Disclaimer: you all know the drill; I don't own any of the characters. Most
of them are the creation of our great goddess, Tamora Pierce!
Last chapter
"You idiot!" she hollered at Arthur, "you don't tell the king he's going to get killed right before you kill him!"
"Why not?" both Jon and Arthur said in unison.
"Because stupids!" she screamed, "Then he knows his life is in danger and he yells to get help." She eyed the silent Jonathan suspiciously. "However, there are some exceptions," she muttered.
Chapter 3:
Jonathan looked at Alanna blankly. "Huh? What do you mean?"
"Never mind!" she snapped. She rolled her eyes heavenward and took a deep breath. "Okay, here's what we will do. Jon, you will go back to sleep." Alanna looked at Jon expectantly.
"Oh. Why?" he said, starring at her blankly again.
"BECAUSE WHE'RE GONNA KILL YOU, YOU MEATHEAD!" She screamed at the top of her lungs. Jon and Arthur cringed, feeling now the full wrath of the lioness. Alanna got up to pace the room, screaming violently at sudden intervals.
Jon looked at Arthur, and Arthur looked expectantly back at Jon. "She's getting to be an awfully big pain in the @$$!" Jon said to Arthur, while the lioness paced. "Whadda say we just do her in, and make everyone happy?"
Arthur looked thoughtful. Jon assumed his small brain was trying to work out what he'd meant. Abruptly his face brightened. "Sure!" he exclaimed, with childlike glee.
Jon and Arthur got off of Jon's bed and crept to the lioness, who was still pacing, unarmed because she had put her sword down to yell and flail her arms. They each grabbed her on one side and pulled the screaming woman to the window. Alanna broke free of them just before reaching the ledge, and turned to do some damage of her own. She grabbed Jon by the night shirt he was wearing ( Feetsie pajamas with little teddy bears all over them.) and hurled him further into the room.
"I'll teach you to turn against me!" she snarled. She grabbed her sword and before she could unsheath it, a royal guard ran in.
"What on earth is all the noise?!" he exclaimed. Then he looked at Alanna, getting a sword against an unarmed king in PJs, and the man the lord provist was looking for. He realized it must be an attempt on Jon's life and reacted immediately. "Will you guys please keep it down! The guards are trying to watch reruns of 'I love Lucy' and it doesn't work with people screaming death threats down the hall."
Alanna looked the man over for a moment before brightening. "Sure! Thanks for letting us know we were bothering you. If you have any other probs, down hesitate!"
"Yah," Jon added, "we're really sorry we interrupted your show. We'll try to be quieter as my champion kills me" he said, with out the slightest trace of sarcasm in his voice, he was serious!
"Right then," the guard said, "thanks guys!" He closed the door and walked back to his apartments.
"Now," Alanna said, "where were we before we were inturupted?"
"you were about to kill the King milady!" Arthur supplied helpfully.
"Oh yes." She muttered, "Back to business then!" and she proceeded to tke her sword out of her sheath, and run through the king. (or that's what she meant to do, what really happened was this..)
Alanna took out her sword, but couldn't hold it the right way. Jon and Arthur sighed as she readjusted her grip a few times, and then announced, "okay, now I'm ready. C'mer Jon!"
"Do you think I'm stupid?! Wait, don't answer that." He sat up with a dignified air, or tried to. "I am the king of Tortall, and the bearer of the dominion jewel, the greatest magical gift ever and. and." he paused, deep in thought for a moment. "And a lot of other important stuff!" he exclaimed, with his finger in the air.
Alanna waited patiently through her king's speech. "No." she said afterward. She quickly picked up her sword, and really did run the king through this time. She speared him on her sword, and groaned when he finally died. "Finally!" she grumbled. "He would not shut up!" She motioned for Arthur to follow her and led the way to the thrown room, now occupied by the large round table that started this whole affair.
Arthur looked at the table closely while Alanna wasn't looking, and found it quite lovely. He noticed it had a great marble top, and beautifully carven wooden legs around the sides. It had a dozen equally wonderful chairs stationed around it. All together, Arthur thought that Jon was right to buy this; it was a very nice piece. He thought that when he was king, he might use this table.
"First thing I'm going to do when I'm queen is get rid of this horrendous table!" she muttered, just loud enough so that Arthur could hear.
"Now wait just a second there lioness!" Arthur exclaimed, clearly outraged. "You said that I would be king!"
"Duh!" said Alanna, making the loser sign on her forehead and pointing at him. "Loser! I lied. Hello!" she laughed, amused by his stupidity. "The only reason I told you that was so you would come with me to kill the king, and look at how much you 'helped'!" she added scornfully.
Arthur drew himself up to his full height, six foot, and glared at the Ex- kings champion. "No." he told her simply. And with that, he grabbed her sword from her hand, Alanna was so surprised at the turn of events that she didn't react quick enough, and Arthur was able to tap her hard on the head with the butt of the sword. She slithered to the ground, completely knocked out.
As if out of nowhere, the guard that had told them to be quiet came into the thrown room. "So, it's you that came out on top of this little skirmish. Cool. What is to be the first order of business my new king?" he said, as if no one had died, or fainted, and this was something that happened normally.
"I am so sick of playing the stupid fool," Arthur said quickly. "I am actually quite intelligent, I just never admitted it to alanna," he smiled. "First of all, take this," he nudged the still-out-cold Alanna with his foot, "and put her in a cage or something. I don't care. Just make sure she never gets out." The guard snapped his fingers, and two more guards appeared.
"Take miss Alanna to the new prisons ion the dungeons. The ones that contain the Gift." The new guards immediately lifted the limp body, and carried it between them out the door.
"Good," Arthur approved. "Now, my next command will be," and he turned back to the Round Table with interest. "I want to use this table. It looks very interesting. I can use it to have conferences. I will seat all of my most trusted knights around it, and everyone will be equal. You, guard!" he snapped turning back to the man. "I want you to go down to the lower city and collect my brother, he will be in the Dancing Dove. Ask for Lancelot. That's his thieves' code name. Now!" he ordered, when the guard hesitated at such an odd request.
Arthur turned back to the table, muttering to himself. "Yes, yes, this table will help be built a grand empire! Jon was right to buy it. But it will not be used for silly matching purposes. Will be a symbol of my greatness. And we have to change this silly name of the country. I hate Tortall. It's the dumbest nation I ever heard of! I will not be ruler of a dumb nation! I will cal lit." he sat down in the distinguished chair at the table and thought. "mmmmm.. How about my code name, Camelot? Yes, that's a very good idea. Camelot! Yep. That's my nations new name!!"
The nation that Arthur dreamed, and the table he sat at to get it would be famous throughout history as the fair and courageous nation, one where the king was equal with his people and his knights. Arthur was probably the greatest leader of all time, and he eventually got married. His wife, Lady Gwenevre, was the most beautiful woman throughout history. Together they made the perfect nation.
But Arthur never forgot that he had killed and cheated to get it. He was haunted about it for years, until one day he cam to the conclusion that, hey, everyone cheated in the world to get what he or she wanted. He had to also, and he forgot about it. However, the lady that he sent to the dungeons never forgot it, and she hollered all night and day about the king's treason. Eventually the guards got so fed up with her that they strapped her into an iron mask, but that's a whole other story!
A/N: How do you guys all like it!?!?!?!? Can you tell who everyone turns into now!?! Its finished now, so PLEASE everyone review. I don't care if I get flames or not!!! This was all meant to be hilariously funny anyways. (that's why its in the humor section!!!! : P) This being my first fic, I need some feedback!!! Just review plz!! Thank you everyone who reviewed earlier and the erm, strange comment I got!! *lol
Last chapter
"You idiot!" she hollered at Arthur, "you don't tell the king he's going to get killed right before you kill him!"
"Why not?" both Jon and Arthur said in unison.
"Because stupids!" she screamed, "Then he knows his life is in danger and he yells to get help." She eyed the silent Jonathan suspiciously. "However, there are some exceptions," she muttered.
Chapter 3:
Jonathan looked at Alanna blankly. "Huh? What do you mean?"
"Never mind!" she snapped. She rolled her eyes heavenward and took a deep breath. "Okay, here's what we will do. Jon, you will go back to sleep." Alanna looked at Jon expectantly.
"Oh. Why?" he said, starring at her blankly again.
"BECAUSE WHE'RE GONNA KILL YOU, YOU MEATHEAD!" She screamed at the top of her lungs. Jon and Arthur cringed, feeling now the full wrath of the lioness. Alanna got up to pace the room, screaming violently at sudden intervals.
Jon looked at Arthur, and Arthur looked expectantly back at Jon. "She's getting to be an awfully big pain in the @$$!" Jon said to Arthur, while the lioness paced. "Whadda say we just do her in, and make everyone happy?"
Arthur looked thoughtful. Jon assumed his small brain was trying to work out what he'd meant. Abruptly his face brightened. "Sure!" he exclaimed, with childlike glee.
Jon and Arthur got off of Jon's bed and crept to the lioness, who was still pacing, unarmed because she had put her sword down to yell and flail her arms. They each grabbed her on one side and pulled the screaming woman to the window. Alanna broke free of them just before reaching the ledge, and turned to do some damage of her own. She grabbed Jon by the night shirt he was wearing ( Feetsie pajamas with little teddy bears all over them.) and hurled him further into the room.
"I'll teach you to turn against me!" she snarled. She grabbed her sword and before she could unsheath it, a royal guard ran in.
"What on earth is all the noise?!" he exclaimed. Then he looked at Alanna, getting a sword against an unarmed king in PJs, and the man the lord provist was looking for. He realized it must be an attempt on Jon's life and reacted immediately. "Will you guys please keep it down! The guards are trying to watch reruns of 'I love Lucy' and it doesn't work with people screaming death threats down the hall."
Alanna looked the man over for a moment before brightening. "Sure! Thanks for letting us know we were bothering you. If you have any other probs, down hesitate!"
"Yah," Jon added, "we're really sorry we interrupted your show. We'll try to be quieter as my champion kills me" he said, with out the slightest trace of sarcasm in his voice, he was serious!
"Right then," the guard said, "thanks guys!" He closed the door and walked back to his apartments.
"Now," Alanna said, "where were we before we were inturupted?"
"you were about to kill the King milady!" Arthur supplied helpfully.
"Oh yes." She muttered, "Back to business then!" and she proceeded to tke her sword out of her sheath, and run through the king. (or that's what she meant to do, what really happened was this..)
Alanna took out her sword, but couldn't hold it the right way. Jon and Arthur sighed as she readjusted her grip a few times, and then announced, "okay, now I'm ready. C'mer Jon!"
"Do you think I'm stupid?! Wait, don't answer that." He sat up with a dignified air, or tried to. "I am the king of Tortall, and the bearer of the dominion jewel, the greatest magical gift ever and. and." he paused, deep in thought for a moment. "And a lot of other important stuff!" he exclaimed, with his finger in the air.
Alanna waited patiently through her king's speech. "No." she said afterward. She quickly picked up her sword, and really did run the king through this time. She speared him on her sword, and groaned when he finally died. "Finally!" she grumbled. "He would not shut up!" She motioned for Arthur to follow her and led the way to the thrown room, now occupied by the large round table that started this whole affair.
Arthur looked at the table closely while Alanna wasn't looking, and found it quite lovely. He noticed it had a great marble top, and beautifully carven wooden legs around the sides. It had a dozen equally wonderful chairs stationed around it. All together, Arthur thought that Jon was right to buy this; it was a very nice piece. He thought that when he was king, he might use this table.
"First thing I'm going to do when I'm queen is get rid of this horrendous table!" she muttered, just loud enough so that Arthur could hear.
"Now wait just a second there lioness!" Arthur exclaimed, clearly outraged. "You said that I would be king!"
"Duh!" said Alanna, making the loser sign on her forehead and pointing at him. "Loser! I lied. Hello!" she laughed, amused by his stupidity. "The only reason I told you that was so you would come with me to kill the king, and look at how much you 'helped'!" she added scornfully.
Arthur drew himself up to his full height, six foot, and glared at the Ex- kings champion. "No." he told her simply. And with that, he grabbed her sword from her hand, Alanna was so surprised at the turn of events that she didn't react quick enough, and Arthur was able to tap her hard on the head with the butt of the sword. She slithered to the ground, completely knocked out.
As if out of nowhere, the guard that had told them to be quiet came into the thrown room. "So, it's you that came out on top of this little skirmish. Cool. What is to be the first order of business my new king?" he said, as if no one had died, or fainted, and this was something that happened normally.
"I am so sick of playing the stupid fool," Arthur said quickly. "I am actually quite intelligent, I just never admitted it to alanna," he smiled. "First of all, take this," he nudged the still-out-cold Alanna with his foot, "and put her in a cage or something. I don't care. Just make sure she never gets out." The guard snapped his fingers, and two more guards appeared.
"Take miss Alanna to the new prisons ion the dungeons. The ones that contain the Gift." The new guards immediately lifted the limp body, and carried it between them out the door.
"Good," Arthur approved. "Now, my next command will be," and he turned back to the Round Table with interest. "I want to use this table. It looks very interesting. I can use it to have conferences. I will seat all of my most trusted knights around it, and everyone will be equal. You, guard!" he snapped turning back to the man. "I want you to go down to the lower city and collect my brother, he will be in the Dancing Dove. Ask for Lancelot. That's his thieves' code name. Now!" he ordered, when the guard hesitated at such an odd request.
Arthur turned back to the table, muttering to himself. "Yes, yes, this table will help be built a grand empire! Jon was right to buy it. But it will not be used for silly matching purposes. Will be a symbol of my greatness. And we have to change this silly name of the country. I hate Tortall. It's the dumbest nation I ever heard of! I will not be ruler of a dumb nation! I will cal lit." he sat down in the distinguished chair at the table and thought. "mmmmm.. How about my code name, Camelot? Yes, that's a very good idea. Camelot! Yep. That's my nations new name!!"
The nation that Arthur dreamed, and the table he sat at to get it would be famous throughout history as the fair and courageous nation, one where the king was equal with his people and his knights. Arthur was probably the greatest leader of all time, and he eventually got married. His wife, Lady Gwenevre, was the most beautiful woman throughout history. Together they made the perfect nation.
But Arthur never forgot that he had killed and cheated to get it. He was haunted about it for years, until one day he cam to the conclusion that, hey, everyone cheated in the world to get what he or she wanted. He had to also, and he forgot about it. However, the lady that he sent to the dungeons never forgot it, and she hollered all night and day about the king's treason. Eventually the guards got so fed up with her that they strapped her into an iron mask, but that's a whole other story!
A/N: How do you guys all like it!?!?!?!? Can you tell who everyone turns into now!?! Its finished now, so PLEASE everyone review. I don't care if I get flames or not!!! This was all meant to be hilariously funny anyways. (that's why its in the humor section!!!! : P) This being my first fic, I need some feedback!!! Just review plz!! Thank you everyone who reviewed earlier and the erm, strange comment I got!! *lol
