Disclaimer: I don't own Indiana Jones, Clarence, Izzy, Mgic Carpet Airways, Rick O'Connell, or anything else mentioned in the story. All the "historic" and geographic stuff and the names of the city I made up. And I'm not making any money. Now you can't sue me.

Note: This story is about the poor pilots in charge of transportation for our heroes. Specifically Izzy, from the Mummy Returns, and Clarence- from Indiana Jones and the Hollow Earth, by Max McCoy. These poor guys get shot at, left behind, and just get the worst of a lot of things. Not to mention they complain a lot. Anyway, enjoy. And please read and review, even if you haven't read the book, or watched the movie. Thank you.

"Indy. It's going to take me weeks to repair all that damage. We're stuck here until I can." Clarence glanced wildly at the surrounding area. It was a yard surrounded by a wall with a gate at the front. At the back side, a hill sloped gently down, covered with trees. To the other side the wall extended until it hit some houses. At the point there was an oddly formed dirigible. It looked like a blimp mashed together with a boat on skis. This was Magic Carpet Airways. Near the dirigible was a plane, covered with bullet holes.
In the yard, desks covered with maps and other papers were scattered here and there. A few tents covered some of the desks. There were cages with birds in them, and a bathtub.
A man walked toward Indy and Clarence, stepping carefully around the many chickens that wandered around the yard. "Hello." The man said. "I didn't know Izzy had other customers." Indy glanced at the man. He was an American. He had about four guns, a bandolier, and a big canvas bag strapped on his shoulder.
Indy nodded. "Hi."
The man nodded at Indy's whip and gun. "Good choice. Of course, I always bring a Thompson for emergencies."
Indy shrugged. " I try to avoid those situations."
The man smiled. "I'm Rick O'Connell."
"Indiana Jones. I've heard your name before." He paused, thinking. "Are you related to an Evelyn O'Connell?"
Rick grinned. "She's my wife."
"I've seen the things she's found at the British Museum. The collection is very impressive. I spoke to her once."
"Are you that American expert with the colorful name?"
Indy smiled. " I've been called worse."
"What happened to that plane over there?" Rick pointed at the plane covered with holes. "You come in that?"
"Yeah, we came in that." Clarence said angrily. "We came in it, and then we got shot down."
"What happened?"
"Indy here comes to me one day and asks 'Hey, wanna go to Africa with me?' Of course I tell him no. No way am I going with him. I either get shot or almost fly into a zep or I freeze my ass off in Antarctica."
"Clarence, it was not Antarctica. It was the North Pole."
"Whatever. Anyway Indy here says 'Fine' and that's that. He leaves. Next thing I know, some British guys in black suits show up at the airfield and take me to some government place where this American guy tells me that I will be helping the British government."
"Government?" Rick asked.
Indy nodded. "They asked me to track down a couple thefts that have been traced as far as Africa. They think it's a cult or something. They also think there are some supernatural things involved, so they contacted me. I have a friend in a very high position, a guy named Treadwell, which is why I always get pulled into these things."
"So they stick me on a commercial flight to Cairo, where I meet up with Indy. Then we end up getting briefed by some weird secret agent kinda guy who tells us this is a cult that worships snakes." Clarence said.
"They failed to tell me that when they asked me for help." Indy said, annoyed.
"Apparently, this cult is stealing artifacts depicting snakes."
"Like the Scepter of the Cobra!" Rick exclaimed. "Evy sent me out here to try to find out who took it. There have been a bunch of thieveries from the museum."
Indy nodded. "Also, the Tablet of Ybineer, which tells about a mystical snake god who lived out in the desert. They also stole the Jewel of Nieth, which is a red gem that is surrounded by two gold snakes."
Rick shook his head. "All from the British Museum. How did you two get shot down?"
Clarence glared at Indy. "Well, Dr. Jones has us rent a plane, a real antique."
Rick nodded in agreement. "Looks like the one I went in with Winston. Sorry, please continue."
"So he tells me that we are looking for a remote place in the desert, probably an oasis, with a temple at the center. He obviously forgot how big the damn desert is. So, we're flying high for a week just scanning the desert when we spot a nice big oasis with a stone temple in the middle. Indy says 'There. Land there.' So I circle around a few times to find a good place to land, when BANG! We're getting shot at. I yell at Indy to use the mounted machine gun and-"
"You did not. You screamed like a girl and-"
"Shut up. He can't even aim, so the old girl gets shot a couple hundred more times. We limp back to the nearest place and we end up here."
"It wasn't that bad." Indy told Rick.
"Yes it was! We got shot at. Those people were trying to kill us."
Indy shrugged easily, "Happens to me all the time."
Rick smiled. "Well, since we're looking for the same thing, let's join forces. When Izzy gets back, we can always get him to let us use the dirigible."
"Is he... reliable?" Indy asked.
"Yeah. He's reliable... ish."
"Why didn't I become a teacher, like my mother wanted me to?" Clarence moaned.
"Because you'd kill the kids." Indy told him. "Let's go."
"Where?"
"To find Izzy. The sooner this whole thing is over, the better."

*
"No. No no no no no."
"Aw, come on Izzy." Rick said, his hands spread and trying to look innocent.
Izzy hurried around the yard, putting maps away. "No. Remember, I got shot in the ass! And then I got chased by a huge wall of water with a face on it." his waved his arms around. "And then you left me in that jungle thing with all those little pygmy creatures swarming all over the place. I should be dead, O' Connell!"
Indy leaned against a table, an amused look on his face. He sighed and folded arms. Shaking his head, but still smiling, he muttered, "Pilots."
"Izzy. Please. You'll get payed."
"No. I never got that gold stick last time, and I didn't get a share of Jonathon's diamond."
"You'll really get payed." Rick told him.
"No. I always get shot at. Last time I got shot in the ass."
"No. That was the time before last time."
"I don't care." Izzy shook his head angrily.
Rick looked at Izzy and rolled his eyes. "Will you at least hear what you have to do?"
"Why? I know I'll get shot! I saw that plane. It looks like Swiss cheese!"
Clarence stood up and moved next to Izzy. "I think I'll join Izzy." He told Rick and Indy. "I don't like getting shot at either. You two can go find that gold stuff on your own."
"Gold?" Izzy asked suspiciously, then shook his head quickly. "No. No, O'Connell. I am not going anywhere with you, not even if you... you... Built me a temple and worshiped me and brought me gold everyday."
"Why would I do that?"
Indy stood up. "Please, Izzy. This is really important. If you don't get us there soon, the world could end."
Rick looked at Indy, surprised. "It could?"
"No. I'm just trying to inject some urgency."
"Come on, Izzy. Let's go get a drink." Clarence tugged on Izzy's sleeve.
Izzy nodded. The two pilots began walking towards the gate.
"Hey! Clarence! Get back here. Remember what Treadwell said?"
"Treadwell..?" Rick asked.
"He's in a high position in British Intelligence. He threatened Clarence, which is why Clarence came."
Clarence turned to face Indy and Rick, walking backwards. "No" He protested. "I came because I am your friend. I would never give in to torturing."
"Oh right. Like the time you got me arrested in Panama."
"Indy, making me feel guilty is not going to get me to help you." He tripped over a chicken.
Indy walked over to Clarence and helped him up. "Please, Izzy, Clarence. Just this once. I need to get those artifacts back. it won't take more than a week. And you'll get payed by the museums and the British government."
"Payed?" Izzy asked. "What would I use the money for? What the hell would I spend it on?"
"Do this as a favor?" Indy tried.
Clarence sighed dramatically. "Well, I am out here already... so I suppose I'll come. But we have a little tiny problem."
"And that is..." Indy asked.
"We don't have an airplane."
"Izzy's got a dirigible." Rick said.
Everyone looked at Izzy.
The pilots eyes widened as he noticed everyone looking at him. "No. Not my beautiful old girl. No no no no no."
"As a favor?" Indy asked again.
"As a favor for what?" Izzy asked.
"For not shooting you?" Indy's hand strayed toward his powerful Webley.
Izzy's mouth opened and closed a few times. "I'll get payed, right?" Indy nodded. Izzy threw his arms up. "Fine! Fine. I'll go."
Indy offered his hand. "Deal?"
Izzy had a pained expression on his face as he nodded and shook with Indy.
Clarence galnced at Izzy. "He wouldn't have shot you, ya know."
"Thanks for telling me right now."
Clarence shrugged.
"Aw. I am going to get shot." Izzy, stomped toward the dirigible and tripped over the same chicken Clarence had.
*
They were cruising silently. The skies were a crimson; red clouds framed the setting sun. Down below, the desert was silent.
Rick, Indy, and Clarence sat around a table. Izzy stood at the wheel.
A map was set down on the table. Rick pointed to a small dot labeled Upuat. "There." he said firmly. "Izzy? We need to stop at Upuat for supplies."
"And?" Indy asked, picking up Rick's hesitant tone.
"I need to call my wife."
"From Upuat? It's hardly near a major city." Indy indicated the blank space around the dot.
"I know a guy there who is an expert with radios. He can hook me up to my wife." Rick added, "somehow."
Izzy, stilled annoyed that he had come on this trip, snarled at Rick: "And where am I supposed to put this dirigible without attracting people's attention, hmm?"
Rick shrugged. "Park it out a few miles out of town, we can walk the rest of the way."
Izzy rolled his eyes and went back to navigating, grumbling, "Park 'er? What does he think she is, a car?"
*
Izzy listened to Rick's suggestion, and anchored the dirigible on a few rocks that jutted out of the sand. They walked into Upuat near noon. The town was small, consisting of a few ramshackle buildings piled together along a single main road. A shop, a tavern, and an inn were on one side. Facing them were a few houses. At the opposite end of town, a pen with a few goats circled around a house.
The group walked down the main (and only) street. They passed the tavern, where yelling could be heard, and continued to the inn. Rick pushed open the door, and Indy and the pilots followed him in.
A table faced the door, behind which were wires, transmitters, and a mess of other things. A figure sat at the table, reading a newspaper which prevented the group from seeing his face.
Rick tossed his gun bag onto the table with a thunk. The figure leapt up, startled.
"Who the hell-"
"Hey!" Rick smiled broadly, "Jake! Still in this rundown place?"
"Aw, damn, O'Connell." The man threw the paper on the table angrily. " Why'd ya hafta come here?"