Aftermath

He didn't sleep a wink for four hours. He did not dare, afraid the 
second he lost consciousness, the dream would end. Her head nestled 
itself right there in the crook of his arm, positioned perfectly to 
allow him to inhale the scent of her hair. God, he must have taken a 
million breaths just in the last ten minutes alone.

With her asleep, he could deceive himself into thinking that things 
would finally be right this time. He carefully looked at her lips. 
They were curled into a faint, yet content grin. Her Slayer hardness 
had vanished and all that remained upon her angelic face was 
Buffiness. What a silly phrase he used to describe her gentle, 
womanly qualities. He rarely saw that side of her. The first time 
was on her back porch. He had come to kill her with a shotgun - but 
her vulnerability and humanity stopped him in his tracks. The second 
time was in his crypt after the Glory incident. His sacrifice for 
Dawn had moved her in a way he could have never dreamed, and he won 
himself his first kiss. And there were other incidents, but they were 
few and far between. His demon reminded him that this was likely to 
be the last. But still, here she was, snuggled warmly in his arms, 
breathing quietly with a grin of satisfaction upon her face. He was 
content to pretend she was his as long as she would let him.


Her first thought as she climbed out of unconsciousness was vague. 
Not really a thought at all. More like an emotion made physical. She 
tried to focus on the thought, but only saw disjointed images. 
Pancakes with butter and maple syrup. Fresh baked bread. Christmas 
morning by the fireplace. The warmth of mother's embrace. The long, 
passionate kiss of a lover. Her eyes fluttered open to unfamiliar 
surroundings. Dust, debris, plaster and wood. Her mind slowly pieced 
together the circumstances that led her to this place.

"Spike…A fight…Spike punched me…Spike punched me! Wait. Spike did 
more than that."

The realization slammed into her brain like a cartoon anvil.

"Oh, God. I had sex with Spike!"

Then the worst comprehension of all came to her.

"No, I made love to Spike."

Then, the physical feeling of her body drifted into her consciousness. 
 A pale, thin, but strong body was holding her as if she were the most 
precious gift on earth. His cool breath, for some strange reason, 
tickled her ear. She found herself afraid to move, for once she 
awoke, the confrontation would begin.


"G'morning."

Buffy froze in place.

"I know you're awake."

'Damn.'

Spike sat up and carefully sat her up at the same time.

"Listen. I know where this is going," Spike sneered just a bit.

"No, I don't think you do. See…I'm…"

He stood, giving her a perfect view of his naked form and shutting her 
up momentarily.

"Yes, I do. Buffy, you don't know what you want. I really thought 
that you would admit to me, one day, that you loved me. It just isn't 
so, is it? You're all hung up on the fact that I'm a vampire without 
a soul. You can't see that what I've really become. You still think 
I'm a nasty, dirty thing."

Buffy just stared at him, unbelieving.

"Well, I may be Love's Bitch, but I'm no Poofter. I won't let you do 
this to me any more. I'm not a sex toy, I'm not your demon informer, 
I'm not even your sounding board. I'm a man who is deeply in love 
with you. Last night meant more to me than you could ever know..." 
Spike turned around, forcing the tears back. "…or will ever know. 
So, before you can say it, I will." He turned back to face her and 
took a long, deep breath.

"This freak show is over. I'm leaving Sunnydale."

Buffy sat silent.

"If you ever come to your senses, I'll come back. But both you and I 
know that will never happen, so…"

The quiet Slayer suddenly grabbed whatever was nearby to cover her 
naked body and angrily marched over to him.

"No. You. Don't."

"Buffy, I'm not playing the part of your puppy anymore."

"If you really loved me, how could you leave? Haven't I had enough of 
that already? I thought you, of all people, would be the first to 
stay." Her eyes became moist.

Spike didn't know what to think. She was, of course, right. They all 
left, and it was he who should be staying for the long haul. "Give me 
a reason…just *one* reason that I should stay here in Sunnydale. I'm 
hated by every single creature here, except maybe Dawn. No one wants 
me here, and you will never love me. So, what is there for me here?"

"I didn't have sex with you last night, Spike."

Spike threw his hands up, furiously. "Oh, bloody hell you did! How 
dare you…"

And through his ranting and anger, he heard a small voice utter a 
small sentence which made him change his mind forever.

"I didn't have sex with you last night…I made love to you."