Chapter Six

Chapter Six

It was perfect autumn evening. The sun had set but it was not quiet dark. The colors of the leaves on the trees were still evident in the evening light. Kathryn led Chakotay down the path around the back of her house and into the now barren fields. He stopped and looked around enjoying the natural beauty.

"This is magnificent!" He turned in a circle looking in every direction. The sky was so clear. He could see all the familiar stars of the Alpha Quadrant.

His enthusiasm was contagious. To her this was just home but as she watched him marvel at what he saw she began to see it anew. He was childlike in the joy she knew he was feeling. He looked at her and called out "I'll race you!" Suddenly she found herself chasing him through her mother's fields. He kept running as joy surged through him. He felt a freedom he had not known in a long time. He ran through some bushes and stopped abruptly as he marveled at the site he found. Nestled behind the fields was a pond. The moon had peeked through the night clouds and was shining upon the water. Winded by the exercise and struck by the beauty of the pond he sank to the ground. It took Kathryn a few minutes to catch up to where he was sitting. She sat down next to him on the grass and enjoyed the night sky. They sat in silence catching their breaths.

"So, you promised me the story of how you met Will Riker. I remember him vaguely from the academy but I never actually met him."

"Well I did, eventually, but if you want the truth I sort of stood him up the first time I was supposed to meet him."

Chakotay stared at her in disbelief. "I can't believe that Will Riker was ever stood up! His reputation as a ladies man was the talk of the academy."

"Exactly!" She looked at him fully expecting him to understand. They sat half facing each other and half facing the water. They were both able to see one anothers' faces while keeping the water as a possible retreat.

"I don't get it. You stood him up because of his reputation."

She pushed his arm knocking him backward to the ground, "No! I stood him up because I knew his type and I wanted no part of it."

"Weren't you the least bit curious if everything they said was true?" He was now lying on his side. His face was propped up on his hand as his elbow rested on the ground.

"I didn't need to be curious. I dated someone just like him once and that was enough." She sat looking out at the lake and picking her fingers. How could just thinking about Cheb make her feel like this? Chakotay sat up and took her hand in his. He covered it with his other hand and gently caressed her fingers.

"When I was younger I dated a boy named Cheb Parker. He was incredibly handsome and smart. He had an intellect like no one else I knew. He was every girl's dream. He had gorgeous hair, beautiful eyes and a funny little smile. All the girls at school were after him and he pursued me. I couldn't believe it, me. I kept asking myself why on earth he was interested in me. I wasn't the prettiest or the smartest." She stopped, remembering the joy and the pain that Cheb Parker had brought her.

Chakotay reached over with one hand while still holding her other hand in his. He lifted her chin. "He pursued you because you are you."

She smiled shyly at his words. She was flattered because unlike Cheb he meant them. "We broke up when he didn't get into Starfleet Academy and I did. It took me years to realize that I was in love with the idea of loving someone like that. Looking back I saw how he tried to tell me what to think and how to act. When he wasn't doing that, he was all over me all the time." Kathryn's head remained down as she remembered the way she felt when he wanted sex. She no longer felt like a person then. She was more like a thing, his thing. Chakotay chuckled a little. She looked up at him sharply and pulled her hand away and swung to punch his arm. He grabbed her hand, effectively pulling her closer.

"I'm sorry! I just can't imagine anyone telling Kathryn Janeway what to think and do!"

She glared at him then softened and said, "I was much younger then."

He placed his arm around her shoulder when she began to shiver. "So how does Will Riker fit into this?"

She relaxed a little. It was funny how the pain of that summer felt so fresh tonight. "I was at the academy and I was working on my junior thesis. I had been working like crazy and my roommate convinced me to go for something to eat. Then I found out that it was a double date! The usual my boyfriend's friend etc. I almost backed out right then and there. After much cajoling I agreed. When I walked into the place and saw Will Riker sitting there I wanted to run. He was everything I was not looking for."

Chakotay finished her thought. "Handsome, smart and popular, like Cheb."

"Yes. I gathered enough courage to go in and sit down. We started talking. I began telling him about my thesis trying to bore him. Instead he was fascinated. He listened and asked questions. He understood the things I said and the ideas that I had when most people would have laughed. At that moment I realized how dangerous he was. He scared the hell out me. I made up some lame excuse and ran back to my dorm room."

"That doesn't sound like it would warrant a wedding invitation." As he spoke he reached up and brushed away a piece of errant hair.

"When Q brought him to Voyager we had a nice long talk and a good laugh. He told me that early in his career he had fallen in love with a woman from Betazed and that he was now serving on the same ship with her. He called their relationship complicated."

"You must have had some good advice for him regarding his complicated relationship."

She chuckled. "Actually their relationship is even more complicated than ours. They tried to define parameters after the fact."

"Bad idea! There will be no after the fact parameters for us!"

What he said was in the definitive. There was no if in his statement. There was a when. Kathryn placed her other hand on top of his thigh. How could she ever give this man all he deserved? She had no answer. "I never discussed parameters with him. I trust he may have asked his own captain about that." Chakotay cocked an eyebrow. "You'll see when we go to the wedding. Will told me how he lost her and how he hoped one day that they would be together, really together again. That's when he laughed and told me that Deanna, that is her name, once told him that when he finally got married he had to invite me. Since I am the only girl with the audacity to stand up the fabulous Will Riker I should be there to witness his commitment. So that's how I got invited to the wedding." She shivered as she finished the story.

"You are freezing. Let's go back." He tried to stand up but she wouldn't let him.

"No it is so beautiful. Let's stay a little longer." She didn't want to go back to the house. She had missed being with him so much. She never thought that a day without seeing him could hurt like it did. She missed the simple things, sharing meals and talking. She wasn't ready to let reality intrude on her just yet.

"Okay but come here." He pulled her up and they moved over to the big tree near the pond. They both sat down side by side. He immediately picked her up and sat her directly in front of him. As he leaned back against the tree she settled her back on his chest. He held her against his warm body. They had sat like this a hundred times on her couch in her quarters but tonight it felt like the first time. They both felt like teen-agers, nervous yet excited. They sat and watched the moon shimmering across the lake. She turned her head around quickly looking at the tree. Then she laughed. "This is my thinking tree! It's where I came when I had things to think through. I spent a lot of time here when I was a teen-ager…. And even more after my father died," she added with a whisper.

"This was your original viewport."

"Yes. It's funny how we ended up in this exact spot."

If it was at all possible he pulled her even closer. He leaned down and whispered into her ear. "I have been telling you for years, it is destiny." He gently brushed his lips across her hair and ear. Her body melted against his and he knew it. 'Take your time' old man he kept telling himself. You don't want her to run.

Her body felt like liquid. Every hair stood on end. If this was what it felt like when he kissed her hair she didn't think she would survive when he kissed her lips. Surely she would just burn up. Concentrating on her breathing she took slow calming breaths. Once she was able to relax a little she decided to ask him about his first love. It struck her that she wasn't ready to hear about his last relationship so she settled for the first. "What about your first one?"

He was surprised by her question. Was she bating him with that question or was it an innocent slip? He wasn't sure. He decided to dive in and take the bait whether she meant it or not. "My first what? Love or time?"

Never one to back down from a verbal challenge she returned his jib in their verbal match with ease. "I'll settle for either one. I am sure both will be equally as interesting." She turned slightly to face him. "And Chakotay don't spare the details."

She was flirting with him again and it felt wonderful! He saw it as a sign that they were finding their way back to each other. Only this time there were no protocols to get in the way. "The only details you will learn about that particular aspect of my life will come from first hand knowledge. If not, then you will have to spend the rest of your nights imagining the details! I'll tell you about the first time I thought I fell in love."

She turned around again and faced the lake. She settled her back against him once again. Then she very quietly whispered, "I already do." She knew he heard her. His body responded instantly, but he chose to ignore the comment and tell her his story. Round one to me she thought. They were back to their old ways of flirting and pushing until one person retreated. He just didn't know that she no longer had any intention of retreating. First hand knowledge was what she was after.

"I met her my first year at the academy. I was under the command of my prep squad commander Nimembeh (he heard her groan) I disassembled and reassembled my phase too slowly so he ordered me to run 10 laps. By the time I was done arguing I think it got up to 20. I had to run in my boots and uniform. If I were in sneakers or even barefooted it would have been easy. The boots made it hard but I was determined to show him!"

"So you were like that even back then?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" She could feel his body stiffen in defense.

"Ornery, argumentative." She was smiling as she said it.

He was not smiling when he replied. "My tribe called me contrary and so did she."

Kathryn could tell by his tone that it bothered him. She pulled her arms up and covered the arms that held her tightly. "We scientists call it curious and it is an excellent trait."

He suppressed the desire to kiss her head again and settled for inhaling the intoxicating aroma of her hair. After getting his fill he continued. "Anyway as I was on lap 10 or so I thought I saw him watching me, which pushed me even harder. Then I finished stumbling toward the figure at the end of the track expecting it to be him. Instead it was a woman. At first I thought it was a vision. When I first saw her I thought she was an angel. She gave me water and then invited me to meet her for a walk arboretum."

Kathryn abruptly turned around. "The arboretum! But that was were lovers met. Nobody went there for a first date! That's where couples went to you know." She rolled her hands forward as if explaining her words.

"Yes, Kathryn I know. I was there." Chakotay was clearly enjoying her outrage. Suddenly it occurred to him that she knew about the reason people went there and he didn't like it. He unconsciously tightened his grip on her arms in a possessive manner. "Did you ever go there?"

She turned back and faced the lake. She knew he was enjoying her reaction to what he said so she decided it was her turn to let him stew. She leaned into him and let out a sigh. "This is your story not mine."

'Did she just sigh. What was she remembering?' He didn't like this change of direction. He held her even tighter as if he could erase whatever she was thinking. He didn't know that the only thing she was thinking about was his arms around her.

"We did meet that night and most nights after that. She was a very forward woman. She said and did whatever she thought or felt." She could feel him smiling and it was her turn to wonder what he was remembering. "I was head over heels in love. She was different from ever girl I had ever met. Most girls I dated did whatever they could to please me. It was like they were not themselves but what they thought I wanted them to be."

"I would imagine that wasn't very successful with you."

"At the time it was. You have to remember I was much younger than! My only frame of reference for relationships was the traditional village I left behind. There most women did acquiesce to the wishes of their mate. It wasn't until I met her that I was with a woman who didn't agree with me all the time. We argued over everything. In fact the first time that she called me contrary was when we were arguing over how I made my bed."

"How you made your bed?" Kathryn asked incredulously.

"Yes, I refused to do the corners in accordance to Starfleet regulations and I was put on report for it. I thought my way was just as good. I felt that it was ridiculous to change my ways because of a stupid rule that had no meaning. She called me contrary because I refused to go along."

"What happened to the two of you?"

"That same night she kissed me and told me Starfleet would be good for me and left. I didn't see her again for a long time."

"It sounds like you loved her very much. I'm sorry. It sounds like she hurt you." She recognized the irony of her talking about another woman hurting him when she had done so herself over and over.

"It was long ago and I was young. She did teach me the passion of a good argument."

"It seems Commander that you have an affinity for contrary woman." She squirmed a little in his embrace. He held his breath to keep from groaning. Even though she had asked him about it she didn't like hearing about a woman in his life even it was in the past.

As if he could read her thoughts he nudged her to turn her around. She did and was all but straddling him on his lap. "Hey, that was long ago." She kept her eyes down afraid that they would betray her heart.

"She was long ago, but not everyone was that long ago."

He understood her perfectly. He reached his hand out and stroked her arm. He was amazed. She had never given him this much before. She looked so vulnerable right now. "We will talk about that tomorrow I promise. Okay?"

Kathryn was disappointed. She didn't want to put her feelings out there if he was still involved with Seven in any way. At the same time she knew in her heart that this was their last chance. "She muttered quietly, "okay," then she tried to get up.

He held her firmly. When she was seated again he reached his hand up and cupped her face. He forced her to look at him. "Kathryn…" he stopped wanting to get it right. "I don't know how I can make you understand."

She was embarrassed to find herself fighting back tears. She looked down but smiled weakly. "How about a legend?"

He caressed her cheek as he too smiled. He thought for a moment. "Maybe not a legend but a metaphor." He spoke very pointedly emphasizing his words. "All the other woman, from my first encounter to my last, were merely rivers, you are the ocean." He pulled her into him as his heart filled with emotion. Those words were as close to telling her his true feelings as he dare get tonight. So many times they had been to this point and she ran in fear. He didn't want her to do that again. He knew that this was it. Either they would be together when they returned to Voyager or it would be over forever. He was not willing to settle for the second option.

She pulled back slightly in his arms. He began to suggest that they head back but she silenced him when she put her finger gently on his lips. While his eyes remained locked on her, hers were on his lips. She took both his cheeks in her hands and pulled his face very slowly toward her. She had waited years to do this. She was afraid yet exhilarated. The moment their lips met her eyes closed. She reveled in the feel of it. Though it was quick it was extremely sensuous, full of longing and promise.

He wanted to provide her with a means of mutual escape so he began to suggest that they return to the house. She surprised him by running her finger across his lip. He wanted to open his mouth and draw it in but he remained still. He was fascinated as she continued to stare at his mouth. Her lips were millimeters from his when he realized that she was actually going to kiss him. He had dreamed of this moment for years. He vowed to himself that when it final happened that he would savor every minute of it. He was so unprepared for her bold action that he practically missed the entire thing. It was over in the blink of an eye but the feelings she stirred were like a fire raging out of control.

She stood up and extended her hand. He took it and held on as they walked back through the fields toward the house. Unlike earlier in the evening the silence they shared was comfortable. Each lost in a common thought the kiss. Chakotay knew for his own self preservation he needed to change the mood. If he didn't he would grab her and take her directly to his room. He was sure Gretchen wouldn't like that, at least he thought she wouldn't. "Do you think your mother left us any desert? I could use something sweet."

"I'm sure she did. She made you her special brownies you know. Now you can taste the real thing not a replicator's poor imitation." She let go of his hand, as the house became visible. She didn't want her mother asking her questions just yet.

They entered the house through the back door and headed for the kitchen. The sudden rush of warmth felt good. Now that they were no longer sharing body heat they were both chilled. Just as she expected there was a tray of brownies on the table. Next to it was a note. Chakotay assumed it was a simple goodnight. When he turned from the replicator with two cups of tea he saw Kathryn's face.

"There's a communication from Admiral Paris that my mother said is urgent and top secret."

"You go read it. I'll wait here." She looked at him and quickly made her decision.

"No. Let's go to the study. Owen had no way of knowing that you were here. For all we know he sent you the same message. I'll check the security clearance on the message then we'll decide what to do." They left the kitchen heading for her father's study.

They didn't know that her mother had just finished setting out the deserts seconds ago. She was going up the back steps that ran next to the pantry when she heard them come into the kitchen. She had every intention of coming back down to tell her about the message but then she heard them speaking. Before she could go back up the stairs she over heard the entire conversation. She began to cry just as she had after receiving the message. God could not be so cruel as to take Katie from her again so quickly. And what of her and Chakotay? Gretchen could tell that things were moving along with them. Katie didn't shut him out and become Starfleet the minute she got the message. She shared it with him like he was her partner. He was her partner on the ship, now Gretchen wanted him to be her daughter's partner in life. Wiping the tears from her eyes she continued up the stairs to her bed.

In the study Kathryn pulled up the encoded message. She checked the security clearance and realized it was for the command staff. She motioned for Chakotay to sit beside her. "Let's see what they have in store for us now." He leaned over her shoulder as they read the message together.