"Because I Love You"
By Meirou
"Buffy!" Dawn's eyes went wide as she watched her sister, the Slayer, have her own stake driven into her shoulder. "Buffy!" she shrieked.
The Slayer's face contorted in pain as her hand shot to her shoulder, mouth gaping. The vampire behind her let out a low growl, flashing a toothy grin of triumph. Buffy was definitely off of her game tonight. "Dawn, get out of here!" she managed to cry out, her green eyes watering from the intense pain. The young brunette, however, stubbornly remained and watched in horror as the bulky vampire overcame her sister, knocking her onto her side against the pavement.
'Everything is in slow motion already...nothing is real anymore. And if it is, I can't tell the difference,' Buffy thought despondently, her harsh fall to the ground nothing more than a faint tap. She felt so numb, so lost. She stared off into the distance, nothing in particular catching her eye. Maybe tonight would be her last...
A jolt of pain crackled through her neck and back. It seemed that only the throbbing in her left shoulder and the cries of her sister kept her from the seductive world of silence.
"Stay away from her! Buffy, I'm coming!" Dawn shouted from behind, ripping a large branch from the park shrubbery beside her. Steaming ahead at full force, the hazel eyed girl drove the branch into the offender's back with a grunt, observing with distant satisfaction as he disintegrated. Without a second thought, she dropped to Buffy's side, helping her into sitting position. "Buffy?"
A moment of silence set in before there were any words. In the meantime, however, Buffy eased the wooden stake from out of her shoulder, Dawn beside her trying to help. With a wince and a low moan, Buffy tossed the object to her right and listened to its hallow clink as it rolled away. The blonde lay back against the dewy grass, a pained sigh escaping her. "I'm okay, Dawn," she murmured, closing her eyes.
"Well, I mean, are you sure you should be lying down? With the wound and everything?" Dawn replied frantically, her eyes wide and filled with panic.
Buffy opened her eyes and allowed her sister to help her sit up. "I'll be fine," she answered monotonously, testing the injured part of her shoulder with her finger tips. With a sharp wince, Buffy realized just how off she really was as of late. It was ridiculous really...a bulky old vamp with a cocky attitude had managed to get the best of her. Thanks to her sister, she was still alive and breathing. Otherwise, she probably would have just given in and let things go--and then again, she'd never forgive herself if she had.
"Are you sure--Buffy?" Dawn stopped for a moment, a small glint of starlight catching in her eyes as she remained on her knees. Surprisingly, Buffy rose gracefully, motioning to her young sister to follow as she walked on.
"Let's go," the blonde spoke softly, her eyes locked on a faraway point.
"What's happening to you? You're falling apart, Buffy," Dawn answered seriously, standing up. Her sleek brown hair fluttered lightly as a cool breeze swept through, adding an even darker splendor to the moonless-night. Buffy turned back to look at her and suddenly felt a stab of sadness.
"I know." Her words and the voice that carried them were so plain and sorrowful, calm and peaceful, that they sent chills up Dawn's spine. Buffy's gaze lifted upward to the sky and remained there. "I didn't mean to scare you, Dawn. I just haven't been really with it lately."
"Or at all anymore," the younger girl added bitterly. "You nearly got killed tonight--again--and all you can do is walk away from the pain and push away the world? Like you're doing right now...to me?"
A sharper breeze passed through, sweeping through Buffy's golden locks, dancing through them. "Dawn--no--you don't understand," she began, her tone a little more authoritative. But she was right after all and Buffy knew it. Her hazel eyes bore holes through her as they stood in silence, Dawn's emotions swirling about wildly inside of her.
"That's what you want, isn't it, Buffy? You're waiting for the moment when a vampire gets the best of you...where it all ends and comes to a screeching halt. You want to leave again," the teenager accused coldly. "Of course...we don't understand. That's what you're always telling us. What about you, do *you* even understand? Buffy, we love you! And all you want is to get away from that as quickly as possible."
"That isn't true and you know it," the Slayer answered seriously, bewilderment just beneath her tone.
"Then tell me, Buffy. Tell me what is," she replied in a dark, near-whisper. A moment of silence passed and just as Buffy opened her mouth to answer, Dawn turned on her heel and walked off. A fierce determination radiated from her step as she disappeared into the night, setting off for home.
The Slayer made no attempt to go after her. She needed her space and nothing Buffy could say at this point would squelch any of the teenager's anger. Then again if Buffy didn't chase her down, she could end up losing another person she loved.
Alone once again, a bewildered Buffy took a seat on one of the old park benches beneath the lamplight. The pain in her shoulder had already subsided and she figured it was a minor injury. Her now-ruined black sweater was stained, the bloody material already dried. Right now, however, she didn't care. What did it matter in the scheme of things anyway? A little demon here...a little venting there...an injury or two along the way...
"Maybe she's right, perhaps that's what I've been aiming for all along. I'd rather die than to keep on living. My god, Giles would be so disappointed in me. He left to make me stronger, and now I've lost my away--again. I mean...the people I trusted most have betrayed me," she said aloud. Silence ensued and Buffy leaned forwards, resting her chin in her palms. A sob racked through her body and without her knowing it, a steady stream of tears began to fall. It seemed like anything she touched turned cold and hard, unforgiving. Falling apart and losing her mind all at once, she let out a small half-sobbed sigh. "I hate this place...I'm truly in hell."
"You really think so, eh?" the familiar, British-accent rang clear through the night. "Why is it that I always find you cryin', love?"
Buffy looked up from her palms, ashamed to let him see her this way. She could barely meet his gaze as it was. "I'm not crying," she answered softly, a hint of stubbornness evident in her tone. "I just want to be alone tonight--okay? And I don't want to sit down and talk, I'm sick of talking! I just want to be alone."
"Looks like you've pretty much accomplished that. Got the l'il bit blasting out of here like rocket," he remarked, carefully eying her shoulder. "Nearly got yourself killed tonight...and what a plan I might add." Spike sat down beside her, his duster sweeping against her knee.
"Spare me the litany, Spike. You can just save it," she answered coldly, glaring at him. Her anger slowly melted to a soft confusion as he chuckled. "And *what* are you laughing at? I don't find this funny at all, William."
"All you Summer's women, bloody crazy I tell you. You're missing the big picture here, love. Life is staring you in the face and you keep closing your eyes. Wake up already!" Spike replied, his cobalt eyes shining beneath the lamplight.
"I'm trying to..." Buffy said quietly, eyes downcast. "I'm trying so hard, Spike. Giles is gone, Mom's dead. Willow and Tara are falling apart at the seams; my sister hates me. And in the meantime, I'm losing my mind. I can't take it anymore. I really just *can't*."
"Well, you have to, because that's life. It doesn't get any easier, but then again it can't get much worse now, can it?" Spike spoke after a moment, his eyes on the sky above. Buffy sighed, wincing again as the pain within her shoulder returned.
"Only heard Dawn shouting before I entered the scene. Didn't get to see much of your glorious battle this evening," Spike continued, motioning to her wounded arm. "You all right?"
The blonde woman nodded silently, flexing her arm gently. "I'll be fine. I always am. Always have to be..." she remarked halfheartedly.
"Life is what you make it, pet," Spike returned, meeting her gaze again. He placed a hand on her lower arm, and his touch was almost therapeutic to her.
"I hate life." Her voice was bitter and she quickly pulled away. They had to stop doing this. She could feel that need to kiss him bubbling up again inside.
"Well, fine then," came his harsh reply, quick to judge and nearly unfeeling.
"What?" Buffy exclaimed, incredulous, as Spike rose and gave her a callous glance. That feeling died instantly and was replaced with hurt.
"Go ahead, give up and die. Be my guest. Anyway, isn't that you're talent already?" Spike spat, his expression cynical. That face--so heartless, unforgiving. Everything she touched...cold. Buffy could feel his steely gaze even as she turned her own away. "You know what, Slayer? You're weak, gone all soft. You want to run away and leave behind a world of happiness. It's not easy, never will be. But if you give up now, you're no better than you were when you left."
She made no reply and he merely snorted before stalking off. His leather coat flapped on the icy breeze that swept about, tossing Buffy's locks carelessly. "Spike," she whispered. His black-clad form suddenly stopped as the quiet, pain-stricken voice reached him. He turned; cobalt eyes soon locked with emerald and in such a manner they remained. Buffy's eyes welled up with tears, and his own seemed to glisten with the humane familiarity. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." She launched herself from the bench, racing towards him.
In response, his face seemed to light up and he opened his arms--ready to catch her. Crystalline streams rolled down her cheeks as she bolted forth, a look of pure determination on her face. This was meant to be.
But what he received was something entirely different. She reached him in a span of seconds, her expression now dark. As she collided with his form, a jolt of pain ricocheted throughout his chest. "Bu-uffy!" he choked out, looking down in pure astonishment. He could only see the wooden stake protruding from his chest for a few moments. Slowly looking up to meet her gaze, he cried shameless tears. "Why?"
She glared up at him, her hand still grasping the stake with an iron fist against him. Her gaze was hard and fierce. "Because I love you." Eyes wide and full of tears, he let out a small cry before disintegrating.
