Part Three
The camera felt awkward in his hands -- boxy and stiff.
He raised it up until he could peer through the viewfinder and the street sign in front of him came into focus. When he was satisfied with the angle, he pressed the button down and heard the camera mechanism whir.
He had often wondered what Mamimi saw through her camera -- whether the world looked better through the lens; whether the filter somehow separated the world's pollution from the purity and if that was the reason why she always had a camera with her.
Now he knew it didn't.
But he liked taking pictures.
He liked capturing images and owning them.
He stuffed the disposable camera in his backpack and continued to walk -- his Vespa safely parked by a convenience store where he stopped by earlier for food.
He was in another place, another town -- similar to the other towns he had passed through; different from the other towns he had passed through -- he didn't care.
It didn't matter anymore.
He turned the visor of his baseball cap forward until it shielded his eyes from the bright glare of the midday sun. It was also a useful way for him to hide his face from the strangers that surrounded him.
He passed by a bookstore and saw they had a display of Initial D manga. He vaguely remembered his father talking about how popular it was.
Naota decided to take a picture of the display. He pulled out his camera and took care not to let the light reflecting from the window mar the shot.
Click. Whir.
Naota continued walking -- not really knowing where to go or what to do next.
I need a map... but a map to where? I don't know where she is.
He was wandering aimlessly -- going up a street, going down the same street; circling the same block over and over. It didn't really matter: he didn't bother looking to see where he was or where he was going.
The realization dawned upon him days ago, when he was in yet another town. Why was he searching for her? What possessed him to leave Mabase to go and look for her?
He didn't have the answers to his own questions. The truth was that he never did have a reason – he had hoped to find one during his journey.
It has been over two weeks since he embarked on his adventure, and he still didn't have his answers. Deep down, he knew that he would never find them.
His most recent conversation with Ninamori Eri did not help either.
* * *
"If she wanted you to find her, Naota-kun, she would have made sure you did so."
"I don't understand what you mean by that."
"I don't think she wants to be found. She did say goodbye already."
"But I wasn't able to say goodbye to her. I don't think that was fair of her. She didn't give me a chance to tell her—"
"Tell her what?"
"I would have wanted to say goodbye to her personally. I wanted to see her face and know for certain that she really wanted to leave. That's all."
"When you do find her, what will you do?"
"I don't know."
"Then why are you doing this? Why don't you come home? I—we're all worried."
"I can't yet. I don't know why I'm doing this, but I do know that I have to do this."
* * *
And then he saw it.
A poster of himself -- the same image that was published in a magazine weeks after Mamimi left. His heartbeat drowned out every other sound. This is... He had seen this image of himself so many times before: him -- facing the sun, standing on a pile of rubble with a guitar in hand.
He pressed his hand on the glass -- reverently and stood there. The memories came flooding back.
baseball
whosoever masters the left, masters the world
cigarettes -- ... knows best
earlobe -- overflow
white smoke = evil omen
sour stuff
super-hot curry sandwich
loaves of bread
How much do you love my brother?
loaves of bread
guitar -- Vespa
lost shoes
Angel
Firestarter
Endsville
school festival
star -- Princess
Puss in Boots
Mayor's daughter
glasses = contacts = pajamas
sniper
1961 Gibson EB-0
popsicle
watergun
I thought you liked me too!
Sayonara, Naota-kun.
"What are you thinking right now, Ta-kun?"
That voice.
Naota was afraid to turn around, afraid even to look over his shoulder and find out that there was no one there.
"Are you real?" He asked the familiar image reflected on the glass window.
He felt arms brush past his shoulders and hands resting on his chest. He felt soft, moist lips kissing his ear, his neck, his cheek.
"How long has it been since I left my mark on you?"
"Are you real?" He turned around, disengaging himself from the tender embrace, and met her eyes -- no longer needing to tilt his head back in order to make eye contact.
She stepped back and rested a hand on her hip. "You've grown up, Ta-kun." She tilted her head to one side.
She was studying him -- he knew this. She was waiting for his reaction and watching his every move.
"You might swallow a fly if you keep your mouth open like that."
He realized then that his mouth was wide open and quickly shut it. He stared mutely at her.
"Want to come in, Ta-kun? I have an exhibit of photographs inside." She walked toward the entrance of the building and pushed the door open. "Well? Are you coming in or not?"
He frowned. There's something different about her. He looked at her face, trying to discern whether she was happy to see him or not.
"Do you know how long you've been standing there, with your hand pressed against the glass?" She leaned against the door, her arms crossed against her chest. "About ten or fifteen minutes. You couldn't be bothered. I don't think you even realized that it was a busy street and there were people passing by."
She laughed softly, feather-like -- the sound drifted and faded into the air. "It was a good thing I decided to stop by to check the exhibit today. Otherwise, who knows how long you would have stood there." She shrugged her shoulders. "Probably the whole afternoon and evening."
He continued to stare at her. Sayonara, Naota-kun.
"Ta-kun, are you coming in or not?"
With shaky fingers, he took out his camera and wound the film advance wheel until it stopped. "Smile, Mamimi." He took aim and pressed the button.
Click. Whir.
Naota stood there and looked at her for a minute -- memorizing her face.
It's the same girl, but she's a different girl.
He'd been wrong to think that she would still be the same Samejima Mamimi he'd first met at the airport; he was wrong to think that six months wasn't enough time for her to change and become a stranger to him.
He looked into her eyes.
They were no longer the eyes of the vulnerable kitten -- the lost soul she once was. Her eyes were still melancholic and thoughtful. Clear, innocent, soulful eyes, hiding a mystery begging to be solved.
But it was no longer his mystery to solve.
He realized then that, all this time, he'd been looking at her through the eyes of the twelve-year old boy who fell in love the first time he saw her at the airport. The glow and brightness he thought and expected he'd see in her was nothing more than an echo from the past, the fading light of a dead star.
He stuffed the camera in his backpack and smiled at her, ignoring the puzzled look on her face.
"Sayonara, Mamimi."
He turned around and walked away.
* * *
Author's Notes:
The "flashback" when Naota saw the poster of himself was inspired by William Boyd's "Transfigured Night" (a short story). The words in the "flashback" were taken from various parts the anime.
