots would be just as likely to beat up duke as kerrigan. medic or dropship pilot would work better. still good outtakes htou! =)"
Well, I do know that Valkyries are strong and can take care of
themselves, but their's a method to my madness. You wanna know? Well,
here's a scene just to show why should Kerrigan worry...
||Scene 32: Inf. Kerrigan, YOU SAVED ME!! Pt. 2||
{[To understand the gag, you would need to know what the Valkyrie says
in the game]}
(Scene takes place as it always does, behind the scenes (maybe that's
what I should start calling these fics) Raynor, Tassadar, Artanis and
Zeratul are trying to relax as best they can, near a coffee table.
Well, almost. Raynor is looking around worriedly for Inf. Kerrigan
while Zeratul is cleaning a little stain on the table with the Stain-o
Remover 3000 (looks more like a sander))
Zeratul- "(screaming) TAKE THAT YOU FILTHY PILE OF SCUM!!!"
Tassadar- "Sigh, we can't take you anywhere, can we? (looks over at
Raynor) Raynor? You okay?"
Raynor- "Just worried about Kerrigan, she went to talk to the Valkyrie
girl and hasn't come back yet."
Tassadar- "Oooooo...something tells me those two aren't talking right
now."
Raynor- "Great, you're making me feel sooooooo much better..."
(Just then, Inf. Kerrigan runs into the room, sweat rolling down every
part of her body you can see.)
Raynor- "Kerrigan?"
Inf. Kerrigan- "Quick!! You got to hide me!! Hide me!! Hide me,
please!!"
Artanis- "(looking like he's dizzy) Why?" (You'll understand why I put
the 'dizzy' part later)
Inf. Kerrigan- "Just hide me!!"
Raynor- "Okay, okay, hide under the coffe table here..."
(Kerrigan jumps underneath the tablecloth. A few seconds later the
same Valkyrie walks in, wearing the tightest looking leather suite you
have ever seen. In one hand were ropes of chains and a saddle, in the
other hand there was a whip and some gags. She also had a hold of a
rope, tide to the rope was a Medic, wearing skimpier clothing than the
Valkyrie)
Valkyrie- "(to Medic) Just stay there, slave, while I look around for
your next roomie."
Medic- "Yes Mistress."
Valkyrie- "(to guys, who have there jaws hanging to the ground [Even
if the Protoss have no mouths]) Excuse me, but have you seen that cute
little Inf. Kerrigan? I know you all saw her help me out awhile ago,
so I wanted to return the favor..."
Raynor- "Uhhhhh...she went that was (points to the right)"
Valkyrie- "Okay!! (smiles happily) C'mon, slave, don't be a naughty
girl and come with me."
Medic- "(happily) Okay, Mistress!"
(Valkyrie and Medic walk off)
Inf. Kerrigan- "Is she gone yet?"
Zeratul- "Y-y-yeah, she's gone."
(Inf. Kerrigan pops out of her hiding place)
Inf. Kerrigan- "Thank God she didn't catch me."
Tassadar- "Oh really? Kerrigan, I thought you were into that thing..."
(Inf. Kerrigan glares at him as she takes out her mallet, but Tassadar
jumps out of the room before she could use it)
||Scene 33: Edmund, the Pervert||
(Scene takes place during break (I'm doing too many of these) Raynor
is sitting down at a table, drinking a coffee. Beside him was Artanis,
Fenix and Tassadar, all of them are talking and trying to leave Raynor
alone at the time)
(A scream is heard, making all four males jump in horror. Sarah
Kerrigan walks out of the women's bathroom, white as a sheet. Raynor
blinks as she sits down beside him, not looking at any of them.)
Raynor- "Sarah? You okay?"
Sarah- "................................................"
Raynor- "C'mon, you can tell me..."
Sarah- "Y...Ya know the time when I told you their's a hole in the
wall in one of the troughs......"
Raynor- "(raises an eyebrow) Yeah..."
Sarah- "...I....I......I saw an eye staring through that hole."
Raynor- O_o "Huh?"
Sarah- "......I.....I managed to poke him in the eye though"
Raynor- O_o "I wonder who would to such a sick and vile thing like tha..."
(Edmund Duke passes by, covering up one of his eyes)
Raynor- "...Question answered..."
||Scene 34: Artanis the Taxi Driver||
(Scene takes place in-between scenes of the last battle. Arcturus is
walking around with the Matriarch, talking a bit about taking over the
world. [he's the only character that has the same attitude here]
Matriarch isn't really paying attention, she's more or less giving him
the look of death)
Matriarch- "(changing the subject) So what are some of the guys doing
after this 'Expansion Set' is done?"
Arcturus- "Not sure. I know Raynor and Inf. Kerrigan are going to
find a house nearby the studio, Tassadar and his girlfriend Sophia are
going to be at different Sci-fi conventions to heckle the guest
stars. No doubt Zeratul is staying her to 'clean up,' Fenix is
probably going to a gun show after this. I do know that Artanis has a
job, though."
Matriarch- "And that is?"
(A Taxi cab bursts through one of the doors, riding around on the set,
spinning and twirling around. It crashes into a wall nearby Matriarch
and Arcturus, and the doors open to reveal Duran and Edmund, both blue
in the face, sitting down in the back seat. In the front we see
Artanis, looking a tad dizzy himself.)
Artanis- "(turning towards the passengers) Out!!"
(Edmund and Duran fall out of the taxi, and Artanis starts to drive
along and out of the studio. Matriarch and Arcturus sweatdrop)
[No, this is not the reason why Artanis was dizzy in 32]
||Scene 35: Meet the family||
(Scene takes place during the Star-characters' vacation. Inf.
Kerrigan, Raynor, Tassadar and his girlfriend, Sophie, are going out to
a play [somehow Sophie and Inf. Kerrigan talked the guys into going]
and are currently dressed up in dresses and tuxedos)
Inf. Kerrigan- "All right, let's get out of here before the director
comes and gets us!!"
Sophie- "Wait, Wait!! We have to wait for my sister and her fiancee' to get here!!"
Inf. Kerrigan- "Sister?"
Raynor- "her fiancee?"
Sophie- "Yeah!! They're the cutess couple!!"
Raynor- "(to Inf. K in a whisper) I really hate to see this, it's
strange enough having a she-alien and a protoss going out."
Inf. Kerrigan- "(to Raynor in a whisper) I know what you mean..."
(There's a bell sound)
Sophie- "Oh, that's them right there!"
(Sophie opens the door, revealing yet another alien. This one looks just like Sophie, only this one has larger breasts and a pair of wings on her back. Beside her is one of the largest Predators [I hope everyone knows what the Predators are from] that anybody has ever seen, his tuxedo almost popping at the seems.)
(Inf. Kerrigan and Raynor's mouths drop right to the floor)
Alien- "Hi, you must be Raynor, and you are Kerrigan, It's a pleasure to meet the two fo you!!"
Predator- "(happily) Yeah, Tassadar has told so much about you two, it's like we already know you!!"
Inf. Kerrigan- "(To Raynor in a whisper) That's the oddest family I
have ever seen."
Raynor- "Let's hope Sophie doesn't have any more brothers or sisters..."
||Scene 36: Edmund does it again||
(Scene takes place after a day of filming (it's same time that S.
Kerrigan sees what Duran did.) Raynor is searching for Edmund Duke,
seeing if he wants to go to the same party. Raynor knocks on the
door.)
Edmund- "Who is it?"
Raynor- "It's me, Jim"
Edmund- "(long pause) Uhhhhh...what do you want?"
Raynor- "I just want to know if ya want to go to the party tonight,
everyone's invited!!"
Edmund- "I...uhhh...need to go to the bathroom first, I'll meet you all there later!!"
Raynor- "Okay (waits a moment, then whispers) I think I'll come
anyways..."
(Raynor enters room silently, Edmund is no where to be found. He is about to leave when he hears some strange moaning from the computer. Curious, Raynor walks over to the computer. On the screen was Inf. Kerrigan, Sarah Kerrigan, a Medic and a Valkyrie pilot, all wearing nothing but panties and bras, all swaying around.)
(Edmund walks in)
Raynor- ¬_¬
Edmund- "Uhhh...what are ya looking at...?" ^_^'
Raynor- ¬_¬ "Your gonna die a slow and painful death for putting both my Kerrigan and her sister on this computer..."
Edmund- "......oh shit..."
(Last thing you hear is a massive blast from Edmunds trailor)
Edmund- "Edmund Duke is blasting off aga...(hits a nearby building)...owww..."
||Scene 38: Duke's Last Act of Stupidity||
(Scene takes place in Duke's trailor. Raynor, Duran, Tassadar, and
Arcturus are standing around, watching as Duke sat at his desk, typing
up some stuff)
Tassadar- "(After a few minutes of watching Duke) WILL YOU JUST TELL
US WHY YOU CALLED US HERE!!"
Duke- "Wha...Oh, sorry. (smiles cheerfully, for an old man at least)
I called you all here because I have invented something. Something
that will help with all our lives as we know it."
Raynor- "What, you installed a camera in the girl's shower room?"
Duke- "How'd you know abo... -a-hem!- as I was saying. I had
constructed something that will help all five of us."
Duran- "And that is?"
Duke- "This!! (holds up some weird device, looks like a hand-held
Psi-Emitter) This is what I call the 'Girl Emiter.' (sorry, it's a
very sucky name) What it does is it changes the frequency of a woman's
mind and makes them do whatever you command. It changes their
personality and will make them a more sexier version of themselves!!"
Arcturus- "Whoa Whoa whoa!!! Hold on a second here, so this sucker
changes a girl completely!! And how do you know if it works!?"
Duke- "(smiling) Easy, I've already tested it."
(dead silence)
Duke- "In fact she's here right now. (to a door on the right side of the room) Oh Luna!!"
(The door opens to reveal Inf. Kerrigan, in red dress so tight that it
would rival the Valkyrie's leather outfit. The skirt of the dress is
nearly at the top of her thighs, just barely hiding anything
underneath. Inf. Kerrigan looks over at Raynor and squeals in
delight, then jumps right into his arms)
Inf. Kerrigan- "Oh, love, I hope you're ready for tonight, cause I've got something sweet and wet just for you."
(Raynor turns a bright red and Tassadar falls to the floor in laughter)
Raynor- "(narrowing his eyes at Duke) I hope this isn't permanent."
Duke- "No, but why would you want to turn her back."
Tassadar- "Oh, he just likes the challenge, that's all..."
Duke- "Well, then I would hope that you're interested in doing this to
Sophia. (Tassadar's eyes widen) or Matriarch (Arcturus eyes widen)"
(Both Tassadar and Arcturus narrow their eyes at the same time,
growling at him like Raynor is now)
Duran- "(eagerly) can you do it with Sarah?"
(Raynor, Tassadar and Arcturus glare at Duran)
Duran- "...I mean, you sick bastard"
(all four calmly stroll up to Duke...)
Duke- "..................................I'm gonna get hurt, aren't
I?"
The others- "You got that right!!!"
Duke- "Oh shit..."
||Scene 37: Jurassic Park vs. the Zerg||
{warning!! I might have mispelled the names on some of the dinos, so don't try to be wise, because I know that they are mispelled and I can't find anything in the dictionary and/or Encyclopedia at this time. Thank you!!}
(Scene takes place during any mission. Zerglings ran about, scouting
ahead of the main group. Hydralisks, Mutalisks, and Ultralisks (oh my)
are not far behind.)
(Suddenly, a Velociraptor jumps out of the bushes, scaring the crap out
of all the Zerglings.)
Director- "Cut!! Cut!! (Walks up to Raptor) And who, may I ask, are
you?"
Velociraptor- "If you don't really know what I am, then you don't go
out to the movies very much..."
Director- "YOU JUST MESSED UP A WEEK'S WORTH OF FILM!!"
Velociraptor- "Well, I thought this 'Starcraft' could use a real, scary monster, instead of these butt-ugly baffoons."
(All the zerglings growl)
Velociraptor- "Don't give me those looks, the dinosaurs could beat the
crap out of you any day!!"
(Tom, the Zergling, steps out)
Tom- "Yeah right, we ain't afraid of you morons."
(The Velociraptor snaps his finger and instantly a T-Rex comes out.
Tom screams and falls over. The T-Rex smiles evilly and is about to
chew the helpless zerglging. But then an Ultralisk jumps into the
scene and comes nose to nose with the T-Rex)
Ultralisk- "(growling) Why doin't you pick on somebody your own
size..."
(Some more Velociraptors, Dilophosaurus' and some Hydralisks enter the scene)
Raptor #2- ^ "Oh look, if it ain't the stupid little crittors from
Starcraft!!"
Bill (the Zergling) - "Oh? And which movie are you from?"
Raptor- "The third Jurassic Park, why?"
Bill- "Then shut up!! That movie sucked some serious ass!!"
Dilo- "Why you..."
Tom- "Your no better, all you ate in your movie was that fat guy, the guy could barely run for God's sake!!"
Dilo- "Why I outta. Get them!! Get these Morons!!"
Ted (the Hydralisk)- "Woo-hoo, we're gonna round us up some extinct
carcasses!!!"
(A war breaks out between the two groups, leaving the Director and crew
men giving out a frustrated sigh)
Finished again. Please don't flame me because of the idea of Arcturus
and Matriarch. I tried to come up with another oddball couple, and
these two were the first two that came into my mind. Sorry, I have a
strange mind as is.
And for my Slayers story. I'm still writing the Prologue (don't be
surprised, I scraped my first project and currently working on a new
idea) All of the guys and gals that contacted me are still going to be
in there, though some may not have a very big part. In fact, I will by
writing these as if they are episodes, and some of the characters may
be a character that comes in for a specific episode and only that
episode. And to specify more, some may act like the bad guys in the
beginning, but keep reading, they may just be on a different side.
Also, some characters may come later into the story, so don't panic if
you're not in there right away. The story shall go from one character
to another, which shall be confusing, but keep reading it, please.
Also, to hurt myself even further. I'm still asking for any volunteers, only this time they will only star in specific episodes, making the story a little more hilarious or more chaotic. If you respond to me, write out your name/GENDER/Species/hair-eye color and
any specific note that makes the character unique (NO PRIVATE
ENHANCEMENT INCLUDED) ^
Species- Dragon,
Monster(Demon), human, fox, troll, anything in Myths...
