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Orlandu and Friends
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Episode 2
Sequel to the critically acclaimed novel Orlandu and Friends: Episode 1

Episode 2; Section 0.5
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The Villians

Ahh... the villians. What good book doesn't contain a villian? Well... maybe the Bible... unless you count Satan, but he was just misunderstood just like Jean Chretien. Anyways villians are those lovable do-badders that love to ruin the wacky escapades of our heroes. The crimes they commit can range from the mild (rape, murder) to the extreme (stealing candy from babies... actually, that's just sick). Sometimes, when authors want to add humorous plot twists they make the villians side with the good. An example of this is Monkey #4 in the intro of 2001: Space Odyssey; He -once hearing about the incredible power of the bone- sided with the Renegade apes to bash the Oppressor apes good unfortunately, as noted in his autobiography, because of Ape #4's treachery he was banished from both teams. He lived the rest of his life in the gutters of Ape Town (and later Apetopia and even later Los Angeles). His live was filled with drugs, booze and sex. It wasn't until the Ape Year 14 he realized that he was to good for this life and turned his life around. He got a job as a bricklayer for Apeford and Sons masonry company. Two years later, he had earned enough money to buy a good house in a good neighborhood, he found himself a good wife and had 7 kids. After working for 11 more years, he had earned enough money to start his own masonry company. He hired a few young masons and worked for a good 2 more years. His life was good... But that happiness was soon to be shattered when he got word that his father was dying of ass cancer. He rushed to his fathers side, and was there for his last breaths. Horrified, his mother died because of the shock. From this point on, his life went into a spiral. His wife left him for a upright walker. His children were the next to fall away. Two of his children fell in love (with each other) and moved away. Two more were eaten. One was killed in a wheel accident, when officials found her body she had a written confession in her hand that said she was different and liked other female apes. The other two apes were just annoying so #4 personally 'removed' them from the story. His company went bankrupt. He was also hunted by the Apeian Mafia. He was so stressed that old demons came back to hunt him and he became a drug addict again. He later died that year from an infection from a wound in a shoot out it the Ape-Father. His story, today, is an inspirational and tragic tale.

Anyways, on with the story..

Episode 2; Section 1
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Ivalice's bad boy; Elmdor

Age: ?? (All good villians need to be somewhat mysterious)
Likes: Chocolate Pudding
Dislikes: Not having Chocolate Pudding
Affinity to Britney Spears: Wants her breast implants for a doomsday device
Favorite fat-ugly girl from the tv show "The Facts of Life": Tutti
Fav. Food: Pudding
Fav. Weapon: Butcher Knives
Fav. TV Show: Teletubbies
More: Elmdor walks around blanket as a cape, he loves pudding more than life itself. He is a semi-ruler of a semi-country (A farm outside of Ivalice) and often attends the rulers seminar at Mount Rulrsemnr. He drives a '77 Convertible. Where ever he goes he is accompanied by the beautiful Celia and Lede the Deadly Assassins of Ivalice (or, as Elmdor calls them Caltdaoi).

A Short Story Involving the Words 'Many' and 'Elegant'

Elmdor sat at the table in his meeting room. The room had many elegant curtains, and a elephants eyeball mounted on the wall above the fireplace. He rested his head in his palms and placed his elbows on his desk. He had made another attempt to take Ramza's life, and it was another failed attempt.

"All my life, I've never been able to complete one goal." A tear rolled down his cheek. "I trace my failed life to my abusive parents."

Elmdor always blamed his problems on his abusive parents. The only thing is that his parents were both boxers and were only abusive to other boxers. They loved him like any good parent should.

He rested his arms on his desk, and placed his hand on them as if he were to sleep.

"Night after night I am tormented by failure, I pray that I not be long of this world."

And that was the night, that no dreams would die. Pigeons are another story, there heads pop like popcorn.

Episode 2; Section 2
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Celia and Lede the Beautiful Deadly Assassins

Age: 20 (both)
Likes: Killing people
Dislikes: Bringing Elmdor chocolate pudding
Affinity to Britney Spears: Wants her dead
Favorite fat-ugly girl from the tv show "The Facts of Life": The fat-ugly one
Fav. Food: Anything but pudding
Fav. Weapon: Fists
Fav. TV Show: Candid Assassin Camera
More: Like all good villians, Elmdor has two scantily clad girls as sidekicks. Celia and Lede are these girls. They aren't twins, but through the magic of lazy animators, they look the same. They are the only two people, other than Orlandu, who can kill someone with their bare hands.

A Short Story About Two Beautiful Girls Alone Together On A Hot Summer Afternoon

*CENSORED*
"Okay." Celia said with a sly grin. "You first."

Lede walked over to it and
*CENSORED*
They left the room, and never spoke of the events.

Want to learn about the supporting characters? Find out in the next not-so-exciting chapter of ORLANDU AND FRIENDS