"Because I Love You"
By Meirou
Buffy awoke with a start, letting out a scream of horror. "It's him...or me." She sat up in bed, desperately trying to slow her ragged breathing. "These dreams mean something...and I'd better listen. Or someone will end up dying." Hers legs fell over the side of the bed and her gaze settled onto the clock. It was 3:30 am. It didn't take that long to reach the crypt. Even then, her heart continued to pound in her ears. "And it won't be me." Buffy slid out of her bed and quickly dressed. She gave herself a glance in the mirror and sighed.
'How much longer will I be able to take this? I dream about his death...a turn-around about my own...what is this supposed to mean? That whatever exists between us is doomed to fail--that we aren't meant to be together? God, what have I turned into? I'm another one of those sick romantics in the old films.'
She pulled open one of the dresser drawers and felt her fingers curl around the cool shaft of the wooden stake. If something were to happen, she had to be prepared. Letting her emotions get the best of her was a mistake she'd made. And several times before. Losing Angel. Losing Riley. Losing Spike.
Losing Spike? Whoa! Since when did he qualify for an affectionate memorandum? 'Since I fell in love with him,' her thoughts answered her bitterly. She slammed the drawer shut, it's loud thud echoing throughout her bedroom. Had it always been so quiet?
Buffy shrugged it off and allowed her thoughts to wander for a moment. Dawn was sound asleep, Willow was there should anything happen. If she could just slip out for a little while...
"How am I supposed to know if this is just another dream? This is the last time...never again. I won't subject myself to any more pain...not by him."
*~*~*
The unceremoniously loud knock echoed throughout the literally lifeless crypt. As the sound bounced in Spike's ears, he awoke groggily and glanced around, bleary-eyed. They quickly adjusted to the late-night glow the television emitted in the otherwise dark room. "Better not be one of those flaming Cryral demons again..." he muttered, approaching the doorway sluggishly. His strong hands wrapped around the spherical handle and jerked it harshly, the door swinging open in such a manner. "Since when do *you* knock?" his British tone rang out, a smug smile accenting his expression.
"There's a first for everything," Buffy answered seriously, her voice and tone business-like.
"Come in," Spike said half-sarcastic as Buffy walked right in past him. "Not much for invitations are you?"
"I *did* knock."
"Uh huh. There something I can--help you out with? Any demons afoot? Shall we call the Scoobies? I mean, take notice, Slayer. It's four in the morning," Spike said with a tilted nod. He sauntered back over to his easychair, and leaned back onto it, awaiting her answer. When she merely glanced around, nervously at that, he rose again. "Alright, what's up?"
The accent entered her ears, tickling her senses. She loved his voice...
Buffy stepped back as he approached, her grip tightening on the stake she held conveniently out of his sight. The contradiction of her thoughts and her actions was astonishing. "I keep seeing things. In my sleep...I keep seeing you. Us. And I don't want to anymore. I don't want this torture...not like this." Spike's eyes widened slightly as this, and he moved closer.
"Aw, Slayer. I'm touched," he replied with a devious smile. He lifted his hands, beckoning for her to take them. But she quickly declined, stepping back again. "Playing games again are we?" Spike dropped his hands, and turned his back to her, his sentiment becoming anger. "I'm about ready to forfeit." He glanced back over his shoulder, and it was at that instant that the light caught onto the tip of the stake. He whipped around, eyes blazing as he prepared to brace himself.
Buffy slowly glanced down to her hand and realized she'd given herself away. Why she'd even brought the thing, she truly did not know. "Spike, I--
"Is *that* why you came here? To stake me?" he shouted, his eyes boring holes in her. And at that point, Buffy felt incredibly ill. "What have I done to you...lately? Have you lost your flamin' mind?" The television behind cast an eerie glow upon their bodies, their silhouettes dancing upon the stone walls.
"I didn't want it to come to this, Spike. And I really *don't*," she exclaimed, her voice on the verge of disparity. "I don't even know why I'm here, because I'm not sure what to say--what to tell you. I just dream about you, and lose you. One of us always dies...I can't be sure as to whether or not it's a premonition. But I'm afraid of *this*."
"You mean you're afraid of me." He threw his hands up into the air and sighed harshly. "Fine then. Have it at...stake me if it thrills you. As long as I'm here, I can't be with you. I guess it really doesn't matter...because I can't be with you anywhere." He walked towards her, his arms spread out to his sides.
"Don't do this, Spike. Please don't--
"What? Tempt you? Isn't this what you want, to get away from all of your worldly troubles? To end the suffering and take the detour back to heaven?" he shouted, his voice nearly shaking the room. Buffy merely stood there, her eyes bleary and sleep-deprived, her expression pained and sorrowful. And still, she remained with her arm lifted, stake prepared.
"I don't want to kill you! Don't you understand? I'm afraid to be here, because I don't *want* to lose you. I just want the truth..." she cried out, flinging her stake away.
"I've told you the truth, Buffy. I'm in love with you...always have been. And I'm pretty sure I always will be," he spoke, his tone lowered. "I can't tell you anything more, because there's nothing left to say. Unless you have something to confess..." She fell silent again and he left her, moving towards the fallen stake. He raised it to his chest from the floor in one fluid motion, glaring at her. "Is *this* what you want? The *truth*? What about me? I want you to be happy for Pete's sake! If puncturing myself to bloody bits helps, then so be it!"
Buffy's green eyes grew unbelieveably wide. She stepped forth cautiously, her hand reaching out. "Spike!"
"Come on, Slayer! Give me a reason to stay!" he hissed, his cobalt eyes steely and unforgiving. Buffy dropped to her knees, shielding her eyes. She shook her head, hiding her now tear-stained face behind her hands.
"I can't!"
"Yes! You *can*!" he roared, drawing the stake closer to himself. "Give me one reason!" His eyes held a ferocious fire as he stood over her, watching in a now awkward silence as she remained on her knees, crying her eyes out as sobs racked through her body.
"I didn't want things to turn out like this. I wanted to come here, maybe be done with everything. But I know that I never expected to be sitting here crying my eyes out like a child."
"Buffy." His tone was level now, no longer fierce and angry. It was merely scornful and she felt its full force. "Why are you trying so hard to push me away?" Her hands slowly dropped...it was now or never. Buffy looked up, the trails of tears partly-fresh, a portion dry and leaving streaks on her soft skin.
"Because I love you, Spike."
Spike's eyes were filled with warmth again and he tossed the stake away and went to her. His strong arms wrapped around her body, pulling her close and comforting her. Buffy was filled relief at his touch, protected. *This* was meant to be. For only she would dictate her choices, not her dreams. Even if her future was unknown, and at this point up for grabs...she wouldn't be alone. She knew with everythinn inside of her that he'd be there by her side. He loved her, and she loved him--unconditionally. Her eyes rose and locked with Spike's.
Spike looked down at her, kissing her forehead gently as he rocked her to and fro. And as her sweet scent filled him, he could only smile. "I know."
*~*~*
Well what did ya think? This was basically just a random, one-shot fic. Has nothing to do with the recent "Smashed" episode.
