Reflection

Koenma's explanations are out of mere hysterics of my subconscious insanity, they're not real. Much as I want to own Yu Yu Hakusho (as if ^_^), it's of strict ownership of Mr. Togashi and the "explanation" is just a little something to give this damned fanfic a plot ^_^; For crying out loud, I've rewritten this stupid chapter thrice! *Cherrie kicks her PC table*

Chapter 6: Angst

She was tired.

Exhausted.

She couldn't remember how long it had been since she had come back, how long it had been since she had lain in her bed. She couldn't remember how long she had stared at the very same pillow for the time she had been there. She couldn't remember anything. She couldn't think straight.

Because of him.

She came back to Reikai after losing to an argument with why she shouldn't leave Kurama alone, of course, losing to the ever-loving best friend that Keiko is. The brown-haired girl had been all too caring for her condition as much as she was worried about Kurama's. Sometimes, Botan wondered how it was that Keiko was the only one that could smack a punch on Yusuke and get away with it. But then again, Yusuke would be a fool if he'd hurt Keiko after all he'd gone through just to soften her to him (insert sweatdrop from author :: and this was supposed to be a serious chapter o_O).

She sighed as she remembered the chill in her palms as she produced her oar to leave, unconsciously staring into him, her eyes glued to his features. It was only when Keiko snapped her out had she realized she had to leave.

Ever since that night, that night that had engraved a fear inside her, she had never had a peaceful sleep. She always kept thinking about him, dreaming of him, dreams and nightmares that would always leave her gasping for air by the time she wakes up. She was pathetic, and Koenma had noticed it as she gave her the week off to let her rest. He must have known that something was bothering her.

She didn't know what was wrong with her. Yusuke. Yusuke is with Kurama. Yusuke will protect him. No matter what Youko Kurama would do, he'll never go pass Yusuke. But she still felt afraid, afraid that something would happen again. She wanted to go back, to be with Kurama and be sure he's all right.

But why?

She was confused.

Why does she care so much? Why was she so bothered? Was it because she had been there? Because she had seen the look on both of Kurama's eyes? Because she had sensed Shuuichi's fears, Youko Kurama's coldness and loss? She didn't know why, but she was drawn to him, the golden eyes that had spoke of malice through their sparkling gaze, the very eyes that narrowed and shown a tinge of fear as Shuuichi finally gasped for air.

She didn't know why. She was drawn to him.

There had been something in his eyes that had told her something. That behind the blank stares lies a fire that blazed with uncertainty and confusion, a million questions from a million fears.

"Botan?"

She sat up as she heard the heavy masculine voice of her master, about to stand up but was sat down by the man's hand willing her to stay where she was. A slight nod of thanks was given as she said, "Hai, Koenma-sama?"

He eyed her uncertainly, his brows knotted above his eyes as he looked down at her. "Are you all right?" he asked as he pulled out a nearby chair, sitting down as he faced her.

Botan sighed with a slight nod. She looked up at him and saw the skeptical look he gave her and sighed again in defeat. "My head hurts a bit," she admitted. A pause emerged after Koenma nodded his head, a look of calmness in his eyes. Botan had noticed that he was in his matured form, crossing the thought that Koenma must've gone in Ningenkai, must've talked to Yusuke. And thought of Kurama was brought back to her, stinging her eyes with the slightest signs of tears as she felt her confusion start up all over again. "What's happening to Kurama?" she asked, her voice a mere croak as it choked in her throat. Her hands trembled on her lap, clutching the material of her kimono as she resisted the urge to shake Koenma and beg her to see for herself that Kurama would be all right.

"I'm not sure," Koenma replied. He leaned forward, resting his forehead on his hands that rested on his knees, a look of exhaustion spreading in his youthful face. "I'm not really sure."

Botan stared at him, an utter look of worry and sympathy on her face, with confusion and fear all mixed up in her chest. "Will he be okay? What have you gotten about his condition?" She was unused to talking to Koenma seriously, emotionally and uncertainly. Usually, their conversations would be light, full of laughter despite their situation. But she was too weary and too afraid for jokes. Koenma was as well.

"Something that has something to do with his two identities," he began as he sat straight in his seat, a look of sincere control in his face and voice. "Youko Kurama and Shuuichi Minamino."

"But…I don't understand."

"Somehow, Youko Kurama found a way to get out."

"But--" she paused, stilling her hands in her lap as she looked intently at the young man. "I thought it was Kurama who's been living in Shuuichi's body."

"Or so we thought," Koenma said, earning another look of confusion on one of his ferry girls' face. "All this time, we thought that Shuuichi had been long dead, possessed by Kurama's spirit. But it seems as though the two spirits had lived in the same body all this time."

Botan's brows knotted. "Shuuichi's and Kurama's?"

Koenma nodded. "Neither one of them was able to get rid of the other. Kurama and Shuuichi, they have been shifting consciousness and will all these times, fighting over the other for control."

"But…they seem so alike, Kurama has never changed his attitude--"

Koenma shook his head, cutting any other of Botan's speech. "True, but it was all done because of Kurama's worry that he'd be found out. It was the youko part who's acting, copying Shuuichi's attitude towards others. Somehow, he had learned to soften up due to Shiori's actions towards him and Shuuichi, but he still possessed the heart that he once had. He was unable to regain back his dead body back in Makai, for the body had been long gone and buried in the realm's grounds. He was only able to use his powers over Shuuichi's body to somehow change into his real form, but he couldn't get a body of his own."

"But, that night…he and Shuuichi had different bodies."

Koenma sighed, his hand coming up to his temples as stress took over him. "That's--what I'm trying to figure out."

"Do you think something happened?"

"I don't know. I'm not sure. But there must've been something that triggered Kurama to get out, I'm not sure what it is right now, but if my guess is correct, it is a matter between Shuuichi and Kurama themselves, and no one can interfere. An interference might just trigger another issue, and we can't tolerate that."

Botan was at loss, her mind filling with dread as fiddled with her fingers with the hem of her sleeve. "Youko Kurama…"

"I've sent Yusuke for that," Koenma assured, standing up to leave. As he returned the chair, he glanced at the deity from the corner of his eyes, a look of ambiguity in his brown eyes. He had never seen Botan so tense. He wasn't used to her anymore, and all he wanted to do was to bring her back.


A thought crossed his mind. "Ne, Botan," he called, making the girl in front of him look up at him. In an attempt to bring back her old self, he grinned at her, his eyes burrowing through hers mockingly. He recognized himself by that moment, and he was glad he did. "I was just wondering, how come you're all too giddy about this?"

Botan frowned. "Nani?"

Koenma shrugged, patting Botan's shoulder in a mocked sense of sympathy. "I'm sure your little sweetheart will be just fine, so don't worry much about it."

Botan's eyes widened, stammering at his statement. "What are you talking about?!"

Koenma laughed. "You two had spent a lot of times together lately, the hospital and Kurama's condition a sort of 'excuse'," he teased with a higher exaggeration on the word, 'excuse'. "You know, it's pretty much normal for a little girl like you to feel these things. Come to think of it, wow, you're maturing, isn't it great?" he looked at her. "Would you believe that most of the ferry girls here in Reikai likes him too? They he's cute and all, and wished they were on your position. Awful they'll be rivals, some can be potentially challenging."

Botan stood up, a serious tone of crimson starting to spread on her pale face. "What?! Go to hell, Koenma-sama!" she exclaimed, suddenly feeling sort of ridiculous as Koenma raised his brows with a mockingly confused look of a teaser, him being the judge who would go to hell and all. She nearly knocked herself at what she said, but realized she'd better not. She eyed him. "Koenma-sama…"

Koenma laughed again. "I think you should go back to Ningenkai, you look like you'd die if I don't let you, I'll go back to the library to look up what's happening," he said as he ruffled Botan's sky-blue hair, earning a playful slap on the hands on the ferry girl's part. "And I was kidding, just to lighten up a bit," he said, turning around to leave.

Botan heard him mutter something about a "fucking library", earning an exhausted smile from her. She has turned around to calm herself down, keeping herself to stay calm rather than ride in with Koenma's jokes. And it was HER part to give the jokes and teases and it was supposed to be HIS part to take them and feel ridiculous. She counted one to ten, her senses calming.

As soon as she sensed him leave, Koenma poked his head, another grin on his face. "On most parts, I was serious with the thing with Kurama."

His face instantly met with a sharply thrown pillow.

End of chapter 6

Notes: *sweatdrops* This has got to be the most poorly written chapter this pathetic fic has. I want to skip this! I was forced to writing it!!! *breaks down crying* I'm so sorry if it's not that well written, I'm confused with my own plot that I just want it to be done once and for all @_@