Note from LadyChakotay: As you know, this story was born just a day or two before the tragedy that befell the United States, and the world. Perhaps due to that fact, and other absorbing commitments, I have had great difficulty bringing it to completion. So, rather than keep loyal readers waiting further, I have handed the reigns over to a dear friend of mine, and a very talented author in her own right, Tammy from VoyagerCat. She has graciously agreed to finish what I started, and for that I am most grateful. This chapter, and the chapters that follow are hers. Thank you, Tammy!
Disclaimer: Star Trek: Voyager and all things contained therein are the property of Paramount Pictures. No infringement intended.
Author: VoyagerCat
Chapter 4
The Doctor had staked out a good position outside the building in wait for Seven. He was damn glad he was not a humanoid at the moment. The hot dry wind would have melted even the toughest of tough guys. He briefly wondered if his holo-matrix would start to melt. Just as the possibility occurred, he saw her. She looked even more beautiful than he remembered. Her hair was no longer in that tight twist, but rather bouncing over her slender shoulders as she walked. She was wearing a pair of jeans that hugged her shapely legs. Her blouse was a shade of light buttercup-yellow, almost the same color as her hair. As much as the Doctor liked her form fitting cat-suits he had designed, this was much better. She walked with a sense of style and grace that he always knew she possessed. For a few moments, he just stood watching her from his hidden vantage point. What was he going to say to her, how could he tell her? What if she didn't want anything to do with him, could he accept that after all this time? While these questions played themselves over in his holo-head, he noticed something else about her, or rather someone with her. On closer inspection, he saw it was a young male Vulcan, and for a Vulcan he was not bad looking. An unexpected twinge of jealousy hit. Seven was laughing, and the young Vulcan seemed to be the reason. Before he realized it, his legs were propelling him toward her. His last thought before she spotted him was to run back the other way, but it was a nanosecond of thought too late.
"Doctor!" Seven's musical voice rang through his ears. She started toward him leaving the Vulcan behind. That put a smile back on the Doctor's face. "What are you doing here?"
"Looking for you, Seven." His smile continued as they approached each other.
"How did you find me Doctor?" Her words were without emotion, but her slight smile was a different matter.
"Let's just say the old Voyager rumor mill is still running at full speed. Plus the use of the Captain's private transport didn't hurt." The slight smile broadened on Seven's face.
"How is Captain Janeway?" As she asked the question, she suddenly realized that something could be wrong with her friend and mentor. Well she hoped she would still be considered a friend. The Doctor didn't miss her sudden change of expression.
"The Captain is fine, well except that she's suffering from her own stupidity. Whatever she was drinking last night will be with her for a day or two." The Doctor had a big grin plastered on his face at the memory of his former captain.
"I don't see that this is a funny situation Doctor. Why would Captain Janeway be drinking in the first place, it's not something she would normally do?"
"No she wouldn't, but in this case she had her reasons and I'm not going to judge her for her actions. However, it is funny, well if you'd have seen her. She looked like a Kazon having a bad hair day." Seven still didn't seem to find any humor in the situation. "I guess you just had to be there."
"So it would seem Doctor, but she will be alright won't she?"
"She'll be fine, unless her reason for drinking breaks her heart."
"Doctor, you are not making any sense." Seven was finding it difficult keeping up with the conversation. Her own troubling thoughts had most of her attention and one of those thoughts just happened to be standing right in front of her.
"It's not important Seven, I'm sure Kathryn can take care of herself." He received a very uncertain look from Seven.
"I didn't realize you were on a first name bases with the Captain, Doctor."
"Well she is the one who said to call her Kathryn, it is a bit strange to me too, but I'm happy to oblige." Seven still didn't look too convinced, but let it drop for now. "Seven, I came here because I wanted to talk to you about something." Seven's slight smile was back in place.
"Fine Doctor, why don't we find somewhere a bit less, meltingly-hot. I don't understand how the Vulcan people can tolerate such extreme dry heat. At least on a Borg ship we had a warm humid atmosphere." The Doctor smiled in return.
"That's not quite how I would describe a Borg atmosphere, but I agree it is hot here. Do you have some place in mind we could go?"
"I don't know this planet well but there is a nice quiet cafe not far from here. I know you can't eat but…"
"Then you haven't heard that I can eat whatever I want to now. Just an added feature complements of Starfleet. They've done some pretty remarkable things with holo-programming, well not to mention some help from yours truly."
"I'm sure of that Doctor." Seven took the Doctor's arm and they headed for a bit of shelter from the heat, and a long overdo conversation.
~~~~~~
"Chakotay just have a seat and I'll be right back." Kathryn headed for the bathroom of her hotel sweat.
"Are you sure you don't need any help Kathryn, you really don't look too well."
"I don't need your help and don't follow me, I'm embarrassed enough as it is." She slammed the bathroom door and slumped to the floor trying with all her might to control the liquid hell that was still in her system. "I swear to God I'm going to kill Tom with my own two hands for this." She mumbled to herself as she drug her butt up off the floor and made it to the sink. One look at her reflection in the mirror and it was all it took to start the retching again. When the wave of horror subsided, she washed her face in cool water and brushed her teeth. She took another look in the mirror and wondered why she wasn't dead. She looked it, felt it, and at the moment thought it was a damn good idea. Well, before I put both feet in the grave I have to tell Chakotay how I really feel. He has the right to know and I'm going to do this if it kills me, unless I'm dead already. She carried her thoughts with her as she ran a comb through her hair and headed out to face her biggest fear.
Chakotay was sitting on the sofa with a glass of ice-tea for both of them. "I thought this might be a bit better than coffee on your stomach." He handed her the glass as she took the big soft chair across from him.
"Thank you, it should help and one thing's for sure, it can't make it any worse." She took a hesitant sip, watching his expression the while she drank. Chakotay sat patiently waiting for her to start the conversation. She sat her glass down on the table and cleared her throat. "I suppose you want to know why I'm here." She tried a weak smile for him.
"Yes, but first I want to know if you are ok and what is wrong with you. I've never seen you so… "
"Dead looking." Kathryn finished his statement.
"Well I wasn't going to be quite so blunt, but yes you have looked better." That seemed to help break the tension in the room, just a bit.
"All I can say is if we'd have had this Liquid Cocaine on Voyager, we would have gotten home a hell of a lot faster. A few drops of that in the warp core and we would have beaten trans-warp speed." Chakotay started laughing. "It's not that funny Commander."
"Oh yes it is Kathryn. We did have Liquid Cocaine on Voyager, complements of Mr. Paris." He was having some trouble speaking between the laughter. "I'm damn proud of you Kathryn, not many live to tell the tale of LC."
"And just how would you know about that Commander, you aren't a survivor of such a fine drink are you?"
"I'm afraid so Kathryn. Tom fixed me one of them on Voyager. I was so sick I wished I was dead. I damn near threw him out an airlock for that one." Now Kathryn was laughing as hard as Chakotay had been.
"Well it servers you right for drinking on my ship, but I'll forgive you if… you help me with some sweet revenge."
"It's a deal, but you still haven't told me why you ingested the poison in the first place."
"Partly because it was a dare, I can never back down from a challenge." She looked away from his gaze.
"I know that, I lived with you for seven years, well lived close to you anyway."
Not close enough Chakotay. Her thought matched her expression as she looked back up at him. "I suppose you do know me pretty well, but you don't know all." She hesitated again and took another sip of ice-tea. "You were the reason I was drinking with Tom in the first place."
"Me? I wasn't even there." He was trying to be funny but he could see it wasn't working.
"That was the problem Chakotay, you were not there. I've hardly seen you since we made it home. I've really missed you, more than I thought possible. Seven years of close contact with someone, and then they are just gone is a bit hard. I've felt a bit lost." Chakotay's face had turned very serious. This was an unexpected revelation and one he thought he'd never hear from her.
"Kathryn, why didn't you just contact me? I would have been there in an instant." He was afraid he knew the answer to that and when he saw her expression, his heart sank. He had done this to her. He'd pushed her out of his life because of Seven.
"Because you had Seven and because I had made a promise to stay out of your life, to let you be happy with someone else." Now his heart felt like a photon-torpedo just shot through it.
"Kathryn, I'm so sorry, I never wanted to hurt you. I don't know what I was thinking trying to have any relationship with Seven." He stopped and looked into her tear-filled blood-shot eyes. "Kathryn, how did you find out about me and Seven? How long have you known?"
"Admiral Janeway." She didn't elaborate further.
"I don't understand, you mean, you?"
"Yes, it seems I've known all along, just didn't know I knew." She smiled through the trickling tears.
"But Seven and I had only had a couple of dates then. There really wasn't much to know. I really wasn't sure of anything."
"Well I was, or rather my older self was. She told me that you and Seven would be married and that Seven would die in a few years and you would be devastated when she died in your arms. She said you would never be the same." Chakotay was in shock; he couldn't even get his mouth to translate what his brain was telling him. "I'm sorry Chakotay, I shouldn't have told you that, but I've changed the future so much already, and Seven isn't going to die on an away mission any longer. I just… I'm sorry." Chakotay stood up and walked over to the window that overlooked the Arizona desert. The sun was still at its peak as Chakotay hid the tears building in his eyes. "Chakotay, maybe this isn't the time for this conversation. I'm not here to cause you any more pain. I've done enough of that over the last seven years." He spun around letting her see the tears pooling in his eyes and slipping down his face.
"Kathryn, don't you ever think this is your fault. You've done nothing to hurt me, I've managed that all by myself." Her tears were every bit as visible as his, but he was determined to make her understand. "I don't know if Seven and I would have gotten married if we were still on Voyager, but I honestly don't think so. I may have wanted, even needed a relationship, but I don't think it would have worked with Seven, here or on Voyager."
"But Chakotay, you did love her and you were married to her. I'm the one that has gotten in the way of your happiness. It was me that made the decision to go through the trans-warp conduit. I changed the future, your future." Chakotay walked over and knelt down by her, taking her hand in his.
"No Kathryn, you didn't change my future. You gave me a future. You gave all of us a future. What Admiral Janeway went through isn't our future. You will never be that Admiral Janeway, you will make your own path in life and that's just what all of your crew is going to do. You changed nothing, but you gave us everything."
"Chakotay, how can you say that after I've hurt you so much, turned my back on you so many times. I've changed your life by not accepting you into mine. I've pushed you away, right into Seven's arms. I've caused you so much unhappiness." Chakotay reached up and brushed the tears away from her pale cheeks.
"Kathryn, I've never been happier than I am at this moment. I've found more happiness being with you over the last seven years than I could have found in a lifetime. I would never have been happy with Seven, I don't love Seven, I love you Kathryn and I always will, no matter what our future holds." Kathryn's heart melted along with her fears. Tom was right; Chakotay really did still love her. She wrapped her arms around his neck as they both held on tightly through a myriad of emotions. It was one of the most precious moments of Chakotay's life. To be able to share his feelings with the one person who meant so much to him. To hold her in his arms, something he had only dreamed about. After what could have been hours, but was only a few minutes they both stood up and started laughing. Just a left over emotion coming to the surface.
"Chakotay, I… I, oh God!" Kathryn bolted running for the bathroom. The Liquid Hell wasn't finished with its revenge. Chakotay tried desperately not to laugh, but when he heard the cursing, in-between the retching, he just couldn't help it. Not for the first time in his life, he was glad he wasn't Tom Paris. He managed to get his laughter under control and get a fresh glass of ice-tea before Kathryn came out of the bathroom. She looked like death warmed over but to Chakotay she had never been more beautiful.
"Here, this is a different blend of ice-tea that should do the trick." Chakotay tried to hand her the glass.
"No way, I'm not putting one more thing into my stomach, ever!" Chakotay started laughing again.
"It will pass Kathryn, it's just going to take a day or two."
"I won't live that long, and neither will Tom Paris." She walked slowly over to the couch and lay down putting her hand over her throbbing head.
"I promise you will live Kathryn, but Mr. Paris may not be so lucky." He sat down on the couch, lifting her feet up onto his lap. "You know Kathryn, I do have a cure that may just help you." He started to take her sandals off.
"What would that be?" Her smile started to spread as his fingers worked a bit of magic on her feet.
"It's been said that rubbing one's feet can reduce many physical ailments, as well as emotional ones." He applied a bit more pressure to his massage as her eyes closed and she relaxed to his touch. "See, it's working already."
"Hmm, very nice. Ever consider becoming a Doctor, your cure is much better than a hypo-spray."
"It's just some good old fashion TLC, don't need a medical degree for that."
"Well I'm honored to be the recipient of your tender loving care. I don't deserve it, but I'm grateful none the less, and I… " Her words trailed off as she drifted off to sleep. Chakotay continued rubbing her feet for a few more minutes, making sure she was sound asleep. He then slipped out from under her feet and placed a lightweight blanket over her. Kissing her head, he silently slipped out the door.
~~~~~~~
The little café was much cooler and much more private. Seven and the Doctor sat at a table well away from anyone else, sipping ice water and sharing a plate of different kinds of fruit. The Doctor was enjoying all the different taste and Seven was enjoying watching him. It was a role reversal at it's best. A couple years ago, and it was the Doctor watching Seven learn to eat and enjoy food for the first time since she had been assimilated. "Seven, you should try this one, it's marvelous."
"I have Doctor, it's called passion fruit." The Doctor looked up at her with a mouth full of the frit and juice dripping from his chin. Seven started laughing slightly at her friend. "Don't worry Doctor, it won't cast a love spell on you or anything, it's just a name."
"I wasn't worried Seven, it's just that… " He let the sentence trail off as he took a big drink of water.
"Just that what Doctor? You have been acting a bit nervous, what's the matter with you?"
"Nothing is the matter, it's just that I want to tell you something, but I'm having some trouble getting the words out."
"I would suggest you just say it Doctor, that is what you would tell me to do."
"Well maybe not in this case, but I don't see any other way to do it." He looked directly into her big blue eyes and cleared his throat. "Seven, I love you." From her expression, the Doctor thought she was going to get up and leave, but then a slight smile appeared at the corner of her mouth.
"I already know that Doctor, you told me that when we were on Voyager." His hurt expression made Seven regret she had said that, but it was too late now. She tried a different answer. "Doctor, I've known how you felt for a long time. The problem is that I don't know how I feel, not about anything or anyone. Dealing with these emotions has been very hard and I know I haven't done very well at expressing myself."
"Seven, it's not your fault, you haven't had any experience with emotions, it's going to take you some time. I don't want to put any pressure on you; I just needed to tell you how I feel, even if you don't feel the same."
"Doctor, I don't know how I feel, but I do know that you are one of my only friends and I'm glad you are here." She looked down at her plate of half eaten fruit.
"Seven, I will always be your friend, and you have many friends from Voyager." Her sad eyes locked on to his again.
"I don't think so Doctor, I have hurt too many people and I haven't really had anyone to talk to since we arrived in the Alpha Quadrant. At times, I wish I was still a Borg. I don't like the way I feel and I don't know how to changed it."
"Seven, you do have friends, what about Commander Chakotay and the Captain?" The moment he mentioned Chakotay he could see the regret in her eyes and he felt it in himself.
"The Commander and I haven't seen each other for weeks and I doubt he still considers me a friend." Although the Doctor was smiling inside, he didn't let it show on his face.
"Do you want to tell me what happened? I thought you two were… involved."
"We are not involved, well not anymore and I don't think we ever really were. When we were on Voyager I thought maybe that was what I wanted with him, but it just didn't work out. I know it was my fault for even trying to have a relationship with him, but I thought he could teach me something about a relationship. He was always very popular on Voyager and everyone liked him, so I thought he would be the perfect choice."
"How did he feel about you? The Doctor knew this was hurting Seven, but he sensed she really wanted to talk about it, and he really wanted to know.
"I don't really know. He seemed to be interested at first, but he always hesitated, like he was not sure he wanted to be with me. He was always kind and we did have a few… dates as humans call them, but it never went any further. Once we got back to the Alpha Quadrant, it just wasn't the same. I don't think I loved him, and I'm quite sure he didn't love me, not in that way anyway."
"Well, are you ok with the way it turned out, I mean how do you feel about it?" The Doctor was worried that she had been too hurt by the whole thing.
"I don't feel any regrets that it didn't work out between us. I just don't know what I feel or what I want. Commander Chakotay has only belonged to one person since I've known him. I was a fool to think he could have cared for me, and I've hurt the one person I care most about in the process." She didn't need to voice the name, the Doctor already know who it was. He just hoped that Seven and the Captain could rebuild their relationship, and he would do what he could to make that happen.
"Seven, why don't you come back to earth with me and talk to Kathryn, you will never get anything resolved by hiding out here on Vulcan."
"I'm not hiding Doctor, I'm just not sure where I fit in, and the Vulcan way of life seems best suited for me at the moment."
"Yea if you like a step above being dead. Not too exciting, and you won't learn much about your own human emotions on a planet of Vulcan's."
"That is exactly my point Doctor." She took a big drink of water and picked at some more fruit.
"Seven, would you at least think about it? I have the Captain's private transport and I'm sure she would love to see you."
"That I doubt Doctor, and I'm not up for another of your lessons in humanity." At the sad look on his face, she added to her statement. "I will think about it, for you."
"Then I'll stay here on Vulcan until you decide. I don't want to go back without you." Seven gave him a genuine smile this time.
"Then you may be here a while Doctor."
"I'm a patient hologram Seven, plus I can withstand the heat."
"Indeed." Seven continued to smile at her friend. She was really very glad he had come, more so than she would have thought and more so than she would ever admit either.
