Chapter 9: Repentance and Realization

Aeris woke up that morning with a nauseous feeling in her stomach. That night, she had a dream that completely messed up every sane thought she had in her mind. What she saw was completely the opposite of all her past dreams. Getting up to go to the kitchen, Aeris thought about the dream. It was of Sephiroth of course, but what was so strange about it was that he was making love... with Tifa. Most of her past dreams portrayed Sephiroth and her together and Cloud and Tifa together. Exactly what was going on here? She heard the conversation beforehand and that confused her more than anything. Did Sephiroth love Tifa? Aeris dismissed the thought and poured herself a glass of water.

Cloud shot up from his slumber and started heaving breaths. He just witnessed a nightmare that both thoroughly angered and disturbed him. Was he too late? Was their "act of love" the final step taken and now they were together? No, it couldn't be true, though the words they exchanged beforehand seemed real, but real enough to have occured? NO! Sephiroth was just toying with his mind again, bringing to life the last thing Cloud wanted to ever happen.
"Once I bring her back, our lives can begin again and Aeris will be apart of it. I don't know when, and I don't know how, but our lives will be happy again. Aeris is back, and soon, you will be too Tifa," he said to himself. In order for him to go on, and rescue Tifa, he's going to have to forget the dream ever happened and nothing like that ever occured. Sephiroth was just messing with his mind...right?

Sephiroth awakened before Tifa did, and he gazed at the top of her head, which was buried in his chest. A smile seemed to have found a way on his face as he stroked her long raven-like hair. Suddenly, a thought struck him. What the hell had he done? He messed things up worse than they were before. Sephiroth climbed out of bed, making sure not to wake Tifa. Finding Tifa's and his clothes all over the floor, he knew that what happened last night wasn't just a figment of his imagination.
"Goddamnit, how could I've done this? So long I have waited for Aeris to be mine, and what do I do? I mess around with Tifa, a virgin, no less. If I did retrieve Aeris now, Cloud would still come after me, since I defiled Tifa. Never in my life did I expect her to be a virgin. I mean, just look at her, she's not the type that 'screams' purity. Well, not anymore anyway since I took that away from her. I have to see if the dreams are still on track, I only pray that they'll be enough," he thought.
Sephiroth astrally projected into Aeris's mind and then immediatly shot back.
"Oh no," he thought. Sephiroth had done something he never intended to do. What he did with Tifa last night, the conversation...all of it! He somehow sent the images to Aeris and Cloud, allowing them to witness everything.
"How stupid can I be?! Just when I found the way to get what I want, I fucked it up, big time. Months of planning, weeks of preparation, all ruined because of my weaknesses, my human weaknesses. What the hell am I supposed to do now? Cloud's probably searching for Tifa now, very very pissed. Once he gets here, I'm going to have to flee, and take Aeris... willingly or by force," he thought. Sephiroth gathered his clothes and put them on. Once, his cape was clasped tightly around his shoulders, he sat in the chair and just looked at Tifa. He didn't know how she did it, but she managed to bewitch him.
"What? What am I thinking? I must be out of my mind. I screw everything up and still, I think of her. My whole plan revolved around Aeris, but I had to include Tifa because Cloud was the only one standing in my way. God what's wrong with me? I was so close, so close, yet I still gave in. But what did I give into? Desire? Lust? Infatuation? Intrigue? Attraction?
Ughghghgh!! Oh, it doesn't matter! What's done is done and I can't take it back. I can name a hundred reasons why, but they'd be all excuses."
He had to admit though, no matter how much he repented it now, he wanted her last night. Still, Sephiroth couldn't figure out exactly what possessed him to do such a thing.

Tifa fluttered her eyes opened. For some reason, she felt exceptionally warm and pleasant, when she woke up. She really couldn't remember the last time she felt so... content, but that feeling was short-lived. Tifa looked down at herself and realized that she was naked. Once she noted this, everything flooded into her mind.
"Oh no, oh God no!" she thought, panicking," What have I done? Oh, how stupid can I get?!! I had sex with Sephiroth. How could I? I had no control over myself, I gave myself away, and to who? To Sephiroth, the man I loathe the most on this planet. Why? Why did I do it? There's got to be a logical explanation why."
Tifa couldn't think of one. Moreover, this was her first time, something she planned to share with one man and one man alone, Cloud.
"This--this can't be happening, what we did, what went on last night, it didn't happen. It can't be true," she denied. Tifa recalled another thing she did last night, and it absolutely filled her with shame and disgust.
"I told Sephiroth I wanted him," she thought, horrified," and to make things worse, he offered me a chance to back down, but I didn't take it. I went willingly." On the verge of tears, a nauseous feeling rose from her stomach and almost erupted. Clinging to the flimsy bed sheet, she rushed to the bathroom and threw up whatever was left inside of her. Tifa looked at the swirling mucus in the toilet, and started to sob. Things had been going so terribly wrong. How could one hope for the best when it seemed that the best was a life alone? Who would look forward to that? Dizziness wove its way into her body, and weakness took over. Trying to stand up, Tifa stumbled and finally collapsed on the bathroom floor.
When he saw Tifa rush to the bathroom, Sephiroth was tempted to ask what was wrong, but decided against it. He heard sobbing coming from in there, so he stood up from the chair and headed towards the bathroom. Midway; however, Sephiroth heard a loud thud and forced open the door.
"Tifa?!" he started and saw her body sprawled across the floor, covered by the sheet. He picked her up, with one one cradling her back and the other under her knees, and carried her to the bed. If it weren't for the slight rise and fall of her chest, one would think that she was dead. Sephiroth couldn't believe that she was alive, and yet, looked so lifeless. He remembered holding her the night before. She seemed so small and fragile under his body, as if the slightest breeze could easily snap any of her bones. Her skin, so pale and cold, her breathing, so slight and shallow, there was no questioning it, she was going to die if he didn't do something fast. Then again, what happened the last time he tried to something about Tifa's problem?
"Tifa, Tifa wake up," he said as he set her body on the bed. Sephiroth didn't really expect a response, but he feared for her life. Not just because she was vital to the plan, because he didn't want her to die.
"Oh God, don't die Tifa. You can't," he said as he shook her slightly.
"I should've never brought her into this," Sephiroth thought," I should've known what would happen. Why is it that, all of my plans never work?"
"Because you don't think them through enough," a thought popped in his head. "I should've thought about her feelings about this, they weren't completely different from mine. She just wanted to receive the love more honestly than I did. Well, new game plan, I'm going to try and keep her alive, because if she died, it'd be all my fault. I need to redeem myself for all the pain I've caused. The entire world's destruction was once on my shoulders and now, only the life of this girl...no, woman. Such a big difference, but it seems that the life of Tifa has more of an impact on me than the world did."
For the first time in his life, a tear slid down the side of his cheek. Never before had he felt this liquid substance on his face. Once the first one came down, he found it was easy enough for them to continue. He didn't know what their purpose was, but he couldn't seem to stop. Touching it with his fingertips, he wondered if this was what actual pain felt like. He's felt anguish, betrayal, madness, confusion, grief, strife, and about a million other things, and yet, none of which had ever made him feel this way. Maybe he did have a heart, maybe there was hope for him yet. Tifa cried often, is this what she always felt over Cloud? Pain and love, love and pain, they intertwine together to create the emotion that can make you soar through the sky or burrow you deep underground. This is what makes life what it is. Many people would die for love, and others would die just to avoid it. That's just the way the world works.
"Aeris never made this- this 'thing' appear before," he started," not even when she left. I even killed her, did I cry? No, no I didn't."
A quote came to mind and Sephiroth thought about what Tifa said the night before.
"Love you say? I think you misinterpret the word. You don't go off killing the one you love, no matter how crazy you may be."
"It's true, I really was crazy, but that's not an excuse for killing the person I had claimed to love. Is Tifa right? Would I have killed Aeris if I really did love her? That's all I've been able to think about ever since my own death. She was in my way from being 'one' with the planet, but if I loved her, wouldn't I have seen the so-called light and realized what the hell I was doing? NO, heart cannot rule over serious mental cases, like myself. There's a limit to what love can do; people may think that it can create miracles. I saw no miracle. What I saw was a girl I once knew in the arms of another man. What kind of miracle is that? She was in my way, so I killed her, it's not the ideal 'storybook' tale of love if you ask me. So why am I still after her in a blind quest to make her mine? Because I didn't know the difference between love and infatuation, that's why. Well, it's not going to happen anymore, I won't misinterpret the damn word again... I promise... Tifa."
Sephiroth shook her slightly again in attempt to regain her consciousness. When he realized it was futile to do so, he just held her, with her chin in the crook of his neck.
"Please Tifa, wake up. You can't die, not now, I need you," Sephiroth said.
"I don't think the plan's going to work anymore Sephiroth, so what do you need me for?" he heard a weak voice ask. Sephiroth raised Tifa's body to where they were face-to-face. He saw Tifa's eyes half-open and knew that there was still a chance that she would be able to live.
"Oh God Tifa, I thought you were going to die," he embraced her, burying his head into her neck. Not knowing how to react, Tifa just stroked his hair.
"Tifa...Tifa listen," he started, grabbing her attention," I don't need you for the plan."
She eyed him strangley and wondered if finally convinced Aeris or he knew that continuing the plan further wouldn't do any good.
"I just need you... to stay with me," he finished. This thoroughly confused Tifa as she glared at him wide-eyed.
"W-what are you saying?" she asked.
"Look, I've been thinking, and I know now that the plan isn't going to work, because something happened that I didn't expect to happen."
"Like what we did last night?" she questioned.
"No... well that too, but that's not the point. What I'm saying is that I realized that I wasn't in love with Aeris. I misinterpreted the word like you said, because I was ignorant and I really don't know what love is because I've never fully experienced it."
"Sephiroth-," she tried to say.
"No, please just let me finish." Tifa nodded and let him continue.
"Okay, I've gotten a piece of it before and when it was taken away, I couldn't take it. I wanted more, but everytime I thought about Aeris, I'd just feel pain. Finally, when I did see her, I thought maybe there was a chance, a chance for us to know true happiness. I was wrong, she seemed to have forgotten and I was left alone yet again. What I felt for Aeris, I'll never forget, but what I feel for you-" Tifa wouldn't let him finish.
"Wait, what you feel for me? Sephiroth, you only took me so you could find love and I mean with Aeris. You made it clear that she was the glorified angel that was coveted by everyone, but owned by you. Why did it change?" she asked.
"See, that's what I meant when something unexpected happen, I... I..." Sephiroth couldn't choke out, in fear of using the wrong words.
"Changed whom you prefer?"
"Well,... yes, something along the lines of that."
"Sephiroth? Is this some king of dumb ploy you're using because you realized that Cloud or Aeris won't love anyone else? You're just using me because Aeris can't fulfill all of your wants and needs?!"
"No, Tifa, it's not that,"
"Then, what is it?! I don't want to be just a second choice after Aeris!" Sephiroth was taken back. Her self-confidence was shattered. She couldn't believe that anyone would love her, that there was some kind of catch to it.
"Tifa, don't think that because, you'r-you're better than Aeris!" he shouted. The statement silenced Tifa and left her in wonder about what he was going to say next.
"Not only that, but over time, I became concerned about you, and if I wasn't thinking of the plan, I was thinking about you. You saved my life, even though you had the chance to leave, you didn't, and I'm still thanking you for that, even if I don't show it. Yesterday was the day when I found out what you were doing to yourself and I was unbelievably scared. I was even more surprised when you told me you wanted to die. I wanted you to live, so I released just a little bit of what I felt for you. I thought maybe, just maybe you would then want to live. This morning, I realized that wasn't the best way to do things, but I couldn't help myself. I refused to take you unwillingly so I wanted to make sure, make sure that you wanted me too. Whether or not it was in the heat of the moment, or that you really wanted me, you said you did, and Tifa, that was the best night in my life. I know I screwed things up with the plan and everything so I kicked myself today with the way I handled things, but when I saw you unconscious on the bathroom floor, more than anything, I wanted to tell you everything. I wouldn't have been able to live with myself if you'd gone without knowing."
"Sephiroth, th-this is so unfair. Why, why are you telling me this? I've already turned my back on Cloud and my hopes of love with him for one night that we couldn't control ourselves. I want to know why," she looked up at him with glassy eyes.
"Tifa, I cried, I cried for you," he just blurted out.
"W-what? You cried?" she didn't believe him, but when she got a good look at his face, she saw the tear-stained cheeks and the slight puffiness in the eyes.
"Sephiroth, I don't think, you've ever cried, I never even thought it was possible," Tifa whispered, feeling the tears stinging at this crucial moment.
"It's never happened before, but then again, I've never been put in this situation before. Tifa, you have to live, your life is worth so much more than what you've been receiving. I'm still quite aware that you love Cloud, but I can't deny what I feel. You gave me more than Aeris ever had, even if you didn't mean to, I finally know that now. You were right, you don't kill people that you love. That's why I threw that sword Tifa. Because I love you..."