Sometimes I wonder if my thoughts are my own, or are they his? After all, if we share one body can we not share one mind? And if so, are my wonderings my own or are they his? If not his, then can he still hear my thoughts? Does he know of my confusion, frustration, and fear? He must know; he uses it against me everyday.
He controls me, but why must that be the case? Without me he would be nothing but an intangible entity. I gave him a physical presence and form. He owes me! No, no, must not think these thoughts, especially if he can hear. It's too dangerous to have those thoughts. Hell, it's dangerous to have thoughts at all!
I'm no longer my own person. My free will, everything has been taken form me. This wasn't part of the deal, this wasn't asked of me, not at first. I don't want it anymore, some one please take it away! But what do I want then? Power That's right, power. Power only he can give me. But what power can I truly have if he controls me? Power beyond all imagining I suppose. But where is this power? Power comes from what a man posses within himself, Dumbledore once said to me. But I have no self.
I am a puppet. I can't even be myself around others. I have to play a game and act a role. I get so scared sometimes. What if I forget to stutter every sentence? What if I lash back at the comments made about me, espescially the accusations made by Severus? I don't understand him. Did he not serve the Dark Lord? Why is he trying to stop me? He openly shows his malice towards the Potter brat, so why did he try to save him from me?
Too many questions. I need to try and sleep and fall victim to dreams.
But are they my dreams or his?
