See Part One for Notes/Disclaimer
Heartbreak is a strange thing. Right in the midst of the most unbearable pain, everything becomes clearer....and you realize how lucky you really are after all.
Pete and I are heading toward our 6th period class. He's rambling on about something, but I'm not paying much attention. I'm too busy scanning the crowded hallways, hoping to catch a glimpse of Chloe. She's been distant today--not her usual self. I've been trying all day to catch her alone for a few seconds and find out how she's doing. How she's *really* doing, not the unflappable facade she puts on for the public's benefit. But she keeps managing to slip away.
We turn a corner, and suddenly, I see her. She's standing in front of a makeshift memorial for Jenna. I slow down for a second, watching her. She lights a candle to add to the growing, flickering pile and stares at Jenna's picture. She looks pretty upset, which I'm actually relieved to see--her constant "I'm fine...nothing to see here" routine was starting to worry me.
"You OK?" I ask quietly as Pete and I approach.
"Yeah," she replied, and I can't miss the sadness in her voice. "The memorial service is tomorrow," she adds.
I look up, taking in all the cards and notes and mementos tacked to the wall. Jenna had a lot of friends, and they will all miss her for a long time. I swallow past the lump in my throat as I think about how easily that could have been Chloe's picture on that wall...how those sympathetic messages could have been people passing their condolences on to Pete and I. 'There but for the grace of God,' I think to myself.
"Just think, you know...that could have been me," Chloe says, echoing my thoughts. "All because some guy expressed some modicum of interest in me," she adds, meeting my eyes for a second before looking away, embarrassed that she let herself be taken in by Sean's act, despite all my warnings to the contrary.
I want to tell her she's wrong...that it could have never been her up there. 'Not as long as I'm drawing a breath,' I promise myself fiercely. And I want to tell her that wanting to believe that someone wanted her doesn't make her a fool. It makes her human...just like the rest of us. Just like me, and I'm not even from around here. And if it's worth anything, I have more than a modicum of interest in her--when I decide to be honest with myself, that is. But I don't say anything...the words get stuck in my throat, and the moment has passed before I can get them unstuck.
Chloe shakes her head. "I thought my heart was stronger than that," she says as Pete puts a comforting arm around her and we turn away from the memorial.
"Everybody is searching for their soul-mate, Chloe. It's not a sign of weakness," I assure her as at least some of the words get unstuck from my throat. She nods, but I can tell she doesn't really believe me. Or doesn't want to, anyway.
"Can't believe both your dates went straight to hell and I ended up with the limo," Pete says, trying to lighten the mood a little.
I follow his cue. "How was that?" I ask, hoping at least someone got some good out of Lex's generosity.
"It was sweet. I've already hooked up with another date for next weekend," Pete jokes, and I roll my eyes a little, wondering how sweet Pete's dates will be when he has to go back to his old 1992 Chevy Malibu with the tendency to backfire.
"I'm swearing off men," Chloe declares suddenly.
"We're not *all* bad," I insist firmly, locking eyes with Chloe. The statement usually doesn't bother me...I've heard Chloe say it several times a month since I've known her. But this time, it does. Maybe it's because I know, when I'm honest with myself, my feelings for Chloe go beyond friendship. Maybe it's because I don't want to see Chloe cut herself off from the possibility that someone out there, even if he's not me, could make her happy. But I do know one thing--I can't stand the thought that in the back of her mind, Chloe might someday want to lump me in the same category as a sleazebag like Sean Kelvin. I'm sure some girls out there do. That's fine. That's their opinion. I just know it would kill me if I thought *Chloe* was doing it.
"Maybe you should just swear off heat sucking horn dogs," Pete tells her, reaching over to tickle her stomach. She laughs, and I smile. It's good to hear Chloe laughing...a real laugh...again. It's like music to my ears.
"Yeah, well, the next time a guy asks me out, I'm definitely doing an in depth background check," Chloe insists.
I look down the hall, and see Lana gathering books from her locker. My stride falters just for a second and I stop walking. I haven't talked to Lana at all since I left her at the Beanery. I went back after I took Chloe home, but Lana was gone. I don't blame her--I didn't exactly explain things.
I feel Chloe's eyes on me, and I know she's aware of who I'm staring at. "Come on Pete," she says. "Clark will catch up with us later."
I look at Chloe, and she just nods understandingly as she and Pete walk off. I catch a hint of guilt in her eyes as well. I know she feels that she ruined my non-date date. I insisted that she didn't, but I know she doesn't believe me. She's wrong. I wouldn't have done anything differently. Not a single thing.
Still...explanations need to be made, and I know Chloe would be mad if I just walked away. I remember the look on her face when she was helping me with fashion advice. She knew how important this date that wasn't a date with Lana was to me, and if I just let the chance to set things right with Lana and see where it leads pass me by, I would be disappointing Chloe as well as myself.
I take a deep breath and put one foot in front of the other as I head for Lana.
----------
I hear the sounds of footsteps thudding against the cement bleacher steps, but I don't look up. I'm aware a moment later of a body sitting next to me, but I still continue to study my shoes as if they contain the answers to all of life's questions.
"You never showed up for 6th," Chloe says after a moment. "So I thought I'd find you here." I just shrug in reply.
A few more moments of silence pass, before Chloe speaks up again. "I take it things didn't go as well with Lana as we were hoping." It's more of a statement than a question.
I look up, but instead of meeting Chloe's eyes, I choose to stare out across the football field. "Whitney is taking her to Metropolis on Saturday. She told him we were just friends."
"She *is* dating him," Chloe reminds me gently.
I nod. "I know. I got the answer to that too. I asked her why she was going out with Whitney."
"What did she say?" Chloe asks.
I sigh sadly. "Doesn't matter. They were good reasons."
Chloe is quiet for a minute, before she says something I wasn't expecting. "Guess you didn't really miss out on Mr. Milkner's psych test after all," she muses.
I turn to look at her for the first time since she sat down, but now she's staring across the football field. "Huh?" I ask. I wasn't expecting her to segue into a discussion of skipped classes.
Chloe chuckles for a second before replying. "You know...the quiz today was on social habits. Why we choose the social circles that we do. The extra credit question was kind of like what you asked Lana. Mr. Milkner said he wanted us to really understand what he was testing us on, so he gave us a question no one could get wrong--why we are friends with our best friend."
I keep my gaze trained on Chloe's face, even though she's not meeting my eyes. "And what did you say?" I ask.
"I said..." Chloe pauses and smiles as she remembers her answer. "I said because he's always there when I need him." She stops and glances at me out of the corner of her eye. "Even when I don't realize that I need him...or when I'm too stubborn to realize it. And he makes me feel safe."
I simply stare at her as I hear the main gist of Lana's words repeated back to me. Here I was feeling sorry for myself because Lana didn't think those words applied to me, and the whole time, Chloe did. Chloe is looking at me questioningly, and I realize she's waiting for me to say something.
"What do you say we blow off 7th and 8th? I feel the need to take you out and get you sugared up on mochas," I tell her, grinning broadly.
"Sounds like a date...a non-date," Chloe adds, returning my grin.
For a second, I consider replying that it's not a date...it's a fact finding mission to see if she deserves a date. But that isn't what I'm feeling. I already know Chloe deserves a date and more--when we're both ready for it. So I simply stand up and climb down onto a lower section of bleachers, reaching up and extending my hand to Chloe. "That it is," I reply, smiling as she grasps my hand with her own.
We climb down the bleachers and make our way across the sunny campus, swinging our clasped hands between us. The cold snap in Smallville is over, and the sun is back with a vengeance. I watch out of the corner of my eye as Chloe looks up toward the sun, closing her eyes and letting the warming rays bask across her face.
And that's when I realize...heartbreak is a strange thing. Right in the midst of the most unbearable pain, everything becomes clearer....and you realize how lucky you really are after all.
The End
Heartbreak is a strange thing. Right in the midst of the most unbearable pain, everything becomes clearer....and you realize how lucky you really are after all.
Pete and I are heading toward our 6th period class. He's rambling on about something, but I'm not paying much attention. I'm too busy scanning the crowded hallways, hoping to catch a glimpse of Chloe. She's been distant today--not her usual self. I've been trying all day to catch her alone for a few seconds and find out how she's doing. How she's *really* doing, not the unflappable facade she puts on for the public's benefit. But she keeps managing to slip away.
We turn a corner, and suddenly, I see her. She's standing in front of a makeshift memorial for Jenna. I slow down for a second, watching her. She lights a candle to add to the growing, flickering pile and stares at Jenna's picture. She looks pretty upset, which I'm actually relieved to see--her constant "I'm fine...nothing to see here" routine was starting to worry me.
"You OK?" I ask quietly as Pete and I approach.
"Yeah," she replied, and I can't miss the sadness in her voice. "The memorial service is tomorrow," she adds.
I look up, taking in all the cards and notes and mementos tacked to the wall. Jenna had a lot of friends, and they will all miss her for a long time. I swallow past the lump in my throat as I think about how easily that could have been Chloe's picture on that wall...how those sympathetic messages could have been people passing their condolences on to Pete and I. 'There but for the grace of God,' I think to myself.
"Just think, you know...that could have been me," Chloe says, echoing my thoughts. "All because some guy expressed some modicum of interest in me," she adds, meeting my eyes for a second before looking away, embarrassed that she let herself be taken in by Sean's act, despite all my warnings to the contrary.
I want to tell her she's wrong...that it could have never been her up there. 'Not as long as I'm drawing a breath,' I promise myself fiercely. And I want to tell her that wanting to believe that someone wanted her doesn't make her a fool. It makes her human...just like the rest of us. Just like me, and I'm not even from around here. And if it's worth anything, I have more than a modicum of interest in her--when I decide to be honest with myself, that is. But I don't say anything...the words get stuck in my throat, and the moment has passed before I can get them unstuck.
Chloe shakes her head. "I thought my heart was stronger than that," she says as Pete puts a comforting arm around her and we turn away from the memorial.
"Everybody is searching for their soul-mate, Chloe. It's not a sign of weakness," I assure her as at least some of the words get unstuck from my throat. She nods, but I can tell she doesn't really believe me. Or doesn't want to, anyway.
"Can't believe both your dates went straight to hell and I ended up with the limo," Pete says, trying to lighten the mood a little.
I follow his cue. "How was that?" I ask, hoping at least someone got some good out of Lex's generosity.
"It was sweet. I've already hooked up with another date for next weekend," Pete jokes, and I roll my eyes a little, wondering how sweet Pete's dates will be when he has to go back to his old 1992 Chevy Malibu with the tendency to backfire.
"I'm swearing off men," Chloe declares suddenly.
"We're not *all* bad," I insist firmly, locking eyes with Chloe. The statement usually doesn't bother me...I've heard Chloe say it several times a month since I've known her. But this time, it does. Maybe it's because I know, when I'm honest with myself, my feelings for Chloe go beyond friendship. Maybe it's because I don't want to see Chloe cut herself off from the possibility that someone out there, even if he's not me, could make her happy. But I do know one thing--I can't stand the thought that in the back of her mind, Chloe might someday want to lump me in the same category as a sleazebag like Sean Kelvin. I'm sure some girls out there do. That's fine. That's their opinion. I just know it would kill me if I thought *Chloe* was doing it.
"Maybe you should just swear off heat sucking horn dogs," Pete tells her, reaching over to tickle her stomach. She laughs, and I smile. It's good to hear Chloe laughing...a real laugh...again. It's like music to my ears.
"Yeah, well, the next time a guy asks me out, I'm definitely doing an in depth background check," Chloe insists.
I look down the hall, and see Lana gathering books from her locker. My stride falters just for a second and I stop walking. I haven't talked to Lana at all since I left her at the Beanery. I went back after I took Chloe home, but Lana was gone. I don't blame her--I didn't exactly explain things.
I feel Chloe's eyes on me, and I know she's aware of who I'm staring at. "Come on Pete," she says. "Clark will catch up with us later."
I look at Chloe, and she just nods understandingly as she and Pete walk off. I catch a hint of guilt in her eyes as well. I know she feels that she ruined my non-date date. I insisted that she didn't, but I know she doesn't believe me. She's wrong. I wouldn't have done anything differently. Not a single thing.
Still...explanations need to be made, and I know Chloe would be mad if I just walked away. I remember the look on her face when she was helping me with fashion advice. She knew how important this date that wasn't a date with Lana was to me, and if I just let the chance to set things right with Lana and see where it leads pass me by, I would be disappointing Chloe as well as myself.
I take a deep breath and put one foot in front of the other as I head for Lana.
----------
I hear the sounds of footsteps thudding against the cement bleacher steps, but I don't look up. I'm aware a moment later of a body sitting next to me, but I still continue to study my shoes as if they contain the answers to all of life's questions.
"You never showed up for 6th," Chloe says after a moment. "So I thought I'd find you here." I just shrug in reply.
A few more moments of silence pass, before Chloe speaks up again. "I take it things didn't go as well with Lana as we were hoping." It's more of a statement than a question.
I look up, but instead of meeting Chloe's eyes, I choose to stare out across the football field. "Whitney is taking her to Metropolis on Saturday. She told him we were just friends."
"She *is* dating him," Chloe reminds me gently.
I nod. "I know. I got the answer to that too. I asked her why she was going out with Whitney."
"What did she say?" Chloe asks.
I sigh sadly. "Doesn't matter. They were good reasons."
Chloe is quiet for a minute, before she says something I wasn't expecting. "Guess you didn't really miss out on Mr. Milkner's psych test after all," she muses.
I turn to look at her for the first time since she sat down, but now she's staring across the football field. "Huh?" I ask. I wasn't expecting her to segue into a discussion of skipped classes.
Chloe chuckles for a second before replying. "You know...the quiz today was on social habits. Why we choose the social circles that we do. The extra credit question was kind of like what you asked Lana. Mr. Milkner said he wanted us to really understand what he was testing us on, so he gave us a question no one could get wrong--why we are friends with our best friend."
I keep my gaze trained on Chloe's face, even though she's not meeting my eyes. "And what did you say?" I ask.
"I said..." Chloe pauses and smiles as she remembers her answer. "I said because he's always there when I need him." She stops and glances at me out of the corner of her eye. "Even when I don't realize that I need him...or when I'm too stubborn to realize it. And he makes me feel safe."
I simply stare at her as I hear the main gist of Lana's words repeated back to me. Here I was feeling sorry for myself because Lana didn't think those words applied to me, and the whole time, Chloe did. Chloe is looking at me questioningly, and I realize she's waiting for me to say something.
"What do you say we blow off 7th and 8th? I feel the need to take you out and get you sugared up on mochas," I tell her, grinning broadly.
"Sounds like a date...a non-date," Chloe adds, returning my grin.
For a second, I consider replying that it's not a date...it's a fact finding mission to see if she deserves a date. But that isn't what I'm feeling. I already know Chloe deserves a date and more--when we're both ready for it. So I simply stand up and climb down onto a lower section of bleachers, reaching up and extending my hand to Chloe. "That it is," I reply, smiling as she grasps my hand with her own.
We climb down the bleachers and make our way across the sunny campus, swinging our clasped hands between us. The cold snap in Smallville is over, and the sun is back with a vengeance. I watch out of the corner of my eye as Chloe looks up toward the sun, closing her eyes and letting the warming rays bask across her face.
And that's when I realize...heartbreak is a strange thing. Right in the midst of the most unbearable pain, everything becomes clearer....and you realize how lucky you really are after all.
The End
