Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy 9, The Weakest Link, or Gundam Wing.
Maybe I would make more money if I did, but unfortunately, I don't, so...

A/N: If you haven't read the original FF9: The Weakest Link, you might
want to read that first, since I might be making references to that.

Behind the set...

CLOUD TRIBAL: Well, we're off to a good start...

NECRON: And that doof Tot is gone...

CLOUD TRIBAL: Well, SOMEONE had to go...

BLACK MAGE: KILL!

CLOUD TRIBAL: No, I didn't kill Tot...

NECRON: Can I?

CLOUD TRIBAL: ...No.

NECRON: Aw man...

CID: Hey Necron, aren't you the "God of Death"?

NECRON: Yeah?

CID: If you're the "God of Death", why are you on a game show?

NECRON: The Mrs. wants a new dishwasher.

ALL: ...

CID: But you're the "GOD OF DEATH"...

GARLAND: Hey, doesn't Duo talk about the God of Death?

CLOUD TRIBAL: No, that's the Great Destroyer.

(Necron jumps in Deathscythe Hell and begins blowing up random things)

CLOUD TRIBAL: (sweatdrop) THAT wasn't supposed to happen...

ALL: RUN!

NECRON: Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

CLOUD TRIBAL: Fun's over, we need to start the fic.

(CT blows up the Deathscythe)

NECRON: Ack!

AMARANT: Sweet mother of Beatrix!

BEATRIX: Excuse me?

STEINER: Are you suggesting something about Beatrixy-Weatrixy?

AMARANT: Uhhhh...no?

BEATRIX: Beatrixy-Weatrixy?

STEINER: You'd better not say another word about Beatrix...

BEATRIX: Beatrixy-Weatrixy?

AMARANT: I never did. I'm too cool to talk about Beatrix.

BEATRIX: Beatrixy-Weatrixy?

CLOUD TRIBAL: Uggggh...can we at least TRY to start the fic...



ANNE: Welcome back to "The Weakest Link!"

AUDIENCE: YAY!

ANNE: Now, this round has questions from any Final Fantasy game.

ANNE: Eiko, we'll start with you. 2:20 on the clock!

ANNE: Eiko, in Final Fantasy 5, what was the main protagonist's name.

EIKO: Bartz?

ANNE: Correct!

CID: Strange...on my emulator, it's Butts...

ALL: ...

CLOUD TRIBAL: It's spelled BUTZ, you dolt.

CID: ...

ANNE: Garland, who was the first boss of Final Fantasy 1?

GARLAND: Ooh, I know! Garland!

ANNE: Correct! Black Mage, what happened to Aeris in FF7?

BLACK MAGE: KILL!

ANNE: That's right, she was killed!

ALL: ...

ANNE: Amarant...

AMARANT: I'm too cool to bank, but...bank! (Savings: 5,000 gil)

ANNE: ...What game was released after Final Fantasy 2?

AMARANT: ...Final Fantasy 3?

ANNE: NO! It was a trick question. Final Fantasy 2 was Final Fantasy 4 in Japan,
which means Final Fantasy 5 came out first!

AMARANT: But...a Final Fantasy 3 WAS released after a Final Fantasy 2...

ANNE: That wasn't what the question was about, so tough!

ANNE: Cid, who were the four sorceresses in Final Fantasy 8?

CID: ...Edea, Ultimecia, Adel...and Rinoa!

ANNE: Correct! Necron, who was the final boss of Final Fantasy 6?

NECRON: Oh, I know this! It's Kefka!

ANNE: Correct! Steiner, in Final Fantasy 4, Cecil changed from a Dark Knight to a what?

STEINER: Paladin?

ANNE: Correct! Eiko...

EIKO: Bank! (SAvings: 10,000 gil)

BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!

ANNE: Well, time is up. And in this round, you banked a pitiful, horrible, measly,
worth-less-than-Chocobo-dung amount of 10,000 gil.

ANNE: One of you will leave right now. So, vote!

(They vote...)

ANNE: Time is up, time to tally the votes.

STEINER: Amarant.

EIKO: ...Amarant.

GARLAMD: ...Amarant.

BLACK MAGE: KILL!

AMARANT: ...Cid.

CID: Amarant.

NECRON: ...Cid.

ANNE: Well, I see...Amarant, with 4 votes, you are The Weakest Link.

ANNE: Goodbye!

(Amarant leaves in a cool fashion)

(CT exits)

Behind the set...

AMARANT: They can't do this to me...I'm too cool to get voted off!

(Shadow appears)

AMARANT: Then again, maybe I was too cool for the show...

(Shadow moves closer)

AMARANT: Or maybe I was too cool for them and they got rid of me!

(Lights go out backstage, nothing can be seen)

AMARANT: But maybe they...hey, who shut off the lights!

AMARANT: (beginning to hyperventilate) Oh...okay...stay calm Amarant...

(Creeeeak...)

AMARANT: WHAT WAS THAT!...Probably the wind...It's okay Amarant...

(Creeeeak...)

AMARANT: ...I'm too cool to be scared of the dark, I'm too cool to be scared of the dark,
I'm too cool to be scared of the...

(Creeeeak...)

AMARANT: Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, I'm scared, I'm scared, I'm scared...

(Creeeeak...)

AMARANT: Oh...what? It's you! No...stay back, I beg you! No...please, no...I can't...

AMARANT: UGH! Stop it...no...I don't want to...please...GUH...help...someone...help...me...

AMARANT: Why...did...you...UGH...(cough cough)...no...somebody help me...

AMARANT: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH...

(Lights go on)

(Shadow is revealed to be CT)

CLOUD TRIBAL: ...

CLOUD TRIBAL: I KNOW what some of you sickos out there are thinking, and the answer is...

CLOUD TRIBAL: NO, I did NOT rape Amarant!

CLOUD TRIBAL: I merely killed him.

(Amarant's dead body is on the floor)

CLOUD TRIBAL: Now finally I have my justice...in my own murdering way.

Back to the set...

CID: Where'd CT go?

BLACK MAGE: KILL!

EIKO: I hope not...

STEINER: What are you saying?

EIKO: That CT went to kill Amarant.

(CT enters)

CLOUD TRIBAL: What a joyous day!

GARLAND: Why are you so happy all of a sudden?

CLOUD TRIBAL: Oh...nothing....nothing at all...

ANNE: (sweatdrop) Well, we'll be back!