Title: The Most She Ever Knew (2)

Author: Rachel

Email: rachelfromihj@hotmail.com

Homepage: Rach's Stuff [ http://www.geocities.com/rachelfromihj ]

Rating: R for language, sex, drugs, violence

Summary: During an alternative senior year, a familiar family emergency calls Jen home to her mother, and because of the trouble in the past, Jen makes the bad decision to move back home.

Spoilers: None

One week turned into two, and two nearly three.

Grams had called her several times; concerned that she was missing too much school.

By the end of the third week, Jen called Grams and spilt the news that she wasn't coming back. Grams had been heartbroken.

"I'm sorry, Grams. I'll miss you so much, I'll miss everyone," She said, trying to hold back her tears. "But mom needs me here."

"You've really bonded that much?" Grams said, pleased but also sad.

"Y-Yeah…"

"Well, then…I guess there's nothing more to worry about. I can pack your things for you, and ship them back if you like. I'm sure a few of your friends would like to hear from you though. You should call Jack and Andie, and Pacey. They've all been asking about you. The Leery's miss you too. And I saw Josephine and her sister at the market the other day…"

Grams went on, and Jen did start to cry, though she covered the receiver with her hand so that Grams wouldn't hear.

She was giving up everything she had earned there, everything she loved. But she loved her mother, and she couldn't trust her to be alone anymore.

"Yes, Grams, that would be excellent." She sighed. "Yes…Uh, uh…uh. Yes, I love you too… Okay…good bye."

She set the phone back down, and shrank back against the wall. She slid to the floor and held her face in her hands, but then she heard something crashing up stairs, and she rushed up.

Brice Lindley boarded a plane to London on a Wednesday afternoon. No one was there to see him off, and he really didn't care. Jen had watched as the limo pulled out of the driveway to take him there, and she'd left the window when the Limo drove out of sight. He'd be gone for at least a month, if not more, and when he came back, it would only be for a week, before jetting off to the orient on business.

Everything with Brice Lindley was business. Jen couldn't remember if it had ever been another way. Had he ever loved her? Had he ever nurtured her? He must have because her early childhood memories were good ones. It didn't seem to get bad until she turned about twelve.

"Jennifer?"

Jen spun around and went up the stairs to her mother's room.

"Yes?"

"Honey…can you take a couple of my pills out of my purse for me? Its over there on the table."

Jen turned to her mothers Gucci handbag and removed the little silver pillbox she had remembered her having since childhood. She popped open the lid, and took two white slabs from it before placing it back in the bag. She took them over to her mother, who lay in her bed, propped against her pillows, with her hair pinned up and wearing her silk robe.

Her mother had been in bed all day.

Jen looked at the bottle of scotch on the nightstand and understood why.

"Jenny, baby…I'm so glad you decided to stay home. Now that your father's gone, the house will be lonely and I'm glad I've got you around."

"I'm glad I'm here,"

"The house is always so empty when your father leaves…"

"You mean the house is so safe." Jen mumbled.

Helen's jaw dropped.

"What?"

"I said the house is safe without daddy here,"

Jen watched her mother's expression turn from serene to heated in a matter of seconds, and she almost flinched at the difference.

"You stupid little brat! How dare you!" Helen was fuming. She jumped out of bed, grabbing Jen by the arm and dragging her out into the hallway. "I will NOT tolerate your attitude! Is that clear? I wont put up with it! I wont!"

"Yes!" Jen screamed, struggling to get free of her mother's tight grasp. Her mother pushed her to the floor and turned around and went back in her room. She slammed the door and Jen heard the lock click, and her mother's angry footsteps walking away.

"You can stay out there alone!" Was screamed through the door.

Jen shrank back; her mother's words were harsh even coming through the wall.

She gulped, and rose, dusting herself off, and headed back to her room, where she lay on her bed for hours, finally sleeping for a little while, until nearly midnight. Then, she rose groggily, and went to the kitchen for a snack.

She made as little noise as possible, and chewed her sandwich in silence. She was careful to clean everything up, and she tiptoed back upstairs to her mother's room.

Jen jiggled the handle; it was still locked. She went to the other end of the hall, into her fathers desk, and took a paperclip from it's holder, then went back to her mother's room, and picked the lock.

The light was still on.

And there was her mother, passed out on the bed.

Jen went to her and covered her up. She leaned down, kissed her forehead, then turned off the light, remembering to lock the door again as she left.

A month had passed. Jen had not reenrolled in school in New York. She had dropped out, and her mother never said a word.

Her mother took her along on all her shopping trips. She took her to all her brunches, all her teas, all her fancy dinners. And Jen always played the perfect, quiet daughter, even as her mother openly criticized her in front of an unending number of New York's socialites.

Jen realized something that she hadn't understood before: Her mother was a drunk.

Every night, Helen Lindley would have her scotch and take her pills, and every night before she passed out were the worst outbreaks of abuse Jen was victimized with. Her mother would throw things at her, she'd slap her. Sometimes she'd hit her with things like the phone.

The other night Jack had called her. Her mother, already drunk before the pills could take their affect, accused Jen of being a slut and screwing around with boys and making her life miserable, and then she had hit ripped the phone out of the wall and hit her with it.

Jen never blamed her mother though.

It was the alcohol. It was the pills. It was the years of abuse from her father that made her do it. Jen wouldn't believe that her mother was capable of this on her own, and that was the precise reason she had to be here: To protect her and help her.

Her mother finally passed out. Jen tucked her in, then went into the bathroom and cleaned the blood from her face from where the beating had broken the skin over her brow. She then returned Jack's call, confirmed that she was doing great, then took a long, hot bath before retiring to bed where, once again, she barely got a wink of sleep.

What kept her up: The fact that she and her mother were so completely alone in this world with no one else to love them besides each other.

Imagine Jen's surprise when the following weekend, Jack and Pacey appeared at her door.

"Oh my god!" She screamed hugging them both on her porch. "What are you doing here!"

"We missed you!"

"Lindley, we thought you dropped off the planet!"

"Why didn't you call me!"

"We wanted to surprise you," Jack smiled. "Are you surprised?"

"YES!" She said, hugging him again and kissing his cheek.

"We thought we'd just drive down, it only took a couple of hours you know, and Jacker's here just got a new Civic from his dad."

"You did!" Jen squealed.

"Yeah…it's an early graduation present." Jack said looking proudly back at the shiny black car at the end of the driveway. Jen's face fell a little. They both noticed.

"So Jen," Pacey said, changing the subject. "Can we come in?"

Jen looked back through the open door to the house. She thought maybe it would be okay, but then she heard her mother's voice.

"Jenny baby??? Who's there…why'd you leave me…"

This early, she was already drunk.

"Um, guys…sorry. My mom's not feeling too good."

"Is there anything we can do to help?" Jack asked, concerned.

"No," Jen said, backing into the house. "Thank you guys for coming, but I don't really have time to…to talk…"

"But Jen!" Pacey laughed uncomfortably. "We came all this way!"

" I know…and I'm sorry, I really appreciate it! But my mom's…she…she needs me." Jen was ready to shut the door. Pacey put his hand on it, and stopped her.

"Jen?"

She just stared at him.

"Well, what do you say we come back tonight?" Jack interrupted cheerfully. "Me and Pace, we got all weekend, we could find a motel or something…maybe you could take us out, show us around?"

"Well, I don't know…"

"Lindley," Pacey smiled. "Come on! You can't turn us down…not after all the driving we did to see you! Come on! Jack here is dying to hit one of those crazy underground parties!" Jack started to speak…He never said anything about going to any parties… But Pacey went on. "You can't turn us down now…Look at him! Look at his face! Look how disappointed he is!"

Pacey slapped Jack in the chest and Jack reacted, giving Jen the saddest case of puppy dog eyes she'd ever seen.

Jen reluctantly nodded.

"Well, okay… Come back around 10:00 or so…she'll be asleep by then. We'll go out."

"YES!" Pacey grinned.

"Sure," Jack smiled.

"Okay, see you then," She said, starting to close the door. Again Pacey blocked it.

"Jen?"

Jenny? Jenny, baby? Where are you! …Her mother was calling again, and she was starting to sound angry.

"Yeah?" She asked quietly, her head barely poked out.

"Where are we going? How should we dress?"

"Oh…" Jen looked down and thought for a moment. "Um, just dress comfortably… baggy pants, sensible shoes. Just regular club clothes. I know this one party, but it gets hot, so you might wanna wear a tank top or something."

"Okay," He smiled. "We'll be back at 10:00."

"K."

Jen closed the door and leaned against it, closing her eyes momentarily. Then she suddenly opened them again, and swung open the door just as Jack and Pacey were turning away.

"Don't drive. Just leave your car at the motel and take a cab. The streets around here are terrible, and there's never anywhere to park."

"Okay," Jack said.

"K…bye."

"Bye," The said again in unison as the door shut again.

Jen turned and went up the stairs.

"Jennifer! Where are you!"

"Coming!"

"What was that all about?" Jack scoffed as they walked to the end of the driveway and got in his new car. "Why are you so eager that she take us to an underground party???"

"I dunno," Pacey said, glancing back up at the house. "She just looks like she needs to get out…"

It was weird to see Jen out here like this…big fancy house, and wide green gardens in the middle of a big city. She looked so sad…and almost lost. She never looked like that in Capeside.

Pacey was suspicious.

That night, Jen was beaten worse than she'd ever been.

"I DIDN'T SAY YOU COULD GO OUT!" Her mother screamed.

It was nearly nine. Helen hadn't taken her pills yet, and when she found Jen doing her hair and makeup, she started questioning her.

"Mom! Please!"

"I didn't say you could go out, you little tramp!"

"But mom!"

"You will not leave this house tonight, you understand me! You're staying here with me!"

"Mom! I'm going out! That's it! You wont stop me from seeing my friends!"

"AND WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO!"

"You're just going to take your pills and go to sleep…you always do! Why can't I do something other than sit here and watch you drink yourself to sleep every night! WHY!"

Jen's face stung as the first slap came. She started to cry at the second. The next thing she knew, she was crouched on the floor as her mother laid into her; hitting her and kicking her hard, and screaming and crying in rage.

She reached down and grabbed Jen by the chin, digging her nails into her face and yanked her across the floor out into the hallway.

"YOU'RE STAYING HERE WITH ME!" She screamed, dragging her down the hall by the hair. "YOU THINK YOUR FRIENDS CARE ABOUT YOU??? THEY DON'T! ONLY I DO! I'M ALL YOU HAVE! YOU CAN'T TREAT ME THIS WAY!"

"MOTHER, STOP!"

"YOU JUST WANT TO LEAVE ME! YOU HATE ME!" She cried. "ADMIT IT, YOU HATE ME!"

"I DON'T HATE YOU MOM!" Jen pleaded.

When they reached her mothers room, Helen threw Jen against the door and looked down at her as if she were going to start pummeling her again.

Jen cowered on the floor, sobbing uncontrollably.

"Mommy, please!"

She was so scared. She hid her face in her hands, and just cried and cried and cried. Jen cried so hard, it hurt to breath, and she half expected herself to pass out.

Suddenly Helen burst into tears and fell over her daughter, gripping her, and rocking her violently.

"I'M SORRY JEN! I'M SO SORRY! Why do you make me do this to you, huh? WHY?"

She held Jen back by the shoulders, shaking her slightly, and looking at her.

Her mother's eyes were no longer wide and crazy, and the tears fell down her face in grief. Jen hated seeing her this way. She hated the fear and desperation in her mother's eyes…she hated seeing her cry.

"Why do you make me so upset!"

"I—I'm sorry, Mom!" Jen wailed.
"I know you are, honey! I know!"

She clutched her again, rocking her until they both quieted down.

Jen gave her mother her pills, then climbed into bed with her. She let her mother hold her until the pills finally kicked in. Jen lay there quietly listening to her mother's breathing. A few minutes later, she tiptoed away, closing the door behind her, and dragged herself back to her own room. She looked at the clock. It was 9:15. She walked into the bathroom and spent the next forty-five minutes fixing her hair and trying to cover her new marks with fresh make-up. The scratches on her cheek were the hardest part.

The guys arrived at ten like clockwork.

Jen climbed in the cab as Pacey held the door for her, and then they were off.

"So, you guys found a place to stay?" Jen asked.

"Yeah," Pacey smiled.

"Good."

"Where we going?" Jack asked. Jen smiled slightly.

"You'll see…"