Ok, as you asked...
Dedicated to Lisa, my friend.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
...It is something that I can never change in myself. It's my stupid
ability to determine. Sometimes I like it, elsewhen it makes me suffer
more than everything. I was so addicted to my racing. Too much? Yeah.
I forgot about my Michiru. My meaning of life. HOW COULD I? Sigh.
And when my world that I've been building, falls apart, how I behave?
It's a shame. It's painful to admit. But I don't fear anything. I can
say it. I was terrible, selfish, cruel, egoistic, mercyless. I cared
about my pain, oh yeah. It was so good to feel unloved and left by all.
But was I? NO...
(two days earlier)
"Haruka, talk to me"
"Hm?" she raised an eyebrow in mild surprise, head still down to her
magazine.
"You act strange. What happened this morning?"
"Nothing important"
Michiru frowned and tapped her on the shoulder. Haruka at last looked
up and stared at her partner innocently. She laid on the bed reading,
whith one hand under her head. Her eyes sparkled in the soft cosy
light of lamp. Michiru felt her strained.
"Why don't you tell me? You, who always scolded me for being 'that
mysterious one of us'. You, who always insisted on telling you all.
So why..."
"That's just nothing. I can handle it. I'm sorry, I'm not in the mood
for talking about such silliness" she said quickly, but firmly. "Maybe
later"
Michiru stood up. "Ok" she replied and left.
When the door slammed behind her partner, Haruka dropped her magazine
and let out a deep sigh.
*You REALLY can handle it... Just don't complain... Don't you dare to
be weak, Uranus... I AM STRONG... Strong strong strong strong strong*
...I imagine her face when she gazes at stared sky. Her eyes so wistful,
so deep. I will never understand you, Michiru. How can you still be
beside me? How can you forgive me my temper, my distantness, even my
other, dark side? You aren't ideal, too. I know it. But it doesn't
matter. For me you are the most perfect creature in the whole universe.
I can't do anything but laugh when you look at the mirror and claim
with slight despair "I look awful today!" Don't trust others, even the
mirrors. Look in my eyes. There is true you, reflected in their steel
coldness, - a beautiful goddess, charming and mysterious.
Please, let your pain go away, erase that sad frown from your face,
make your eyes shine the same aqua brilliance as before.
I'm sorry...
"Setsuna-mama!" shouted Hotaru from the living room. Haruka smiled
against her will, hearing girl's voice, like a bell.
Setsuna's steps down from her room.
"You called me, my dear?" Setsuna petted Hotaru's purplish black hair.
Girl nodded, but before she opened her mouth, a voice from TV
interrupted them.
"In this evening's block of news: war in South Africa, suicide of
a famous senator, bank robbery in Seattle, a fight between an innocent
reporter and a world-known race star"
Two of them exchanged glances. *Not this!* was a unison thought.
...Haruka sneaked downstaires and led to the kitchen.
"Ruka-chan!" was suddenly a tenderest voice, that stopped her like a
hit. She turned slowly to see Michiru with her arms crossed, leaning
at the doorway. Ocean Senshi's face was unreadable and visually calm.
But Haruka noticed that her hands were trembling.
"Nani?" muttered Haruka.
"We watched the news... I know about that reporter. Why didn't you
tell me?"
"It's not important"
"Haruka, can we help you?" said Setsuna appearing behind Michiru in
one swift motion. Aquamarine hair waved at that.
"Why did you do that?" asked Michiru. A shorter slender silhouette
of Hotaru materialized from twilight. "Why?" asked her big purple
eyes.
"It's MY business" dropped Haruka and stormed past them.
*They all against me! Damn... They can't understand. Nobody can!*
...Fury closed my eyes. I was so stupid! When the only people I love
tried to help me, I pushed them aside so rudely. I thought that my
pride would be wounded, if I admitted that I really was in a trouble,
that I was almost in despair. I thought I'd be weak in their eyes.
How can I know what is weakness? Was it admitting my fear and pain?
Or was it hurting my beloved family, when I wasn't strong enough to
say them the truth?
I know the answer.
I'm sorry...
Dedicated to Lisa, my friend.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
...It is something that I can never change in myself. It's my stupid
ability to determine. Sometimes I like it, elsewhen it makes me suffer
more than everything. I was so addicted to my racing. Too much? Yeah.
I forgot about my Michiru. My meaning of life. HOW COULD I? Sigh.
And when my world that I've been building, falls apart, how I behave?
It's a shame. It's painful to admit. But I don't fear anything. I can
say it. I was terrible, selfish, cruel, egoistic, mercyless. I cared
about my pain, oh yeah. It was so good to feel unloved and left by all.
But was I? NO...
(two days earlier)
"Haruka, talk to me"
"Hm?" she raised an eyebrow in mild surprise, head still down to her
magazine.
"You act strange. What happened this morning?"
"Nothing important"
Michiru frowned and tapped her on the shoulder. Haruka at last looked
up and stared at her partner innocently. She laid on the bed reading,
whith one hand under her head. Her eyes sparkled in the soft cosy
light of lamp. Michiru felt her strained.
"Why don't you tell me? You, who always scolded me for being 'that
mysterious one of us'. You, who always insisted on telling you all.
So why..."
"That's just nothing. I can handle it. I'm sorry, I'm not in the mood
for talking about such silliness" she said quickly, but firmly. "Maybe
later"
Michiru stood up. "Ok" she replied and left.
When the door slammed behind her partner, Haruka dropped her magazine
and let out a deep sigh.
*You REALLY can handle it... Just don't complain... Don't you dare to
be weak, Uranus... I AM STRONG... Strong strong strong strong strong*
...I imagine her face when she gazes at stared sky. Her eyes so wistful,
so deep. I will never understand you, Michiru. How can you still be
beside me? How can you forgive me my temper, my distantness, even my
other, dark side? You aren't ideal, too. I know it. But it doesn't
matter. For me you are the most perfect creature in the whole universe.
I can't do anything but laugh when you look at the mirror and claim
with slight despair "I look awful today!" Don't trust others, even the
mirrors. Look in my eyes. There is true you, reflected in their steel
coldness, - a beautiful goddess, charming and mysterious.
Please, let your pain go away, erase that sad frown from your face,
make your eyes shine the same aqua brilliance as before.
I'm sorry...
"Setsuna-mama!" shouted Hotaru from the living room. Haruka smiled
against her will, hearing girl's voice, like a bell.
Setsuna's steps down from her room.
"You called me, my dear?" Setsuna petted Hotaru's purplish black hair.
Girl nodded, but before she opened her mouth, a voice from TV
interrupted them.
"In this evening's block of news: war in South Africa, suicide of
a famous senator, bank robbery in Seattle, a fight between an innocent
reporter and a world-known race star"
Two of them exchanged glances. *Not this!* was a unison thought.
...Haruka sneaked downstaires and led to the kitchen.
"Ruka-chan!" was suddenly a tenderest voice, that stopped her like a
hit. She turned slowly to see Michiru with her arms crossed, leaning
at the doorway. Ocean Senshi's face was unreadable and visually calm.
But Haruka noticed that her hands were trembling.
"Nani?" muttered Haruka.
"We watched the news... I know about that reporter. Why didn't you
tell me?"
"It's not important"
"Haruka, can we help you?" said Setsuna appearing behind Michiru in
one swift motion. Aquamarine hair waved at that.
"Why did you do that?" asked Michiru. A shorter slender silhouette
of Hotaru materialized from twilight. "Why?" asked her big purple
eyes.
"It's MY business" dropped Haruka and stormed past them.
*They all against me! Damn... They can't understand. Nobody can!*
...Fury closed my eyes. I was so stupid! When the only people I love
tried to help me, I pushed them aside so rudely. I thought that my
pride would be wounded, if I admitted that I really was in a trouble,
that I was almost in despair. I thought I'd be weak in their eyes.
How can I know what is weakness? Was it admitting my fear and pain?
Or was it hurting my beloved family, when I wasn't strong enough to
say them the truth?
I know the answer.
I'm sorry...
